


Alloy

by smallenoughtofit



Series: Legacy [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bisexual Finn, Bisexual Male Character, Dad Kylo Ren, Death, Deserted planet, F/M, Family Bonding, Finn has like 17kids, Finn is too old for this, Finn needs a nap, Force Ghosts, Gay Poe, I will find a way to include rose tico, Island adventures, Lightsaber Training, Lightsaber problems, Loss, M/M, No the last jedi, Original character who cannot flirt, Papa finn, Papa kylo, Poe is mom friend, Protective Everyone, Protective Rey, Rescue kind of, Separation, Skywalker parenting, Stranded, Teenage tomfoolery, There will be dad jokes, Unplanned Pregnancy, bisexual rey, canon diverent, i loved the last jedi but I'm ignoring it here, it like never comes up, meddlesome family, my smol bi son, no spoilers here, nonspoilery, pansexal kylo ren, probably, protective kylo, tags will change, written before the last jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2018-12-22 15:29:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 88,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11970276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallenoughtofit/pseuds/smallenoughtofit
Summary: There were rare days where Rey wish she had never left Jakku.This time last week, if Rey had been told she would be here, she would have laughed. The last thing she’d would have expected to be stuck on a deserted planet with no way to contact help with only Kylo Ren and their son for company.***After suffering an incredible loss, Rey has found herself trapped on an uninhabited planet with only Kylo and their son, forced to try and survive in the midst of a war that was tearing about the galaxy. With the Light and Dark warring so close within her family, even as her life begins to shift around her, Rey will have to endure the unendurable, face the unfacable, and to survive what should have destroyed her, all with Kylo Ren and Jonas Quorvin beside her.How the last of the Skywalkers will survive, no one knows.(AN: I've started doing a Question of the Update, so look for notes at the bottom. It's how I give feedback and how readers can communicate with me more specifically!!!)





	1. Man Is Man

**“Man is man.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita**

There were rare days where Rey wish she had never left Jakku. Yes, the weather was deplorable and the locals were more so, but her life had been very predictable: get up, don’t die, try to eat something if she could, don’t die, scavenge for parts to sell, don’t die, take parts to sell, don’t get parts stolen, don’t get shot over your haul, try not to get hopelessly swindled out of your portions, don’t die on the way home, eat what you can, tally another day you survived, wait for family and go to sleep, hoping you wake up. 

It was rough and brutal, but she didn’t have to worry about the Force or the future of the galaxy or the presence of Kylo Ren asleep across the dark and abandoned dormitory that she shared with him and their son. 

Rey rolled onto her side, looking over at the sleeping forms of Jonas and Kylo. The father and son were both lying on their backs, one arm bent over their chests. Their posture was exactly the same, only the tip of Kylo’s foot that hung over the end of the bed distinguished between the pair. Rey sat up, rubbing her forehead. Here she saw, trapped in a confined space with her ex-lover and their son. Less than two days ago, she’d been Kylo Ren’s enemy, but now they were allies again. By the Force, she needed to just make up her mind about this man and leave it. She’d been his enemy, then his student, then his lover, his enemy again and now she was just… she was his ally and the mother of his son, she supposed, whatever that made her to him practically. She was, to be sure, the only person on this planet that didn’t hate him, although the only other person with them was Jonas, so that wasn’t hard.

Unable to sleep any longer, but tired of feeling creepy because she was staring at Kylo and Jonas while they slept, Rey took a deep breath, then climbed out of bed. She pulled on her boots and walked over to the ladder to climb up to the top of the hatch and see what awaited them in what was, presumably, the early morning light. When she opened it and blinked in the bright sunlight, then frowned. The sun was high in the sky, still. They had been in the bunker for a night and a day, at least, but the sun looked like it had barely moved. her heart sank into her stomach. There was no way they had been in the hatch for a standard day; they had no idea how time passed on this planet. Rey shuddered, then pressed her forehead to the rim of the hatch. Rey took a deep breath, steeled herself, and climbed back down into the hatch. She wouldn’t tell Jonas and Kylo how worried about losing time. She would just tell them the facts. It was her own worry and problem. It was just one other way she’d lost control in this place. 

This time last week, if Rey had been told she would be here, she would have laughed. The last thing she’d would have expected to be stuck on a deserted planet with no way to contact help with only Kylo Ren and their son for company. But here she was, pushing her way out of the bunker and onto the surface. 

Rey turned and helped pull Jonas to his feet, then Kylo, but immediately turned and stared at the sky.

“There’s no way we were in there for a full twenty-four hours.” Jonas said, eyes on the sky.

“Depending on where we are, that might have been three revolutions.” Kylo said. His speech was much clearer than it had been yesterday. Right after they’d crashed, he’d been slow and in near-constant pain from the head injury he’d sustained during the crash. Luckily, he’d been fine after several hours into the night, so Rey let him sleep some. He’d woken up much more alert, although Rey thought he might still have a headache because he shrank a little from the bright sunlight. 

“I really hope we’ll be able to find some way to tell time sort of sitting out and watching the sun.” Rey said, groaning and leaning against the wall of the cave, “There’s no way our circadian rhythms will be able to keep up and I don’t want to deal with that. I have no idea how much time passed passed.” Jonas groaned and rested his head against the wall. Rey could feel his emotional exhaustion and reached out to put her hand on his arm, silently flooding him with what assurance she had. She was emotionally exhausted, too, but she had to put all that aside. If they were going to survive, she had to be strong.  
Kylo looked up at the sky too, rubbing his jaw, “It’s time to work anyway. We need to find food today.”

“Okay.” Rey said, chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

“We can split up. You guys can sort through the ship and I’ll go look for food and fresh water.” 

“No,” Rey said, “We’re staying together. I don’t care, but we’re staying close.” 

Jonas and Kylo looked at her, but Rey didn’t look at them. They were allies, even if they didn’t get along. They didn’t protest, but all grabbed backs from the supplies stashed in their sleeping quarters. The walk was silent, as if the continued presence of the sun had stifled them. Rey could feel the deep introspection within Jonas, but she didn’t want to press. Yesterday, he had nearly died, had lost one of his masters, was now saddled with a feared weapon, and was stuck on a planet with Kylo Ren.  
They walked in silence, trudging along through the same trees and brush they had crossed yesterday- or whenever. 

When they reached the ship, Rey winced at the damage. Just from the outside, she could see that they had certainly lost a wing and there was half of a tree inside one of their engines. Taking a deep breath, Rey ducked under the doorway Jonas had carved into the ship. In the clear light, the damage was much more noticeable. Most of the computers were smashed, the front controls were absolutely dead, and Rey knew, without even looking at them, that the engines weren’t operational. 

“Do you want to look at the engines?” Kylo asked Rey, “I poked around the controls, but got nothing.”

Rey crossed to the control panel and looked underneath. She shift the panel aside and looked underneath. There was a mess of wires, many of which looked fried, as if they’d been overloaded during the crash, which would not have surprised her. She sighed and rested her head back on the ground, eyes closing with disappointment. It would take a fully-stocked shop to even have a chance of repairing this thing. 

“How are we looking?” Jonas asked from beyond the panel. Rey scooted out from underneath and sat up, grimacing.

“It’s bad.” Rey said, looking at Jonas, who was sitting in the same chair he’d been in during the crash. 

“Is it fixable?” Kylo asked, “I couldn’t get any of the switches and buttons to work, but are any of the wires…?”

“Unless there’s a stocked shop hidden in the trees, there’s no hope.” Rey said, shrugging. 

“So, what are our options?” Kylo asked.

“Survive.” Rey said, “We sort through supplies, take everything to the bunker, and try to eek out a living here.” 

“Let’s go, then.” Jonas said, standing and walking over to the storage compartment by the control panel. He opened it and reached inside, starting to look at what was inside. Rey looked at Kylo, then stood up walked over to the communication controls and the supply compartments next to them. 

The sorting and searching was slow and dull. They worked in silence, sifting through every panel, crevice, or compartment on the ship. Everything was being brought to the bunker, if they could use it. Everything that was useful was stacked on the chairs. Bags were emptied and piled in a corner to be refilled with something useful later, medical supplies were carefully catalogued and sorted to be kept sterile, and they put everything else aside. 

Finally, they reached the back quarters. Kylo branched off into the medical and cleaning supplies and Rey and Jonas went to their sleeping places. Their sleeping quarters had been partially destroyed and Rey sat down, trying to see how much had been lost. Rey started with her bunk as Jonas sifted through his. Her things were almost entirely accounted for, but Jonas had almost nothing except the clothes on his back and the lightsabers on his belt. After a long while, Rey finally brought herself to see what had become of Luke’s belongings. Everything was here. Rey kneeled down next to the compartment that held Luke’s bags. 

Tears welled in her eyes again. Luke’s clothes and toiletries were here, but he was not. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Jonas looking down at her. He met her eyes and blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath to clear her vision. She smiled tightly, knowing she had to focus and stay at work. Jonas, although he was exhausted as well, put out this air of steadiness. After a moment, Rey settled and Jonas kneeled down beside her to help. She and Luke had slept head to head, with their stuff under their bunks. Some of her things had been knocked loose in the crash, but Luke’s was almost untouched. 

Jonas reached out and started helping pull objects from under hers and Luke’s bunks. After several minutes, Rey heard the sound of footsteps and glanced up to see Kylo standing in the doorway of the sleeping quarters watching them. Rey set aside a bag with some of her clothing on top of the bed. She heard a noise from her right and looked down at Jonas, who was looking down at a folded blanket. She smiled slightly and looked down at the blanket in Jonas’s hands. She’d packed it herself, but had thought it was on the other side and had been lost. 

“What?” Kylo asked, stepping inside at their interest. 

“It’s here.” Jonas said, lifting the blanket he’d had as a child out of the storage compartment. 

“I brought it with me,” Rey said, “I just… felt like we would need it.”

“What is that?” Kylo asked.

“My baby blanket,” Jonas said, “I slept under it every night until I was like, 12.” 

“I remember that.” Kylo said, “It was there the night I-” He paused. He’d seen it the night he kidnapped Jonas.

“You might recognize the material.” Rey said carefully.

Jonas looked between them and offered Kylo the blanket and took it. Rey watched Kylo carefully examine the material, running it between his fingers. He blinked in surprise, looking up at Rey, “Is this…?” His voice trailed off, but Rey nodded. He had recognized it. It was the sircoat Rey had taken with her. 

““Is this” a what?” Jonas asked, looking between them. 

“When I left the first order, I took one of his sircoats with me. I had it made into that blanket. The gray side is from one of the cloaks that I would wear when I was with the First Order.” Rey said quietly.

“Why?” Jonas asked, frowning, “You left.”

“I did,” Rey said slowly and carefully, “but you were the child of Kylo and the woman I was when I was with them. I was loved in the First Order. I wanted you to have part of that.”

“You said it was from my parents.” Jonas said, nodding and understanding. He reached out and Kylo slowly passed the blanket to him, letting it pass through his fingers slowly. Jonas, although he should have been too old for it, wrapped it around his shoulders. Rey silently thanked the Maker that this precious heirloom of their family had survived the crash. It might actually help bring them together. 

“Is this the last of it?” Kylo asked, gesturing to the objects and bags they had stacked up on the bed. 

“Yes,” Rey said, standing up and sighing. She rubbed at the back of her neck, looking around the tiny room one last time. She, Kylo and Jonas brought the supplies from there into the main room, sorting it with the others. They ended up with a sizeable haul, actually, and Rey felt some of the tension in her chest ease and the wide range of their medical supplies. The walk back to the bunker would be uncomfortable, but well worth it. Their biggest problem was good. Ships like these were built for a rotating crew that ran short trips, so while they had plenty of medical supplies and tools that stayed with the ship full-time, there was very little food. 

“This is going to be so hard.” Rey said weakly, looking at their meager rations. She rubbed her face, looking at Kylo. They wouldn’t starve, but they’d be living very much on the brink for longer than she wanted to. After looking around at their supplies and coming up with no clear way to get it all back in one trip, Rey sat down heavily against the side of the ship to think more. She tapped her feet, looking around at all they had. 

After a long silence, Jonas spoke up, his voice low: “Do you think that anyone is coming?” 

“Probably not.” Kylo said from where he was standing and rummaging through some of the tools they’d found.

“Don’t hold back, even a little bit, I guess.” Rey muttered, even as Jonas raised his eyebrows in surprise. It was a reasonable statement, but it was just a little too sober too soon to sit well. Kylo wasn’t exactly known for being a beacon of hope, but it still got under her skin.

“It’s the truth.” Kylo shot back, straightening, “besides, someone coming to find us will be bad news for at least some of us. If it’s the First Order, we’re all dead. If it’s the Resistance, I’m certainly dead. If it’s some bounty hunter, we’ll likely be taken in and sold to someone who wants some or all of us dead and if it’s a smuggler we have to hope that they’re not actually a bounty hunter or a smuggler who is about to _become_ a bounty hunter. We have no money to bribe anyone with and no one coming to a desolate place this far out is doing it for a good reason. There’s not even a center of the Force to entice Alucard or your other padawan. Our best hope is that we stay on our own.” 

Rey groaned in frustration. He was right. He was right about all of it and it was frustrating. There was no way all three of them got off this planet in one trip without at least one of them ending up executed.

_Kylo should go on trial,_ a voice in her head said, but she dismissed it. She should have gone on trial, too, when she first returned back to the Resistance, but had been given a chance to prove herself. Whatever he had done, however long he had been away, Kylo should have that same opportunity. 

“Come on,” Rey said, finally deciding how to divy up supplies between the backs they’d brought and the bags that they recovered, “let’s get back.” 

Perhaps it was the events of the previous day or the awkwardness of being around someone she had fought against so much or the sheet effort it took to stave of grief and hopelessness, but Rey didn’t feel like talking at all that day. Jonas brooded in the quiet as well, carrying his load back without complaint. Kylo didn’t talk either, although Rey wondered if that wasn’t due to the brain injury he’d likely sustained in the crash. The silence might help. 

When they got back, Rey sat heavily in the bed as Jonas slunk off to put his bags, mostly medical supplies, in the infirmary. She watched him for a moment, blinking heavily. She’d gotten almost no sleep the night before, but now she was tired. 

“You should sleep.” Kylo said, looking down at her.

“I should stay awake. Jonas doesn’t trust you yet.” Rey said.

“Do you?” 

“I’m not sure.” Rey admitted.

“Well, regardless of how Jonas feels, you’re dead on your feet. He’ll be awake. He can watch me himself.”

Rey looked around the dormitory and took a deep breath before nodding. She lay on her side and glanced up at Kylo, but he didn’t move. He just watched her, as if making sure she was actually going to sleep. 

“This is going to be hard.” Rey said, rolling up to see him better. “All our communications were destroyed. We don’t even have any sort of standard trackers. Luke asked them to remove them.”

“Why?” 

“Wanted us to remain independent.” Rey said, shrugging.

“Communications or not, we can do this.”

“We have to.” Rey said, “We have a son. We have to keep him safe.” She hesitated for a moment, looking into the familiar brown eyes she’d once known so well,  
“Kylo, This place is hospitable, but survival is going to take a lot of work. I know you like to drive yourself into the ground, but you can’t do that now.” Kylo looked down at her, focusing intensely for the first time all day, but said nothing, so she continued: “I know you might have memory problems, so I will remind you as many times as I need you to: we may be on the same side. We may even be a team, but I am in charge. If you hurt my son. If you become a threat to him, then I will kill you.” 

“I expect as much.” Kylo said, sitting down in his own bunk. He rested his forehead against the cool metal, closing his eyes, “It’s strange to have my mind all to myself.” He whispered, “I’ve spent the last 40 years of my life with Snoke in my head, influencing my thoughts and spinning lies. It’s so… quiet.” 

Rey looked across the little open space they were all sleeping in, “It’s got to be strange.” She said. 

 

“It’s the end of a kind of imprisonment. It’s a beginning.” Kylo said, “What I’m going to do after this, I have no idea.” 

“Talk to Jonas.” Rey said, “Get to know him, I guess. He’s your son.”

“He wants nothing to do with me.”

“I’ve noticed.” Rey said wryly. 

“What do you want me to do, connect with him?” Kylo offered uselessly.

“Maybe, yeah.” Rey snapped. After a second, the tension faded and she rolled onto her back, looking up at the underside of her bunk, lowering and softening her voice, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re going to be here for a while. If you don’t want him to hate you the whole time, you need to find some way to connect with him.” 

“Okay.” Kylo said, standing. 

Rey blinked and turned her head to look at him. He’d shrugged off his cloak and stood dressed in black pants and shirt, but he did look different. He ran a bare hand through his hair, then stepped forward, “I call a truce,” He said quietly, “We’re a team, here, the three of us. We have to be. Even if Jonas hates me, we have to be a team.”  
Kylo reached out his hand. He’d lost his glove along the way. Rey leaned forward and shook it. It was an uneasy moment, but not an unpleasant one. After they day she’d had, Rey could settle for that.


	2. Grief is the Price We Pay for Love, so They Say. The Price is Far Too High

**"Grief is the price we pay for love, so they say. The price is far too high." - Gail Honeyman, _Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine_**

Kylo blinked as Rey flicked on the light of the generator room. He looked around, taking the long low machines, about Jonas’s height. Rey immediately clambered onto the one closest to them, lighting walking across it and looking down. She crouched on top of it for a moment, then settled down, straddling the machine and peering inside the main hatch. Her braids fell down in front of her and she impatiently tossed them over her shoulder. She leaned down on her elbow, gently moving different parts and wires aside with her free right hand. 

Kylo glanced at Jonas, who stood patiently, watching his mother work. He crossed over to one of the cabinets, looking around for tools and supplies. He didn’t have that innate sense of machines the way his mother did, or if he did, he was staying out of her way. He must have some training at least, because he handled the tools with a practiced air, weighing various tools, inspecting them, and setting them back in place. Kylo turned back to Rey, watching as she stood up on top of the generator. Turning in place, she shrugged off her jacket and walked down the length of the generator, her feet making a low plunk-plunk-plunk before she stepped onto the next machine. She did this with every machine, walking over to it, climbing up, and inspecting it. 

Rey moved lightly and gracefully through the room. She would jump up and down from the various generators and machines, looking into the compartments and under various panels. Kylo stood there, watching her move. _By the Force, she’s a beautiful person,_ Kylo thought. She moved with a lithe and delicate grace, almost as if she wasn’t touching the ground. Se didn’t look at him, but watched her just the same. 

After a long time, Rey jumped down for the last one and walked over to him and Jonas. The boy set down the tools, turning to face his mother, “Well, I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?”

“The bad news.” Kylo and Jonas said automatically. Kylo glanced out of the corner of his eye at Jonas, the corner of his mouth twitching. The boy may hate him, but he couldn’t ignore him forever.

Rey ignored the exchange. 

“All of the machines need to be repaired-”

Jonas groaned, looking up at the ceiling. 

“- _but_ they all _can_ be repaired.” Rey said, “Mostly, the damage is due to age and a lack of upkeep. I wasn’t able to do an in-depth search of everything. We may be able to get the backup generator up in a matter of days.” Rey said, “I’ll need help, but we can do it.” 

“How sure are you about that?” Kylo asked, looking around, “Some of them look really rough.” 

“Well, they’re not winning any beauty contests, but they are repairable.” Rey said, “I am sure.” Kylo looked at her and then nodded. What did he know, anyway? He had grown up on the Millennium Falcon, raised on a machine that needed constant repair, even though it was a legendary vessel. Even though his father had spent hours talking him through repairs and engines and wires, he would never understand and love machines as Rey did. 

Rubbing his hands together, Kylo tried to dispel some of the nervous energy in his chest. He watched Rey as she balanced her weight on the larger generator, leaning over one of the panels. She’d stripped down to an undershirt, her arms and shoulders exposed. The bunker had no central air, so she was sweaty. Strands of her hair was plastered to her face and the back of her neck, but she was focused on her work. He’d seen her like this before, back when he’d been her master. It was the look she got when she set aside all thought and emotion to focus on whatever she was going. He had known her to process any frustration or irritation or failure that way. He wondered if she’d kept up the habit with the Resistance. He reached out and felt the way she’d set aside her grief to do her work. He knew she missed Luke and that she didn’t want to be stuck here.

Kylo wanted to comfort her. He wanted to help her or Jonas, to be useful, but didn’t know how. He looked over to Jonas, who was passing his mother various tools. He kept standing, craning to look inside the panel. He didn’t speak or communicate with his mother overtly, but whatever Rey held out a hand, Jonas would kneel down to the box and hand it to her. Once or twice, he picked up the wrong one and Rey would just glance at it before leaving her hand in the open and Jonas would trade the tool for another. He always got it right the second time. They worked manually, almost never using the Force. 

Bored, Kylo clambered onto one of the generators, peering into it. He looked at the various wires, checking for damage. He wasn’t as talented as Rey, but he could still help. After looking at the main wires, he jumped down, opening to the power core from the side. 

Kylo looked into the place where the power core connected to the main generator. He suddenly heard a familiar voice in his head, _“First look at the core itself. If it’s collapsed or burned itself out, then you can repair all the wires you want and you’ll get nowhere. Don’t waste your time repairing a collapsed power core.”_

Everything Kylo had learned about engineering and mechanics, he’d learned from his father. He’d spent hours, after he’d been declared “too shy and antisocial” by his mother, holed up in the Millenium Falcon with Han. That hunk of junk had needed constant repairs and there had always been something for Han to teach him. When he was five, he’d decided that he’d wanted to be a mechanic or engineer. He’d even gotten his father to buy him a pair of overalls that mechanics were known to wear. Sure, his destiny as a Jedi loomed over him and he became more and more excited every time Luke had visited, but being a mechanic was _his_ idea and _his_ hope based on his skill and knowledge. He’d even repaired one of R2D2's wheels when it came loose. 

Those dreams had died when he turned seven and had been unable to stop the dreams or the juggernaut that was his family legacy.   
Kylo leaned forward, carefully wiping the glass, hoping it wasn’t so brittle from time that it would fracture under his hands. It held strong, however, and he inspected the plasma inside. It was just the right rod shape and he straightened. His long hair was starting to stick to his neck with sweat. They definitely needed to get the generators up and running or they’d sweat themselves to death. 

“Take off that ridiculous costume.” Rey shot at him, “You don’t need a cape in heat like this.”

Kylo looked over at her, then glared, “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” Rey said, straightening and pointing at him, “Your cape is practically sticking to you with. Quit being proud. I don’t have time to save you if you get heatstroke.”

She was right.

Kylo growled, but unbuttoned his cape without any further protests. He pulled the power core gently out, careful to keep the plasma core as level as possible. He rotated it slowly, disconnecting it from all the various wires and inspecting the core itself, looking for any defects in the plugs. When he saw none, he gently put it back in place. There had to be something wrong with it, if it wasn’t running. 

_“Check for corrosion in the wires. Start with the main line, but plug it in last. You don’t want to poke around a life generator if you can avoid it.”_

Kylo slowly inspected the wires one by one, looking for the damage. The main line was fine, almost perfect, actually. He searched every wire, growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of damage. Eventually, he gave up and plugged all the wires back into place. The damage was not with the main power core. 

Absently running a finger over the outer covering of the wires, Kylo was suddenly very glad that he’d been forced to spent time with his father when his mother had been at various functions, especially after he’d broken down at a Senatorial Reception. Han Solo had been enough of a vagabond that his absence had been easily excused. Looking back, Kylo felt a strange loss for those times. He’d been utterly misunderstood and desperately lonely, but it was one of the few times he’d been a Solo and not a Skywalker. 

Han had never had time for the Force, for Kylo’s destiny or abilities. He’d wanted to train his son in “useful” skills, like lying and theft and smuggling. Kylo had spent his early years in the care of his father, learning his less-than-honorable trade. 

If Han could see him now, what would be think? Would he be proud of Kylo’s escape from the First Order or frustrated at how long it had taken. 

It didn’t matter, really. The old smuggler was dead. 

But Kylo thought, unable to help himself, had seen something, right before he had crashed. At first, he had put the memory aside, blaming it on exhaustion and the assault on his mind. Perhaps Snoke’s actions had torn into his mind, mixing memory and reality. Except, he hadn’t looked the way he had in Kylo’s youth or even the way he had when Kylo had killed him. He couldn’t decide how he felt. If it wasn’t a memory or a hallucination, then it had likely been a Force ghost. The thought gave him pause. His father had never had any interest in the Force, but there had been different times where he’d been able to do things that no normal person should have. Kylo had seen him make jumps or shots that shouldn’t have been possible. 

Part of him wanted nothing more than to see Han Solo as a Force ghost. But Han hadn’t actually been Force sensitive. Only people skilled in the Force could maintain their identity after death. In fact, he’d never seen anyone after death. From what he’d heard, Luke Skywalker had been the only one of the Jedi with the Resistance who had been able to communicate with the Force ghosts. Now that Luke was dead, perhaps the mantle had been passed on, although why it might have fallen to him made no sense. Although, if he really was the one to see the ghosts of Jedi, seeing Han made no sense. His mother had died more than nine years ago. Why hadn’t she’d been the one that he’d seen? Perhaps it was due to the face that he hadn’t seen his mother in person since he was eleven. He didn’t have an image to think about. 

_It’s something. I hallucinate about my father right after I leave the First Order to protect my son,_ Kylo thought ruefully, deciding that all the wires were in good shape. It probably meant something, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it. He had no answers. All he had was a busted generator and the ever-present threat of heatstroke. 

_“If the power core is fine, always check the coolant system. Most generators will turn themselves off before they explode, but for kriff’s sake make sure all the vents work before you go poking around will the heat or cool. If not, you might end up with a burned face.”_

Kylo couldn’t help smiling to himself, remembering the gruff seriousness on Han Solo’s face, his brown hair flopping into his face from where he had been hanging down from a harness to speak to him. Kylo was glad the advice had stuck because the mental picture of his father hanging upside down, his face growing increasingly red, had been hilarious. It was funny now, even so many years and regrets later. 

Kylo knelt down, checking that all of the ventilation fans were working. They were, thank the Force. After that, he crossed to the back and checked on all the coolant levels. There was no coolant in any of the tubes, although there was some traces in the tubes, so there had been some there at some point. Running a finger over the outside of the tubing, Kylo looked for the main tank. Eventually, he found it and screwed off the cap carefully. When he peeked inside, he saw that the main coolant tank was empty.

Kylo sighed, straightening up, “This needs coolant.” He said, turning to Rey and Jonas. His voice cut through the silence, sounding almost like a shout, even though his voice was low.

“Hmm?” Rey asked, turning her head to look at him. She kept glancing back at her work, so Kylo waited a moment before he had Rey’s full attention. 

“This generator is fine. It’s just out of coolant.” Kylo said, gesturing to it.

“Really?” Rey asked, blinking. She jumped down from her generator, looking into Kylo’s generator. After a moment, she nodded, turning to Jonas, “You know where some coolant is?”

“I think so, yeah.” Jonas said, turning to one of the shelves. He kneeled down, “We’ve got some of the high-powered stuff.” 

“Good.” Kylo said, looking up at Jonas as he hefted the container over. He stepped aside, grabbing a funnel from the toolbox. Shoving his sleeves up to keep them clear, he kept the tank and the funnel steady as Jonas poured the coolant. He kept an eye on the coolant level, murmuring, “It’s good,” when they reached the top. He looked up at Jonas, who nodded stiffly, capping the coolant and turning to walk away.

Kylo watched his son walk away, “Thank you.” He mumbled, feeling sheepish. He turned and closed the coolant tank. Running a hand through his hair, he walked over to the main line and plugged it in. With a low hum, the generator started up. He heard the low plink sound of Rey’s screwdriver hitting the generator she was working on. Kylo turned around to look at the two of them. He couldn’t help smiling and Rey was beaming, too. 

“We’ve got one.” Kylo said. 

“Would it be too much to hope that this generator is connected to the central air system?” Jonas asked weakly.

Kylo followed the main power lines, trailing it to three of the other systems. If he was reading the inscriptions correctly, it was powering the water purification system, the main light board, and the central air. He turned back to Rey and Jonas, who were waiting expectantly, “It’s central air.” He said, “And we’ve got main lighting system and pure water.”

“Let’s turn those on.” Rey said, nodding from her perch on the generator. 

Kylo flicked on the water purification system, the main lighting board, and the central air system. He couldn’t help his grin when he heard the musical hum of the air cooler. 

“Thank the Maker.” Jonas said, raising his hands.

“All we need now is a working sonic.” Rey said, smiling. 

“I’ll take a look at it, if you want.” Kylo said lightly.

Rey nodded, “Go for it.” 

Kylo nodded, grabbing a handful of tools and lights. At the door, he glanced over his shoulder, watching as Rey and Jonas went back to work. Jonas may resemble him, but in this moment, he could see the relation between Jonas and his mother. 

Kylo walked to the fresher, a small smile on his face. That smile faded when he saw the state of the sonic. In another life, it had worked with both water and sonic, but all the compacted minerals and rusted piping had killed it. In fact, there even appeared to be mold it it. 

Dropping his tools, Kylo pulled off his outer shirt. He was ready to work. 

 

*****

 

Across the galaxy, Finn Alucard clambered off his ship. He looked around, his eyes searching for the familiar faces of his wife and children. Instead, he was greeted by Poe’s familiar face on the edge of the platform. Finn’s shoulders relaxed at the sight, although his heart was still tight. 

Luke was dead. 

R2D2 was dead.

Rey and Jonas were probably dead. 

He took a deep breath and crossed over to his old friend. He felt Poe’s deep-seated worry, but knew that nothing he said would reassure Poe.

“Is it true?” Poe asked. He’d recently taken a position in command so he hadn’t been a part of their mission. In fact, he didn’t run many missions anymore, but he was a master of strategy and could help more people in his new role. 

Finn nodded, unable to speak. He’d called in the report after the aftermath of the battle. He couldn’t say it again. 

“Come on.” Poe said gently. He looked over Finn’s shoulder, his eyes softening at the sight of Gida’smoo. She was being loaded onto a litter by a pair of medics and rolled away. Finn also looked over his shoulder, then rubbed the back of his neck, trying to soothe himself, but it didn’t work. He’d been a soldier his entire life, but no battle had hurt him as much as this one, not even the one that had left him with a cybernetic spine. He and Gida’smoo were the last of the Jedi now. After so many years of work and study, they were down to two Jedi again. He let Poe lead him through the base, exhausted and cold.

Rey, his oldest friend, was gone. They’d been through so much, from Starkiller to the years fighting side by side after her return. He was lost in his thoughts until he heard the sound of a door opening. He looked up and saw a little group seated in a seating area in a family living quarters- his living quarters, he realized. It was Todra, as beautiful as he’d ever seen her. Yes, she had a few streaks of silver through her hair, collecting at her hairline. She’d noticed, in recent months, lines around her eyes and mouth and had complained about them, but she was so beautiful to him. He swallowed, feeling hot tears in his eyes, but it didn’t stop the smile in his face. His children, his beautiful children, were all asleep on the various couches, still dressed in their clothes from the day. 

Todra stood up and crossed to him, hugging him tightly. Finn closed his eyes, hugging his wife tightly and burying his face in her neck. 

“They’re gone.” Finn said, his voice tight, “They’re all gone.”

“I know.” Todra said soothingly, rubbing his back and shoulders. She didn’t hesitate when she ran a hand over his metal spine. He’d always loved her for this, for the fact that she’d faced his past and his scars without hesitation or fear. 

Finn straightened, then kissed her forehead, “I love you.”

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” Todra said quietly, “At first, they wouldn’t tell me whether you were alive or not.” 

“I’m so sorry you had to sit like that.” Finn said softly, running a hand through her long black hair. 

“Thank you for bringing him straight here.” Todra said, turning to Poe.

Poe nodded, rubbing at his salt-and-pepper beard. Finn smiled and reached out to hug his old friend. Poe hugged him back. He felt frail and tired under Finn’s arms, not due to his age or exhaustion, although he was almost sixty and looked like he was exhausted, Finn knew it was due to the loss in their life. Poe took a deep breath within Finn’s grasp and Finn stepped away, hands on his arms. 

“We’re going to be alright.” Finn said.

“We are.” Poe said right back, nodding. His dark eyes met Finn’s steadily and Finn could see the strength return to him.

“I am going to honor Luke. I am going to honor Rey. I am going to honor Jonas.” Finn said firmly. He had to honor them. The galaxy needed him to. He was the highest-ranking Jedi in the galaxy. 

“And we’ll be right beside you, Master Jedi.” Todra said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Finn moved one of his hands off of Poe and put it on top of Todra’s. He looked at her, feeling the warmth and strength within her. She may not have the Force, but she was bright and strong. He loved her for that, too. He would need that light. 

They were going to need as much light as they could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a day early, but tomorrow is a really busy day, so here's an update. 
> 
> You'll also hear more from Finn and Poe in this story! 
> 
> Enjoy!


	3. It's Only Awkward If It Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Jonas don't enjoy each other's company. 
> 
> The Jedi-Ren-Organa-Solo family is living in a small-scale Cold War.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a day late, but here it is!

**"It's only awkward if it matters."- Joyce Rachelle**

Kylo had underestimated how awkward it would be living in close quarters with Rey and Jonas. Sure, he hadn’t really chosen to crash along with them, but still, he had not been emotionally prepared for the quiet meals spent not looking at each other and the maddening silence when they worked on repairing the generators. He found some escape in individual chores like gathering water, where Kylo could purposefully walk farther upstream to fill his containers, but they still trudged back to the bunker in silence. In the time before sleep, they would all sit outside the bunker, roasting whatever small game they caught. Here, he could at least get some space, sitting by himself and getting air. Eventually, though, they had to sleep, and he had to go back into the bunker. 

Rey was sleeping poorly. Kylo and Rey would alternate watches, but he could tell whenever she woke up. That connection to her was surreal to him. When they had been lovers, he had always been able to sense when she woke, when she fell asleep, and when she was injured. He’d never had that individual connection to anyone. Back in his childhood, he had been subject to the emotions, worries, pains, and sensations of everyone around him. His master- no, Snoke- _just Snoke_ had taught him how to control it. When Rey had become a full Jedi and left his tutelage, he’d been able connect to her, just her, in a way that comforted him. Now, that connection and knowledge was reforming. He didn’t know what to do with those changes, so it just added to the tension that he felt. 

After four miserable days, Kylo finally snapped. He sighed and pulled off the lantern he’d been using, putting it on the table. Running a hand through his hair, he straightened up. His muscles ached as he stretched and arched his back. Closing his eyes tightly, he wrinkled his nose. Taking a deep breath, a ran a hand through his hair again and frowned. His hair was dirty and oily from their limited capacity to wash. 

Two days ago, he’d tried and failed to fix the fresher, so they’d had to settle for dunking their heads and faces to keep themselves clean as much as possible. They’d manage to scrounge up enough clothes for each of them to change occasionally, but Kylo still felt dirty and sweaty. Although it was unpleasant, he didn’t mind it as much as Jonas seemed to. He’d spent years in a state of constant battle, early in his training, and had spent many days fighting, travelling, and then sleeping on the ground. Rey, of course, had spent her life in the desert. While she was uncomfortable, he could literally feel the way she stuffed that discomfort away. Was this how she’d survived all those years on Jakku? He glanced over his shoulder at Jonas, who was adjusting a lamp over Rey’s head, giving her more light. He couldn’t imagine Jonas living a life like that. 

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Kylo dusted off his clothing. He walked over to the generator where Rey and Jonas were working, leaning against the other generator, which hummed behind him. He crossed his arms, waiting until Rey glanced at him distractedly, “What?” She asked.

“I’m going to go look for water.” Kylo said, “You and Jonas can work down here.”

Rey’s hands stilled. She sat up a little straighter and looked at him, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She looked almost like a bird, perched on the generator with her hands lost in the wires. 

“What?” Kylo asked warily. He grabbed one of the empty jugs and watched her. 

“The sun has been getting lower and lower. I don’t want you to get left outside at night.” Rey said. 

“I’ll be fine.” Kylo said, shrugging easily, “I have a lightsaber. I can sense things in the dark.” 

“I really don’t want us all splitting up.” Rey said, turning on the generator to look him in the eye.

Kylo glanced and waved the water jug, “I won’t be long.” 

“We’ll all go.” Rey said, pulling her hands free. 

Jonas squawked indignantly as Rey jumped down. His hazel eyes settled on his mother, his jaw working. Kylo looked up at Rey and frowned, looking her up and down. She had found a hat and tucked her long braids into it. She looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes, but had set her jaw.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Kylo said, shaking his head, “We don’t all need to-”

“I don’t want any of us to go alone.” Rey insisted.

Kriff, why did she she always have to be so stubborn? She refused to talk to him, but never let him have a moment alone! 

“By the Force, Rey, are you going to follow me to the ‘fresher next?!” Kylo snapped. 

“Don’t you shout at her!” Jonas said, his voice harsh. 

“I didn’t shout.” Kylo said, looking down at the boy. Jonas was tall, already the height of a grown man, but Kylo still stood taller than him. 

“Stop. Both of you.” Rey said, her voice low and firm, “If we’re going, we’re all going together.” 

“Nevermind then!” Kylo said, turning and slamming the jug down on the table. He felt something dark curl, sharp and tense, within his gut. Energy roared up into his extremities, but he didn’t expend it. 

“What is your problem?” Rey snapped. 

“I just wanted some space!” Kylo said, “We’re all sitting on top of each other-”

“-to be safe-” 

“And it’s unbearable!” Kylo shouted, turning to face her. Energy exploded out of him and the room was full of hundreds of clattering noises as any lightweight tool or object, even including the table he’d been working next to, rose and they all collided with each other in the air. He glanced at a shelf that was ratting as everything on the bottom of the selves rose up to the bottom of the shelve above.

Suddenly he felt an incredible force slammed into his stomach to knock him off of his feet. He saw white and then felt pain lance up his back as he landed, hard, on the ground. All of the wind was knocked out of him and he coughed. Kylo’s ears rang with the sound of hundreds of objects slamming back into the ground. Behind him, the legs of the table shook as it landed and all of Kylo’s tools rolled off the surface and clattered to the floor. 

“Don’t you _dare_ use the dark side here.” Rey said. Kylo turned his head to focus on her, but when he tried to sit up, he found that he couldn’t. Groaning, he rested his head back onto the ground.

“Fine.” Kylo muttered, keeping his eyes closed.

“Excuse me?” Rey said, her tone expectant.

“Fine.” Kylo said, raising his voice a little so she could clearly hear him.

“Good.” Rey said. She turned and grabbed the wrench she had been using savagely, climbing onto the generator again. Kylo didn’t get up right away, but closed his eyes, then groaned and stood up. 

“Did you have to do that?” Kylo asked. Sure, he’d levitated most everything in the room, but no one had been in danger. 

“Just shut up!” Rey snapped, not even looking at Kylo. Kylo clenched his jaw, then glanced at Jonas out of the corner of his eye. The boy recoiled, clearly feeling anger flare through him. When Kylo focused in on Jonas’s mind, Kylo could feel the subtle sneer within his thoughts and frowned. Jonas stared right back and squared his shoulders. Kylo stayed quiet and met his gaze until he finally realized that alienating his son more wasn’t going to ‘win’ anything. He shook his head then turned back to his table. The tools felt uncomfortable in his hands now that he held them after all of this, but he forced himself to keep working in silence. 

 

*****

 

Living with his father was impossible. 

Jonas sat outside the bunker on a large stone, watching the large man trudge through the grass as he gathered more firewood. Did Ren always have to be underfoot? 

Sure, Rey wanted them all to stay together for safety, but did the darksider have to be in the same space aws them all of the time? The bunker had a ton of room and yet somehow, whenever Rey and Jonas were working, there was Kylo Ren, lurking in the back. His work was technically sound, but clumsy, and more than once Jonas had gone back after him, making cleaner lines or sturdier repairs. 

At least the man was good for hefting around heavy things. He could use the Force with incredible talent, which Jonas found him begrudgingly more and more impressed. Jonas had always been good at using the Force to sense the thoughts of others, but his skills with levitation and object control had always left something to be desired. He was thankful that he became sharper and more focused under pressure, rather than breaking down. Gida’smoo, for all of her talents, became fearful about confrontation, although she loved sparring and training. He wondered if it wasn’t his relation to his mother that allowed him to move through his fear. In fact, the best example of his object manipulation was when whe’d used the slab of stone to shield himself from Anjat Ren. 

Ren walked past, moving all of their water carriers to the door of the bunker. He walked with ease, keeping a leisurely pace as he moved the water jugs up from the creek and into the bunker. Force, it was hard not to be impressed with how unphased he seemed. Master Luke had been an impressive Force user as well, but he hadn’t had the opportunity to use the Force like that in Jonas’s day-to-day life. 

Jonas grit his teeth and turned back to the fire. His father may be an impressive Force user, but he was still a darksider. Master Luke had been strong in the Light his entire life, even faced with impossible tragedy, and had been a warrior until his last days, even into his seventies. Kylo Ren was just an angry, violent, and destructive person, whatever Rey believed. 

Fuming, Jonas turned his attention to his mother. 

Rey crouched by the fire, roasting one of the small, furry, rodent-like creatures that seemed to live in their surrounding area. After nearly ten days here, they’d managed to repair all but the largest generator and had settled into a somewhat-comfortable life. Rey had taught him how to make rodent traps out of spare parts, based on the ones that she’d kept in her old AT-AT when she lived on Jakku. It had taken a few days and a couple of adjustments, but now they caught something almost every night. Rey, who was the only one with any experience surviving without rations or a military apparatus, skinned and butchered anything their traps managed to capture. 

Jonas watched Rey closed her eyes, warming her hands on the fire. He listened to the sounds of the forest. This was not the first time Rey had lived in the wilderness, but this has to be unfamiliar to her. She’d told him that, on Jakku, she had only ever heard the sound of winds and shifting sands at night. This forest, however, was humming with cool breezes, the rustling of leaves and quiet buzzing of insects and other wildlife. Jonas couldn’t see any of them, even in the light from the setting sun. It had been evening for two days, which was heartening because it meant that, although it was slow, the sun definitely did move. 

“We’re going to need to get that generator done as soon as possible.” Rey said quietly, opening her eyes to look at the sunset, “I don’t want to know what comes out when things get darker. We’ve been lucky to avoid seeing large predators at sunset, but that might only be because the heavyweights come out at night.”

“How much more do you think we have?” Jonas asked.

Rey chewed on the side of her thumb, her anxiety written all over her face, “I want all three of us to work on it tomorrow, if we can.” 

Jonas huffed. Rey was right. They needed a third set of hands, especially getting the main power core aligned. They’d tried to move it, but they had to pull up the core, feed through and attach all the wires, and support the inner core all at the same time. Even with the Force, it would take three people’s undivided attention. 

“You’re going to have to get used to him eventually.” Rey said quietly.

Jonas shrugged, not meeting her eyes and instead at looking into the fire. He glanced up as Ren’s heavy footfalls echoed behind him. The tall man sat heavily on a stone, watching Rey’s fire. 

“We are going to have to work together tomorrow.” Rey said to the silence as she reached out and turned the rodent over on the fire, letting it finish cooking. 

There was a scuffing noise as Ren scraped his boot against the dusty ground. Jonas glanced at him. Kylo was staring at the ground next to his boots, his face impassive. For a man who lived his entire life using the Force based on his emotions, he’d spent most of his time with a blank face. Jonas turned his eyes to his mother, who was watching Ren. Her eyebrows were creased, as if she was confused by Ren’s behavior as well. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, then turned her attention to the fire and pulled the spit off of the fire. She set it on a metal plate she’d found and cleaned for this purpose. They’d managed to scrounge up three of the rodents, their most thus far. Rey stood, looking between Jonas and Kylo Ren, “One of you put out the fire, alright?”

Jonas nodded, watching the flames for a few moments longer as Rey walked back into the cave. He’d never been around a fire before and he found it rather enchanting, even if it was much slower and more intensive than anything they used at home. He reached out and put his fingers close to the flames, resting his chin on his knee. He wondered if he could use the Force on the flames themselves. 

Reaching out with careful fingers, Jonas used the Force and tried to apply it against the flames. They flickered around his fingers and he smiled, reaching forward more and pushing them aside until his hand was over the fire up to the wrist. He heard a scuff off to his right and yanked his hand back, turning sharply to look over. Kylo Ren had sat down his bowl, straightened and pushed out his legs. His heels had scraped against the dusty ground, making the noise. Jonas felt something hot against his leg and jerked to his feet, looking down at his leg. His left hand was aflame and he hadn’t realized he’d pulled the fire back with him. Panicked, he waved his arm frantically, dismissing the flames. 

Jonas heard a low chuckle behind him, but refused to look back and see his father laugh at him. He was tempted to stomp back to the bunker, but decided against it. Instead, he sat down, chewing the last of his rodent while staring straight ahead. He finished his rodent, tossing down the small bones. He looked up at the sky, taking in the beautiful array of golds, blues, oranges, and pinks. The sunset slowly over the course of each day, but if he watched, he could see the clouds and the colors shift. It was beautiful and he settled within in, calming. 

Jonas looked over at his father. The man’s dark eyes lingered on the black-handled lightsaber on his left hip. Jonas straightened slightly, letting his right hand rest on his thigh. He was right-handed and kept _his_ lightsaber on his right hip where he could reach it. He wore Darth Vader’s lightsaber constantly as well, but on his other hip. He trusted his mother, but there was no way he wanted Kylo Ren anywhere near it. 

Jonas felt uncomfortable being protective of a weapon he despised, but it was hard not to be. The weapon had been given to him by the previous owner- it's very maker- hadn't it? He may have been the only relative of Anakin’s in that cavern, but if he'd wanted Kylo Ren to have it, he could have thrown it at Kylo’s head, right? Now that he thought about it, he really wished Anakin had thrown it at Ren. Then he'd be free of the responsibility and would have had a good laugh. 

_If you hate it so much, why haven't you thrown it away?_ A small voice inside him asked.

Jonas rubbed at his jaw, unable to answer that for himself. He hated that weapon, but couldn’t shake the feeling that he had to keep it. Whatever he felt, Anakin had appeared to him. You didn't just ignore a sign like that, especially not with Luke dead. Jonas might be the next one to be the conduit between the old masters and the wider galaxy. He had to be willing to listen to the Force, even if it was unpleasant. _Luke had always kept a balance between patience for the master’s perspectives and a sense of independence. Luke had decades to work on connecting to the old masters. You’ve been connected to the Force ghosts for less than a month. Give yourself a break._

Jonas closed his eyes, a tight hope in his chest. He wanted to see Master Luke again. He wanted to apologize for not being fast or strong enough to make sure they’d all made it safely. He wanted to thank him for all the years of love and knowledge. He wanted to hear his voice again. 

Grief rose up in him, tightening his throat and pushing against his chest. Looking down into the fire, Jonas forced himself to seem straightforward and focused, even though Jonas was sure Kylo Ren could sense his sadness. Unable to focus on appearing strong, Jonas stood. He put out a hand, using the Force to push the flames down to nothing. He closed his fist, extinguishing the light and leaving his father in the light from the sunset. He swallowed back tears, then walked down to the bunker and climbed down. 

At the bottom, Rey was waiting for him. There were tears in her eyes, too. She had always been good at sensing his feelings, even across distances. As soon as his feet hit the ground, she opened her arms and he stepped into them. He was slightly taller than her now, so she rested her chin on his shoulder rather than on the top of his head as she once had. 

“Anakin Skywalker gave me the lightsaber.” Jonas whispered, not caring that his throat was tight. 

Rey leaned back, looking up at him, even as she kept her arms around him, “What do you mean?” Her voice was low, but not accusatory. 

“When I was fighting Anjat Ren, I lost my saber. When I stood up, I put a hand out to summon it, but it didn’t come. Instead, I heard a loud snapping sound and Vader’s saber came to me instead. After I- I killed Anjat Ren, I looked over for mine and I saw Anakin Skywalker, the way he looks like on the Clone War-era holograms, standing there. He let me have my lightsaber back, but he gave it to me.”

Rey nodded slowly, rubbing his arm, “We’ll deal with this in the morning.”


	4. The Only Way to Make a Spoilt Machine Work Again is to Break It Down, Work on Its Inner System and Fix It Again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solo-Jedi family fix a generator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's short. My plan was to finish it today, but my boyfriend and I broke up last night and I just couldn't write today.

**"The only way to make a spoilt machine work again is to break it down, work on its inner system and fix it again." - Isrealmore Ayivor**

“How do we do this?” Jonas asked, looking from the generator to his mother. He had a vague idea of what her plan was: have him lift the inner core while Kylo, who had the longest arms, would reach down for the wires that Rey would force up from below. A rough idea, though, was a far cry from the real thing. 

“You’re getting up on my left and you’re going to hold the core up, using the Force.” Rey said.

“Why not use my hands?” Jonas asked.

“A lot of reasons,” Rey said, “Your hands might slip because there is almost no grip on this thing. Also, it’ll be easier for you to use the Force directly on the core itself than to use the Force to enhance your endurance while you hold it with your hands. Also, if this thing turns on suddenly, it will definately burn anyone touching it and I’d like to minimize that risk.”

Jonas nodded, chewing on the edge of his fingernail thoughtfully. 

“You go up first.” Kylo said, nodding to Jonas, “It’ll be easier for me to get up once you’re in place.”

Jonas rolled his eyes. He wanted to refuse, but Rey had been worrying over this generator for so many days that he decided it was best to just be polite and personable.  
Jonas planted one foot on the outside of the generator, throwing one leg over the generator. Kylo Ren, who had a few inches on Jonas, grabbed onto an upper railing and used it to help him heft his long leg over the generator on the other side of the hole. 

Now that Jonas was up on the generator, with the other one humming alongside of him, the heat of the room really started to bother him. Rey had decided to turn off the coolant system to lower the workload on the machines, which had seemed like a great idea, but after thirty minutes of going over the specs of the generator turbine and the wires they were looking for, his shirt was already sticking to his back from sweat. 

Kylo seemed to be in a similar position. He huffed, pulling his overshirt off and moving himself forward on the generator, straddling the pipe just before the opening. He leaned down, looking down at the machinery and absently tucking a pair of pliers into his back pocket. 

“Oi!” Rey called, leaning over to paw at Kylo’s hair, “Get that mane out of your face.”

“Seriously, you care about my hair length?” Kylo asked.

“We have no ‘fresher. If you get mechanical gunk in it, you have to live with it indefinitely and we’ll have to live with you in the meantime.” Kylo rolled his eyes, but accepted the tie she offered him with minimal sneering. It wasn’t until Jonas got a really clear look at Kylo’s face that he really saw how much they looked alike. He’d been ill-used to Kylo’s height and bulk, but his face was eerie. When he’d watched holos of little Ben Solo, he’d never lingered on the resemblance between him and the boy. When he’d learned about his father’s identity, he’d spent hours, in secret, getting R2-D2 to show him anything and everything there was about him. There had been hours of footage, mostly taken because R2-D2 had been Ben’s favorite childhood companion, but there had been little of him after he went to train with Luke, since R2 had been helping the Jedi Master, and there was nothing of the young Solo after the age of 15. 

Except for now. 

Growing up, watching Ben Solo grow up had been like seeing himself grow, bit by bit, in some other life. Now, though, looking into the face of Kylo Ren was like looking into the future. 

“Jonas, are you ready?” Rey asked.

“Yeah.” Jonas said, looking down. He looked into the hatch, reaching out with the Force to lift the main core up, away from where Ren and Rey were working. The core was heavier than he’d expected, which was probably a good thing. He knew the main core needed to process a lot of energy, so having them be made of heavy and dense materials was a good idea. He knew the glass was specialized and double-paned. This, more than anything other, was something they couldn’t replace. If this broke, the generator would have to be rebuilt from scratch. Without it, they wouldn’t be able to use the core safely. 

“Here, just read the category and I’ll pass you the wire.” Rey said. 

Ren leaned down, carefully dodging the main core that Jonas was holding in place, to look at the different power feeds. Jonas kept focusing on the core, but he couldn’t stop himself from watching the way his father ran his hands over the various ports, feeling for the appropriate shape, correctly guessing the corresponding wire, and communicating that to Rey, who was able to keep them all miraculously untangled. They worked as a careful team as the minutes stretched on and on. The heat started to become really bothersome, but Jonas forced himself to keep his concentration, even as sweat trickled down his neck. 

Eventually, mercifully, Ren finally said, “Okay, we’ve got the last power cable.”

“It’s the shortest.” Rey warned, “You’re going to have to lean down so I can push it through. I’ll have to go in pretty far to get it to you.”

“I’ll find it.” Kylo Ren said. His voice was calm and reassuring, which Jonas found to be almost disturbing. This man was a murderer and a monster. Nothing about him should be soothing or gentle, ever. 

There was thirty seconds of silence, then Rey huffed.

“Kriff, I’m really going to have to push the cord.” Rey said, reaching through the tiny hole as Kylo lowered himself farther into the generator’s open hatch, holding himself in place on the pipe with just his thighs. He seemed to have braced one arm on the inside of the hatch itself, propping himself in place. Jonas glanced to the right and saw his mother squatting down, her arm bent awkwardly up another opening. 

“Can you see?” Rey asked, voice tight with the strain of her awkward position. 

“No.” Kylo said, his voice sounding almost muffled. Jonas took a deep breath through his nose. His arms were starting to grow tired and tense from the long time spent holding this core in place. It wasn’t the heaviest thing he’d held like this, but he’d never had to sit in one place for this long, not while using the Force. 

“Hold hold hold hold.” Rey muttered, seemingly to herself, forcing the wire up through the gap, “Kylo? How are you doing?”

The silence seemed to stretch on for an hour, even though Jonas was sure it was only several seconds. Nothing. “Wiggle it.” Kylo said. Jonas turned his eyes away from the core. He looked into the mess of cables and saw a little end of a blue wire wiggle off to his right. He must have spotted it at the same time as Kylo, who said, “Found it. I need a little more room.”

Rey ducked her head and one shoulder into the opening to give her a little more length in her arm, “Jonas, don’t drop the core.”

“Got it.” Jonas said, even though he felt a pinch between his shoulders. 

“Almost… almost… There!” Kylo said, grabbing the cord and helping to pull it all the way through. He plugged it in and then sat up, “Alright, Jonas, you can put the core into place.”

“Thank the Force.” Jonas said, slowly lowering the core into place. He heard a click, then let go before letting himself fall back. His arms and shoulders hurt from the effort of keeping the core still and his legs ached from sitting on the metal generator. 

Rey straightened, grinning, “Excellent job, boys.” She said.

“Can we turn the air back on?” Jonas asked weakly.

Kylo Ren chuckled. Jonas looked at him and saw he had a very earnest face. Jonas closed his eyes, not wanting to linger on that fact any longer than he had to.


	5. Man is Not What He Thinks He Is, He Is What He Hides

**"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides." - André Malraux**

As much as they all seemed to have hoped, the new generator didn’t fix all of their problems. Jonas loved his mother, but she was still worried about the impending night that would last who knew how long, so they had to spend all of their time together, which didn’t help ease the tensions, even the ones that had been lessened from working together. In the few days after their power was fully restored, the pressure became unbearable, like living in pressure cooker. The tension between his parents was different, too, after that. They’d stop taking watches, finally secure in their bunker, but he could see them looking at each other, like they were watching each other and waiting for something. 

On the fourth day, deciding some fresh air might help ease the tension, Jonas suggested they look at the ship and the area around it, trying to scrounge up the last of everything before the sun set, which could be any day.

When they arrived, Jonas set to work pulling the last of anything that was useful. He stripped the bunks, having been inspired enough to bring rope to lash the mattresses together so they could bring them back to the bunker. ‘Inspired’ probably wasn’t the best word to describe his desperation to sleep on a mattress that wasn’t forty years old. Jimmying the door behind the bunk room open, Jonas had looked into the unused pilot’s room and nearly jumped. He’d forgotten that, in ships like this, the pilot got a large bed. Grinning, Jonas put out a hand to tip the mattress up onto its side. This could fit at least two people. Kriff, this could fit two of _Kylo Ren_. Raising it up, Jonas stepped back and moved it into the bunk room. He’d forgotten that these ships often got used when they needed a standing pilot. Jonas had never gotten to sleep in one of these rooms, but usually it was for those who only did the flying on missions or transports. The pilots, since they sometimes had to fly for hours straight and may not even get to leave the ship, got a larger quarter so that they could sleep comfortably. Jonas had rarely interacted with pilots, since both Rey and Master Luke were masters. Even Luke, in his old age, had used the small bunks. 

Leaving them in the old bunk room to move later, Jonas stepped into the main hull to see that Rey was kneeling under the control shift, looking at the communications systems. She’d taken to piling her long hair into a knot on top of her head and taking it out to braid it at night. Jonas, too, was pulling his hair back most of the time, as their bucket showers could only do so much. Ren was the only one who didn’t seem desperate to get his hair off of his face and neck, although with all of the heavy black clothing he’d worn over the years, he may have been immune to minor discomfort. Ren may have been human, but there was definitely ‘off’ about someone who could wear those long sleeves all the time and not be bothered. Speaking of his father, the man was across the ship, siphoning fuel carefully from the main tank, using some empty containers that they’d deemed to be safe. The fuel might come in useful. Besides, no one liked having fuel lying around, exposed to the elements. 

Jonas walked over to the containers, wordlessly double-checking the caps of the containers as his father finished filling the last one. When he finished, he nodded at Jonas, then stood up when he saw Rey working. He crossed over to look down at her, frowning, “What are you doing?” Ren asked. 

“Trying to repair our communications system.” Rey said, not looking up from her work, “The main system is down. There’s no way we’ll get any audio, much a hologram, through, but if this works, we can set up a ping on one specific channel. If someone hears it, they’ll be able to trace it and find us.”

“By ‘someone’, you mean The Resistance?” Ren asked, crossing his arms.

“Of course.” Rey said, wrinkling her nose even as she kept working. “You’re not suggesting that I invite the First Order to come, pick us up, and deliver us straight to Snoke.”

“Kriff, you’re trying to kill me.” Ren growled, grinding his teeth and shaking his head. His dark hair fell into his eyes and he raked his fingers through it impatiently. 

“You can’t seriously tell me you want to stay here, alone, forever!’ Rey snapped, putting her tools down and looking at him incredulously. 

“We’ll, I don’t want to die!” Ren shot back, “The Resistance will have me executed as soon as they can put a public platform together and you know it!” 

Rey didn’t move, her jaw set and all emotion tucked behind her resolute hazel eyes, “You defected.” She finally said. Her voice was low, but there was almost no emotion there. Jonas had seen people lie to reassure others. Part of what made his mother so good at it was that she wasn’t tender or warm about it. She didn’t sooth, she just resented facts and let people make assumptions from there. The only time he’d ever seen it fail was when C-3PO had been within earship. 

Ren apparently knew this tell of Rey’s, because he just shook his head again. He was awash with panic, his hands in his hair. He didn’t shout, luckily, but he was so tense that Jonas could feel it. Ren huffed, almost laughing, although there was no mirth there, “Rey, I told you twenty years ago that the Resistance was full of traitors. I would love to prove it to you, but I am not using my life to do it.”

Rey didn’t respond to his words, but switched tactic, going back to her argument from a moment before: “We can’t stay here forever!” 

“I’m not suggesting we do that, I just don’t want to call the Resistance.” Ren said, his agitation making one of the lone broken dials on the control panel spin wildly. Jonas shrunk down in his chair. He’d grown up with a strong connection, within the Force, to Rey. He’d never been this close to his father, but that connection was also here, too. He felt like he was sitting next to a live circuit while holding a fork. 

“If we use neutral frequencies, we risk the First Order coming.” Rey said, standing with her hands on her hips. She felt tense, too, but like a raging storm trapped under ice. 

“The First Order isn’t even in this area.” Ren shot back, waving a hand dismissively.

“You want to run that risk?” Rey asked, “You want to bet all of our lives?” She crossed her arms when Ren refused to meet her eyes. His jaw worked. Even if he hadn’t betrayed his old master, the nearly three weeks away would have left him out of touch, but now they might have changed all of their tactics because of him. No one said it, but that hung, an unspoken possibility, in the air. 

“What if the Resistance decides that we’re all dangerous.” Ren asked, his voice calmer now. 

“They won’t.” Rey said, uncrossing her arms.

“Just me, then.” Ren said bitterly.

“I’ll make sure you get pardoned.” Rey said, a soothing note in her voice. 

“It’s adorable that you think there’s a chance of me surviving imprisonment with them,” Cynicism dripped from Ren’s tone, How do you expect to keep us all safe this way, Rey?” 

“I do! I- I just do!” Rey spluttered, “They’re trustworthy people and have proven themselves to be reasonable. They sheltered me when I defected.”

“Only because you were pregnant!” Ren, his eyebrows raising. Jonas could almost feel his blood pressure climbing from across the ship. His voice was climbing, too, both in volume and in pitch. Jonas now knew why his voice got higher whenever he was upset. Curse genetics. 

“They took me in because I was an asset.” Rey said firmly.

“They took you in because of my mother.” Ren said, rubbing at his jaw in frustration. His face was contorted, displaying all his frustration and exhaustion. The man must have been terrible at cards. 

“Regardless, they gave me a chance.” Rey said.

“Yes,” Ren growled, “After you lied and ran away like a coward.”

“A-a _coward_!?” Rey spluttered, tossing her head. Jonas sat down in one of the chairs, thanking the Force that he was not on the other end of the burning look that Rey was giving his father. Kriff, she could pierce durasteel with those eyes.

“Yes, a coward.” Ren snarled, standing tall despite the danger. Jonas’s opinion of his father rose a little; The man stood straight-backed before a tempest and they all knew it. Rey’s eyes flashed, but Ren continued, “You ran away instead of telling me the truth. You had no right-”

“I had every right!” Rey shot back, “He’s my son! He’s my responsibility!”

“Mine too!” Ren shouted, “but you never even gave me the chance to be around him, to be that parent.” 

“I had to make a choice about his safety!” Rey said, her voice also rising to a shout. Jonas could feel anger and righteous indignation rolling off of her, but there was also something else, a twinge of hesitation or- guilt? 

“You had no right to make that choice without me!” Ren burst out suddenly, “You were my family and you _left_! You decided my life and the life of my child without me!” 

“I had to keep him safe. You don’t have a great track record. The last time you had to make a choice between a family member and Snoke, you killed your father.” Rey said. 

Ren roared, throwing up one arm and using the Force to blast out one of the windows. Jonas ducked, even though all of the debris blasted outwards. He’d never seen anyone full of so much fury before, but Rey didn’t even flinch. When he looked at her, her eyes flicked away from him, back to his father. 

“Don’t rage because it’s true.” Rey snarled

“I could have had a life!” Ren shouted, “I could have been a father!” 

“I didn’t steal that from you!” Rey snapped back, “I protected my child, but there were others.” 

Something shifted in the Force around Ren. Jonas shrank back, feeling something spark within the swarm of darkness around the taller man.

“Not without you! I have never wanted that with anyone but you.” Ren burst out. 

If the declaration unsettled Rey at all, she didn’t show it, “You’ve done a pretty good job of showing it.” 

“You left me, what was I supposed to think?!” Ren shouted, an incredulous note in his voice. 

Now it was Rey’s turn to be on the defensive, “I left you because you were dangerous. You would have put the First Order before Jonas’s welfare.” 

“On Ryloth, you shot first!” Ren shouted.

“Well you fought Jonas on-”

“He attacked me!” Ren spluttered, cutting across her, “And I stopped my knight from killing him.” 

“It doesn’t matter. You always fight.” Rey snapped.

“I didn’t on Naboo! I didn’t on Casavike!” Ren snarled, “The only time I have ever hurt you was on a battlefield, when you were trying your best to kill me!”

“You-”

“That’s different.”

“Before,”

“That was one night.” Jonas sat up, looking between his parents. Rey was blushing. He blinked in surprise, totally confused at the embarrassment and hesitation creeping up from Rey. She was feeling guilty about something, too. 

“Wait, you two have met!?” Jonas asked, looking between them.

“Jonas, it was only once.” Rey said weakly.

“Twice.” Ren said, a small note of smugness in his voice.

“Not helping.” Rey growled.

“Have- were you _seeing each other_!?” Jonas hissed, looking between them.

“No.” Rey said immediately, “Jonas, no. We haven’t really been together since before you were born.”

“Just a random meeting here and there.” Jonas said. Suddenly, a thought appeared in his mind, “Is he why you and Zhet broke up?”

Rey’s shoulders fell, “Yes and no.”

“Zhet?” Ren looking between them.

“Zhetam Lylin.” Rey said quietly to Ren, turning to look at Jonas.

“He’s the one everyone thinks is my father.” Jonas said, squaring his shoulders. “And he’s ten times the man you are, you stinking darksider!”

“Jonas!” Rey snapped. She was not a fan of him hurling insults. 

“What!? He’s technically my father, but he was never there! Zhet was the one who taught me how to use a blaster. Poe taught me to fly. Luke taught me to feel the Force. Finn was around. The only thing he’s ever done for me is assault my mind! And I wish Zhet was my father” 

“Well, he’s not.” Ren said, a cold anger in his voice. His dark eyes looked almost frozen, “And don’t blame me for my absence. It wasn’t my choice.”

“You’ve known about him since he was a child!” Rey said, her face reddening. Clearly, she did not appreciate being blamed, “If this was what you wanted, why didn’t you leave before?” Rey asked incredulously.

Ren waved her off, his jaw working. He looked away, his shoulders tense. 

“You could have left with me more than once!” Rey said, pressing on anyway, “I asked you.” 

“You- you would have led me away.” Ren’s voice was low and there was a hesitance there, like he didn’t believe what he was saying. 

“Away from what!?” Rey snarled, “From. what? From Snoke? He abused you for years!”

“He- The Supreme Leader is wise, Rey!” Ren’s tone was almost pleading.

“Do you not see how twisted it is that you still say that?” Rey shouted, “Didn’t he torture you? Brainwash you?!”

“Yes.” Ren said, his voice tight.

“Did you want that for our son?” 

“No!” 

“Then why?” 

“He had to be right!” His father shouted, his voice cracking. It was like the storm within him had suddenly broken. 

Rey blinked. She had no response to this. She seemed to deflate as well, her hackles slowly lowering. 

“If-If the Supreme leader isn’t wise, if I wasn’t fulfilling Darth Vader’s legacy, then he died for nothing. If the First Order isn't right, then I killed my dad for nothing.” Ren asked, looking down at his feet. 

“You aren’t afraid of Him,” Rey said, dully. 

Ren shook his head, “I feared the truth that you so readily accepted. You were right not to tell me. I would have been too selfish, too scared, to go with you.” He was trembling and then, suddenly, he turned on his heel. Grief and guilt and pain had tightened around Ren like a noose. He channelled them out, blasting open the doorway Jonas had made. He disappeared out it. Rey and Jonas made eye contact, then hurried after him and there was the sound of a crash. 

His father had found the wreckage of the wing and blasted it apart, unable to process everything. He’d fallen to his knees, his head in his hands. Jonas could feel years of repressed grief drowning him. He gently brushed against his father’s mind and found no resistance. His father was awash with memories.

_… a gray-haired man touching his cheek… Leia, younger than Jonas had ever seen, kissing his cheek in farewell… the maskless face of a nonhuman sentient, covered in wires and tubes, clearly dying… Leia’s stoic shame as she resigned… a young Han Solo on a holo, telling him ‘you can’t come home, kid, maybe later’..._

Jonas withdrew, understanding his Kylo for the first time. He stepped over the shattered remains of the wing and put his hand on his father’s arm. It was surreal to offer this man any type of comfort, but this was a strange war. He glanced over his shoulder at his mother, but shook his head. She didn’t need to be there. Rey nodded, disappearing back into the ship. It was a mark of her understanding, that she didn’t enforce her ‘we all stay together’ rule, even though it was now sunset in earnest. 

“You act as if I had a choice,” Ren said, looking at Jonas. 

“What?” Jonas asked, blinking.

“When it comes to you, you act as if I had a real choice.” His father said quietly. 

Ren stared at him. “I didn’t have the chance to raise you. I will never be your ‘dad’ at this point. I wanted to teach you the true power of The Force, but you and your mother are too settled in the Light. We cannot exist in the same space as we once did.” 

“Why is she so guilty when it comes to you?” Jonas blurted the words out before he even knew he wanted to say them.

“She cannot forgive herself for being so quick to trust me” Kylo said quietly, “And she can’t forgive herself for what she did to me.”

“What, leaving you?”

“Taking my family from me.” Ren said, “My Knights are strong and capable, but your mother was my center. She was my family and took that and you away from me before I even knew about you.”

“You didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t,” Kylo said, standing and calming his expressive face. 

“She said-”

“I found out who you were after I used you as a hostage.” 

“How?” Jonas asked, “I didn’t even know.” He sat down on the grass next to Jonas.

“Partly your mother’s reaction.” Kylo admitted, “But mostly the fact that you have her eyes.”

“My eye color?” Jonas asked, eyebrows raised, “That could have been just coincidence.”

“I know your mother’s eyes better than I know my own.” Kylo said quietly, “You have her eyes exactly. In another life, I would have raised you.I missed the first 14 years of your existence.”

“But you didn’t you know. Why are you guilty?” Jonas asked, his voice expressionless.

“I am not guilty.” Kylo said, “I am sad.” Jonas turned to stare into the brown eyes he had not inherited. He didn’t speak, but his father continued, “I missed your first moments, words, and steps. I couldn’t have protected you. I was what you were protected from. I’m sad because you slept under my surcoat for years and I didn’t know your name. I wanted family more than anything, and I nearly destroyed mine in my ignorance.” He looked down at his hands, rubbing his palms together. 

“I’m sorry.” Jonas said after a while, his voice low. After a moment of silence, he said, “I thought I was an orphan until I was ten.” 

“An orphan?” Kylo asked, turning his head to look at him. 

Jonas nodded, “Yeah, that was the official story. I was born on Raydonia, away from everything, so they made up some story about Rey helping them find artifacts and keeping them from the First Order. They said I was the son of some Jedi acolytes on one of the planets.”

“People believed that?” Ren asked.

“No, not really.” Jonas said, shaking his head, “Everyone thinks that I’m Zhet’s son.”

“Everyone? No one even considered your mother?”

Jonas shook his head, “No. I don’t really look at her, except for my eyes. Besides, around the time that I was born, Zhet’s career was on the rise. His wife had died. He was career focused and around Rey and the Jedi when I was really small… it just kind of fit. Besides, no one really knows what you look like anymore. Zhet’s an easier thing to accept.”

Kylo nodded, “I understand that.” Finally, he sighed, “Come on, let’s go back. Your mother is probably worried sick.” 

Jonas watched his father, then he realized that he couldn’t see him clearly. He looked up to see that the darkness had settled. Jonas looked up at the sky to see that the sun had nearly set. walking side by side with his father in silence. When he attuned to the Force, there was still a sense of grief and guilt, but Jonas could also feel his contentment and peace. Jonas glanced up at him. His dark eyes were rimmed red and he wiped them, but he was calm and settled. When they reached the bunker, they both hesitated at the edge of the cave, looking over their shoulders as the last glimmer of the sun faded behind the horizon. 

Night had come.


	6. If The Pain Must Come, May It Come Quickly

**“If the pain must come, may it come quickly." - Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept**

Ducking his head as they got into the bunker, Jonas disappeared silently into the dormitory. Kylo glanced at him, but decided to give him his space. Straightening his shoulders, he reached out, trying to find Rey. She was in the med bay, and, since they’d just had a shouting match, she was going to sit and work her feelings out. She had probably compressed her emotions and focused in on some menial task, like repair work or scrubbing tools. Shuffling in place for a moment as he tried to gather up his emotions enough to face her, Kylo walked into the med bay. 

Rey didn’t look at him when he came in, focusing on arranging supplies that she’d quietly gathered from the ship and brought back without him noticing. She didn’t react, but he could tell by the way her mood shifted suddenly that she knew he was here. Kylo paused at the doorway, watching her. She kept her back straight, her movements stiff. Kylo stood silently in the doorway, then walked inside, “I am sorry I shouted at you.” He said quietly. 

Rey didn’t look at him, “We need help. We need to get out of here.” Her voice was low, but firm. 

Kylo ground his teeth at her tone. She was talking to him like he was a child. He took a deep breath, knowing there was no hiding his frustration from her, but he wasn’t going to act on it. Instead, he forced his shoulders to relax.

“I know.” Kylo whispered, hanging his head. He hated admitting mistakes, hated dealing with things that he didn’t want to, but it was the truth. If he wanted Rey to be safe, wanted his son to be safe, then they had to be rescued, somehow. Kylo leaned against the table, “It wasn’t just about the Resistance.” He admitted. He didn’t know where these words were coming from, although he knew they were true. 

Rey look at him this time. She didn’t ask any questions, but watched him. He could feel the wariness in her, so he didn’t hold her in suspense, “Until now, I hadn’t forgiven you for leaving. You took the only bright spot in my life.”

Rey blinked, moving back slightly. She frowned, as if she didn’t believe him, but when she realized the tears that he felt sting his eyes. He blinked rapidly, his vision blurring. He straightened up a little, not wanting to scrunch down like a child before her. He swallowed, taking a deep breath again. 

“Kylo, I-” Rey’s strong look broke, collapsing into a stricken expression. Guilt exploded in her and he felt like an idiot. She didn’t want to hear that. 

Trying to allay the worry that she assuredly felt, he said, “It’s alright. I understand. You shouldn’t have stayed with me if you didn’t love me.” He worked his jaw, turning his eyes away from her. 

“When did I ever say that I didn’t love you?” Rey asked. Kylo looked up at her, still standing in front of the supply table, “I left for Jonas, not for anything else. I never lied about that. My feelings were real, but I couldn’t wield the Dark side and be a parent. You can’t either.”

“Rey-” 

“No, _listen_ , the Dark Side is all about selfishness and power and-” She slammed her hand down on the table, shaking her head. 

“Rey,”

“When you’re a parent, you can’t be selfish. You have to- “

“I know.”

“ -has to be first in your life, even before me and yourself and I had to give you up for that.” Rey said. Kylo had stood up and crossed over to her, hands on her arms. She finally stopped, her face red and strands of her hair falling into her face. She looked up at him and he let his arms fall. 

“I know. I don’t blame you anymore.” Kylo said quietly.

“Leaving you was the hardest thing.” Rey said, her eyes falling to her shoes, “Losing the First Order, the knights, the mission, was the hard, but losing you was the absolute worst part.” She clenched her first, “But I did not have a choice.” 

After a moment of tension, she let her guard down. Rey reached out and touched his arm, “Kylo, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about Jonas. I-I knew that you wanted a family, but I was afraid.”

Kylo looked over at her, looking at her face as she continued, “I put Jonas first, but I’m sorry that you got hurt in the process. 

“I chased you across the galaxy, Rey.” Kylo said. His tone was almost pleading, but he was too tired and raw to feel shame about it. He was exhausted, winded, and torn. He’d just curled on the grass and cried like a child. No humiliation could affect him right now. 

“I know.” Rey whispered, “And I love you for that.” She looked up at him now, her voice so low that he almost had to read her lips to make sure of what she was saying. 

Kylo reached out and touched her cheek. Rey was the one who was crying now. It seemed like they could only ever hurt each other these days. Kylo closed his eyes and leaned forward. He pressed his forehead to hers, opening his mind to her. There was nothing he could say that would alleviate her guilt. There were no words for his own pain. Instead, he showed her what he could.

Drawing in a deep breath, Kylo waited carefully for Rey to let down her own walls. If she was willing to be vulnerable, Rey would see his pride in Jonas. It was tinged with a bittersweet grief, but it was pride. Rey let her consciousness brush against his. He felt her loss and hesitation, but she felt his admiration, his affection, his own guilt at a lifetime of horrors, his forgiveness, his loss, and his love.

“I forgive you.” Kylo whispered, letting his fingers brush through her hair. Rey took a deep, shuddering breath. Slowly, Kylo could feel her consciousness soften and brighten, coming back to itself. She’d always had a wild nature, not like him, the caged animal. Seeing her find comfort in his thoughts, Rey blossomed. Kylo smiled to himself. It was like watching a tree come back from the brink. 

“The issue with us has never been affection, Rey.” Kylo said, his voice tight. He still held her face in his hands. Those beautiful hazel eyes were still focused on him, “We have a chance again.” Rey took a deep breath, leaning away from him.

Kylo felt his heart sink, but let her go. Rey looked down, “Kylo… how can we do this again? How- we have to focus on surviving…” 

Kylo looked into her eyes, “If you don’t want this, that’s fine.” he whispered. His fingers twitched. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to plead with her, to make her understand, “We have a chance to be a real family, but only if you want to.”

“Kylo…” Rey whispered. 

Kylo looked at her, his jaw tight. The dark circles under her eyes stood out sharply against her fair skin. Exhaustion had given a haunted quality to her eyes, which were rimmed with red. She was still beautiful, even with her dark hair thrown into a greasy bun on top of her head. Despite all this, she was like a singularity, capturing his gaze. 

“Give me time.” Rey whispered. Her voice was small, but it cut through both the room and him. 

Kylo nodded, then stepped out of the engine room, closing the door behind him. 

 

*****

 

Finn woke sharply to the sound of call ringing on his bedside table. He reached out blindly, answering the call with his eyes still closed, “Hello?” He croaked.

“Finn, get down to the control room.” Poe said. His voice was tight and worried. 

“What happened?” Finn asked, sitting up and blindly grabbing his Jedi robe and shoes. He pulled on a pair of pants, settling with his dark sleep shirt. Shrugging on his robe, Finn summoned his lightsaber from his bedside table and silently left his room. He passed his children’s rooms, peeking at the sleeping forms of his two oldest, curled up in their beds. Linora, the three-year old, was almost buried under the giant stuffed animal Poe and Obran had gotten for her on her last name day. He paused at the second bedroom, watching his two babies as they slept soundly in their cribs. He leaned against the doorway for a moment. His first son, Brandt, had his little hand curled on his stomach and Ceres was splayed out like a tiny star. She was the only one who had his eyes. If he’d been killed that night he’d saved Jonas from Kylo Ren, these two tiny, perfect, people wouldn’t exist. No one would have his eyes.

Now Jonas was gone. 

Finn closed his eyes for a moment, feeling grief wash over him again. His children were six months old. He’d only just come back from paternity leave when they’d gone to Ladiri. There, on that rocky planet, he’d lost half of his adopted family. _Rey… Jonas… Luke... R2…_

Pulling him back into the present, Finn took a deep breath and steeled himself for whatever was waiting for him. Stepping into the hallway, Finn made his way down from his quarters and to the main control room. It was abuzz with activity, with technicians, soldiers, and commanders all moving about. Poe was standing across the displays, his eyes focused intently on little glowing and moving dots moving in front of him. General Akuryate was leaning over the shoulder of a tech, speaking directly to someone through a headset.

“What happened?” Finn asked, crossing to stand next to Poe. He couldn’t stop himself from looking around, reaching out within the Force to try to pick up anything concrete from the people around him. The emotions, however, were all jumbled and turned up high, “There was a mission.”

“Yes.” Poe said, looking down at some outputs and not at Finn.

“There was a mission!?” Finn asked, looking around. How had no one told him about this?

“It was need-to-know.” Poe said, glancing at him.

“And now it’s not?” Finn asked, a tight feeling in his chest. Warmth crept up his neck and ears and he walked over to focus on the display. He wasn’t sure who they were fighting or where, but he could see the writing on the display loud and clear: they were losing.

“Dameron!” Akuryate cried, straightening and turning, “Gold Leader is down.” 

Poe’s head snapped up, “Are you sure?”

“Just got the transmission.” Akuryate said, “Confirmed by Gold 3 and Gold 4.” 

Poe ground his teeth for a moment, “Finn, get ready to fly. You’re going to take two backup squads and-”

“We got it!” Someone shouted from a behind Poe. Finn looked over and saw Kala Hol, dressed in a rumpled uniform and watching a droid feed of a battle or something. How had Kala been told and not him? Finn liked them alright, but he was a kriffing Jedi and he was standing here, clueless. He didn’t even know what fighters were still here. Poe turned wildly, then ran over to lean over their shoulder, watching the screen. 

“We got it.” Kala said, pointing to something on the screen, “Right there. We’re good.” They was grinning, now, looking relieved. 

Finn turned to watch the main feed. He saw flecks of light darting around the atmosphere of some planet. The little flecks of light were probably TIE-fighters, maybe a handful of X-wings or U-wings. There had been a dog fight of some kind. Finn frowned, looking around at the moving dots. There was a blinking red spot on the surface, probably whatever target they had been aiming for. Finn counted ten blue-white glowing dots and dozen dark green dots moving through the same space. As he watched, another of the green dots dropped out of the view of his screen. 

Something large and red flickered in the corner of Finn’s eye and he glanced at it. Two massive red shaped appeared in the upper screen, bearing down on the mix of smaller dots. Finn frowned, glancing from the dots to the larger shapes. If the little blue dots were the Resistance X-wings and the green dots were First Order TIE-fighters, then the red shapes had to be...

“Star destroyers!” Finn shouted. He whirled around, “Are we done doing whatever we need to do?” 

“Star destroyers?! Where did they come fr-” Poe’s face was pale and his eyes were wide. Kriff, he’d gotten old. He looked so tired.

“Get them out of there!” Finn shouted, turning to Akuryate, who had grabbed a headset and was speaking quickly to whoever was on the other side. 

Finn watched as the red shapes grow closer and closer, “Akuryate, they’re going to lose their window!” He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, but kept himself focused in the moment. 

“Just-”

“NOW!” Finn shouted, not taking his eyes off the display. The destroyers had definitely breached the atmosphere now. 

Akuryate cursed, then gave the order.

“We lost our feed!” Kala called, “My droid got shot down!” They sounded more annoyed than worried, like they had lost a favorite toy. Finn shook his head, glad that their footage tech was so skilled, even if they were unusual. Finn held his breath as ship after ship disappeared into hyperspace. Only when his display cut out did he let himself straighten up, hearing Poe laugh nervously behind him.

Finn rounded on Poe, “What in the name of Kwath’s tooth just happened?”

“We just destroyed a First Order training and repair station.” Poe said, straightening up, “And we may have brought down General Phasma herself.”

“General- You- You didn’t bring me in!?” Finn asked, looking between him and Akuryate.

“It was a covert mission.” Akuryate said, walking over. Her cropped red hair was sticking up a little from where she’d been pushing it up from stress, “It was need-to-know.”

“I am the most experienced living Jedi in the galaxy and you didn’t think I needed to know?” Finn asked, his jaw tight.

“We couldn’t risk you.” Poe said, “We already lost a good pilot and four good soldiers who went inside.”

“Who did we lose?” Finn asked, turning his head.

Poe sighed, “Lula Navin, La’a Kai, Aran Yet-Zess, Volo Quadrix, and- and Jessika Pava.” His voice was soft and sad at the last name.

“Jessika was Gold Leader?” Finn asked, feeling his throat tighten. 

“Yes.” Poe said, blinking rapidly. 

Finn took a deep breath, then turned to Akuryate, “I need to know what’s going on here.”

“Jedi Alucard, your order is technically separate from the Resistance. You cannot fault us for-” Akuryate’s voice was flat and emotionless. She sounded like a server explaining something simple to a frantic customer. He was a Jedi, kriff it, and did NOT appreciate being treated so pettily. 

“Would you have told Luke or Rey?” Finn shot back. He spoke to her, but his eyes fell on Poe in time to see him duck his head. He could feel the guilt, shame, and fear in his old friend.

“They already knew didn’t they?” Finn asked, feeling his face grow hot.

“They were the leaders of the Jedi.” Poe mumbled, shrugging. His face was more lined that Finn usually thought of it. His dark hair had officially crossed into “salt-and-pepper” territory and he looked so tired. Finn was still angry, but Poe looked almost weak, standing before him. It was mostly the guilt and the grief, from what Finn could sense, but still. They were friends.

“Well, I’m the leader of the Jedi now.” Finn said, drawing himself up to his full height, squaring his shoulders, and looking Akkurate right in her dark eyes, “You will treat me as such,” He snapped, then turned and walked away. He clenched his fist, marching all the way back to his room. He shrugged off his cloak and shucked his boots with shaking hands. He sat down on the bed, tears in his eyes. Jessika had been at his wedding. Jessika had been there to greet Saani the day she was born. He and Jessika had been fighting together since he had left the First Order. 

Finn heard a rustling behind him and felt Todra wake up. He tried to quiet and soothe himself, but he was too exhausted, too frustrated, too sad. He’d lost another lifelong friend tonight. 

“What happened?” Todra asked, groggily, sitting up. 

Finn took a shuddering breath, “Jessika Pava is dead.”

“No!” Todra said, a hand flying to her mouth. 

“We have to do everything we can to end this.” Finn whispered, “Todra, the galaxy has been fighting for almost 20 years.” 

Todra put a hand on his arm, “What do we do?” She let him hunch over and take deep, rough breaths, so that he could stop crying. She rubbed his back, careful to avoid his cybernetic spine. Finn wiped his eyes and sat up. He turned to sit down, then looked at Todra, rubbing at his jaw. He’d stopped shaving as regularly since Luke, Rey, and Jonas died, “I’ve put off testing Saani or Linora for midichlorians, but I think we’ll have to do it sooner or later.”

Todra sighed, chewing on her lip as she brushed some stray strands of her straight black hair behind her ear, “Saani’s only five. Linora’s only three…”

Finn nodded, taking a deep breath, “Todra, I hate how young they are, but we have to do this, for them and for the galaxy.”

Todra pressed her lips together. In her nervousness, she rubbed at her wedding ring, “This is what I expected when I married a Jedi, I really did, but… She traled off, looking helpless and tired, “They’re just babies, love.” 

Finn nodded. He took her hands in his rubbing his thumb over the back of her palms. After seven years of marriage, he still found himself meditating at the difference in their skin tones. His skin was dark brown, but hers was a warm olive color, a medium tone. 

Todra looked at Finn, closing her eyes after a moment, “I don’t want my babies to be Jedi.”

“Me neither.” Finn whispered, “but the Force is wherever it is. I was a stormtrooper, but I still had the Force.” 

Todra looked up at the ceiling, breathing deeply and nodding.

“You’re going to train them yourself, right?” Todra whispered. 

“Make them strong.” Finn nodded, “I was trained by the best. I’ll do our family proud. I’ll make you proud.” Todra looked at Finn, reaching up and cupping his cheek. 

“I am proud of you already. You are a strong soldier, a capable leader, a brilliant Jedi and a good father. You’re the only man I would trust to train my children.” 

Todra toyed with her wedding ring, “What about Ceres and Brandt?” Todra asked, her eyes on her hand, “They’re not even a year old. Are we going to test them here?”

“No.” Finn said, “Honestly, I don’t even know if I want to train Linora. She’s so small, so young…”

Todra nodded, “We need to test Saani. She’s old enough and noticeable enough that she’ll become a target. She needs training.”

Finn leaned forward and hugged her, “I wish our kids could get to be kids.”

“Me too.” Todra said. She closed her eyes and let Finn put an arm around her. He laid back down, running his fingers through her long black hair. He closed his eyes, feeling more tears well up. Even though they were technically winning the war, it felt like they were losing everything.

“I love you.” He whispered into the darkness.

Todra said nothing, too overwhelmed herself. However, she brushed her fingers over his heart. Through the Force, he felt her love and her trust.


	7. Curiosity is Only Vanity

**"Curiosity is only vanity. We usually only want to know something so that we can talk about it.” - Blaise Pascal, Pensées**

Rey sighed and rolled over, burying her face in her new mattress. Overnight, one of her long braids had come almost completely undone during the night, but she didn’t feel like dealing with it. She heard someone else get up in the room. Stretching and trying to find a more comfortable spot on stiff mattress, Rey opened her eyes to see Kylo pull his blankets up over his mattress. It had taken her an hour to convince him to take the extra-large mattress, but he had finally taken it. Part of her, especially her back, regretted it, but when she reached out through the Force, she could feel the difference in the aches and tightness in his back had lessened.  
Pulling her blanket tighter around herself, Rey watched Kylo pull his shirt over his head. He stretched again and Rey’s eyes roamed over his torso. She hadn’t seen him him shirtless in more than fifteen years. He was more scarred than last time. The old bowcaster scar that had been on both his front and back, right above his hip on his left side, had faded over time, it seemed. Now, she could just see a little star on the flesh of his back. There were newer scars, like a cruelling curving one next to his spine in the middle of his back. A small sense of melancholy echoed in Rey. Where had he gotten those? She’d seen Jonas grow up, but she’d missed seeing Kylo age, too. As Kylo turned to fold his shirt, the amber light caught the gray hair at his temple. There were more streaks of it in his dark waves. Part of her wanted to sit and run her fingers through it and see how much there was. She wanted to sit and see how he’d changed. A small part of her wanted him to see how she’d changed. She had her own few streaks of gray, too. She had new stretch marks, from her pregnancy with his son, and new scars from years of battle. Rey closed her eyes, unable to look at him any more. There were too many questions, too many sad moments. 

With a soft scraping noise, Ren leaned down, grabbed the bin that he stored his clothes in, and found a dark undershirt. Rey opened her eyes and sat up on her elbows, watching as Ren dressed in silence, illuminated only by the amber service light that they left on all the time. Pulling his dark hair into a short ponytail, Kylo walked out of the dorm and towards the hangar, where they cooked and ate now. 

Rey closed her eyes, taking a deep inhale through her nose. She wasn’t getting back to sleep. That much was obvious. She could lie in bad and pretended to be asleep, but Kylo had probably known the moment she’d woken. Settling for the least pathetic thing, she threw back her blanket and sat up. Standing, she walked after him, not bothering to change her clothes. Instead, she checked the rough display they were using as a clock. It was the true middle of the night. Rey sighed, walking over to the door to the dormitory. Kylo walked down the hallway ahead of her, silent and sleepy. After a moment, he froze, hearing a low noise overhead. He looked up, reaching for his saber. Rey could see him putting feelers out within the Force. There was something overhead. It felt powerful, but not sentient. It was a large animal, crouched directly over his head. It was at the hatch, probably sniffing it. Kylo crossed over to the ladder, putting one hand on the rung. Kylo stood next to the ladder, frowning up at the hatch. 

“What do you see?” Rey asked.

Kylo jumped and turned, “I thought you were still in bed.” 

“You woke me.” Rey said.

“I might not have if you’d just taken the bed.” Kylo muttered. The corner of Rey’s mouth twitched as they both looked up. 

“I can feel the Force in it, but it doesn’t feel dark.” Rey said, hugging herself and glancing from the stone ceiling to Kylo and back again.

“It could be an animal imbued with the Force somehow.” Kylo said, his frown still deep. 

“I thought only the Dark side cursed animals with the Force abilities.” Rey said, watching the twinge of annoyance cross Kylo’s expressive face. 

“Not necessarily.” Kylo said, “besides, some animals pick it up from their environment. It’s neutral, then.”

“Let’s hope we never have to see whatever it is face to face.” 

“What do you think?” Rey whispered.

“If it’s as dark up there as I think it is, it’s probably able to smell us. That hatch is strong, but I think we’ll be okay.” 

“Do you think it knows we’re here?” Rey whispered.

“No.” Kylo said finally.

“Or if it does, it’s not interested in is. Nocturnal animals are mostly scavengers or foragers. If this thing hunted, we would have seen it in the evening.” Rey nodded, not feeling much more secure. “You want to see what’s out there, don’t you?” Rey asked, crossing her arms. She bit at her thumb, something both she and Jonas did when they were nervous. Kylo nodded, looking up at the closed hatch, “I want to have some idea of what’s out there, yes.” 

Rey groaned under her breath, “We can’t win, can we?” She muttered, walking to the back room. She pulled the shirt she was wearing up higher on her shoulder, shaking her hair out of her face. Listening to Kylo’s thudding footsteps behind her, she undid her braids. Flicking on the little stone they cooked on, she sat down and redid her hair into one long braid as Kylo carried over a little pot of water for them to boil.

“Jonas is going to start up his training again.” Rey said, “Something to keep him from getting antsy.” 

“Alright.” Kylo said warily. His dark eyes flicked from the still unboiled pot to her. He obviously was wondering why she was telling him this.

“I want you to train with him.” Rey said, “His forms are good, but he has chronic posture issues that I can’t seem to fix. I want you to look at it.”

“You think he’s going to listen to me?” Kylo asked, finally taking his attention off of the pot. His eyebrows raised and he rested his elbow on his thighs, staring intently at her. 

Rey shrugged, “Maybe, maybe not, but I want your opinion either way.” 

 

*****

 

Rey was right about Jonas’s posture issues. 

Kylo sat on the floor of the hangar where Jonas was moving through his stances. He’d originally used the presence of some old manuals as a pretext for sitting there, but Jonas had quickly lost interest in him, instead focusing on his stances. He didn’t light his saber, but rather used the unlit handle to model various strikes, parries, and other moves. Kylo abandoned the appearance of reading, but frowned at Jonas as he moved. He seemed awkward and hesitant.

The boy was tall, taller than Rey or any of the other Jedi. At fifteen, he had probably been as tall or taller than Luke, but he didn’t use that to his advantage. His movements didn’t have enough reach and he looked hunched and almost clumsy. Straightening his own spine, Kylo realized that Jonas was hunched and clumsy. He was obviously ill-used to his new height and build, so he wasn’t using it to his full advantage. 

“Stretch out taller,” Ren said, watching Jonas move through his meditative stances from a tree.

“I can’t get any taller.” Jonas snapped. His hazel eyes were dark. He held the stance, but cut his eyes to glare at Kylo. 

“Put your shoulders back, then.” Ren said, walking closer. He stood in front of Jonas, his dark eyes cutting over the boy’s stance, “Just stand normally for a moment.”

Jonas did so and Ren paced around him carefully. It was an odd thing to witness. Kylo may have been dressed in a simple pants and shirt, but he moved with the same authority he’d had with the First Order, that of a commander and a master. He’d spent more than twenty years training people in the Force. This dynamic was something he knew. Ren sighed, “You’re grown taller, even since we arrived.”

“Well, yeah.” Jonas said.

Kylo Ren put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him up straighter, “You slouch too much. You grew very tall very quickly, didn’t you?”

“How did you know?” Jonas asked warily, his shoulders dropping slightly.

“I did, too.” Ren said, adjusting Jonas again with a gentle prod of his finger. He frowned down at Jonas thoughtfully. He thought back to the other padawan of Luke and Rey’s. He hadn’t spent as much time thinking about the young twi’lek woman as he had about Jonas, but when he’d fought her, she’d been smaller, built more like Rey than like Luke Skywalker or Finn Alucard. “You aren’t used to your height, so you hunch down. You friend, the Twi’lek, she is much smaller than you, is she not?”

“Yeah,” Jonas said, shrugging awkwardly. He slouched a bit, again. The boy was strong, but insecure. Kylo reached out through the Force and gently prodded at Jonas’s emotions. The teenager was a mix of worry, hesitancy, determination, grief, and hope, all in conflict with each other. Kylo had seen him inspecting Vader’s saber, at times when Jonas thought Kylo wasn’t looking. He couldn’t seem to cope with the conflict over his parentage; Kylo’s presence didn’t help matters. 

Kylo stepped closer, pushing between Jonas’s shoulder blades to straighten his back. Kylo grabbed a thin pipe from the table, using it to tap at various points on Jonas’s legs and arms. Jonas watched him warily, but adjusted into a strong fighting stance. It was basic, but Kylo could see the effort on his face from holding this spaced stance for the few minutes. 

“Release.” Kylo said finally. Jonas relaxed, but he did manage to stand up straighter this time. Kylo didn’t smile, but he did feel a note of pride. His son was strong, he just needed to be confident. Kylo stepped up to him, looking him in the eye. 

“You are the son of one of the last Jedi. You are the grandson of General Organa and Commander Han Solo. You are the great-grandson of Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker. Your great-grandfather was born of the Force itself, if the legends are true. Do not apologize for the space you take up.” Kylo Ren had both his bands on Jonas’s shoulders. Jonas stared up at him Kylo could see the uncertainty in his face and reached out to touch his thoughts on the surface. From what he could see, Jonas wasn’t used to seeing him look so concerned and parental. Up until now, Alucard, Skywalker, and Lylin were the only ones to look at him that way. He’d never expected to see such care from his actual father. 

Kylo stepped back, “You’re good.”

“Thank you.” Jonas said warily, moving into the next stance. 

Deciding to take a stab at something more personal. He wanted a relationship with his son, at least one that was friendly. Watching Jonas extend his arm into a modified strike form, “What do you like to do in your free time?” Kylo asked.

Jonas blinked, then turned his head to look at him. For a moment, Kylo thought he might get a genuine answer, but then his expression hardened and he said, “You don’t have to pretend to be interested in my private life.”

Kylo glanced at his feet, “Believe it or not, I am. You’re my son and I know almost nothing about you. I never wanted that. I grew up with that.”

“Poor you, the wealthy son of the last princess of Alderaan.” Jonas muttered. 

“I was also a child in the spotlight, tormented by visions of the Dark side.” Kylo muttered. 

“You still chose to make the choice to go to the Dark Side.” Jonas said, moving into his next stance. His jaw was tight and his expression dark, “I don’t know why Rey allowed you anywhere near me while I’m training.”

“She understands the benefit of fresh eyes.” Kylo said, frowning. 

“Well, she also thinks I’m not ready to be a Jedi yet.” Jonas muttered. Apparently, training was a sore spot Kylo hadn’t known about.

“She’s right.” Kylo said without thinking. The boy was talented, but he lacked technical skill or depth of understanding. 

“Well, you’d know all about what makes someone a Jedi, wouldn’t you?” Jonas snarled, breaking his form and glaring at him, “Considering you’re a darksider.” 

“I’ve also been training people in the Force for longer than you’ve been alive. You’re not ready. That’s just the reality.”

“You don’t get to decide that!” Jonas said.

“Your mother is deciding it. I can’t help it if I think she’s right!” Kylo shot back.

“You’re just trying to hurt my efforts because you know I’ll side with the Resistance!” Jonas said. Now he was standing up straight, his hazel eyes like chips of cold stone.

Kylo poked him in the chest, “I don’t care about the Resistance. You’re firteen, Jonas. Jedi are adults only.”

“I’ve been training since I was 6!”

“I trained for almost 30 years.” Kylo said. 

“Maybe you were just bad.”

Kylo ground his teeth, “I’m trying to help you.” He said, his jaw clenched.

“I’m not a kid!” Jonas said, his ears scarlet. 

“You’re behaving like a toddler.”

“I fought Anjat Ren and killed him! No one’s done that!” Jonas said.

“You got _lucky_ and had the element of surprise. Most ways that fight should have gone, you would have died. You were helped by a Force Ghost and a talented warrior, at that. You’re no Anakin or Luke, Jonas, not yet. Don’t presume to tell me what your years of expertise have shown you about your abilities; you just look even more stupid. Do not get overconfident or you will die.” With that, Kylo turned on his heel and stomped out of the room, leaving the boy to move through his paces alone. 

 

*****

 

Jonas had never been so honestly, truly, and frustratingly incapable of meditating. Even as a kid, Finn had made meditation possible. It had helped him sleep when Rey and Luke travelled. It had helped him stay centered and he could not do it. Jonas ground his teeth, his eyes closed tightly. Even though he was long gone, Kylo’s words rang in his head. How could Rey stand to be around him? 

Jonas’s eyes snapped open. Grinding his teeth at the memory of Kylo Ren’s face. He’d used a _stick_ to adjust his posture. It was like he was a dog. Jonas groaned, remembering the dark look in Kylo’s when he’d poked him in the chest. Jonas rubbed his chest still. His father was strong. 

Jonas was _not_ a child. 

He kicked his legs out, giving up on meditation. He deserved to be treated better than this. He was trustworthy and had proven himself over and over and his mother had left him to be trained by a darksider. Standing up, Jonas paced, his fists tight. That had been so humiliating to be talked down by someone who had killed members of the Resistance. 

Jonas dragged a standing lamp to the center of the room and took his saber from his belt. Weighing the handle in his hand, he frowned. It felt… different. He looked down at it, and inspected the saber he had used for years. Maybe it had been damaged? Finding no scratches, dents, or other signs of damage, he shrugged. He rubbed his thumb over the switch, but didn’t switch it on. It felt different in his hands, off balance and uncomfortable. He stretched out his arm, then switched it on. Swinging it around, he let it swing close to the lamp without touching it. His beam trembled a little, but he was keeping it at least somewhat still. 

Huffing, Jonas spun around and brought his beam down to the top of the lamp. Moving through several reaching stances, careful to keep his grip on the handle solid. Another day, he would have tried switching it between his hands, shifting his grip, but not today. Every stance, stretch, blow, and parry felt awkward and took more effort. Finally, swinging the blue saber up and over his head, he brought it close to his body before jamming it forward like he was stabbing someone through the chest. Feeling sweat run down his neck, Jonas switched off his saber. He put it back on his belt. Straightening, he adjusted his- Vader’s- other saber. Vader’s saber felt pleasantly cool against his fingers. He pulled it free, pressing the metal to his neck for a second. He took a deep breath, regulating himself before putting his- no, Vader’s- saber back into his belt. He looked at his lamp, then reached out to brush his finger over a chip he’d left in the metal near the base. He’d slipped, apparently, and grazed it. He was lucky that he hadn’t severed it.  
Maybe Ren was right.

_No._

No, he wasn’t.

Jonas put the lamp in its place, then walked back towards the dormitory. He could sense his parents in the engineering room. Their voices sounded… pleasant. He heard a laugh, a high tenor, that took him a moment to realize that it was _his father’s_ voice. His father, Kylo “I am a Spectre of Darkness and Fear” Ren, was laughing. Jonas blinked, then shook his head and stalked past. 

He’d just devoted himself to his continued training, even though he shouldn’t need to, and Ren wasn’t doing anything. Grinding his teeth, Jonas was so angry that he actually ran into the ladder. Jonas started and took a step back, rubbing his chest. He looked over his shoulder, able to sense his parents’s pleasant moods. 

Jonas _was_ a Jedi. Jonas _was_ strong in the Light. Jonas knew what he was doing. 

He did. 

Kylo could go walk off the moon for all he cared. 

Looking at the hatch, Jonas felt something hot burn his chest and throat. Jaw clenched, Jonas grabbed the ladder and was halfway up it before he even knew why he wanted to go out into that great unknown. Putting one hand on the hatch, he realized that he wanted to kill one of those unseen creatures that frightened his parents so much. He was strong enough. He could do it. Jonas pushed open the hatch, sure he would prove both his parents to be fools. He climbed up to the top, listening for his parents behind him until he reached the door. Jonas pushed himself to the surface, climbing to the top and looking around. 

He could see nothing.

Jonas heard the hatch swing closed behind him. Taking a deep breath, Jonas looked through the darkness. It was actually pitch dark. In the cave itself, there seemed to be no light at all. He pulled his lightsaber from his hip. Before he lit it, he glanced down, frustrated at the awkwardness of his grip on it. When he looked down, he caught a glimmer of light on the handle. Turning, he saw there was actually light outside of the cave. 

Hurrying to the entrance, Jonas peeked out, then looked at the sky. He gasped.

Eight moons! There were eight moons in the sky. Counting on his head, he guessed that the true nights would last a week, if they’d been right about the day, but Jonas hadn’t reckoned on their being so many moons to light the darkness. 

There was a low crunching noise behind him and turned sharply. In the cave, stood some giant armored creature. It had large reflective eyes, bigger than Jonas’s hands, with short front legs. Its back and legs were covered in armored plates and translucent spines poked out from around its face, flowing some blue-white color. The blue-white glow cat light on long fearsome-looking claws. It had a large nose and appeared to be sniffing the air. Jonas took a step back. It stepped onto the door of the bunker and squared its shoulders. Jonas backpedaled at the creature, standing up on its hind legs, bellowed at him. 

Jonas did the only thing he could think of and ran.


	8. A Father is Only Capable of Giving What He Has, and What He Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update schedule will be Tuesdays and Fridays. I'm publishing a few hours early because I have a project due tomorrow.

**“A father is only capable of giving what he has, and what he knows. A good father gives all of himself that is good.” ― Vincent Carrella**

Jonas pounded through the forest, trying as best he could to keep his path straight. He had a vague idea of the landscape from all their days trekking to go get water, but it was totally different now that it was dark. He put his lightsaber back on his belt and ran with his hands out, hoping he’d prevent himself from running into a tree.

Jonas cursed as his knuckles scraped bark and brambles scraped his legs through his pants, but he didn’t dare stop. The moons were surprisingly bright, but the trees were so dense that the pale silvery-purple light didn’t reach him. His lungs ached and his legs seemed to seize up, but he didn’t stop running. He had to keep moving. 

The creature, whatever it was, didn’t make much more noise than he did. Jonas was lost in the sounds of rustling leaves, snapping twigs, and his own panting. 

Suddenly, he pitched forward and the ground rushed up to meet him. He landed hard on his left shoulder, feeling the hard ground slam into his back. Winded, he felt himself start to roll downhill and scrabbled for purchase on the ground. He managed to catch hold of a crawling vine or tree root and stopped his descent, scrapping his palms in the process. Panting, he stood up quickly, barely balancing on the step ground. Looking back the way he’d came, he saw that he’d lost the creature in the dark forest. Ahead of him, he could see a shallow gully that, in his haste, he’d propelled himself into. 

Jonas swallowed, trying to regulate his breathing so they he could hear anything over the sound of his pulse pounding in his ear. It was so dark here. Forcing himself to inhale slowly from his nose, Jonas crept down the pit and climbed up the side. He looked around, listening for the sound of water. He had a vague idea of where the river went and, if he was lucky, he could use that to make his way back to the cave. Hopefully, the large creature would have moved on by then and he’d be able to get inside without any problem.

When he’d thought about the night outside, he had expected some abandoned midnight landscape, but now that he paid the smallest attention, he realized that the forest was teeming with life. He’d scared off many of the small, flighty, animals with his running, but, as he stood there, larger herbivores started moving their way through the forest, grazing on bushes and looking at him with large, reflective eyes. They were all large and seemed to be a mix of two animals. One group was a collection of long-necked animals with glowing crests on top of their heads that looked almost like eyes and fangs. The other group were shorter and stockier with broad shoulders and glowing, polished tusks. One of the long necked creatures turned its head to inspect him, blinking at him with eyelids that glowed. It took a deep breath in through its long, flat snout. Jonas let out an awed sigh as the creature decided he wasn’t worth bothering, then turned back to the tree it had been eating from. Jonas let out a more contented noise, then started to walk carefully between them, back towards the cave. He was careful not to get too close to any of the small ones, afraid he’d anger the adults. 

He was too contented among the glowing herbivores, however. 

As soon as he reached the edge of the herd, he heard a noise that made his heart grow cold. In the darkness at the edge of the light cast by the herd, he heard a low moaning sound. It wasn’t an animal in pain, but a call that carried through the trees. Jonas looked around, unable to see anything. He should have brought a light.

 _You have a lightsaber, laserbrain!_

Jonas was so stunned by the fact that he’d frozen so much that he’d forgotten his lightsaber that he didn’t realize that the voice in his head was female. He draw his saber and switched it on before stepping into the darkness. He made it eight steps before the blue glow of the saber illuminated a set of large-reflective eyes. Turning, he realized that he had at least four sets of eyes on him. Remembering what he’d learned about the wild animals of various planets, he realized that these smaller animals were following after the herd to attack the weak and the sick.

 _He_ was the weak and the sick. 

Jonas braced himself. One of the creatures, the one in front, rushed forward. He swung his saber, slashing the creature in the head. He spun, hearing two sets of footsteps rush behind him. He kicked, hard, catching one in the skull, and stabbed the other one through the chest- or, chest area. High yelps and screams echoed around him and he broke into a run. He put his saber out in front of him, using it to keep himself from running into trees. Sparks rushed around him as his saber hit tree after tree, knocking him off balance even as he ran. 

As he rushed through the trees, he heard the sounds of the pack rushing behind him. Jonas expected them to be louder. In the holovids, the monsters always roared, but these just made a chorus of low and ominous humming sounds. His heart thudded in his ears as he ran, but he found it preferable to the sounds of those animals. He couldn’t see. The glow of his saber was so limited. His eyes couldn’t adjust to the darkness with the glowing saber so close, but he didn’t dare turn it off. 

Jonas spun on his heel, then dropped to the group. He called on the Force, using it to push the lead creature up and over his head. He looked around, swinging his saber through the next one. Standing up, he whirled around, trying to see where he was. He’d reached the end of the forest, but hadn’t reached the cave. He didn’t know where he was going. Now that he was out in the open, he realized he’d may have passed out of the territory of the one creature that had chased him first. Instead, he had landed in the crosshairs of a pack of predators. Jonas slashed his saber through the head of the beast pursuing him. He gagged at the smell as blood and whatever made the creature’s skin glow splattered onto the ground. The gagging cost him because, next thing he knew, he was being bowled over by something with a large, snarling, slobbering mouth. Jonas landed flat on his back, with one of the creature's clawed paws digging into his right shoulder. His hand spasmed and, as he landed, his lightsaber flew out of his hand. There was a clattering sound as it met stone. Behind him, he heard the horrifying sound of metal breaking. 

Jonas let out a shout of frustration. It was enough to startle the animal, which made it dig its claws into his right shoulder. He couldn’t move his right arm. He reached his left arm, scrabbling for any weapon.

 _Jonas!_ A voice echoed in his head, both familiar and alien, _Your saber!_

“Jonas!” 

The animal flew off him with a yelp and Jonas turned his head to see two lightsabers, one red and one gold, cutting a path through the darkness. Jonas was hauled to his feet.

_The saber!_

“Are you hurt?” His father’s voice was clear in his ear.

“I’m fine, but I lost my saber.” Jonas said back, even as more of the animals circled in. He put out a hand, but couldn’t feel the saber in the Force. Something was wrong.

“Call it!” Kylo called over his shoulder, slicing one animal and kicking another. They just kept coming. Jonas spun, placing himself between his parents and trying to summon his weapon.

_Remember the saber I gave you. On your left! Your left hip!_

Jonas opened his palm and listened to the voice in his head. He called the lightsaber into his hand, lit it, and swung it up through the skull of a creature that rushed at him. Suddenly, there was a low howl and another dozen shapes moved in the darkness. They were even larger than the other ones, though seemed to be of the same species, with large glowing crests over their reflective eyes. 

Jonas backpedaled, swiping his saber blindly. Whatever the creature was, it shrieked and dove away. To his left, Jonas saw a golden blur; his mother was fighting off several all on her own. 

One of the large ones squared off with Jonas, flanked by two of the smaller ones. His heart froze, but he forced himself to stay focused.

_Aim for its head!_

Jonas swung his saber into his right hand, extending his left. He made a hard swipe at the creature’s head, but it stepped back.

_On your left!_

Jonas spun sharply, making a clean strike now through the eye socket of one of the creatures. It screamed, but all he heard was, Use the Force! Pin the other one!  
Frustrated, but thinking like a warrior for the first time, Jonas threw up a hand and pinned the creature’s closest appendage down. He stood and raised his saber, but it yelped and died. When it slumped, he saw the face of Kylo standing over it, illuminated from below by the red glow of his saber.

Behind him, Jonas heard the scraping of claws on stone and whirled around, the lightsaber in his hand throwing a dark red glow onto the pale creature climbing down from the stones behind him.

“Jonas! Let’s go!” Rey shouted.

“My saber!” Jonas said over his shoulder, even as he kept the new creature from outflanking him. It was faster and smarter than the others, constantly darting back and forth, but Jonas stayed steady, keeping his eyes on it. 

“Jonas, we have to go now!” Rey shouted. Jonas felt a strong arm on his shoulder as the creature lunged. A red saber came down over his shoulder, killing the larger one before he could. Putting out a hand, he summoned his lightsaber, Anakin’s lightsaber. After a second, he felt the contact of a stone on his palm. 

The kyber crystal. 

The only thing left of Anakin’s saber was he kyber crystal. 

Fury pounded in Jonas’s veins, but he focused himself on running alongside his parents. Rey was leading the way, using a lamp to guide their path, and Kylo jogged behind him, using the Force to block the way behind him. Jonas didn’t stop to think, not even when they reached the cave. Rey leapt over the body of the large creature Jonas had seen first, then threw open the hatch. She stepped aside, her saberstaff drawn, as Kylo and Jonas went in. 

Kylo grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and practically threw him into the bunker, “Mother of Kwath, you utter idiot! What were you thinking?!” His hands were tight on Jonas’s upper arms, his dark eyes boring into Jonas’s. His hair was plastered to his face with sweat and he was pale. Jonas stammered, suddenly reminded of the memory he had seen in Rey’s mind right after they’d landed: Ren, full of concern, consoling an injured and terrified Rey as she went in for surgery.  
His father suddenly jerked him forward and held him for a long time. Jonas stiffened at the sensation of his father’s arms around him. He could hear Kylo’s heart pounding next to his ear and could hear his panting breaths.

Jonas heard the hatch close overhead. Kylo leaned back and Jonas got a good look at his face. Distantly, Jonas heard the sound of footsteps on the metal ladder, but found himself distracted by the wide-eyed look that his father had. Over Kylo’s shoulder, Jonas saw Rey’s face. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asked, putting a hand on Kylo’s shoulder

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Kylo said, still holding onto Jonas. He stepped aside for Rey, who hugged Jonas tightly. 

“What were you doing out there?” Rey asked, her eyes wide.

“I-I-” Jonas looked down, “I wanted to prove that I was a real Jedi now, that you don’t have to baby me.” His cheeks flushed and his kept his eyes on his boots.

“That we- what- what are you talking about!?” Rey spluttered. 

“You treat me like a child.” Jonas said, his voice sounding far too harsh. He felt his ears grow red, especially at the sight of his parents’ expression. Rey looked like he’d slapped her. Kylo, however, looked furious. 

“You ran off like a child.” Kylo snapped, stepping back closer, “We had to rescue you from those- whatever-those-where!” 

“I had it!” Jonas snapped, looking away.

“Excuse me?” Kylo said, his voice hard. 

“The creature! I could have handled it!”

“You’re kidding me. This is what you’re mad about?” 

“You didn’t have it. That thing would have killed you if Kylo hadn’t been there. You could have died.” Rey said. Her voice was low, “You went out there to prove something?” 

“You left me in the corner to sit and train!” Jonas said.

“Yes, because I want to show you more advanced uses of the Force, but I wanted you to be a competent warrior first!” Rey said.

“Why would you let him train me?” Jonas asked, pointing at Kylo Ren, who recoiled.

“Because he’s a powerful fighter who taught me and many others over the years. I wanted a fresh set of eyes. Luke and Finn aren’t here to keep me honest.” Rey said, brushing her hair behind her ear. It had fallen down a bit in the recent fight. When she bent her arm, she winced, and Jonas realized that she’d cut her arm. 

Jonas instinctively reached out and touched her hand, looking down at her arm, “Did that happen during the fight?”

“No,” Rey said, rolling her eyes, “I ran into a tree trying to find you.” Her voice was low and gentle. There was a slight shaky note, but she was clearly trying to appear calm and confident, “We panicked when we saw you weren’t here.” 

Jonas looked between them. He wanted to apologize, really. He wanted to admit that he’d been stupid, that he was so grateful that they’d helped him, both before and after he went to the surface. Finally, he settled for mumbling an “I’m sorry” before he slipped into the dormitory. 

 

*****

 

It was immature, but Rey avoided Jonas for the rest of the night. She could feel him in the Force, his anger and frustration unabated. Rey sighed, sitting on the floor of the med bay. She’d put together a standard-time clock from some of the pieces of the ship. She heard a set of heavy footsteps in the hallway behind her. She looked over her shoulder, turning so she could look down the hallway. 

Kylo walked past. He was turning his lightsaber over and over in his hand. She could feel Jonas’s mental activity taper off and glanced at the clock: it was the wee hours of the morning. Sighing, Rey stood up and walked down the hallway after Kylo. His lightsaber was out, but unlit, and he was staring up at the hatch. When she brushed against his mind, she felt the stormy concern he felt. He didn’t put up any walls in his mind, so she could see that he was replaying both Jonas’s tantrum and the terrifying sight of his son sprawled in the dust with a snarling creature standing over him. Rey gently touched his back. 

“We need to be careful about going up there.” Kylo said, his eyes on the hatch, “Those creatures were a serious threat. I don’t think they know that this is down here, but if they found out, that will be unfortunate for us.” 

“You’re right.” Rey said, chewing on her thumb and looking up at the hatch, “but I don’t want to risk barricading it. It’s their only entrance, but our only exit. I don’t want to risk a cave in and try to dig out.”

“There’s the hangar.” Kylo said, turning and leaning against the ladder, “I know you said the doorway doesn’t work, but maybe we could work on it. We could fix it.”  
Rey hummed through her nose, thinking, “We can, but I want to get the sonic fixed first.”

“Of course you do.” Kylo muttered, rolling his eyes, “Always so impractical.”

Rey turned her head and opened her mouth to yell at him, but then she saw the corner of his mouth twitch. He was joking. Kylo Ren, former Master of the Knights of Ren, was laughing at his own joke. 

“What time is it?” Kylo asked, glancing at the doorway to the dormitory.”

Rey followed his gaze, watching the sleeping form of Jonas, curled with his back to the room, on his bunk “It’s still the middle of the night. You should sleep.”

“Well, yes.” Kylo said, scratching at his stubble and trying for a second joke, “We’re having night for about a week, right?”

“You know what I mean.” Rey said, nudging him, “It’s past time that you should sleep. You need to stay healthy.” 

“I can’t, yet.” Kylo said quietly, his voice softening, “Not more than a few hours in a row.”

“Try.” Rey whispered, “I’ll keep watch.” 

Kylo looked at her for a long time, his dark eyes focused on hers. He glanced away, his jaw working. She could feel his uncertainty, his stress, but also his longing. He wanted sleep, he wanted rest, but that would involve safety. It would involve letting go. Rey touched his arm, “Sleep, Kylo.”

Kylo hesitated, then sighed and padded into the dormitory. Rey followed after him, watching him strip off his shirt, crawl into bed, and curl up. He was so tired, sore, and… sad. Rey leaned against the doorframe. She felt his deep-seated loneliness. They’d been through so much, but she missed him. They had nearly lost their son today. He’d been the one to notice Jonas’s absence and the first to run towards him, seeking him out through the Force. He’d given up the advantage of a light so that he would have an element of surprise when encountering whatever would make Jonas so afraid. 

Rey switched off the light and crossed the room, toeing off her shoes as she walked. She shrugged off the dirty shirt she’d worn outside, and pulled on a clean one, blesing her luck at having multiple sets of clothes she could physically wear, however they fit. Laying down in her own bed, Rey watched the stiffness in Kylo’s back. The darkness seemed to press down on her, on them both, now. Jonas slept soundly in the third bed, but both her and Kylo were drowning. All her hope, frustration, disappointment, fear, and grief swirled around her. It was like being in a sandstorm on Jakku again. Staring up at the ceiling, Rey felt Kylo’s disappointment. He’d lost his entire life, for her, for her son, and Jonas had shouted at him for his audacity to care. Rey glanced up at him, seeing his curled figure in the darkness. She wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and crossed over to him. Her footsteps were almost silent on the group. 

“Rey.” Kylo whispered, when he saw what she was doing. The larger mattress creaked slightly under him as he sat up on his elbow. His voice was soft and concerned.  
“Sh…” Rey whispered, climbing into bed next to him.

“You wanted time…” Kylo said quietly.

“I did, but I want you more.” Rey admitted “Sleep, Kylo.”

Kylo was stiff and for one horrible moment, Rey was sure she’d made a terrible mistake. Then he slowly reached up and unwound her braids. She closed her eyes as he ran his fingers through her hair. Against her ear, she could feel the weight of tension and loneliness unwind in his chest.

She’d find a way to explain this to Jonas in the morning.


	9. Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom.

**“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” - Oprah Winfrey**

 

Jonas opened his eyes. He reached up and ran a hand through his hair. When he did so, the muscles in his arms protested, so he just went for it and sat up. He groaned, a sharp pain in his shoulders and legs. Stretching despite the pain, Jonas looked around the room. He blinked, seeing his mother’s bed not only empty, but without any blankets. Frowning, he looked around the still-cluttered dormitory, to see if she moved into one of the empty bunks. 

He finally settled on his father’s bunk, where he saw his mother, buried under both her and Kylo’s blankets, curled up next to Kylo. He opened his mouth, unable to process what he was seeing. Were they sleeping together now? Well, not sleeping together, but - actually, no, he didn’t want to think about that at all. Seeking distraction, somewhere, anywhere, else. He stood up and grabbed his bag. Pulling his shirt over his head, he glanced at his parents again. Shaking his head, he pulled his kyber crystal from the pocket of his pants and put it in his new clothing.   
Hesitantly, he looked over at his father’s- parents’?- bed. They were still asleep. Rey’s head was on Kylo’s chest and his arm was resting on her back, his fingers were in her hair, like he’d fallen asleep toying with it. Jonas stared at them for a long moment, then shrugged and walked away. 

Walking into the med bay, Jonas grabbed some rations. As he moved, he missed the familiar sensation of his lightsaber at his hip. He ran his thumb over the lid of a can of some “meat”, then felt his stomach turn, and set it down. Exhaustion and pain rolled over him. He knew he had to eat, but he didn’t feel like it right now. He’d eat once the others were awake. Instead, he went to the hangar. The large expanse had quickly begun to feel like a bit of an escape to him. Living most of his life underground right now, this was the best way to get some air. The air was recycled, but still it was better. Settling on the ground in his favorite meditation spot, Jonas closed his eyes. He tried to find some peace, some contentment, but he mostly found himself thinking about the kyber crystal in his pocket. He took a deep breath, focusing on his breaths and counting them. He let the sounds of the air system fade into the background. He heard them, but didn’t try to linger on them, either to listen or to ignore them. After he lost count of his breaths, he could finally do the same thing with the Force that he did with his ears. Distantly, someone woke up, but he didn’t focus on that. It disappeared from his notice as other things wandered across his attention. There was a sleepy nonsentient presence nearby. Some plants were closing their flowers, reacting to stimulation of some kind. 

After a while, the presence from before made its way close to him. Jonas took this as a cue to slowly started pulling himself into reality. He blinked, looking around the room for a second before he moved. He looked down at the crystal in his hand. He glanced up as Kylo came over. He was barefoot and sleepyheaded, chewing on a ration bar, “How long have you been up?” 

“A while.” Jonas said. He stared down at the kyber crystal, running his thumb over its surface.

“What is that?” Kylo asked, walking over to Jonas.

“It’s the kyber crystal from Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber.” Jonas said quietly. 

“Wait, what?” Kylo kneeled down, looking at him, “How did that happen?”

“It got knocked out of my hand when that thing knocked me down. One of them stepped on it and crushed the handle.” Jonas said. He rubbed his thumb over the crystal and felt tears well up in his eyes. He felt like an idiot for crying, but he’d spent years with this weapon. He had trained with it for most of his life. It had been his tie to Anakin, to Luke, and to his mother. It was his legacy in the Light. And now all that was left of it was the crystal in his palm, all because he’d thrown a tantrum.

“I’m sorry, Jonas.” Kylo said, looking down at the stone in Jonas’s hand. 

“Don’t be.” Jonas said, his voice tight, “It- It’s my fault.” 

Kylo put a hand on Jonas’s arm and Jonas looked up into his father’s dark eyes, “I’m sorry your hurting.” Kylo said. The correction wasn’t hard or defensive, but gentle. His eyes were full of a concern that, yesterday, would have offended him, but he now found a comfort it. He’d thrown two tantrums yesterday. One of them had destroyed his legacy and the other had nearly made his mother cry. Still, though, his father- Kylo, looked at him with kindness. 

“Do you think we can remake it?” Jonas asked. His voice sounded immature, even to his own ears, but at that moment he didn’t really care. 

Kylo looked at the crystal, not trying to remove it from Jonas’s palm. His eyes were sad, but thoughtful. He seemed to chew on his words a bit, then finally said, “Maybe. 

“It won’t be the same.” Kylo said gently, “You can use the crystal, I’m sure.” 

Jonas looked up as he heard his mother’s voice echoing from the hallway.

“We’re in here!” Kylo called.

Rey peeked around the corner. She frowned at the sight of Jonas’s face, “What is it? What happened?” When she stepped into the room, Jonas noticed that she’d let her long hair down. She hadn’t worn it down outside of a gala in years.

“My lightsaber was destroyed.” Jonas said, “All that’s left is a kyber crystal.” 

“Oh, Jonas…” Rey whispered, her voice low and sad, “May I see it?”

Jonas hesitated, then nodded. Although the saber had felt awkward in his hand, he loathed to part from the crystal now. He let his mother take it, though. 

Rey looked down at the crystal, inspecting it, “It looks like it will be fine.” She said, passing it back to him, “Let’s eat, then we’ll see what we can fine.” 

Jonas nodded, “Okay, thank you.” 

Rey nodded. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, then stood up and walked back to the med bay. Jonas stood up, inspected the crystal again, then put it in his pocket. When he walked after Rey, he glanced over his shoulder to see Kylo rummaging in some boxes. Shrugging, Jonas chose food over curiocity.   
Kylo didn’t appear during breakfast, which turned out to be canned ration beans and hydro bread. When he finally came in, he was grinning. 

“What is it?” Jonas asked, sitting up straighter.

“I found a few things for a power cell, an energy circuit, an energy channel, and-”

“Sit and eat, Kylo.” Rey said, laughing at his excitement. Jonas’s jaw dropped. His father looked genuinely excited about building a lightsaber. 

Kylo didn’t respond to her, but his ears want red, “I also found some things we salvaged from the ship wreckage that might work for handles.” He said, sitting down beside Rey and reaching for some of the food. 

 

*****

 

Finn took a deep breath. He hated having to testify before the Senate, but knew refusing the summons would be stupid.

“You’ll be fine.” Todra said quietly. Finn looked down as Trondra fixed the collar of his shirt. He took her hand, lifted her hand up, and kissed his knuckles.

“I love you.” He murmured. Todra smiled, then stepped back as Finn took a deep breath and stepped onto the platform that would take him before the Senate. 

Finn closed his eyes for a moment when he was first brought under the lights of the Senate floor. He never could figure out why they always kept the place so bright. It probably had something to do with the fact that they filmed open debate and open comittee meetings, but it still made him uncomfortable. Blinking in the light, he looked around, taking in the hundreds of representatives gathered around. The entire Senate was assembled. Rubbing a hand over the rail, he withheld a look of surprise. The summons had been from the Intergalactic Relations Comittee, so he thought he would be questioned before just them, but apparently, he was before the entire Senate. 

“Master Alucard, may we begin by offering our formal condolences for the loss of your fellow Jedi, Master Luke Skywalker and Master Rey Jedi, and your padawan, Jonas Quorvin. ” Senator Alem’a, the Chair of the Intergalactic Relations Comittee said. 

Finn nodded, “Thank you, Senator.”

“We have called you here, Master Alucard, to discuss the future of your order.” Senator Alem’a said, “How many Jedi are currently a part of your order?”

“I am the Master of the Jedi Order. Gida’smoo has finished her training and is now a Jedi Knight. In addition, Saami Alucard has begun her training and is now a Jedi Padawan.” Finn said. 

“Master Alucard, you mean to tell us that there are only two Jedi aligned in the Light in the entire galaxy.” Senator Shula-Kolzaar said, leaning into his microphone and frowning.  
“There are only two known Jedi aligned in the Light, yes.” Finn said, swallowing.

It continued that way for hours. Only those on the Intergalactic Relations Comittee spoke, although he could see messengers from other delegations occasionally running facts, report summaries, and further questions between the their own place and the committee's platform. More than once, he would stay something, immediately be corrected based on “facts” from some messanger or clerk, and then have to correct that report. They asked about his family, the Force abilities of his children and his knowledge of them, his search for other padawans, and his life. They asked a couple of questions about his known affiliation with the Resistance, which had been openly accepted as a legal, if independent, military organization for years.

Finally, they honed in on his own abilities in the Force.

“Master Alucard, Master Jedi and Master Skywalker with the leaders of the Jedi for more than a decade, is that correct?” Senator Alem’a said. Her large eyes reminded him of an insect’s, which made it hard for him to tell where exactly where she was focusing. However, now, he could tell she was staring at him with intention. 

“Yes, that is correct.” Finn said. He was wary of the question. Now that he looked around, all of the Senators were staring at him intently. He could feel their focus and the various emotions around both them and, from some other place in the Senate floor, those who were on the Military Forces Comittee. Most of those on the Military Forces Comittee felt excited, although one Senator, an older man, was fuming. His mind was very open and he was actually projecting so much Finn couldn’t help but notice his disgust. Those on the Intergalactic Relations Comittee were more wary, but not less engaged.

“How has that responsibility affected you?” Senator Alem’a asked, tilting her head slightly.

The man behind Finn became so inconsolable that he left, which Finn was grateful for. His anger was distracting and Finn didn’t need it. He knew what this was about now. This was a power play and he could have none of it.

“While I miss Rey Jedi and Luke Skywalker, I am more than equal to the task. I have been leading missions and long-term engagements since I was twenty-five.” 

“Master Alucard,” The Senator said, sitting up straighter, “You have stood with the Resistance for more than a decade, but you may benefit from the help and support of a more established, stable, and politically powerful organization. While your relationship with the Resistance has doubtlessly been beneficial, perhaps this may be a ready time for transition.”

“Senator, what do you believe my relationship with the Resistance is?” Finn asked, frowning.

“Well, you have a position of military power within the Resistance and so do your Jedi. You are employed by the Resistance.” Senator Alem’a said, her tone suggesting that this was obvious.

“Actually, you are incorrect.” Finn said, “I am not employed by the Resistance. In exchange for support and advising, I am provided living and training quarters. The Jedi are independent from the Resistance.” 

“Oh, Master Alucard, can you truly say that you’re not dependent on the Resistance?” Senator Farwell chimed in, frowning. 

“I am independent and will continue to be so- independent from all organizations.” Finn said plainly.

“Master Alucard, you are strong in the Force, I’m sure, but-”

“Senator, if I may interrupt, I don’t believe that you have any experience in the Force.” Finn said, “I have testified over and over about the Force. I have authorized Jedi artifacts before you. All I ask is that my Jedi remain independent from you.”

“Well, Master Jedi, I-”

“I’m sorry, Senator.” Finn said, frowning, “I thought that you just presumed to tell me how to run my Jedi. I believe that I must be mistaken. It would be ludicrous for you, a Senator with no experience either with the military or the Force, to give me orders about my charges.” Finn was smiling, but his voice was hard and clear. He squared his shoulders, standing with his head held high. 

“Will you not allow the Galactic Senate the ability to support the Jedi, in exchange for some help on our own military endeavors, in a similar relationship that you currently enjoy with the Resistance.”

“I will not, Senator.” Finn said clearly, “I am the leader of the Jedi now. They have been independent for decades now, during the lifetime of Luke Skywalker, and they will continue to be independent.” 

Senator Alem’a’s antenna flicked angrily, “Will you at least consider this?”

“I will not, Senator, but that you for the offer.” Finn said. He kept his voice calm and collected.

“You are dismissed.” Alem’a said, the disappointment in her voice clear.

Finn bowed his head, “Thank you.” He said, waiting patiently as his platform moved back into place. He didn’t move immediately, but waited until it was secure and locked before he turned evenly and walked back into the green room he had waited in before. He didn’t want to appear too eager to leave, but he was ready to get away from these people. 

As soon as he stepped into the green room, he felt himself deflate a little. Todra rushed forward, “You were amazing.” She said, hugging him tightly.

“I hope I didn’t just ruin everything.” Finn muttered, hugging her back.

“Luke and Rey would be proud of you.” Todra whispered.

Finn nodded, swallowing. 

“Master Alucard?” 

Finn let go of Todra, turning to greet the strange voice. Behind him, he saw an older human man. He was gray-haired with dark brown skin, a pointed black beard speckled with gray, and eyes of a brown that was nearly amber. 

“Yes?” Finn replied, turning to face the man. He didn’t recognize his face, but his force signature was the one from before, the angry man from the Military Forces Committee. He nodded at the recognition, “You’re a Senator, aren’t you?” 

“I am.” The man said, “I am Senator Tripp Hawkes.” 

“Senator Hawkes, of course.” Todra said, her voice quiet, “You were part of the Rebellion, weren’t you?”

“I was, but please call me Tripp.” Tripp said. He turned to Finn, “I am so sorry about what just happened. I spent years with both Luke and Leia. Seeing them try to pull the Jedi away from you…” He shook his head.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Finn said, frowning, “Did you suggest they try to take over the Jedi?”

“No!” Tripp said, his head snapping up.

“Then don’t worry.” Finn said, “I could feel your frustration. It was nice to know someone else was indignant about that.”

“It was horrible.” Todra said, looking at Finn, “And them bringing up the twins? They’re babies, you’d think they’d be off-limits.”

“They smell a power vacuum, nothing’s off-limits.” Tripp said, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, there’s not a power vacuum and I just proved that.” Finn said, setting his jaw, “The Jedi are my charge now. I’ll make them what they need to be and no one else will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit short, but I go out of town today. 
> 
> Would you guys prefer updates that are long or ones that are on time?


	10. We Are a Continuum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was late, but I was sick.
> 
> HOWEVER, it's longer than usual, so hopefully that makes up for it.
> 
> See you all on Friday! :)

**“We are a continuum. Just as we reach back to our ancestors for our fundamental values, so we, as guardians of that legacy, must reach ahead to our children and their children. And we do so with a sense of sacredness in that reaching.” ― Paul Tsongas**

“Did you find anything that could work for a stabilizer?” Jonas asked over his shoulder. He rummaged around one of buckets, looking for the different handles they’d gathered together. He finally stopped, pulling out two matching handles, “These.” The handles were thinner, with what looked like gold and dark metal coiling around the hand grip.

“Good choice.” Rey said, “These are solid, probably the best made of the batch.” 

"I’ve got a stabilization ring- two, actually.” Kylo called, sounding pleasantly surprised, from the opposite side of the engine room. 

“That’s everything, isn’t it?” Rey said, standing on the floor and looking between the two of them. Jonas turned, nodding. 

“You picked a handle yet?” Kylo called.

“Two, actually.” Jonas said, holding the handles up.

“Those will be good.” Kylo said, nodding, “Especially with a crystal of the quality you have.” He scratched at his beard thoughtfully, looking off into the distance. Jonas glanced to his right, trying to see what his father was staring at, but all he saw was wall. Kylo wasn’t looking at anything in particular, but was staring aimlessly and thinking. Jonas wondered if it was a habit. He hadn’t really noticed much about his father as a person. 

“I think we’re ready to start.” Rey said gently, prodding Kylo out of his thoughts. The taller man started a little, turning his attention to Jonas.

“Let’s begin, then.” Kylo said, moving to put the two stabilization rings into the little box they had gathered all the parts into. He looked into the box, then at Jonas.

“Wait, are you doing it?” Jonas asked, frowning. 

“No,” Kylo said easily, “but I am going to help you.”

“Why not Rey?” Jonas asked.

“He has more experience.” Rey said, “Besides, I gave it to you the first time, but the crystal comes from his side of your family.” 

Jonas nodded, then looked into Kylo’s face. Kylo’s face relaxed, almost into a smile, then set his face into a more determined expression, focused on the task at hand. Kylo stepped away from the box, letting Jonas gather it up, then bring it over to where they had cleared some space on the floor. Jonas sat down, putting the box down next to himself. Kylo sat down across from him, rubbing at his bare arms exposed by his tank top as he waited for Jonas to settle down. His long dark hair was in his eyes, but he just shook his head to try to get the strands out of his face. 

Jonas took a deep breath, slowly pulling different pieces out and setting them down on the ground. The box was full of pieces, even some that Jonas didn’t recognize at all. At first, he tried to sort them, putting potential power cells together and any parts that looked like a field energizer in a line together, but he soon gave up. There were segments of wire that he had no definable purpose for. Eventually, he just started putting pieces down together, randomly. It didn’t matter where the pieces were. The Force would call the pieces together, no matter where they sat on the floor. 

“You’ve never made a lightsaber before, right?” Kylo asked. 

Jonas shook his head, “I inherited my lightsaber.” Jonas said. He couldn’t hide the note of pride in his voice. 

Rey smiled, but turned her head away so Jonas would focus on Kylo.

“Do you know the theory?” kylo asked.

“Yeah.” Jonas said, “And I saw Gida’smoo make hers.” 

“How long ago was that?” Kylo asked, moving his feet a little so he sat more comfortably. 

“Um, maybe three years ago.” Jonas said.

Kylo nodded, “That’s good. That’s recent enough that you’ll remember it. So, you’ll meditate, use the Force to call the pieces together. They’ll all fit, as one, together in the same moment. I’ll help you from there, but the Force will guide you.”

Jonas nodded. Excitement thrummed in his heart, but he took a deep breath and tried to quiet his emotions. When that didn’t work, he settled for just focusing on mediating and hoping his excitement would work itself out. Jonas closed his eyes. Ever since that dark night, his connection to the Force had widened and deepened. He’d expected that the loss of his saber would affect him more, but it hadn’t. It should feel like the loss of something deep, but he didn’t. Sure, he was sad about the loss of an heirloom and of something that had protected him for years. In fact, he was more excited to have his own weapon than anything else. Keeping his eyes closed, Jonas took deep breath after deep breath, focusing on breathing the way Luke had taught him: forcing his stomach out to open his lungs as much as possible. 

_In… out… in… out..._

He centered all his attention on inhaling and exhaling and the sensation of his chest rising and falling. After a long time, Jonas turned his attention to the pieces of his saber. He breathed in, calling the Force. 

_In… out… in… out..._

Reaching out into the Force and using it to summon the pieces of his saber together. While he knew there were too many pieces, he didn’t worry about which ones he called or how exactly they’d fit together. Instead, he focused on calling the pieces together as he needed them. Well, not him, more the Force. 

_In… out… in… out..._

Every time he tried to focus on a particular piece, it eluded him. He couldn’t see or feel any details about his lightsaber, only a general sense of belonging and rightness. 

In… out… in… out…

Jonas kept the pieces together in the air before him, summoning his kyber crystal last. With one last thought, he commanded all the pieces to come together and become a whole pieces. 

With a series of clicks, Jonas heard more than felt the lightsaber come together. He put out a hand, letting the handle fall into his palm. It landed, solid and whole, into his hand, and couldn’t withhold a smile. He knew better than to just flip the switch. It took effort and he Force for it to work the first time. 

_In…_

_“You have to make it work.”_

_Out…_

Kylo’s voice broke through the calm fog of his mind. Jonas nodded and stood. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to open it until the lightsaber was lit. He put out his saber, forcing his will into his saber as he flicked the switch. 

He heard the familiar sound of a lightsaber igniting and extended the saber. Jonas opened his eyes and, when he saw the blade was the same brilliant blue it has always been, his face broke into a wide grin. “It’s the same!” 

“I want to make another one.” Jonas said.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Kylo said, eyebrows raised.

“No…” Jonas said, “It’s not that. I want to take the crystal from Vader’s saber and create a match to the other one.” 

“That should work.” Rey said from where she sat, perched on an engine to Jonas’s right, “And we can use some of the pieces in Vader’s handles.”

Maybe.” Jonas said, watching his saber as she chewed on his thumb. He doubted very much if any of the pieces from Vader’s saber would make it, but he was willing to try. Getting Vader’s saber apart without damaging too much of the precious inner components, however, would be more difficult. Anakin’s saber had been crushed, but Jonas wasn’t sure how they could pull Vader’s apart, especially since Vader had been full of the Dark Side when he’d made it. 

“How are we going to do this?” Kylo asked, leaning forward and looking intently at the lightsaber.

“Why don’t you try pulling it apart and putting it back together in one motion?” Rey asked and she jumped down from the engine with a slight thumping noise. She threw one of her large braids over her shoulder, walking over and squatting down next to them to look at the saber closely. She was frowning in that same way she always did when she was focused on a task: with her mouth a straight line and her eyebrows scrunched together. Jonas has always loved that face, almost as much as he’d loved the was Luke’s mustache had twitched whenever he’d tried to stop himself from smiling. 

“That’s probably our best option.” Kylo said, nodding, “Do you think you’re up for it, Jonas?” 

Jonas thought for a moment, chewing on his thumb as he looked down at the saber. He rolled it over in his hand, looking at the handle carefully. He could sense the complex inner workings covered by a mostly simple handle made of only a few solid parts. His best bet would be to slide all of the inside mechanisms out of the handle and then move them around from there. Looking at his parents, he nodded, “Yeah, I can do it.” 

“Let’s go for it, then.” Rey said, choosing to sit back only a little this time, rather than climb onto any of the machinery. 

Settling himself comfortably on the floor, Jonas set Vader’s saber down in front of him, between him and all the spare lightsaber pieces he’d collected. Jonas closed his eyes, again focusing on the rise and fall of his chest. He let all other though slip away as he focused his consciousness on the hollow of his chest cavity. 

In… out… in… out…

Jonas felt the great, deep, _other_ of the Force above him and around him. He drew it in, channeling it into the lightsaber before him. Distantly, he felt something sour within the Force. It was like a leaf dropping on a lake while he stood on the shore. He could see it, distantly, but didn’t notice much of it; he had water to move. Feeling for all the places of weakness or connection at once, he put the Force into them all, making them move apart and stay suspended.

Suddenly the dark presence that Jonas had first felt in the cave back on Ladiri, all those weeks ago, exploded from the saber. Before Joanas could move, could even think about separating himself from the saber floating in the air before him, he was swallowed up by the darkness. 

The force of the darkness on his mind was emotionally paralyzing. He took a shuddering breath, standing shakily and trying to see through the darkness around him. Distantly, he could hear screams around him, but he couldn’t tell who they were or why they were screaming. 

“Hello?” Jonas asked, peering through the smoke. Jonas spun on his heel at a harsh sound behind him. A figure that formed out of the darkness made his breath freeze in his chest. Darth Vader seemed to form out of the dark smoke that surrounded him. Jonas looked up into a face covered in a cruel, dark mask. He saw his own terrified features reflected back at him in the red eyes of the mask. A harsh noise echoed in his ears and an overwhelming hatred pressed down on him. 

Jonas reached the lightsaber at his hip, but felt nothing. Vader’s dark red lightsaber appeared in his hand and Jonas took a deep breath, steeling himself. He was going to die. He was going to be cut through by Darth Vader’s lightsaber in a dark realm he’d entered through… Darth Vader’s lightsaber.

_Great,_ Jonas thought dully, _I’ll be dead and fully aware of the irony._

Vader didn’t use the saber, however, instead, he put out his hand. Jonas lurched forward, off of his feet, through the air, and straight into Vader’s outstretched hand. Hard metal fingers curled around his throat as his back made contact with something solid. Scrabbling helplessly at Vader’s grip, Jonas tried to push his feet against the wall. He sought some lift, hoping to break Vader’s grip, but it was nothing. 

Spots appeared before his eyes, but he couldn’t do anything. The cruel laugh broke through and Jonas turned his eyes away from Darth Vader to see a shorter man with yellow eyes that glowed under his hood. The man stood there, laughing, and Jonas could feel the sick pleasure he took in seeing Vader destroy his great-grandson. Jonas felt strength leaving him, his power leaving him, and understood: whatever was in the saber was taking advantage of his meditative state to try and kill him. It was draining him of his powers as well as his life. He wondered, distantly, if that was how Tomax Ren had died. Had the young knight meditated on the identity of the saber and paid the ultimate price? The saber had to have some intelligence to it, otherwise it would have attacked him sooner. He remembered all the holos he’d read on Anakin Skywalker and remembered, distantly and through a haze of pain and confusion, that Anakin had always, always been impulsive. 

Something suddenly flickered in Jonas’s mind. Anakin had left the Dark side before he died. Jonas had seen him as a Force ghost, fully entrenched in the Light. Anakin had _given Jonas this lightsaber!_

Jonas turned his attention to the Darth Vader in front of him. Curling one hand around Vader’s wrist, even as tiny dark spots appeared before his eyes, he looked intently into the mask, focusing on the tiny crack he’d managed to make in the right eye socket. He’d been so distracted by the sound of the breath modulator that he hadn’t looked for anything else. When he looked into the mask, he saw nothing. It was not simply that there was no love or compassion or recognition; there was literally no eye behind behind the glass.

Jonas was fighting an empty suit.

No, Jonas was being killed by Palpatine, who wanted to torture him further by using the specter of his great-grandfather’s dark side persona. Because the one thing Jonas hated more than any other was his family’s personal connection to the Dark side. 

“No!” Jonas shouted in his mind, forcing everything he had into it, _**“NO!”**_

The Emperor faltered and Darth Vader’s grip on Jonas’s throat slackened. Jonas pressed on, “You took so much from my family! You don’t get this!”  
Suddenly, Jonas felt power rush through him. It fed on his rage, his grief, his regret, his indignation, and his love. He slammed his hand into the false Vader’s chest and broke his grip. The shadow of Vader flew away, disappearing into the dark ether around them. When Jonas landed on the ground, it seemed to shake under him, but he didn’t care. This whole other world might collapse around him, but he was going to make sure that Emperor Palpatine, ever single piece of Dath Sidious, went with him. 

“You stole our chance to be whole!” Jonas shouted, extending a hand and channeling that same power he’d used to break Vader’s strength. 

Palpatine stuttered, his smile faltering. A crack, small and glowing with a hard white light, appeared in the center of Palpatine’s chest. He cried out, but Jonas pressed on, forcing more power into Palpatine. A piece of the emperor had attached itself- some way, some how- to Vader’s lightsaber and Jonas was going to destroy it. This kyber crystal, this gift, was his and no darksider was going to taint it. Jonas thought of his mother and father, their silent longing for each other and their years apart. He thought of Luke and all the grief and loss he had endured. He thought of Leia, who had fought all her life against the dark side in all of the arenas where Luke hadn’t. He thought of Han Solo, who had died rather than hurting a son who was lost in the dark. He thought of Anakin, who had been lured into the dark by his own fears and lies and loss. Lastly, he thought of the beautiful statue of Padme Amidala he’d seen on Naboo. Padme had been the first Skywalker to die in the war between the light and the dark. 

Jonas was going to avenge them all, right here, right now. 

Power rushed through him, so much that it was impossible to containable. His bones vibrated, his ears rang, and his jaw felt like it was both being split apart and clenched together. It seemed to blast him apart and put him back together. Palpatine splintered apart under Jonas’s hand and Jonas split with him. Jonas screamed with him and, when Palpatine’s screams stopped, Jonas’s continued. The power rushed through him still, even as he tried to dissipate it. Instead, it seemed to hold onto him. Jonas focused all of his energy to keeping himself, his body, together. His hand was frozen, outstretched, his jaw was clenched, and he couldn’t breathe. He was all velocity and frozen at the same time. 

Pushing all of his attention to his body and, instead of trying to fight the power, focused on channeling it. He used it to move his jaw muscles, push his diaphram out, and open his eyes. He would survive. 

**He would.**

All at once, reality rushed back to him. His eyes were closed, but he could feel the cold air of the engine room, the hard surface of the floor, and and could hear the voices of his parents. Taking deep, steadying breaths, Jonas stretched out his fingers, pressing his hands on the ground. 

“Jonas, are you alright?” 

“Kylo-”

“Jonas, what happened?”

“Kylo, back up, give him some air.” 

Jonas blinked stinging eyes and looked up to see his mother leaning over him. His vision clouded almost immediately 

“I’m okay.” Jonas croaked, “I figured out what killed Tomax Ren.”

Kylo blinked, “What? Tomax- I- What?”

“Something, within the dark side, was in the saber. Part of the Emperor. I killed it.” Jonas said. He sat up slowly and weakly. Sweat trickled down his neck and his hands trembled, but he smiled.

“Do you want to see your lightsabers?” Rey asked gently.

“The second one was made?” Jonas asked, “It worked?”

“Yeah.” Kylo said, nodding, “but you used more of the Force than I’ve ever encountered in my life. It was…”

“Incredible.” Rey said, passing Jonas both of his lightsabers, “It was incredible.” 

Jonas picked up both sabers. Rotating them around, he felt himself grin. Lighting them, he watched them grow, one blue and one red. A small grain of him wanted them to be a new color, but it seemed the crystals were done. They would not change. He just had to wield them as they were. These were his, both of them. His excitement pushed aside his exhaustion and he turned to look at Kylo, “Want to test them out?” 

Kylo simply grinned, putting out a hand and calling his lightsaber off of the table. It hit his hand with a loud slapping sound, but he never look away from Jonas, “Brace yourself, boy.” 

 

*****

 

When they climbed out of the cave and into daylight, all three of them blinked. The world outside was bright and green and Kylo grinned at the sight. He was glad to be outside. Turning his head, he looked at Jonas, who seemed stunned by how different this world was compared to the dark place he’d been out to before. While Kylo stood a deep breath and stretched, Jonas looked over his shoulder and stepped out of the cave. Jonas looked at the grassy place before the cave, then set himself where he wanted to start, taking advantage of moving out first. Kylo shrugged off the jacket he’d tied around his waist. He was unbothered by the cool breeze, but Rey swiftly picked it up from the stony ground and put it on. Apparently, you could take the woman out of the desert, but you couldn’t take the climate preference out of the woman. 

The corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched, but he focused his attention on Jonas. Rey sat at the mouth of the cave, watching the two as they squared off. Kylo glanced at Jonas and and saw him square his shoulders. It appeared that Jonas was as eager to impress Rey as he was. 

Kylo stood across from him and waited for Jonas to strike first. The teenager braced himself, choosing a stance that would set him up nicely. Jonas was assuredly going to go for speed, since he had the option of both a defensive and offensive strike. Kylo’s best bet was to aim with aggression. He was bigger and stronger than Jonas, so he changed his mind, deciding to strike first. 

Kylo lit his saber and made a long downward swipe, but Jonas moved quickly, parrying and then immediately leveraging Kylo’s saber using his own. Jonas whirled, using a two-handed swing to swipe quickly at Kylo’s rib. Kylo countered immediately, glancing Jonas’s blow off of his own saber. Jonas was breaking in his blades, but this was not the first time he’d used two. _Of course he has,_ Kylo thought, _Rey is far too obsessed with Asajj Ventress and Ahsoka Tano not to show him some of their stuff._

“How are you feeling, Pops?” Jonas taunted, opening his stance to use the Force to shove his father’s lightsaber out of the arc. 

“Do you know who taught your mother how to use a lightsaber?” Kylo Ren shot back.

“A better fighter than you.” Jonas said, laughing. Kylo was sure he was thinking of Luke because of the melancholy note in his mind. 

It went on that way for several minutes. Every time Kylo managed to gain ground, Jonas would levage it back against him. The boy was fast and clever, using his lightsabers together as much as he used them apart. He never went for the obvious reach, but rather used his lightsabers to pin Kylo as much as he could. Kylo could keep up, but weeks of no sparring had left him rusty and he felt it now more than ever. Jonas never fell for any of his feigns and aimed for his chest often, which made it hard for Kylo to get in large, sweeping blows.

Kylo backed up, feeling his chest tighten with uncertainty and with a certain degree of pride. Jonas was almost as tall as he was, but, instead of trying to out-reach Kylo, he was keeping his arm in close and using his superior speed to keep his father on the run. Jonas spun, grinning, and brought both sabers up to catch Kylo’s heavy strike. He broke the strength of the blow, launching Kylo backwards, and swung his saber at his leg and the other at his ribs. Kylo put his blade out against and caught Jonas’s blow, but stopped when he realized that Jonas wasn’t moving. Blinking in surprise, Kylo realized he heard the low hum of Jonas’s lightsaber hovering by his head. Turning slowly, Kylo saw Jonas’s red blade inches from his face. 

The boy had bested him. 

When Jonas stepped away, Kylo grinned, panting, and put his hands on his knees. “That was good.” He said, “Very good.” 

“Thank you.” Jonas said, grinning and standing up taller than Kylo had ever seen him do before.

“Go practice some more.” Rey called, “We’ll let the Old Man catch his breath.”

“I’m not even fifty.” Kylo muttered, but he walked over and sat down next to Rey, taking the canteen she offered and drinking deeply. 

“Thank you.” Rey said, sitting next to Kylo, watching Jonas move through several forms. He was grinning. 

“He’s my son.” Kylo said, “I want him to be happy and safe.” 

“He is happy.” Rey said, her eyes still on Jonas as she unbraided and then rebraided one side of her hair, “I’ve noticed, over time, how Anakin's lightsaber fit him less and less. I was afraid it would fail him somehow. He was torn over Vader’s saber, but this works.”

“These will serve him well.” Kylo said. After a while, he smile faded. Jonas was so confident in his movements, so content in the Force, and here Kylo sat, feeling like some doting parent. He’d had no part in Jonas’s training. Sure, he’d helped him with the lightsaber, but his parenting had consisted mostly of getting Jonas out of life-threatening situations and being despised by him. 

Finally, the words broke from him in a tight whisper, “Am I allowed to be proud of him?”

“It’s inevitable, I think.” Rey said, smiling, “He’s your firstborn. Also, in my objective opinion, Jonas is one of the best children in the galaxy.”

“Of course.” Kylo said, chuckling. He looked at Rey and saw the warmth and understanding in her hazel eyes. She had always known him too well, even after all this time apart. She’d seen his fear of the truth and his longing for a family and she understood his feelings now. She didn’t press, though, but settled for taking his hand in one of her own, sitting in comfortable silence as they watched their son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION OF THE UPDATE: What things do you think Jonas has inherited from each parent? Anything from his grandparents, do you think? (I wanna hear your thoughts :))
> 
>  
> 
> Yes, I headcanon that Rey would study the holos of both Ahsoka Tano and Asajj Ventress, which I'm sure survived the purge thanks to Darth Vader because: 1) Asajj Ventress was a talented warrior and 2) try as he might, he could never bring himself to destroy all records of Ahsoka's existence.
> 
> Also we get some character development from Jonas whoo!
> 
> Also Rey and Kylo have a cute moment ;) More development with them (and even a Rey POV whaaaa) to come!
> 
> And, for those of you who love Finn, don't worry, we'll be able to check in with what's happening back at the ranch soon.
> 
> Thanks for the well-wishes. Kudos and comments make this all worthwhile!


	11. If Not Love, What?

**“If not love, what?” ― Rob Liano**

Rey stood at the mouth of the cave, watching the sky. The clouds here were beautiful, full of mingling, gold, pinks and the blues underneath. She closed her eyes as a breeze picked up and cool air blew across her face. Sighing happily, Rey leaned her head back. She’d missed the chance to get out in the open air, though they’d taken every advantage of the opportunity to be outside in the week and a half since the sun had started to rise. They’d all spent most of the day outside, cooking over a little fire, washing their clothes and themselves in the river, drawing water, and simply enjoying the air and the sunlight. Rey smiled, pushing her hands out into the sun some more. 

Reaching up, Rey ran her fingers through her mostly-dry hair, which was hanging loose down her back. Scooting forward into the sunny spot and out of the cave, Rey kicked out her feet and split her hair, braiding it down her back. Today had been such a wonderful day. It was the first truly fun day they’d had this entire time. Rey looked down at her palm, idly tracing a little scratch by the heel of her hand where she’d scraped it making a snare earlier that morning. She’d spent years hunting and trapping lizards in the sands of Jakku, but it had taken all three of them most of the morning to create a trap that would work in the forest. Even though it had cost her a little pain, Rey couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Jonas’s excited shout when the snare had worked properly on the roll of dirty socks that was their “rabbit”. Kylo had laughed, rumbled Jonas’s overlong hair, and congratulated him on his success. 

Jonas had glowed at the praise from his father. 

Rey had felt like a giddy school girl, beaming at the two of them, but it had been too precious a moment to resist. Since creating the lightsabers more than a week ago, Jonas had been over the moon, constantly trying to train and prove himself. He and Kylo were spending more and more time together, since Jonas had finally acquiesced to letting Kylo train him.

 _Life is good,_ Rey thought, taking in the green surroundings and stretching her arms over her head. 

“There you are!” Kylo’s voice, suddenly so close behind her, made her jump, “I thought you went inside ages ago.”

Rey looked over her shoulder to see Kylo walking over to her. She felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of him, grinning and shaking his long dark hair out of his face. He walked over to her, sitting next to her as he pulled his hair out of his face and tied it back. 

Letting his hands fall into his lap, Kylo frowned and looked at her, “Are you alright?” 

“Yes,” Rey said, smiling and looking out at their surroundings, “it’s so beautiful here.”

“It is.” Kylo said, smiling, “Good thing we landed in a forest and didn’t crash on a desert.”

Rey laughed, “Could you imagine?” She asked, laughing and shaking her head. She had a sudden, vivid mental picture of Kylo in his old all-black ensemble, coated from head to toe in sand. The image was so ludicrous that Rey found herself laughing in earnest, bent double, unable to breathe.

Kylo’s laughter picked up, that same higher, earnest laugh he had when he truly let himself go, “What is so funny?” He asked, watching her practically writhe on the ground.

Rey took a deep, gasping breath, unable to articulate what had caused her to utterly lose control. Her chest ached and her side spasmed, but she couldn’t shake the hilarity of a sand-coated, sun-burned, grumpy Kylo Ren, who, for some reason in her imagination, was wearing one of those straw sunhats that wealthy women in holos always wore. Rey smashed her fist onto the ground, tears in her eyes and spluttered, “Y-You… in a sunhat.”

Kylo let out a bark of earnest laughter now, giggling at how she had come utterly undone. Rey eventually managed to calm down, letting out deep, calming breaths, even as her sides ached from the exertion. She sat back on her elbows, looking up at Kylo and wiping her eyes, “That was good. I haven’t laughed that hard in years.” 

Kylo nodded, “Me neither. I’d forgotten how red you get when you laugh like that.”

Rey rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway, “I forgot how much I laughed like that… before.” 

“Before”, of course, meant “when we were together, the first time”. They’d spent years darting around each other since she’d left him, never out of love and yet always on the opposite sides of the war for the future of the galaxy. Now they were in the same place and Rey couldn’t decide what that meant. The implications of living together, sleeping in the same bed, with their son on a planet with no other known sentients, were something she wasn’t quite sure about. When they’d been apart, all she’d wanted was for them to all be together as a family, but now that they _were_ , deciding where their boundaries were, and how to broach the subject, was hard. 

Deciding to skip over the awkwardness of the moment, of the unsaid everything Rey had just introduced, Kylo spoke, “Thank you, by the way, for everything. You saved me from myself. You gave me a real chance for a new life, even if it’s on some obscure rock away from the rest of the galaxy. I appreciate it.” 

“I always hoped for this.” Rey said honestly, sitting up and meeting his eyes, “That you’d be able to leave Snoke behind and by Jonas’s father. That was honestly my most selfish reason for telling him who you were. I didn’t ever want him to be caught off-guard, to hear the truth from anyone but me, but I also hoped that you two would have a relationship.”

“Now we’re a family.” Kylo said, his face breaking into a small smile.

Rey couldn’t help but nod and smile back. The soft ease of the moment, coupled with the softness and the tenderness on Kylo’s face made her feel really and truly at peace. That peace, however, was interrupted when she realized Kylo was moving to kiss her. Force, she wanted to kiss him, but that would open a floodgate she was terrified of. Living together, sleeping next to each other, and co-parenting were one thing, but to be a real and honest couple would be a risk that terrified her, especially if Kylo wanted to be less than she did. Kylo leaned forward and Rey, panicking, ducked her head. His lips missed her mouth, brushing against her cheek instead. As soon as Rey did that, she regretted it. Cheeks burning, she turned her head to look at Kylo, who looked as if she’d punched him.

“I’m sorry. Apparently, I was mistaken.” Kylo said, his voice horrifically polite. He stood, his jaw tight, and stalked into the forest.

“Kylo…” Rey said, her voice pleading. She stood up, watching Kylo disappear into the trees. She could feel the mess of emotions rolling off of him, and hesitated about moving after him. Would she make things work by trying to talk to him? Would he just be angrier? Rey reached out through the Force, trying to make sure Kylo was close, at least. When she sensed him, she could feel the utter frustration and embarrassment that he was feeling. Unable to do anything else, she hurried through the trees, but neither heard nor saw him, “Kylo!” 

Rey ran through the trees, trying to find Kylo. He only had a minute’s head start, but somehow Rey couldn’t catch up to her. She finally shook her head, breaking into a run, and tried to use the Force to sense him out. She’d always struggled to find people’s exact location within the Force, but she had to find him. Rey swallowed, her heart tight. Guilt filled her and she stopped. Closing her eyes, Rey reached out through the Force. She could feel a powerful presence in the Force and moved towards it. As she drew closer, she started to really pay attention to Kylo’s Force signature. Under the embarrassment, sadness, and exhaustion, she could suddenly feel him. She stepped through the trees and caught sight of him, his back to her. He was totally still, tense. 

“Kylo…” Rey said weakly. 

“You sleep in my bed!” Kylo said, turning on his heel to face her, “You sleep next to me, but you won’t kiss me. You won’t face me.”

“It’s not that I won’t, I just…” Rey trailed off, unable to find the words. Kylo’s dark eyes hardened and he shook his head.

“That was what I thought.” Kylo said, his voice tight. He shook his head, his face twisted. Rey’s shoulder fell at his expression. He’d ever been able to hide his feelings from her or control his face. 

“I’m afraid.” Rey said, her voice small, “What happens if we’re rescued? What if we have to go out and find a normal life out there?” 

Kylo closed his eyes, pinching between his eyes. He walked over to a tree and stood against him, crossing his arms. He sighed, leaning his head back against the tree, “Rey… no one knows that we’re here. No one knows where where this planet is. There is no “normal life”. This is our normal life.” 

Rey hugged herself, “I don’t want to believe that.” If that was true, she’d never see Finn or Todra or Gida’smoo or the girls ever again. She rubbed her collarbone, suddenly grieving all over again at the idea of giving up hope on seeing those members of her family again. 

“Why not?” Kylo asked. Rey looked up and met his eyes. His gaze cut through her and she could feel the pain she’d caused in her carelessness, “Would it be so bad to stay here, together?” 

Kylo’s dark eyes were full of longing and pain in equal measure. Kylo had no one waiting off this planet. _Of course you’d be happy here. Everyone that you love lives here,_ Rey thought. 

“This isn’t a life, not a life for Jonas.” Rey said quietly. 

“Would it be so bad to be here as a family?” Kylo asked, his voice pleading.

His dark eyes were focused entirely on her face. He wasn’t even bothering to try and wipe the tears welling in his eyes. She had rejected him in every was she could have short of saying, ‘I don’t love you’. The sight of him standing before her with tears in his eyes reminded her vividly of their dance on Naboo. He’d kissed her hand and walked away, leaving her with tears in her eyes. This, the ability to live with him and their son, the chance to escape the war, was right in front of her. 

“I’m sorry.” Rey whispered, clenching and unclenching her fists. 

“For what?” Kylo asked, laughing bitterly. 

“I didn’t realize that you loved me.” The words sounded pathetic, spoken quietly while she stood ten feet away from Kylo as he backed himself against a tree and looked away from her. 

“Well, I do.” Kylo snapped, looking down. He dug his heel into the dust, the muscles jumping in his jaw. He blinked rapidly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed back more tears. 

“Kylo! Kylo, I- I-” Rey’s voice failed her as he looked up from the dust to look her in the eyes. All of the right and the indignation had left him.

“You what, Rey?” Kylo said quietly, his voice hoarse, “You what?”

“I…” Rey didn’t know how to explain it. She had spent years wishing for him, for this moment, and now she didn’t know what to do with this. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she couldn’t articulate what she wanted. She loved him. She really and truly did, but building a relationship with him would mean talking about her feelings, which wasn’t her strong suit. 

Rey saw him shudder, “Just stop.” Kylo croaked. Rey stared at him, looking at the red of his ears, the shine in his tear-filled eyes, and the way he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw. Once Rey got past the detail, she found herself caught utterly off-guard by his face, suddenly. The dark eyes had none of that cold fire that he seared her whenever they’d argued as younger people. He had lines around those dark eyes, though, and the hair around his temples had earnestly grayed. The thing that foze her most, though, was the unadulterated pain in years of begging him to join her, he had. Now, it seemed, it was his turn to be patient. He had thought, for one brief moment, that they could begin anew. And why wouldn’t he? What had she done to betray her hesitation, her insecurity? All she’d ever done was beg him to join her and now that he had, she’d run away. She didn’t want that. She wanted him. She wanted this. 

Tears suddenly burned her eyes, too, and she screwed up her face. Lifting one hand up to wipe her eyes, she let out a choked sob, “I’m sorry.” She blurted. 

“What?” Kylo sounded utterly confused now, “Rey, don’t cry. Force, I-”

“I’m sorry.” Rey sobbed, a hand on her forehead she she tried to marshal herself. She was glad that she’d worn sleeves, because it made it easier to wipe the tears that she couldn’t seem to stem. 

Rey curled herself forward, unable to stop crying now, “I’m sorry.” Rey whispered, her voice tight. She seemed unable to say anything else, “I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry.” She felt a pair of warm hands on her, one against her cheek and the other at her back.

“What am I to you?” Kylo demanded in a low voice, the lines of his face softening. 

“Everything.” Rey blurted. She looked up at him, taking a shuddering breath. 

Kylo started. Shock, confusion, disbelief, and tentative hope chased each other across his features. Rey took a deep breath, straightening up and clearing her throat. 

“I can’t lose you.” Rey whispered, “If we go rescued and- and separated… I couldn’t handle that. You’re my family.” Rey said, “You and Jonas are my family. Luke, Han, your mother, they were part of my family an-and they’re gone now. Fin, Todra, Gida’smoo, Pe, Obran, Saani, Linora, the babies, Chewie, R2, and C3P0 they- they are part of my family and I will never see them again. I couldn’t let you in and lose you again,” Rey admitted. She walked the last steps to stand in front of him. He didn’t back away, but his face had cleared up. Rey pressed her lips together, then reached up to touch Kylo’s bearded cheek, “but you are all the family that I have left. I don’t have to fear losing you anymore.” 

“You never stopped being my family.” Kylo whispered, leaning into her touch, “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you. Thank you for waiting for me.” 

“I wanted to be with you forever.” Rey said, her voice still thick. 

“I was going to ask you to marry me.” Kylo admitted, his eyes meeting hers, “When you went missing, while I was looking for you, my plan was to propose once I’d found you, but…” 

“Kylo…” Rey whispered. She was suddenly filled with longing for that life unlived. She never regretted her decisions and never would, but she also wished she could have had those fifteen years with him, “I would have said “yes”.” She told him. After a moment, she whispered, “I still would.” 

Kylo stood, thoughtful and quiet for a moment and Rey thought, for an awful second that she’d said too little, too late. Instead of rejecting her, however, Kylo nodded, his face set. He’d mad some decision, one that seemed to fill him with fear and excitement in equal measure. He stepped forward and took both her hands in his own. Rey let him, looking from their hands to his face. 

“I, Benjamin Solo, also called Kylo Ren, former Master of the Knights of Ren, son of Han Solo and the General Leia Organa, father of Jonas Quorvin, swear before you, Rey Jedi, also called Hope of the Light, also called Daughter of Mystery, also called Daughter of Desert and of the Goddess Rii’a herself-”

_Force, how had he heard about all of the epithets picked up over the years? _Rey thought, looking from Kylo’s hands to his face. He’d never spoken his birth name aloud to her, ever. He ran a thumb over the back of her hand, his eyes never leaving her face. This was a formal oath, said in an ancient Alderaanian style.__

__“I swear that I will be yours, from here until the end of the Force itself. Where you go, I will go with you. Your cause will be my cause. Your home will be my home. Your family will be my family. Until the galaxy grows still and all the stars fade, this will be so.”_ _

__Rey couldn’t breath. She couldn’t understand. He couldn’t mean this. And yet, when she searched his feelings, open to her like a book, she couldn’t doubt that he did. Her heart was tight. No one had ever sworn to her, promised themselves to her, since her parents left her on Jakku._ _

__“Will you accept this, Rey Jedi?” Kylo whispered._ _

__Looking at his face, Rey understood that he expected no promises in return._ _

__“I accept you.” Rey whispered._ _

__Kylo smiled and made to draw his hand away, thinking he had soothed her fears and would be able to have a comfortable relationship on her terms. Rey loved him for that. She, however, wanted more. Rey tightened her grip on his hands, preventing him from moving. She wasn’t the only one with fears to soothe. He had left everything for her, for her son, and offered all he was. This was what she’d spent fifteen years wishing for. She smiled to herself. She had no money or power to offer back, just herself._ _

__“I, Rey Jedi,” Rey began, thankful that her voice stayed clear._ _

__“Rey-” Kylo voice was hoarse, but Rey continued away._ _

__“Called the Hope of the Light, also called the Daughter of Mystery, also called Daughter of the Desert and of the Goddess Rii’a herself, a former Knight of Ren, former master of the Jedi aligned with the Light, mother of Jonas Quorvin, stand before you, Ben Solo, also called Kylo Ren, former Master of the Knights of Ren, son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, father of Jonas Quorvin. I swear to be yours from now until the end of time. I will be at your side always, before all causes, before all allegiances, and before all others. You and yours are my family, my blood. I will hold onto this forever, no matter what distances, heights, depths, or other forces separate you and me.”_ _

__Kylo was crying now and it wasn’t until Rey felt herself take a deep, shuddering breath that she realized, so was she._ _

__“Will you accept me?” Rey asked, reaching up to wipe her eyes. She wasn’t sure why exactly she was crying so much. It was just the scope of this commitment, the earnest sincerity with which it had just been made, was staggering. No one had ever promised themselves to her so directly. She looked at the tall man before her, who was looking at her like she’d just offered him everything he had ever wanted, although Rey wondered if, perhaps, she had._ _

__“I accept.” He said. He leaned forward, to press his forehead to hers, but Rey stood on her toes, tilting her head and kissing him. He kissed back, his hands leaving hers and cupping her face. _Force,_ she thought, _ I forgot how good you were at that. _

Thinking back to the words that they’d said, Rey realized what else she’d been reminded of: wedding vows. There was a split-second where her heart skipped a beat, but she realized that she wasn’t afraid. This commitment wasn’t scary. Instead, she smiled. 

“Are we married?” Rey whispered, leaning back and teasingly kissing the tip of his nose. 

 

“Technically, we’ve been married for 15 years in something like 3 religions on about 7 planets.” He replied, chuckling. 

“Hm…” Rey said, smiling. The tall man leaned back and looked at her. 

“We’re married to yourselves, if you want to be.” His voice was low as he leaned forward, his smile soft and his dark eyes focused on her. 

“I want to be.” Rey said, without hesitation. 

“Do you want to be married to Benjamin or Kylo?” Her husband asked, looking at their joined hands. 

“I want to be married to you, whatever name you use.”

“Ben.” He said after a moment’s pause, “Kylo Ren was a man controlled and manipulated by Snoke. Ben was- is free.” 

Rey stood up and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his neck. Feeling him hug her back tightly, Rey couldn’t stop the giggle that bubbled up in her throat. Suddenly, the realization of what had just happened hit her and Ben, judging by the fact that he wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her around. She looked down at him, cupping his face in her hands. 

“Is this what you wanted?” Ben asked, looking at her and grinning. It was a real and honest grin that made Rey leaned down and kissed him again. Now that she’d been able to set aside her fear of rejection, not only could she kiss him, she couldn’t seem to stop. 

“Yes.” Rey said, beaming, “This is what I’ve wanted for fifteen years."

“I wish you’d just asked me when we landed.” Ben said, laughing and setting her down.

“I don’t marry people that my son actively hates.” Rey said, smirking.

Ben suddenly stopped, his eyebrows raising, “Oh Force, we’ve got to tell him.”

“I can do it.” Rey said, smiling.

“No,” Ben said, “Can I do it? I know it’s our relationship, but I want to have a chance to talk to him, as his father, about this.”

“Good luck.” Rey said, laughing. Ben laughed, too, earnestly and without hesitation. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, grinning. Rey could feel the absolute joy rolling off of him and ran her fingers through his hair, basking in it. It was better than a warm sunny spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION OF THE UPDATE: What's your favorite original character from this story and why? (EX: Zhet Lylin, Gida'smoo, Linora, etc) 
> 
> ALSO: Prompt requests in the comments. I'll be working on some one shots in this Universe, so original characters are welcome. 
> 
> So, yep, they're hitched. I have sat an AGONIZED about where their relationship would actually go, but this was the only place I could come to. They have sat on opposite sides of a war for too long and, to be honest, this was the best way to reconcile all that they were, are, and could have been. 
> 
> ...Now they just have to tell Jonas.


	12. The Earth Laughs in Flowers

**“The earth laughs in flowers.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson**

When Ben and Rey made their way back to the bunker, their fingers laced together, Jonas was waiting for them. He was sitting on the stone, tapping one of his lightsabers anxiously against his palm as he scanned the terrain.

As soon as he saw them, he stood. He seemed to be rather annoyed because he was too busy waving his arms over his head and shooting “Where were you?” accusatory to notice they were holding hands. 

“We were preoccupied.” Rey said easily. 

“I’d hope so!” Jonas said, “Force, you two, it’s late! I was starting to get really worried. What kept you both?” 

Ben and Rey glanced at each other and Jonas finally calmed down enough to pay attention. He looked Ben’s face, then at their joined hands. He frowned, looking between them. His eyebrows shot up when he looked at Rey and, before they could speak, he shook his head, muttering, “Nevermind, I don’t want to know.”

“It’s not that bad,” Rey began, but Jonas shook his head, turned on his heel and said, “I do not want. To. know.” loudly, shaking his head. He stomped back to the bunker, muttering to himself, and Ben frowned. He’d expected shock, maybe confusion, but this stubborn refusal and harsh retreat was utterly perplexing. Ben glanced at Rey, then realized what Jonas had seen: there were three leaves sticking out of her braids and the strap of her shirt was twisted around itself several times. Jonas glanced away, his ears reddening. Ben felt his own ears burn, but said nothing. 

When Jonas turned away, Rey immediately turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. Ben pointed at his shoulder, which made Rey glanced down, blushed a deep red color, and fixed it.

Rey sighed when Jonas disappeared inside the bunker, “We’ll that could have gone better.”

“I don’t think so.” Ben said, smirking and crossing his arms, “No one knows what to do when their parents’ start dating, even if those parents have been together before… and are strong in the Force.” 

“I suppose.” Rey said hesitantly. She chewed on her thumb, “Are you sure you want to be the one to talk to him?” 

“Yes.” Ben said emphatically. He looked down at Rey, then put an arm around her, kissing the top of her head, “It’ll be okay.” He said.

“I mean, if the worst comes to the worst, he’ll probably kill you and not me.” Rey said, smirking.

“That’s comforting.” Ben said, nudging her with his elbow before he walked into the bunker. Rey smiled, rolling her eyes and walking after him. When they got into the bunker, Ben found Jonas laying on his back on his bed, his hands over his eyes.

“You okay?” Rey asked, looking over at him and frowning. 

“Just don’t get all sappy on me, okay?” Jonas said blearily.

“Sappy?” Rey asked, raising both her eyebrows, “Sappy how?”

“Like, kissing all the time and being all lovey-dovey and stuff.” Jonas said, his ears a bright scarlet where they peeked out from behind his hair. 

“Oh, no kissing?” Rey said, grinning wickedly. She bore down on Jonas, “You mean, like this?” She dove onto his bed, wrapping her arms around him and kissing the air above his face animatedly. Jonas tried to wriggle free, but Rey just held tighter, listening to Kylo’s laughter. Kylo leaned against the opposite bed frame, grinning and watching the two of them. 

“Mom!” Jonas finally spluttered, his face scarlet. Rey, in her shock, loosened her grip. She looked down, her eyes fixed on his, “What?” Jonas asked, blushing. 

“You called me ‘Mom’.” Rey whispered. She seemed so shocked by his words that she sat, frozen, looking into her son’s face. Jonas opened his mouth, but seemed to be at a loss for words. Ben’s heart tightened at the realization that his suspicions were true and Jonas really never had been able to refer to Rey as his mother, even in private. He watched the teenager struggle over what to say and was tempted to step in, to tell them that this was good and this was part of being a family, but at the last moment, he stopped. This really was between them and they had to sort it out. Instead, Ben waited awkwardly with Rey and Jonas. Rey, reading Jonas’s silence as discomfort and regret, let Jonas go, scooting back on the bed. Ben was torn between a strong desire to pull Rey into his arms, to cover both her embarrassment and her hurt, and to hit Jonas on the back of his head. He was reminded, however, of the many times he had put his foot in his mouth with regards to the women in his life, like his father before him.

Apparently, an inability to speak tactfully or respond reasonably was heredity. 

“You are my mom.” Jonas blurted finally. Rey blinked and looked over at him, her eyebrows raised. Some of the hesitation left her shoulders, but she still watched him warily, “You are my mom.” Jonas repeated. 

Rey opened her mouth, then nodded. Something passed between them, then. In that moment, Ben saw the hesitation and insecurity leave Rey, replaced by tenderness and understanding. Jonas’s embarrassment and uncertainty faded slightly, but didn’t quite go away altogether. Ben took a quiet step back, moving away from the pair to go sit on his bed. All of a sudden, some of the buzz from the day, his excitement over Rey and being able to move forward in his relationship with her, faded. The lateness of the hour, despite the bright sun outside, seeped into his bones and he felt himself deflate. Pulling off his shoes, he allowed himself to reminisce on the hours spent away from the bunker. It had been warm and sunny, but not hot, so the pair had wandered a bit, talking and enjoying each other’s company. Ben smiled at the memory of sitting by the river, rolling their pants up and sitting with their feet in the water, laying out on the grass. 

Ben felt his ears redden at the memory of what else they had done, sprawled on the grass, not even a cloak between them and the earth below. He glanced down at his boots at the pulled them off and noticed some last smudges of mud from the heel of his hand, rubbed onto his palm where be’d been bracing himself before. Forcing himself, for once in his life, to keep his face neutral, he quietly rubbed it on his pants, not looking at Rey or Jonas. They didn’t appear to notice, but instead were sitting quietly, having a whispered conversation that he couldn’t hear. _Or maybe you were too distracted to overhear,_ Ben thought. He was pulled out of his thoughts as Rey got up from Jonas’s bed, walking over to him. 

Ben couldn’t help the smile the spread across his face. Even with one last sprig of grass in her hair, she was still beautiful and perfect. He almost loved her more for the grass, for the strands of her hair that hadn’t quiet been rebraided when she hurriedly fixed her hair before they came back. When Rey reached for the tub of her clothing, she caught him staring and smiled somewhat unsurely, “What?” She asked, straightening a little with a change of clothes in her hands.

“I love you.” Ben said, quietly and simply.

Rey smiled as Jonas groaned melodramatically. Rey paid him no mind, though, and leaned over to kiss Ben lightly on the mouth before changing and climbing into bed. 

 

*****

 

The next day began the slow, awkward process of adjusting to life where Jonas’s parents were a couple. There were many things that were the same- they still ate together, rose at the same time, and washed their faces and torsos in the basins of collected water that comprised their showers. There were new, if not entirely unpleasant, things. When Kylo sat, sorting through what they would eat for breakfast, Rey walked past and playfully tousled his hair, earning herself a warm smile from the usually brooding man. 

This particular morning, however, there was a sense of expectantly in the air. Rey kept glancing at Ben and, when Jonas went to go change into a clean shirt and clean his teeth, he heard Rey whisper something to Ben. When Jonas returned, he sat down to lace up his boots, wondering if he should go exploring or stay inside and training. While he was still thinking, he saw Rey turn her head sharply in his peripheral vision. Rey looked at Ben pointedly. His father sighed, a look of grudging acceptance and resignation on his face. He walked over and nudged Jonas gently. 

“Come on.” Ben said, looking over at Jonas. Jonas raised an eyebrow. 

“We’re going to gather water. Let’s go.” Ben said, standing over him.

“Do I have to?” Jonas asked, turning to looking up at him. 

“Yes,” Rey said, smiling “Now go with him and listen to him.”

Jonas groaned, but hauled himself to his feet and trailed after his father. In truth, it wasn’t less interesting than what he planned to do, but no one could let on that they enjoyed chores, Jonas thought, picking up a water jug on the way out of the storage room. 

When they got outside, though, Ben paused and looked at Jonas, “Before we get the water, would you help me with some exploration? I want to see if there are any things to our north, on the other side of the ship. We haven’t explored there much, but if this was inhabited during the Rebellion, maybe there’s something else here.”

“Sure, yeah.” Jonas said, glad to have a chance at something more interesting than lugging water back home. 

The two of them trudged through the trees in silence. Jonas hefted his empty water jug over one shoulder, watching the trees around them warily. 

“Do you think they have seasons on this planet?” Jonas asked out of the blue. The question had been bugging him for several days, but he’d never thought to ask it until now. He paused and frowned at the sky.

“I would assume so,” Ben said, ‘Although whether we’ll notice them or experience them remains to be seen. Some planets have revolutions that last centuries. We may only survive here for a literal season.” 

“That’s kind of both sad and creepy.” Jonas said, pausing as they reached a fork in the path. He looked around, wondering which way they would go. 

“Let’s pause here.” Ben said, sitting on a rock. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking less tired and more preoccupied. 

“Okay.’ Jonas said, sitting down across the little path from him. He felt wary, like he was preparing for something. He glanced over his shoulder, wondering why he had the sinking feeling of an ambush coming. 

Then Ben decided to ambush him, metaphorically, “Jonas, I feel like there’s a conversation we need to have, man to man, and-”

“No, please.” Jonas said, horror welling in his throat. He did NOT need to have the Sex Talk at the age of 15 on a deserted planet where the only two people anywhere where his parents. Ben faltered, frowning at him.

“Look, Kyl- Ben,” Jonas said, feeling his face burn, “I’ve already had that talk with Fill. I was 11, it was awful, but we covered all the bases, so don’t think you have to tackle that or anything.” 

“Rii’a’s breath,” Ben muttered, shaking his head, his ears burning, too, “No, Jonas, that was _not_ the conversation I wanted to have. It’s about your mother and I.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Jonas said, nodding and begin to walk again down the path. Bn didn’t speak right away and Jonas didn’t feel like initiating any conversations involving his parents and their relationship status. Instead, he walked with Ben in awkward silence, his eyes on the ground in front of them. Finally, his impatience got the better of him, “You and her are back together?”

“Yes.” Ben said, his voice light and happier than Jonas often heard. Jonas turned his head and saw that Ben was smiling slightly.

“For good or…?” Jonas tailed off, playing with the rope on his water jug absently. 

“Or what?” Kylo said, looking at Jonas.

Jonas decided being direct was the best course of action: “Are you only together because you’re the only people on a deserted planet?” 

“Not at all.” Ben said, his face serious, “I’ve wanted to marry her since before you were born.” 

“Marry?” Jonas asked, his eyebrows raising as he looked up sharply.

“Yes,” Ben said carefully, “Your mother and I are together. For good. We’re married.”

“Since when!?” Jonas spluttered, his mouth hanging open. How had they found an officiant in a place like this and why had that been the moment that they pushed passed all of their repressed feelings instead of focusing on survival, as they had all of their lives.

“Since yesterday.” Ben said quietly. 

“What happened to the priest?” Jonas demanded, his hands in his hair.

“There was no priest.” Ben said quickly, “It was just us.” 

“So… it wasn’t _legal_ …” Jonas said slowly, lowering his hands into his lap.

“Technically, no.” Ben said. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “If we get off this planet and can get away from this war, though, it will be legal.”

“Okay.” Jonas said slowly.

“Just “okay”?” Ben asked, looking over at her. 

“Well, yeah. I’ve seen the way you look at her.” Jonas said, shrugging, “I mean, it’s kind of weird that you got married on a deserted planet, but I’m glad that you’re both happy.”

Ben looked at him, “It may not make perfect sense, and, I know this isn’t going to be easy, but I want it to be a real life, you know?” 

Jonas nodded. He dug the toe of his boot into the sandy ground of the path, “she was always looking for you, I think. I mean, she was with Zhet when I was a kid, but she was always looking for you.” When he glanced up, he saw that Ben was looking away, his eyes on his hands. He could feel the oppressive weight of years of guilt slowly tightening around his father in the moment. He finally spoke, “She dreamed of you, when we crashed.”

“What?” Ben asked, his eyebrows still creased with a half-contemplative expression.

“Yeah.” Jonas said slowly, “When we crashed, she was remembering some surgery she had while with the First Order. She was injured and scared and you were there, comforting her, making her feel safe.”

“I remember that.” Ben said slowly, “She had a blaster wound to the thigh. She was lucky she didn’t break anything or sever anything vital.” 

“She remembered the way you reassured her.” Jonas said, “She fell in love with you, right then. Or, she decided that you were hers, for good, then. I checked in her mind to make sure she was okay. I felt what she felt. There was no anger, no frustration, no nothing. Just love. Just gratitude.”

Ben met his eyes, his jaw working. He nodded, swallowing hard, then stood. Ben took a deep breath, his voice tight, and said, “Thank you for telling me that.” 

Jonas nodded. Awkward at the sight of Ben’s dark eyes bright with tears, he nodded stiffly and walked down the path on the left. He wasn’t sure why he picked it, but it was somewhere to go, which helped. His father walked behind him silently and Jonas was almost tempted to turn around and check on him when he noticed something: the tree in front of him was splintered in half. It had grown pretty tall, but the upper half of it was broken into large pieces, jaggedly, like something had haphazardly sliced into it. Jonas froze, tying the rope of the water jug to his belt and grabbing his sabers.

“What are you- what could have done that?” Ben said, frowning and drawing his own saber. 

“I have no idea.” Jonas said, eyes wide. He looked around, frowning. Then he saw another tree torn the same way. Quickly searching the Force, he tried to find anything nearby that could have caused damage that substantial, but didn’t run into anything. In fact, unless he was mistaken, nothing seemed to be wrong. There were small animals nearby in the brush that seemed totally undisturbed. He slowly looked at Ben, “I don’t think this happened recently.” He said. 

Ben looked from him, to the tree, then walked a few steps down the path, looking behind the bizarre tree, “There’s another one.” He said, stepping back onto the path and craning his neck around the first tree, “Two, actually. They’re both down, like they got plowed into, but you’re right. They got hit, then fell over later.”

Jonas absently scratched at his ear, swatting away a buzzing insect, “Okay, if it didn’t happen recently, could a lightning strike have done it, maybe?” 

“I don’t want to know what kind of lightning could do that.” Ben said, stepping onto the path and pointing off to Jonas’s other side. Jonas couldn’t see what he was looking at, so he crossed to stand next to Ben, looking where Ben pointed. Jonas cursed, looking at a clear, half-grown over, cut into the forest. Something glinted through the foliage and Jonas didn’t even have to look at Ben before they both, as one, took off down the gap. Jonas didn’t have to look back to tell whether Ben was following him. Even though he’d lost the heavy clothing that had been his uniform, Jonas’s father still had that heavy-footed gait that had always intimidated him. Even now, Jonas tried to step over brambles or move lightly around them, the way his mother did, but Ben just stomped on them. 

As they moved, the trees got progressively thinner, but they had to step over more fallen logs. As they walked the last hundred feet, Jonas encountered almost entirely fallen and broken trees, covered in grass, framed by newer, smaller-growth trees. When he climbed over one of the larger, more secure, logs, he looked up and gaped. The thing that had glinted before him was definitely mechanical. 

Breaking into a jog, Jonas hurried to the end of the trees and froze, his jaw dropping. 

“Sweet Force, it’s a ship!” Jonas said, grinning and breaking into a run. He peered in through an open hatch, practically jumping up and down as he looked around the little pod. Ben, less optimistic about the possibilities of this ship, stepped forward and inspected the damage himself, his face drawn. Jonas’s shoulders fell. He knew it was severe. Judging from the outside alone, this would takes week of repair to get it running, much less into hyperspace, but it was something. 

Jonas stuck his head over the top of the ship, his eyes wide, “Come on. We’ve got to go back for her. She’ll be ticked it we don’t let her look at this as soon as possible.” 

Ben couldn’t help but grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late. I have realized there is NO WAY I can finish by The Last Jedi. So, some of the pressure is off. So, if Kylo Ren and Rey DO turn out to be related, I'll simply change by screenname to "Ticket-to-Hell" and move on.
> 
> QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Which non-POV character (ex: Todra, Vox, Zhet, etc.) would you like to hear from/ see more?


	13. The World Doesn't Stop For Your Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's long, it's Finn-centric, and it's late, but it's good and it has BB-8.

**"No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.” - Faraaz Kazi**

Finn broke into a run, ducking around the doorway. He drew his saber, but kept it unlit. Pressing his back to the wall, he reached out, counting the number of people in the room beyond. He made eye contact with the soldier, Jope Onasi, across from him. 

‘Five’.” He mouthed.

Onasi nodded. Turning his head, he signaled to the ones behind him. Finn held his breath, watching Onasi’s expression as the younger man kept his eyes on the other soldiers beyond them. Onasi turned his face back to Finn, raising two fingers and pointing from farther down the hallway to the door, then pointing to himself and Finn. Finn nodded, raising three fingers and pointing them around his head, telling Onasi to send the others around the side. 

Blasters at the ready, the soldiers crouched down, creeping to the doorway. A few ducked back, heading out of the house and around to the other exterior wall. Finn stiffened, turning his head and staring into the blank wall as he focused in on whatever Force sensitive person waited in the room beyond. Whoever they were, they were distracted, wielding too much of the dark side's power to focus on anything other than what they were doing, rather than the twenty-two enemies who slowly closed in. 

It wasn’t Arya or Anjat Ren, Finn knew that. After the battle where they’d lost Luke and the others, Finn, Poe, Akuryate and a few others had gone back, looking for survivors and bodies and answers. Finn had found and identified the bodies of Tomax Ren, Arya Ren, and Anjat Ren himself. 

‘I go first’, Finn mouthed.

Onasi hesitated for a split-second, then nodded. He looked over his shoulder, squaring up to take the rear. Finn crouched down, moving in front of the other soldiers. If there was someone strong enough in the Force to move that much energy, he was going first. He crouched down, readying himself. He raised a hand, holding up three fingers.

_Three..._

Finn stood up a little taller. He checked his holster, making sure it was open. 

_Two..._

Finn lit his saber, squaring his shoulders.

_One._

Finn kicked open the door. He rushed inside, saber at the ready. He was greeted immediately by blaster fire, but glanced the bolts off of his saber. His other two companions aimed at the stormtroopers, but Finn focused on the knight. The knight didn’t turn to him at once, their attention focused on something in front of them. They turned, reaching for their saber, but Finn beat them to it, driving his saber straight through their rib cage. As the knight dropped, incapacitated and dying, the thing in front of them, a large crystal, let out a bright pulse of light. Finn put out a hand, reaching out and trying to understand what it was. He turned, taking the knight’s original position, facing the window on the eastern wall, with his raised left arm closest to the door. He couldn’t sense anything from the stone, which had gone quiet, it seemed. His distraction cost him. Pain exploded along his right arm, throwing him off balance. Finn shouted as a bolt glanced off his arm, knocking him off balance. Finn grunted, hitting his knees. The stormtrooper who fired on him dropped when the soldier behind him aimed a shot right on his head. 

There was a sickening crunching sound as a line of red drops appeared on the wall across from him. The sight caught him off-guard. Turning his head in confusion, he realized that the last stormtrooper, not felled by the blaster that shattered their armor, had rushed at Onasi. Onasi, who had just straightened from grabbing some of the rebar from the ground around them, had immediately plunged it into the trooper’s chest. The trooper had landed on his knees, it seemed, and Onasi’s blow to his face and jaw had knocked their helmet off, revealing a fair-skinned woman with cropped brown hair. Her features were obscured with scarlet blood. The trooper swayed on her knees, still reaching for her blaster, even as Onasi raised his arm again. Finn watched through the haze of his pain as Onasi, instead of firing a bolt at the trooper, moved with instinct and used the butt to swipe across the trooper’s nose and eyes again. This, time, when Onasi made contact, the trooper fell along with it. She hit the ground and did not move again as her body finally registered the piece of rebar and the blood she had lost. 

Onasi whirled around, his blaster still held the wrong way in his bloody hand. 

“Clear!” Terius, Onasi’s partner, shouted as he ran over from the back of the room. Terius put a hand on Onasi’s shoulder, soothing the young man, “We’re clear, love.”

Onasi nodded, “The rest of the village?”

“All clear.” Terius said soothingly. 

Finn sat down, checking the burn on his arm as the soldiers around him started running off to help with recovery or check on the injure. He’d barely been grazed and, although it hurt like a bantha, he was fine. 

“Terius, you’re bleeding!” Onasi said, leaning over to look at the blood on back of Terius’s right sleeve. He reached to loosen the straps on Terius’s armored vest and see the wound on his arm better, but Terius stopped him. 

“Leave it,” Terius said. 

Finn looked up in time to see Terius’s face go scarlet. He frowned, but said nothing.

“Ter-”

“They won’t let me wear my binder on missions. I just… I like the armor- the weight. I’ll take it off in medical.” Terius said, shrugging. 

Finn immediately looked away. This was a conversation for Onasi and Terius, not for him. He instead turned to inspect the carnage in the room as Onasi marched his partner to the medical brigade, calling a promise to return over his shoulder to Finn. 

Finn stood over the body of the dead knight. He took a deep breath, rubbing at back of his neck. The knight’s mask had been knocked off. The human, a woman, couldn’t have been more than sixteen. Finn kneeled down, looking carefully at her. How could the First Order have thought it was alright for her to be out on the field alone? 

She couldn’t have been much older than Jonas and-

Finn’s heart constricted at the reminder of his lost padawan. The implications, however, were not lost on him. 

_She was Jonas’s age,_ He said to himself, unable to stop the words. 

Guilt welled up in him so quickly and fiercely that he thought it would choke him. Gently, he smoothed the young woman’s hair out of her face. He turned his face to look up at Onasi, “From now on, starting right now, we bury all knights, all stormtroopers, if it’s safe.” 

Onasi looked at him for a moment and Finn wondered if he was going to argue, but instead the man simply asked, “Helmets on or off?”

“Helmets off, if possible. Lay them above their heads.” Finn said, eternally grateful for the young man in front of him. He took a deep breath, “This is an order for everyone.” Finn wasn’t a general, so he technically lacked the authority, but he was going to make this happen. These were people they were fighting. He didn’t want to forget that. He’d killed a soldier, a darksider, today, but he’d also killed a teenager. If they lost sight of the costs of this war, even for a moment, they’d lose themselves, too. 

It had been little more than a month, not even six weeks, since Luke, Jonas, and Rey had died, but Finn had already rejoined the skirmishes with the First Order. He kew it was probably too soon. He certainly wasn’t done grieving by any stretch of the imagination, but he had to do something. Sitting at home, just made him feel trapped and frustrated, even if he cherished the time with his family. The tears that pricked his eyes at the sight of all the bodies around him made him wonder if it had been too soon. 

Finn wiped his eyes hurriedly, expecting to see Onasi there, judging him, but the young man had gone off to deliver his orders. No, Finn wasn’t greeted with Onasi’s patiently understanding face. 

Instead he was met with the glowing form of Luke Skywalker. 

All the breath left him as he looked up at his former master in equal parts wonder and pain. Luke looked so much younger. Even with the blue glow, Finn could see how much better and healthier is face was. There were a few lines around his eyes, yes, but Finn could tell that, within the Force, Luke had been able to set aside years of pain and age.  
“Luke, you’re here.” Finn said, his voice coming out in a choked gasp.

Luke said nothing, looking at Finn with that familiar patient kindness that Finn had grown used to. Finn stared at him for several moments, breathing deeply and steadying himself at the sight of his master. Here was at least one of the dead who had returned to him.  
“Luke, why are you here?” Finn asked, “Do you have a message? Are you just trying to make sure I know you’re here, in the Force?”  
Luke said nothing, but watched Finn’s face. A sense of uncertainty filled Finn. He knew this wasn’t a hologam. There was too much of the Force present in this being to be a projection, but the lack of response was so unlike Luke. 

“What about Rey? And Jonas?” Finn blurted, “Are they in the Force? Will they come, too?”

Luke, however, said nothing. He seemed particularly distant, like he was both up close and standing hundreds of yards away. Real panic flared up in Finn. Was something wrong? Was Luke unable to hear him? Was Luke talking and Finn was unable to hear for some reason? Luke’s mouth didn’t appear to be moving, but Luke had never seen a Force ghost before. 

“You were the closest thing I had to a father.” Finn said weakly, blinking away tears. Swallowing a tight throat, Finn found himself whispering, “Please, Luke, just say something.” 

Still, though, Luke said nothing. He saw Finn, in this moment, said nothing. Finn clenched his teeth, pain and fear and rejection welling up inside of him.  
Finn shouted, “Talk to me!” 

Luke continued to stare at him.

Finn fell to his knees, his head in his hands. Here was Luke, his master, his friend, the closest thing he’d had to a father, and he either could not or would not speak to him. Finn sobbed, staring at Luke’s translucent blue robes. 

“Answer me!” Finn practically shouted. The words tore, raw and choked, from his throat, but Luke said nothing. He only flickered, looking at Finn sadly. 

And then his disappeared.

Finn shouted his fury and grief, until Onasi and his help returned. 

 

Finn landed from his mission in a haze. He’d worked the last day, helping the remaining villagers and bury the dead, in near silence. He hadn’t been the pilot, this time, and no one had questioned him. Even Onasi seemed distracted, although that was probably due to the fact that Terius’s injuries had, as usual, been worse than the young warrior was willing to let on. The face of the dead stormtrooper, the dead knight, Jonas, and Luke all seemed to rise up together, clouding his vision on the flight home through hyperspace. When he finally landed, someone told him not to bother with the unpacking and sent him home, even though home was the last place he felt ready to be. 

Instead, he roamed around aimlessly for a while, walking the halls. He was reliving the days after they’d found the wreckage of the ships on Ladiri, the day of Jonas’s birth and the fight he’d had with Ren, everything Luke had told him about Force ghosts and their abilities, and, of course, that last fight on Ladiri. He’d hyper-analyzed every second he could remember of it, with Akuryate and the generals, then with Poe and Todra, and finally with himself. He’d done all he could, but it didn’t help much. 

After some unknown span of time, a soft clunk made him start. Finn looked down to see BB-8 rolling along beside him.

 **“Designation: [JEDI FRIEND FINN] is thinking about query [UNKNOW POSSIBLE QUERY]?”** BB asked.

“No,” Finn said gently, “It’s not the thing that I don’t know that bother me right now, it’s the thing that I do know.” 

He looked down at the droid and smiled tightly. BB-8 had been retired from battle about a year ago and, ordinarily, would have probably been decommissioned, but Poe had stormed into the general’s council and said in no uncertain terms that if BB-8’s antenna was so much as bent, he would quit. So, BB-8 had moved in with Poe and Obran. From what Finn had been told, BB-8 had become an increasingly useful part of the repair and programming team, due to her experience on the battlefield. So useful, in fact, that the Resistance was forming a permanent council to reassign droids before they were slated for decommissioning. 

Finn walked with BB for a while, heading towards his quarters, but then found he couldn't go home yet, instead, he looked down and said, “Want to go for a drink, BB?”

BB tilted to look up at him, clearly exasperated, **“Information repeated, Designation [JEDI FRIEND FINN], Designation [BB-8 - SELF], Status [INCAPABLE] of performing process [DRINK] prognosis [PERMANENT].”**

Finn chuckled, “Alright, alright. I’ll drink, you’ll just hang around. Happy?” 

BB-8 trilled pleasantly. Finn couldn’t stop his smile as they walked to one of the lounges kept for people who needed to let loose some steam. BB was always frustrated when people offered her food or drink, but Finn thought her reaction was too funny not to offer it every time. 

The lounge was, mercifully, almost empty. A lone pilot nursed a glass of some dark liquid in the corner, but Finn just flagged the barman, asked for his usual, a big glass of water no ice and a small bottle of whatever local brew the planet had in store. 

“You don’t want this stuff,” The barman, Yazi, said gruffly, “The stuff in this place could peel the paint off of her.” He gestured at BB, shaking his head, “I don’t know who suggested we bring it in.”

“Probably Jessika Pava.” Finn said, grinning. She had always had a fondness for things that could strip the film off an X-Wing. 

Yazi stopped, then smiled despite himself, “It probably was, Jessika, actually. I’ll get you something less dangerous and we’ll save the ridiculous stuff for her name day in a few weeks. We’ll all open it up, drink to her memory, and then curse both her and ourselves in the morning.”

Finn laughed, nodded his agreement. In fact, Todra would probably have enough breast milk stored up by then to take a night off. He smiled at the thought of being able to have a real night out with his wife, one where they could toast their fallen friend and enjoy some laughter, too. He was called out of his thoughts by Yazi, who set down a tall glass and a dark glass bottle, which Finn accepted gratefully and walked over to a table. Sitting down, he rubbed at the rim of his bottle, sipping his water and thinking of the Knight of Ren he’d killed today. He hadn’t recognized the face, but according to their spies, several knights had been promoted in their training a little early, due to the deaths of Kylo Ren, Anjat Ren, and Arya Ren. Finn hoped that would make the knights sloppy, but it would probably just make them desperate. For a group supposedly so tight-knit and focused on ceremony, they’d hadn’t gone back for their dead.

It had been the Resistance who found and burned the bodies of Anjat and Arya Ren, when they’d gone back to Ladiri looking for their own people in those early days, when Finn had still nursed that secret hope that Luke, Rey, and Jonas were alive. 

Arya Ren’s body had been left on a ridge with a clear lightsaber wound through her chest. This, Finn assumed, was the work of either Rey or Luke, since he and Jonas had been farther down the ridge and Gida’smoo hadn’t interacted with Arya Ren at all. He and Poe had found Anjat Ren’s body, sliced in half, inside the cave they’d all explored. This, he assumed, was also done by one of his dead comrades and he couldn’t help but be grateful to them for removing two serious threats from the galaxy on their way out.  
They’d searched for more than two days, but hadn’t been able to find Kylo Ren. Finn knew it was too much to hope that Luke or Rey’s destroyed ships had just fallen on him, crushing him like an insect. In the end, they’d found the shattered wreckage of at least two, possibly three ships on the surface of Ladiri. At least one First Order ship had escaped, but they couldn’t tell anything further for sure. There had been so sign of Rey or Jonas, alive or dead, on Laridi, but they had found Kylo Ren’s smashed helmet among some of the wreckage further down the ravine. 

From what they could tell, Ren had either killed or captured Rey and Jonas, loaded them onto that final First Order ship, which had apparently crashed as they tried to take off. Upon crashing down, the last ship had burst into flame, leaving a charred mass of metal and bone for Finn and the others to sort through. They’d found evidence of the Resistance ship, which had either collided with it or crashed on top of it. 

Either way, no one on either ship survived. 

Finn had no way to ever know this, but he hoped Kylo Ren had suffered. Kylo Ren had been the one to load Rey and Jonas onto that doomed and damaged vessel. Kylo Ren had signed their death certificates in that moment. Finn couldn't kill Kylo himself, but he hoped that Kylo had felt pain as he died. 

There had been nothing of Luke, Rey, or Jonas to bury, but Finn hoped that was just a sign that, like Leia, they had disappeared into the Force at death. That, at least, meant they might come and see him. Instead of bodies, they had gathered every last identifiable piece of R2-D2’s scattered body and buried that. They’d said words about Jonas, Rey, Luke, and the droid then. 

Finn had never heard C3PO at a loss for words, but the old protocol droid had just stood there, still and silent, when he returned and explained what happened. Later, Finn learned that he had been trying to process a possible scenario in which R2 and the others had all survived, but found none. 

**“Designation [JEDI FRIEND FINN] is human process [RECALL] Designation [JEDI FRIEND REY - STATUS DECEASED], Designation [JEDI FRIEND LUKE - STATUS DECEASED], and Designation [TINY SQUISHY HUMAN - STATUS DECEASED]?”** BB asked, calling Finn out of this thoughts.

“Yeah, BB, I am.” Finn said.  
BB turned her camera to the ground with a low moan. After a pause, she added, **“Designation [MASTER FRIEND POE] and Designation [MASTER LOVE FRIEND OBRAN] are frequently human emotion [SAD] over current status of Designation [JEDI FRIEND REY - STATUS DECEASED], Designation [JEDI FRIEND LUKE - STATUS DECEASED] and Designation [TINY SQUISHY HUMAN - STATUS DECEASED]. They often human process [RECALL] simultaneously, while human emotion [SAD] and human process [CRY].”**

“We’re all sad.” Finn said, looking at BB-8, “Rey, Jonas, and Luke are gone, so it hurts us all. We’re family, you know?” 

**"Without Designation [JEDI FRIEND REY - STATUS DECEASED], Designation [JEDI FRIEND LUKE - STATUS DECEASED], and Designation [TINY SQUISHY HUMAN - STATUS DECEASED], set [DAMERON FAMILY] status [INCOMPLETE], prognosis [UNREPAIRABLE].”** BB-8 said finally, her binary now coming in low, sad hums. 

Finn nodded, tears in his eyes, “Yeah, but human families aren’t like sets of droids. Families can work, still, even if they’re incomplete. It’s not the same, but loves grows stronger, through grief, I’ve found.” He looked down at BB, hesitant to ask his next question, but he had no idea how droids mourned or grieved or if they did at all. 

“Do you miss them?” Finn asked quietly.

BB-8 paused for a moment, her head turning to focus on him, then slightly away from his face, then back on him, **“Designation [JEDI FRIEND REY - STATUS DECEASED] was part of process [PLANNING] and process [RECALL] for many files. [JEDI FRIEND REY - STATUS DECEASED] process [RESCUE], process [DEFEND], and display [AFFECTION] frequently and consistently to Designation [BB-8 - SELF] for many standard years. [JEDI FRIEND LUKE - STATUS DECEASED] process [DISCUSS] many topics, display [TRUST], display [CONSISTENT], and process [INFORM] Designation [BB-8 - SELF]. [JEDI FRIEND LUKE - STATUS DECEASED] always process [GREET] Designation [BB-8 - SELF] upon location [SAME LOCATION] with human emotion [COMPASSION].”** BB-8 seemed to hesitate, **“Designation [TINY SQUISHY HUMAN - STATUS DECEASED] process [PLAY], process [JOKE], process [TRUST], process [AFFECTION] whenever [TINY SQUISHY HUMAN - STATUS DECEASED] was status [ALIVE].”** BB-8 rolled around on her axis, her camera down now, “ **Designation [BB-8 - SELF] must process [LEARN] how to process [ACCOMPLISH] Designation [GOALS - ALL GOALS] while Status [WITHOUT : DESIGNATION [TINY SQUISHY HUMAN - STATUS DECEASED] AND DESIGNATION [JEDI FRIEND LUKE - STATUS DECEASED] AND DESIGNATION [JEDI FRIEND REY - STATUS DECEASED].] This process prognosis [DIFFICULT] and description [UNDESIRABLE].”**

“BB, I’m so sorry.” Finn whispered. 

BB looked up at him, **“BB-8 process [FEEL: OPTION [REMORSE]] as well.”**

He looked at BB-8, “Are Poe and Obran on base tonight?” 

BB hummed a negative. Finn nodded. Usually, BB would just stay in the Dameron-Karr quarters, but he said, “You’re going to stay with us. You can sleep in the girls’ room.”

BB trilled happily and Finn smiled, standing up and leading the way home. For the first time in days, he felt like he could actually face his family. 

When Finn reached his quarters, he was greeted by several excited voices. When he saw his eldest daughter running immediately towards him, he smiled the first real, effortless smile in days. Jumping up from the holopad they’d been reading with Todra, Saani and Linora rushed forward, greeting both Finn and BB-8. Finn kneeled down and hugged Saani and Linora when they rushed up to meet him. Leaning his cheek against the top of Linora’s curly-haired head, Finn hummed happily, glad to have his daughters safe and secure in his arms. 

Todra walked over, Ceres on her hip as Brandt crawled along behind her. His wife was dressed in a pair of casual workout pants and a loose training shirt of his, her long, sleek black hair braided down her back. Yes, there was one of the tiny whole-wheat holes stuck to the base of her braid, but she was smiling at him. The most intelligent, beautiful, and tough woman in the world had been the one to wait for him to come home from killing people and coping from killing people. He was so grateful for her. Finn grinned and straightened at the sight of Todra’s warm smile as she walked over to him. She carefully stepped close to learn over the girls and peck Finn on the lips. 

“Ceres was starting to pull herself up on the table today.” Todra said, smirking at Finn lifted Brandt up from the floor.

“What?” Finn asked, his heart dropping. “She’s not even ten months?” 

“Yes!” Todra said, shaking her head, pushing strands of her dark hair out of her face. Ceres giggled and touched her mother’s cheek. Todra cut her liquid brown eyes to Ceres and the corner of her mouth twitched, “I’m so annoyed.” she said, turning her eyes back to Finn. 

“Me too.” Finn said, laughing and kissing Brandt’s head. He watched Saani and Linora greet and play with BB-8, who was whistling excitedly. 

Todra looked down at Ceres, leaning forward and pretending to bite Ceres’s little hand, which made Ceres giggle even harder. Todra sighed indulgently at her youngest daughter. 

Finn stared at his baby horrified at having three children who were that ambulatory. Ceres could be advanced in every part of her life for all he cared, but the idea of her rushing to walk was terrifying. They’d just gotten through Linora’s “escape artist” phase and now they were entering another one. At least they’d dodged another “no sleep ‘til sunrise” phase like they’d endured with Saani. Turning his eyes from the terrifying, dimpled, baby, he focused on Brandt, who was asleep and drooling on his chest.

“Same, brother, same.” Finn said, rubbing Brandt’s back. He looked up at the clock, then turned to the older girls, “I think it’s time for bed.” 

“But Papa, BB just got here!” Linora complained.

Finn thought for a moment, “You guys can play until we put the babies to bed, how about that?” 

“Okay!” Linora and Saani said at the same time. 

BB whistled excitedly, spinning around. Finn smiled and walked with Todra to the twins’ room. They took turns at the changing table, each changing and dressing one baby before laying them in their cribs. Finn laid his son down in his crib carefully, hoping that all the movement and changing wouldn’t wake him. Mercifully, Brandt seemed to be capable of sleeping through anything, even a diaper change, which made him Finn’s favorite son, hands down. 

Watching the baby boy for just another moment, Finn smiled and rubed Brandt’s stomach. He walked across the room to Todra, who was holding Ceres next to her crib and waiting patiently. He walked over, kissing Todra lightly before turning to kiss Ceres’s forehead.

“I love you, darling girl.” Finn murmured against Ceres’s temple. She blinked sleepily at him. She went into her crib without protest and Todra paused long enough to let Finn kiss her again before they had to tell the older, more mouthy, girls that they had to go to bed, too. 

After baths and jammies and last kisses and promises that BB-8 could project some stars onto the ceiling if she wanted, Finn finally got to sit down. He pulled his shoes off, sitting on his bed and resting his elbows on his knees.

Todra finally stepped into the room. She leaned against the door, closing it. She didn’t move immediately, but waited with her back against the door. They way she looked at him, with that warm, soft, and understanding smile, made him feel warm and safe. It was the smile that he got from no one else, the one that said “home”. 

Finn looked up at her, “Kriff, you are so beautiful. You know that?” He said.

Opening her arms before she even took a step, Todra walked over to him and hugged him.

As soon as her arms closed around him, all of the emotion of the last few days welled up in him again. He wrapped his arms around her waist, unable to stop the tears that ran down his face. Todra said nothing, but waited patient, rubbing his back, letting him cry.  
“I saw Luke as a Force ghost.” Finn finally explained. If Todra was surprised, if she had any thoughts on this, she didn’t voice them. Finn continued, “He wouldn’t even talk to me. I’ve seen nothing of Jonas or Rey, but Luke appeared to me and said nothing.” Finn took a shuddering breath, tears in his eyes, “i am trying so hard, but I feel like an utter failure.”

“Finn.” Todra touched his cheek, turning his head until he looked into her eyes, “You are a good man and an excellent Jedi. You are not a failure. You are a good man, an excellent husband, a great Jedi, and a wonderful father. Trust yourself.” 

“I wish Rey would come.” Finn admitted in a whisper.

“I miss her.” Todra said in a hushed voice.

“Me too.” Finn said. More tears welled in his eyes, but he wiped them away, standing to shower and change his clothes. When he got out of the shower, Todra was standing there, brushing her teeth. She looked at him and he knew she was waiting for something, but she made no more to say anything, so he moved past her to change. When pulled his clean shirt over his head, though, Todra was there. She stood on her toes and kissed him. This wasn’t one of the light kisses they’d exchanged around the kids. This was slow and thorough, tasting of toothpaste and desperation. Finn straightened his shirt, reaching up to cup her face and walk her back against the bed. It was nice to be in control, to have something beautiful and wonderful to focus on rather than death and destruction. 

He laughed for the first time in days when, as he stopped Todra from turning off the lamp, she told him, point blank, that if he got her pregnant again, she would kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION OF THE UPDATE: Favorite quote from Asunder and Alloy (either your favorite quote from each or both)?


	14. The Soul Becomes Dyed with the Colour of its Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's late, but it was the holidays.
> 
> I'll try to update soon.

**“The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations**

When Rey saw the ship, she stared at it for a full fifteen seconds, mouth open, before she made a move towards it. She’d made Ben and Jonas explain how they’d seen it twice on the way over, her expression serious. 

“Did you go inside?” Rey asked.

“Yeah.” Jonas said, unsure why her expression darkened at that, “Why?”

“You’re not exactly an experienced scavenger. There would have been a trip wire or some excitable chemicals in a drum on there.”

“There are weird lizard-birds nesting in the cavity of a storage compartment. If this thing is rigged to explode, the four-legged creatures would have beat us to it.” Ben said, rolling his eyes.

Rey shot him a look, but he didn’t back down, “I just like to be careful.” She muttered, “Shipwrecks are nothing to mess around with.”

“You literally spent a decade messing around with shipwrecks.” Jonas muttered, but turned his head and spoke low enough that only Ben could hear. Rey, in the meantime, carefully climbed onto the side of the ship and through the open hatch. Jonas took the time while she was exploring the inside to get a better look at the outside of the ship. It looked like it was a simple transport ship of some kind, but not an Imperial or Republic order. Kylo, or, Ben was pacing around the ship as well and Jonas presumed he was looking for paint or insignia. Jonas, however, wanted to see what the exterior damage said about where the ship came from. He couldn’t find much, except that the ship certainly looked like one that had dropped from the sky and plowed into a bunch of trees on its way to the ground. The ship had landed on its side and the pilot’s side exit had been either broken off or jimmied open, although he couldn’t tell which. 

Just as he was about to ask if there was any sign of where the door was, Rey clambered her way on top of the ship. She crouched down next to the opening, then climbed back inside without a word to them. Jonas looked across the ship to smile at Ben as they listened to Rey make her way through the ship, talking the entire time. Jonas knew she wasn’t talking to him, but rather had gone into “repair and diagnostics mode”. She and Poe’s husband, Obran, did much the same thing. 

Jonas smiled at the memory of when Chewie had through the Falcon in after a dogfight and the pair had worked for hours on it with an odd synchrony, climbing over and around the old ship, carrying on hushed, often monosyllabic, conversations as they inspected the damage.

Ben frowned, watching the open door warily. 

“What’s with the face?” Jonas asked. 

“She’s been doing this,” He gestured to the ship, “for as long as I’ve known her and I can never get the tools right often enough.” 

Jonas snickered. Ben wasn’t wrong and Jonas had been on the receiving end of a sharp look or word from his mother when she was lost in her work, but he’d soon learned how to read machines better. He’d enjoyed spending time among the mechanics when he was little, getting fitting with his own harness and making his way up the scaffolding to ask questions about tools and repairs. 

Jonas smiled at a particularly fond memory of an afternoon spent watching an X-wing getting essentially pulled apart and put back together. He and R2D2 had been able to help with some of the soldering, under the supervision of Obran. Although, now that Jonas thought about it, he had probably been under supervision and R2 had likely just worked alongside him. 

Rey stuck her head out of the opening, pulling him back to the present, “It’s repairable, but it’s going to take hours of work, especially inspecting and patching the wing.”   
She pulled her long hair forward before she push herself up on her arms, hoisting her entire body up and out of the ship to sit on the ledge by the opening. Perched there, she absently looked down at her twin braids, frowning for a second before climbed the rest of the way down. She turned her eyes back to them, dusting her clothes off before crossing her arms and leaning against the ship, “We can do it. There is no way we can do the fresher first, if we want to finish something before dark.” She sighed, closing her eyes, “I know we can work on the ‘fresher during dark, but I think we’ll want to be able to open the hatch, especially if it floods a bit.”

“You think the ship is worth doing before the ‘fresher?” Ben said doubtfully.

“Between the ship and the ‘fresher, it’s obvious.” Rey said, frowning and looking sad, “Not only is the ship a form of communication, but it has to be done in daylight.” 

“You really are sad, aren’t you?” Ben said, laughing incredulously.

“Yes!” Rey snapped, “I was really looking forward to the near possibility of a shower!”

“Why not both?” Jonas asked. 

Rey looked over at him, “What are you thinking?” She asked, chewing on her thumbnail thoughtfully. 

“Well, if the wiring needs to be inspected and patched, one person can do it. I don’t think there’s enough room for all of us to get in there at the same time anyway. Why don’t we have two of us work on the sonic and one of us can do the wiring. Once we get the internal stuff done, we can work on the rest of it together.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Really?” Jonas asked, feeling his ears grow hot.

“Yes.” Rey said, smiling, “I didn’t think about how small the panel in there was, but you’re right. It would be a stretch just to get you and me under there, forget about Ben and anyone else. The exterior repairs can wait, especially if, as we dig deeper, we come across a major component that is unrepairable that we missed.” 

“Yeah.” Jonas said, standing a little straighter. It was the first time he’d been the one to suggest a repair or move. It was a nice feeling to be right. 

“You should do the patching.” Rey said.

“Really?” Jonas asked, looking at her. He grinned, shrugging casually, “Sure, sounds like that’ll work.” He tried to pretend like it wasn’t an honor, but he was sure his mother saw right through him.

“How involved is this?” Ben asked, looking at Jonas, “Does he have the technical training to do this?” 

Jonas turned to his father, a hot flash of anger rising up and burning his throat. Of course he did! Hadn’t Kyl-Ben seen all the repair work Jonas had done on the generators? Ben had done work too, sure, but Jonas could work circles around his father.

“Jonas is more than qualified.” Rey said, nodding, “I’ve trained him and trust the mechanics who’ve worked with him. He’d good.” 

Ben looked at Jonas again, his dark eyes sweeping him up and down. Jonas stared right back, utterly defiant at being spoken about like an incompetent child. 

“Let’s get started, then,” Rey said, her tone letting them both know she saw their reactions towards each other and did not approve of the silent stalemate, “Ben, you’re with me. Jonas, I want you to stay and do some basic diagnostics before you bring out any supplies, alright?” Her voice was so commanding, so direct, that Jonas found himself chafing under it. They’d spent the last several weeks as more companions and equals. It felt awkward being a subordinate again.

“Yes, Master.” Jonas muttered. He turned and climbed back inside the ship without another word. 

Dividing and conquering ended up being, truly the best solution. Rey and Kylo spent the first work day carefully demolishing the sonic while Jonas spent eight hours on his back doing tedious cataloging and inspecting. It was necessary work, but still solitary and boring, especially that first day.   
Halfway through the day, his mother poked at his thoughts to call him for food, but rarely lingered. He was grateful, because she nearly caught him meditating on Orion Marshall, lead singer for a popular boy band that Jonas refused to admit he liked. Jonas had been thinking about how Orion had eyes the exact color of the beautiful green trees they lived around, although from the close-ups in the holos Jonas had spotted in Gida’smoo’s room, Orion’s eyes were flecked with gold. Regardless, Orion was enchanting as well as talented and Jonas was certain he’d one day break off into a solo career, even if Jonas was stuck here and couldn’t enjoy it. 

All this, however, were thoughts that he decided to keep to himself. When he realized Rey was reaching into his mind, he’d forced himself to focus on the wires in front of him, just to make sure his mother didn’t see the mental image of Orion from a poster in Gida’smoo’s room. He blinked, then sat up, looking around. He straightened, rubbing at his burning ears as he walked back to get food. 

Over those last two days of daylight, Jonas discovered that working on the wiring was far more exhausting than he thought it would be. The first half of the day was bearable, but when he returned again at night, his back ached and his arms burned from where he had lain down and reached up for hours on end. Despite this, he struggled to sleep that night, as much as he wanted to. 

It only got worse once night fell. Now that he knew what was out there, there was nothing to do except meditate, train, and read the names carved into the wall. This time, Jonas actually put some effort into reading the names, even moving some of the beds to find messages scrawled into the wall. 

_Maia is the best shooter of the Partisans._

The message below it made him snicker:

_Maia is too busy keeping her gloves clean to shoot straight._

There were other messages, promises, hopes, and dreams all scribbled on this wall. It had seemed that the Partisans, that Saw Gerrera, had felt the need to carve anything and everything on the wall. 

_Long live Ahsoka Tano_

_Remember the Jedi!_

_May by the Force be With you, Plo Koon_

_Steela Gerrera deserved better_

_Death to Bucket Heads! Death to the Emperor!_

_Ubin Des was here_

_Ubin Des was here too_

_Euwood Gor has the biggest_ \- Jonas couldn’t make out the word in the between, but he assumed he knew what it was- _in the galaxy_

This message had apparently been a contested one, because Euwood Gor’s name was the last among at least three names had been scratched out and someone had gone in and drawn a thin line through ‘has’ and written ‘is’ over it. He presumed that Euwood had gone in last of all is obliterated the unintelligible word. 

These messages, even though they were all written by people long dead, made him smile. To Ben, it was a sign of the chaos of the Rebellion, but to Jonas, it was proof that real people had been the ones to bring down the Empire. Sure, Anakin Skywalker had killed the Emperor, but it was real people, flawed and scared and petty and funny and real who had fought for almost twenty years. 

The thing that troubled him, however, wasn’t the number or variation of signatures, it was the number of times he saw “The Force be With You” carved into the wall. From what he gathered, it was a way of memorializing the dead. One sullen afternoon, he’d counted all of them. 

His stomach turned at the number: 135.

One hundred and thirty-five sentients were listed on this wall. Many of them seemed to be from outside the Partisans and he recognized the names of a shocking number of Jedi or other historical figures, either executed or imprisoned by the Empire, but seeing them carved by these “radicals” made it seem more real. It reminded him of his mother and the way she’d begun tallying their days here, just like she had on Jakku. 

It proved something. What it proved, he wasn’t sure, but he felt it nonetheless. 

The last night before sunrise, Jonas woke up on his own. He sat up immediately, wondering what had woke him, but found nothing. Jonas rubbed his eyes, looking around at the still and silent room. The amber service light cast an orange glow over his parents, who lay next to each other, but there was nothing else there.. It was odd to see them like that sometimes, even now. For his entire life, they had been diametrically opposed forces. To the Resistance and the First Order, they were conflicting velocities aimed at each other, doomed to collide and change each other forever. Now, Jonas wondered if this was what they had wanted to do all these years; putting down their weapons and folding into each other had always been their plan. 

Jonas blinked when he noticed a detail that caught him off guard. He sat up on his elbow, just to make sure he was seeing things correctly, but he was. His parents were holding hands. He sat up all the way, rubbing his eyes and staring at them. He knew he was being ridiculous, but it was just odd to see them together, like they were a normal couple and not the two most powerful force users in the galaxy. Ben was lying on his back, one arm on his chest, his fingers laced together with Rey’s where her arm rested on his chest. It was sweet, really.

_Okay, stop being a creep and go back to bed,_ Jonas told himself, ears burning as he rolled over. He was glad he’d seen the nice, quiet moment between them- someone deserved to know what Kylo Ren looked like around his wife-, but he knew he’d regret that lack of sleep in the morning. 

Regret it he did. Rey had to shake him awake twice after he fell back asleep the first time. He cursed himself under his breath as he took his water jug to the river to refill it before heading back to the wreckage. Why had he denied himself precious and wonderful sleep? Because his parents had looked cute.

_You are the biggest idiot on this planet, Jonas,_ he told himself, _and the guy who got duped by Snoke for thirty years sleeps twenty feet from you._

He moved to quickly and with such sleep-addled frustration, that he reached the river without really seeing it or realizing how he’d gotten there. He saw the river only when he nearly stomped into it, but managed to stop himself on the bank, blinking in surprise. 

Standing on the edge of the river, Jonas forced himself to set aside his irritability. If he could barely remember walking here, he’d probably was too distracted by his bad mood to work effectively, especially on something as delicate and important as the wiring their only way off this planet. 

He forced himself to close his eyes, straighten his stance, and stabilize himself a little. Jonas could almost feel Master Luke’s blue eyes on him, both berating his impatience and being reminded of someone long dead. It seemed like everything Jonas had ever done had been done by someone that Luke had loved and lost before. As Jonas opened his eyes, breathing in the cold, clear air around him, full of that fresh scent that came from running water, he made himself slow and deepen his breathing. 

This place truly was very beautiful. He had no idea how long a revolution on his planet was or what the seasons were like, but Jonas found himself concluding that, if it came down to it, he could live here for the rest of his life. He took another deep breath of the cool air, then bent down and filled his jug from the stream. Dropping a little purification capsule in it, he screwed the lid on, making sure it had a little gap. The capsule foamed, but the bubbles only helped churn the water further. 

Something flickered across the river and he started, grabbing his lightsaber in his right hand and holding his water jog in his left. For a fraction of a heartbeat he’d seen something pale and hazy across the water, but now it was gone. Jonas stood ready, scanning the far shore until his heartbeat steadied. All his sleepiness was gone, at least. When his body finally went back to something like normal, he put his saber back in his belt, then turned and walked towards the wreckage. 

When he reached the edge of the trees, he couldn’t stop himself from looking back, one more time. When he saw nothing, he shook the image of the towering figure from his mind. 

The wiring was tedious, to be sure, but Jonas found an ever-increasing sense of peace in the thoughtlessness monotony of it. Over the hours, the sight at the river faded from his mind, replaced instead with tiny coils of various golds, coppers, and chromes. 

_Check, clip, patch, repeat_

Ben occasionally helped him, but there was was a glorified tool rack. At least with Rey, Ben was actually doing something. The isolation became peaceful, actually. As he worked, he thought less about home and the war that raged on in the galaxy. Whenever his friends and family did cross his mind, he tried not to linger on them. He loved Finn and Gida’smoo and everyone else, but thinking about them, about the life events he might miss if they didn’t get this ship working, was painful.

Distantly, Jonas wondered how Gida’smoo was faring. When they’d discussed the events of the battle- the only time they’d talked about it- Rey had told him that Gida’smoo’s arm ad been injured by Kylo Ren- Ben- whoever he wanted to be called. The thought of Gida’smoo losing her arm sickened him. It was the only thing of his father he couldn’t set aside. Events like Starkiller Base or the attack on D’Qar, things that happened years before he was born, were things he could distance from the man he lived with. They were distant enough to forgive. The injury to his friend, practically his sister, was too much. 

The second day of light was rough for each of them. They all got up in sullen silence, except Rey, who seemed to find their reaction to a pleasant mood worth enough to put on a brave smile. 

After a day or two of light, Jonas noticed that his mother got up and slipped away every morning. Curious, he’d reached out through the Force, following her signature to the surface, afraid she’d heard something that he hadn’t. Once he’d felt her total lack of concern, he’d gone back to sleep. As long as he could remember, Rey had been an early riser. When they’d traveled, he’d often heard her recounting the sunrise to people over breakfast or telling them about the predawn navy sky on whatever planet they were staying on. Even here, where sunrise took more than a full standard day, she woke first. Jonas could tell she loved the peace and quiet that came with being the only one awake. 

Ben shared none of Rey’s enthusiasm for waking up. While Rey woke gently, often stretching before even opening her eyes, and moved with soft, gentle, and peaceful steps, Ben woke like a lightswitch: all at once.

Within a few days, however, Jonas realized that, often, Rey would leave her bed and slip away from the bunker. He didn’t worry, but he did wonder. He watched her during the day, but she seemed to be as comfortable as ever. The first time, Jonas had blown it off, but after several days, his curiosity bled into concern. 

Several times, his father joined her, although he was much less serene in his feelings about coming up into the noon sun. 

Was there something they saw that he didn’t?

Finally, after a week of this, Jonas’s curiosity got the best of him. He climbed out of bed, pulled on a shirt, and climbed up the ladder as silently as he could. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find at the top, but what he found managed to be both anticlimactic and a punch in the gut. 

His parents were standing, side by side in the mouth of the cave. They’d left the hatch open and didn’t know he was there, but the minute he saw them, he felt guilty. Rey had her arms crossed, but Ben’s hung by his side. They were standing so close together, he had a hard time distinguishing where one ended and the other began in the hazy rose glow of the hours-long dusk. There was something happening here. He couldn’t hear their quiet murmurings, but he could feel and see the way they subtly moved closer to each other. Rey dropped her arms and her hand hung a hairsbreadth from Ben’s. Jonas could almost see the moments their fingers brushed, each time their independent movements brought them close. When Rey finally let her fingers catch lightly between Ben's, Jonas decided he should go back inside. There was something grossly invasive about watching further. Besides, any longer and he’d have to deal with the hopeful flicker in his chest, which he adamantly wanted to pretend did not exist. 

He didn’t though. It was like when he’d watched them sleep. There was something precious here. 

As Jonas watched, Ben slid an arm around Rey’s waist and pulled her to his side, still watching the scenery. Rey didn’t protest. Instead, she leaned her on his shoulder. They started talking, quietly, but Jonas couldn’t hear what they said. In truth, he didn’t want to. Already, he felt like he was intruding on something private and sacred. 

Ben rubbed Rey’s arm absently, saying something her that Jonas couldn’t hear. 

Was this what parents were like? His only experience with adult couples were Finn and Todra and Poe and Obran. Finn and Todra always seemed to be busing having or managing babies for tender, quiet moments like this and Obran and Poe were more gregarious. Sure, when there was a party at the Dameron-Karr house, Obran usually sat on the arm of Poe’s chair, one muscular arm braced on the back as the adults laughed and drank, but Jonas had always been able to sense an undercurrent of stress and watchfulness that he assumed came with planning a party.

This, however, was quiet contentedness that came from taking in the scenery and each other. He hadn’t encountered it before. It made him feel like a trespasser, like he was intruding on something profound and private. When Ben leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of Rey’s head, Jonas climbed back into the bunker. He didn’t go back to sleep, but decided that he wasn’t quite ready to see so much affection just yet.

Not when it reminded him, against his will, of the possibility that if they didn’t get off this planet, he would be alone forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION OF THE UPDATE: How do you think any of these words "Quorvin, Saani, Todra, Vox, Zhetam Lylin, Lonira, and Gida'smsoo" are pronounced?


	15. Author's Note

I’d like to begin by apologizing for being gone for almost a month. I have been struggling to write anything these past few weeks. Between my depression, several weeks of chronic headaches and jaw pain, and finals, it’s been a tough little bit. Thank you so much for all the support and comments. I’ve been reading them and they’ve really helped me keep going through this whole slump. 

However, I have been writing this entire time, as hard as it has been. Chipping away at Chapter 15 bit by bit, until it just kind of exploded onto the scene yesterday and today. This is probably thanks to the hype from The Last Jedi.

Now, to address _The Last Jedi_ :

First, I’ve seen it and I loved it and I will probably go see it again. It was amazing.

Second, I have planned out the end of this fic. The events of _The Last Jedi_ , since they were not written by me, have thrown a monkey-wrench into that plan. Because of this, I’ll now be labeling Alloy as Canon-Divergent. There will be exactly 0 The Last Jedi spoilers in this fic. Although I _**LOVED**_ ** **Rose Tico, I will not be including her due to the fact that her introduction and arc are tied to the events of _The Last Jedi_. ****

****Third, I plan to continue to hammer out this fic, no matter how long it takes. Thanks for staying along for the ride.** **


	16. All Human Plans Are Subject to Ruthless Revision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long update, to make up for being gone

**"All human plans [are] subject to ruthless revision by Nature, or Fate, or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind the Universe.” - Arthur C. Clarke, 2010: Odyssey Two**

For as long as Ben could remember, he’d lived his life according to regimented schedules, constantly at the back and call of the Supreme Leader. It wasn’t until he got here until he had spent a few weeks on this deserted planet that he realized how little control he’d had in his own life.

 

When he had a thought now, there was no external voice telling him whether it was permissible. He’d spent more than a decade where, whenever he thought of Jonas, someone was inside his mind, murmuring _, your allegiance to the supreme leader’, ‘the boy only has value if he is shaped to the dark side’,_ and _‘The Supreme Leader is wise. He will guide the boy. He will guide you’._

 

Going more than a day without hearing _“The Supreme Leader is wise”_ echoing inside of his head was a relief. It made normal tasks so much easier. It made chores like check the traps, gather water, or hunt, less monotonous, too. Jonas chafed sometimes, under the basic duties of survival, but he was used to a loving home and a secure environment. Ben hadn’t had either in years.

 

For the first time in years, his bed was warm and his life was full of laughter. Every day, they went up and trained or hunted the small herbivores around their home or worked on the ship. As Jonas and Ben had grown closer, the nights became more and more bearable. Jonas was advocating for them to go and explore the cave since they hadn’t sensed the giant creature since the first night. Rey, however, categorically refused. Even so, they found ways to entertain themselves, either by training, meditating, or competing against each other physically. They spared but also challenged each other in other ways. Jonas was technically the pull-up champion, but that was only because the bar they’d been using had broken when Ben tried to use it and Rey hadn’t let them replace it.

 

Not that that stopped Jonas from declaring himself champion anyway.

 

As the weeks went on, Ben found that he greatly enjoyed married life. He had a beautiful wife, a son who was training more and more as the months went on. Getting up in the mornings was easier when Rey was there. Every day, he woke to find her muttering curses as she tried to tame the loose hairs on her braid or she’d smile at him or she’d be waking Jonas in such a blatantly maternal way that Ben couldn’t help but sit up and stare like people did when they saw a bird perched on a branch above their head. It was such a fragile and beautiful moment.

 

It was flares of light like this that kept the darkness of his own guilt at bay. No one deserved this, but he deserved it least of all. His hands were covered in blood. He had killed hundreds- thousands, even, but yet here he was.

 

One early morning, Ben was awoken by a hand pressed flat to his chest. As usual, his eyes snapped open. He grabbed the hand at the wrist while reaching for his lightsaber with his other hand. Before he could make a sound, Rey’s other hand came up to cover his mouth. Eyes wide, he stared into the face of the person who had awoken him. Rey's warm smile greeted him.

 

Ben took three deep, steadying breaths as he forced himself to relax. He wasn’t going to apologize for waking up that way; vigilance born out of years of abuse wasn’t embarrassing to him. Instead, he settled for sitting up. He looked around the dormitory, trying to understand why she’d woken him. Their clothes and belongings were all intact, stashed away in their proper places. None of the furniture had been moved. Across the room, Jonas was sleeping contentedly with one arm at his side with his other hand on his chest. There didn’t see to be any problem.

 

Ben turned to look at his wife and raise an eyebrow. Rey smiled, resting her palms on the edge of the bed to lean across the gap and kiss him. Ben shifted on the mattress, bracing his weight on one elbow and cupping the back of her head to kiss her back. _This_ , of course, was a perfectly good reason to wake him up. Rey pulled back and smiled wider. Ben took her hand, letting her gently tug him up to the surface, where they could get some privacy.

 

Ben reached out to Jonas has he snuck past him. The teenager’s mind was creeping towards consciousness. Ben swiped the boy’s awareness away, sending him back to a deep sleep. One useful skill Ben had learned over his time with the First Order was how to put someone back to sleep. Jonas would be out for two hours, probably longer, since he was a teenager. Ben smiled to himself; he felt like taking his time with his wife this morning.

 

Her body was different, there was no denying that, but it did not stop her from being beautiful. The changes didn’t bother him, but he couldn’t notice him. Ben hadn’t realized how much of the details of her physical appearance he still remembered after the years of separation: the little scar along her rib that was just under her left breast, the brush of freckles across her nose, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. Much of her had changed, though, after fifteen years.

 

The hard, flat planes of her stomach had softened a little, giving way to a less lean shape around her middle. He could no longer feel the bones of her hips so profoundly. In years past, he’d sometimes felt like her pelvis might shatter under his grip. Rey had a toughness about her and always had, but her physical body didn’t have that same quality to it. For as long as he’d known her, it felt like Rey’s body was strong only through her sheer force of will. The years of near-starvation, overwork, and exposure to Jakku's harsh climate had taken its toll. Even though she’d been well-fed, the years of war wouldn’t be easy on anyone.

 

The new stretch marks had caught his attention. She’d always had stretch marks like everyone did, but these were on her stomach and breasts. These had been from her pregnancy. He knew that. Despite that obvious and straightforward understanding, he found himself mystified by them. These were the irrefutable proof that she’d carried his son. In another man, it might have created some carnal, territorial, presumptive arousal. In less secure men, there might have been a reassurance in the fact that he had done this. He had changed her, marked her, claimed her. It might create a sense that these marks, these parts of her, somehow belonged to him.

 

Ben, however, was more comforted and grateful than vindicated. This was proof of what she’d endured giving life to his son. He’d noticed the marks on her breasts in passing, but hadn’t asked if they were from Jonas, too. More of her had changed than her skin and he found himself fascinated by exploring these changes. When he tangled his hands in her hair, the few strands of gray often caught the light. The new scars and marks seemed to be endless, although he had devoted the first three months of his marriage to kiss every single one of them. Rey often laughed at his single-minded devotion to this task, but she didn’t protest.

 

Rey didn’t laugh this morning, though.

 

Afterwards, the pair sat, Kylo with his arm around Rey, their backs to the rock that hid the bunker.

 

“How much time do we still have, do you think?” Rey asked.

 

Ben checked on Jonas. He was still asleep, shrouded in the soft violet-gray of deep sleep. The corner of his mouth lifted at the glittering dreams that hung within Jonas’s mind, like stars flickering in the twilight. He was glad that Jonas’s dreams were so light and soft. His dreams had always been dark and twisted, full of the heavy presence of Snoke. Jonas, however, was surrounded by warmth and hope.

 

“He’s still sound asleep.” Ben said, shifting his weight to lean back against the wall more comfortably, “We’ve got at least another half hour. Although, he’s a teenager, so we could have three hours.”

 

“He’s always been a solid sleeper.” Rey said, “Even when he was a baby. He took really well to sleeping through the night. A few of the other parents in the Resistance were annoyed that we’d managed to find an infant who could sleep so well. They always asked where they could get one for themselves.”

 

“What did you tell them?”

 

“That a pilgrimage to an obscure Jedi temple wasn’t worth an easy baby.” Rey said.

 

Ben laughed, throwing his head back. Rey laughed too, especially at the sight of the bizarre expression he knew he always pulled when he laughed earnestly. Ben looked down at Rey’s earnest, beautiful smile and kissed her lightly on her mouth. Rey hummed, finally pulling away, “It wasn’t _that_ funny.”

 

“I think it was.” Ben said, “Especially since I’ve been to some obscure Jedi temples before.”

 

Ben leaned down, pressing a kiss to a spot on her shoulder left exposed by the sleeveless design of her top. He rubbed her upper arm, enjoying the chance to take in the view and be close to her. Rey smiled, leaning on his exposed chest. His shirt lay ten feet away from him where she’d thrown it after he tried to put it back on.

 

Ben ran a hand up her side, nuzzling her neck.

“You’re snuggly today,” Rey said, amused.

 

“You’re just intoxicating,” Ben said, grinning. He reached out, brushing his fingers through her hair. He’d managed to utterly ruin her braids, although Rey seemed to be unperturbed. Sighing, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her bodily across his lap so that she landed with a “hmph” between his legs.

 

“What are you doing?” Rey asked.

 

“I’m going to fix your hair,” Ben said, already reaching to undo her the ties at the ends.

 

“You could have asked me to move,” Rey said.

 

“Yes,” Ben said, sweeping the tangled braids aside to kiss the back of her neck, “but you always make such a ridiculous face when I do something like that.”

 

Rey exhaled slowly from her nose, shaking her head at him. She didn’t protest at all and he could see by the way her shoulders relaxed and her chin tilted that she was enjoying this. They rarely got to spend time together where they weren’t either working, accompanied by Jonas, or trying to climb under each other’s clothing. He’d missed being able to indulge in quiet and soothing time. He almost reached for the crown of her head, meaning to run his hands through her braids, but his mother’s voice seemed to echo in his mind, _When you take down long hair, you start from the bottom, It keeps it from getting all tangled._

 

Ben didn’t smile at the memory, even though he heeded the long-dead woman’s words. When he’d been five or six, his mother had taught him how to braid her hair. Han had been gone, on some job or raid or some other excuse, and Ben and Leia had been at the house by themselves. He’d spent most of his early years in this one house in an upper-middle-class neighborhood on Coruscant with one or the other of his parents. It had always been this dance between the members of the family, almost. Just as Han Solo unpacked his bag from some trade run, Leia would have to go off-world for Senate business. If Leia had been back for more than a few weeks, Han would find some pretext to get away from it all, nevermind his family. Ben had been passed between them, the only reason they couldn’t live their independent lives. He was always a worry, nothing more.

 

Still, his parents had spent time with him occasionally. His mother had taught him how to brush and style her long dark hair. His father had taught him how to observe people, not just with the Force, but with his eyes. He used his father’s skills more often. Hiding, scavenging, lying, and manipulating were always more useful during a war.

 

But sitting comfortably, brushing the long dark hair of a beautiful woman? Better than all the jewels on Naboo.

 

“You’re good at this.” Rey breathed, her contentment humming through the Force. Ben couldn’t withhold a smile, even if he tried to keep from feeling too pleased with himself, “Did you work as a stylist at some point and not tell me?”

 

Ben chuckled, “Leia taught me. It’s been a long time, but I remember some things.”

 

Rey nodded, bowing her neck forward so that he could comb his fingers through the hair at the base of her skull more easily, “You are such an odd mix.” She finally said, “You spend all your time fighting, but you still know how to dance and braid hair.”

 

“Well, I had to maintain some skills in case you ever came back,” Ben said. The truth was those skills were his best connection to moments when he’d felt loved by his parents. He’d always spent so much time being shunted aside, judged, and questioned. He’d seen the way his father had wanted to touch him less and less, like he was something dangerous. His mother had become distracted by politics and statesmanship and her own unpleasant legacy. She’d forgotten him when he became inconvenient to her. He knew she’d regretted it later, but he’d still been a child, abandoned in all but name. Slowly, he started parting Rey’s hair in half, then into three long chunks. Meditatively, he wound them together, pulling one strand from the outside, then into the middle, over and over. Her hair was like fine silk under his fingers. Between that and the waves of deep contentment rolling off his wife, he felt right at home.

 

“I wanted to talk to you, too,” Rey said quietly. Her voice broke through his quiet enjoyment of her closeness.

 

“Hmmm?” Ben asked, listening as he started on her second braid.

 

“What happens if we fix the ship?” Rey asked quietly, “We’ve spent three months- actually, more than three months fixing it, but we haven’t talked about where we go from here.”

 

Ben couldn’t help it, he laughed. The skin of Rey’s neck grew red as his braiding exposed more of it, but Ben couldn’t help it. He chuckled as he tied the end of her braid, then reached forward to wrap his arms around her and pull her against him from behind, “That’s why you lured me out here.” He said, running his fingers under her shirt and over her waist.

 

Rey shivered at his touch, smiling, “I didn’t lure you out here.” She said. She turned in his grip and pressed a light kiss to his collarbone, “I just wanted to spend some quality time with my husband.”

 

“Quality time, hmm?” Ben said, looking down and raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yes,” Rey said, the corners of her mouth lifting in a smile.

 

Ben grinned, bowling her over. He caught himself, leaning forward and kissing her. “I can think of some more quality ways to spend time.” He finally said.

 

“Ben!” Rey said, her voice higher than usual.

 

“Hmm?” Ben asked, umming against her neck.

 

“Ben, we have to actually talk,” Rey said.

 

“Well, we don’t have to.” Ben reminded her, but he straightened up anyway. Ben put a hand out, summoning his shirt into his hand. Rey turned her head away as she sat up, smirking. Her cheeks were bright and Ben looked at her, “What?”

 

“You didn’t have to do anything drastic like put on a shirt,” Rey said.

 

Ben sighed, “You were the one who wanted to talk.” He pulled the shirt on, “This is a consequence.” After a second, he plucked at the fabric, “Although if you want to go back to what I wanted to do, then I am very willing to pull this off.”

 

Rey shook her head, smiling indulgently at him. She knew he didn’t want to talk about what would happen if they left and after that first fight in the early days, she hadn’t pressed him about those possibilities. Now, though, with the ship almost ready to go, they couldn’t delay the inevitable anymore. Ben pressed his lips together. Frustration curled in his chest, born of the claustrophobic feeling that came from being trapped with no good options. They couldn’t live here forever, not with Jonas. He would rather die than return to the First Order and he probably would die if he went to the Resistance.

 

Rey, of course, could read the conflict all over his face. “This is why we should talk.” She said, her voice gentle and reassuring.

 

“We’ll be re-entering a war if we leave,” Ben said quietly.

 

“How many Jedi are aligned with the Light, Ben?” Rey asked in return, “Besides me and Jonas, how many fully-trained Force users exist to oppose Snoke?”

 

“Two,” Ben said. The words slipped from him before he could stop them. He knew her next question before she even asked it, but he let her anyway.

 

“How many Knights of Ren are there?”

 

Over the years, Ben had been leader and commander of more than thirty knights. Then two of his oldest friends, one of whom was part of the original six students that left Luke’s school with him, were dead. “Snoke controls fifteen knights, as of or crash.” He said, “There are at least two who have probably finished their training by now.”

 

“How many have the Force?” Rey said.

 

“Eight.” Ben replied, “And five of our trainees do, too.”

 

“How do you expect the Light to stand a chance if we leave?” Rey asked. She sat up straighter, looking at him with those earnest, intelligent hazel eyes, “If we abandon the fight, how is the galaxy supposed to survive?”

 

“Alucard can train others,” Ben said dismissively.

 

Rey snorted, “Finn’s children are all less than ten years old.” She said flatly, “And Gida’smoo only just finished her training. The war is heating up now. Even if the Resistance removes the military arm of the First Order, if Snoke still stands, if the Knights of Ren are not defeated, how long before he builds another army? How long will the galaxy have peace before it’s threatened again?” She was leaning forward, one hand on his arm, her eyes boring into his face. He could feel her eagerness and her focus. She wasn’t talking to work things out with him. She was trying to convince him.

 

 _Kriff you, woman,_ Ben thought bitterly, _Luring me out here with your gorgeous face and perfect body to make me deal with the responsibilities I want to avoid._

 

“You want to go fight,” Ben said, straightening and pulling his arm away from her.

 

“I have to fight,” Rey said. She let him go, but her face was no less determined. She wasn’t ashamed of bringing him out here like this. He wanted to be angry at her, but he couldn’t. She cared about the fate of the galaxy. Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to stuff away the part of him that cared, too. He couldn’t stand with the Resistance, though. He couldn’t stand with people who would hate him and fear him, maybe even execute him the moment he had served his purpose.

 

Rey had found freedom and family there. She would be welcomed. He would be a chained animal all over again. After three months of freedom and autonomy, he wasn’t going back. He’d been four years old when the quiet murmuring had begun in the back of his head. Distantly, Ben remembered the first time he’d talked back. He’d been six, dropped off at Luke’s, homesick and lonely. The voice had spoken to him, murmuring that it wasn’t fair that his parents had abandoned him. He’d sniffled and asked what the voice meant, where it had come from. Snoke’s voice had been gentle in the early days and months. Slowly, he’d begun to confide in it, to take comfort in it, and to put his faith in that ever-present voice. He’d been understood for the first time and seen for the first time. Snoke had taught him much in those early years, not enough to gain the attention of his uncle, but enough to make him feel special and strong.

 

By the time he was eight, he’d thought of his Master as his parent more than his actual parents. He’d craved their love and attention for years and had never received it. He’d begged to go home and they’d always refused. Snoke, however, would listen to him. The Supreme Leader would listen to him as he talked about his day, would praise his growth, would tell him things that no one else knew.

 

Ben had been slowly smothered under the weight of secret knowledge and his ever-growing hatred for his family. He’d enticed others, like Arya, to join him. They’d left Luke’s school to prove themselves to Snoke, to make themselves worthy of his trust. He’d ordered them to prove their devotion, to make up for all he’d done for them, by killing the students who had refused to give up their chains in the Light. Those students would be a threat, would become Jedi who would try to destroy Snoke, try to ruin the new life they would have.

 

And so Ben had killed them.

 

When he’d gotten to his master, things had changed. Snoke’s temper had become shorter. His training had become harsher, more physical. Snoke’s presence in his mind had changed from comforting to cloying. He’s spent his late teens with the neurological equivalent with a clammy hand on his shoulder. He’d had hope that he could be strong enough, secure enough in the dark to earn his Master’s approval again.

 

It wasn’t until years later, after Jonas was born, that he realized that there was never going to be any approval. He was just a tool for Snoke to use. He was just an animal to be trained, beaten, and pointed at a target. The affection had just been about submission and control.

 

Something in Ben boiled at the thought of those years spent under Snoke’s thumb. He would never be a part of this war again. He wouldn’t be strong enough to fight Snoke, to kill him, but he could escape. He could take his family and run until they escaped this war. Obi-Wan Kenobi had managed nearly twenty years without discovery. Luke had made it sixteen. He would do better. He would be better than both of them. He could keep his family away from the fight until they died.

 

“I won’t join them.” Ben croaked. Rey’s shoulders fell at his words, but his shame at her disappointment didn’t stop him, “We’ll leave. We could even stay here and use the ship for supplies.”

 

“You won’t fight for the Resistance?” Rey said.

 

“No,” Ben said. He set his jaw. 

 

“Not even to make down Snoke?” Rey said. Ben could hear the hard note in her voice, but he couldn’t lie, “No, I won’t fight for them, even against Snoke.”

 

“Why not? The Resistance so much worse than Snoke?”

 

“No, they’re not. I want Snoke dead. I want them to win, by extension, but I can’t help them. They’ll kill me. Or they’ll imprison me and drag me in front of whatever “republican” government they’ve got going now.” Ben said.

 

“Or you’ll just have to face all the people you hurt.” Rey snapped.

 

“Everyone in the Resistance who ever pretended to love me is dead!” Ben said. He jerked away from her so hard that she fell onto one arm. He stepped away from her, standing. He watched the mouth of the cave, forcing his hands not to shake. Rey said nothing, although Ben could hear her get up. Her shoes scraped on the stone floor of the cave and he heard the soft sound of her footsteps as she made her way over to him. She kept back, though, and Ben felt his throat tighten at the thought that she was afraid of him, too.

 

“I have always been feared.” Ben said, “From the time I was a child. My father was afraid of me. My uncle feared what I could do. My mother feared I’d interfere with her beloved Republic.” He laughed bitterly, “Do you want to know why I’m an only child? Because I was such a kriffing inconvenience my mother didn’t want to go through that again.” Rey’s warm hand pressed against his back. He could feel her trying to soothe him through the Force. Had it been anyone else, he would have been furious at the attempt at manipulation, but he knew she just didn’t want him to hurt.

 

“If we get off this place, we could have another baby.” Rey murmured.

 

Ben turned to look at her, unable to stop his jaw from dropping. He’d been prepared for her to say almost anything but that. She’d just changed conversation topics so quickly he thought he might have whiplash. He stared at her, unable to think of anything to say.

 

_A baby? _Her hazel eyes were wary, now. She hadn’t hesitated to suggest he abandon years of antagonism to help the Resistance, but talking about children made her anxious.__

__

__“You want to have a baby in the middle of a war?” Ben asked, unable to think of anything else to say._ _

__

__“Well, not in the exact middle of the war. I won’t give birth on a battlefield.” Rey said, smiling to herself._ _

__

__“I- still,” Ben said weakly. He had _no idea_ how to respond to this line of conversation._ _

__

__“If you don’t _want_ any more babies,” Rey began, but Ben suddenly stepped forward, catching her arms._ _

__

__“No, no,” Ben said, “It’s not that. I just…”_ _

__

__“You never thought about trying for kids in the future?” Rey asked, frowning slightly._ _

__

__“No, I did,” Ben said, “I assumed Snoke would clone me or use a surrogate. I think he originally planned for us to have children since they’d both be strong in the Force.” He looked down at her, “_ _

__

__“No.” Rey said, shaking her head, “Zhet and I were together for six years, but we were never ready for that. Afterwards…” She trailed off, “I dated casually here and there, but it never really felt right.”_ _

__

__“I only wanted more kids with you.” Ben admitted, reaching up and brushing some of the dust from her hair, “It’s just real now that you’ve mentioned it.”_ _

__“I know.” Rey said, “It- I thought about it very abstractly. I wondered what it would be like to have multiple children,  
but I never actively sought it out.”_ _

__

__“And now?” Ben asked._ _

__

__“Now I want that,” Rey said quietly._ _

__

__“If we have another baby, I want us to live together,” Ben said._ _

__

__“I know, me too,” Rey whispered. Ben took a deep breath, then nodded. This was real. This was a possibility. He could have a second chance to be a father._ _

__

__“Okay, if we have another baby, what happens if you go back to fighting?” Ben asked, looking down at her._ _

__

__“I don’t know.” Rey said honestly, “Once it’s old enough, it could live with you.”_ _

__

__“What if you die?” Ben whispered. Rey took a deep breath and looked down at her feet. She clearly didn’t want to think about that. Ben touched her cheek, making her look at him. It was a real concern. It was clear that all she wanted to think about was the chance to sit in a room, away from it all, with Ben, Jonas, and a new baby. She wanted a new baby who didn’t have to think about the weight of the galaxy’s future._ _

__

__Ben cupped her face, pressing his forehead to hers, “Rey, if you died…”_ _

__

__“You’d be able to parent our children,” Rey whispered back._ _

__

__“No, I couldn’t,” Ben said weakly. He closed his eyes tightly, fear closing off his throat._ _

__

__“No one knows anything about children. No one ever has. You just try your best, love them as much as you can, and pray that makes up the difference.” Rey said gently, “Luke didn’t. I didn’t. You won't."_ _

__

__“I destroy everything I touch, Rey.” Ben said, leaning away and looking her in the face, “I couldn’t do it alone.”_ _

__

__“Well then,” Rey said, curling one hand around his left wrist, keeping his hands on her face, “We’ll fix the ship, we’ll get off of here. And we’ll have to find a way to stay together.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION OF THE UPDATE: What is your favorite scene from Alloy or Asunder?


	17. I Should At Least Die As I Had Lived—Fighting

**“I should at least die as I had lived—fighting.” ― Edgar Rice Burroughs, The Warlord of Mars**

Rey zipped up the old engineer's jumpsuit, tucking her long braids down the collar. She really didn’t feel like singeing all of her hair off today. As she reached her arms over her shoulders to cram her air down her back, she winced at the pulling of the muscles on either side of her spine. These beds were starting to really break down her back. The spry girl who’d grown up on Jakku was long gone, apparently. Hiding her discomfort, she turned to Jonas, extending her arms, “What do you think? Do I look like a mechanic?”

“Well, I mean, you definitely need a flower-print bandana before you’d be a real mechanic, but it’ll do,” Jonas said, grinning.

Rey rolled her eyes, “You’d be surprised to know that plenty of people can repair ships just fine without the addition of a floral print.” She said but smiled anyway. Poe’s husband, Obran, always wore bandanas or carried handkerchiefs of various flowered prints and frilly designs. His crew, the only all-male crew in the entire Resistance, had picked up on the habit, which amused Rey to no end. There was something about watching a group of the grimiest men she knew all binding their hair and wiping their faces with scraps of fabric that looked like it belonged in a young girl’s room. 

“All ready?” Ben asked, sticking his head in, “Oh, good, I was worried the jumpsuit would be too big.”

“You calling me fat?” Rey shot at him, raising an eyebrow.

Ben paled, but Jonas snickered. Rey knew what Ben meant. If the jumpsuit had been too big, it would have been at risk of catching on fire in the places it hung off of her. Still, it was funny to take the mickey out of him every once in a while. 

“Calm down.” Rey said, crossing over and nudging him with her elbow as she passed, “You’re so jumpy it’s almost a surprise that you were once one of the most feared men in the galaxy.” 

Ben rolled his eyes, but his smile faded and Rey saw tension appear at the corner of his mouth. She could feel the pit in his stomach growing and deepening. _Oh Force, you messed up._ Rey thought, mentally kicking herself. Immediately, she turned her head, “Ben, I-”

“It’s fine,” Ben said, shrugging one shoulder as if to nudge her away. He climbed up the ladder, leaving her standing there and feeling even worse. Rey closed her eyes and sighed, feeling her shoulders droop. 

“How much patching are we doing today?” Jonas asked as he jogged over, passing her a face mask. If he noticed anything of what had just happened, he wasn’t acting like it. Rey wasn’t sure which would be better, so she just decided to let it pass, climbing the ladder and walking out of the cave side-by-side with Jonas.

“Hopefully, the entire thing.” She said, stretching again as she walked. She took a deep breath at the pressure in her lower back. 

Jonas groaned, “That’s going to take ages.” He said.

“Do you want to ride in something that falls apart the second it hits the atmosphere?” Rey asked, turning to her son and raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Jonas muttered.

“Then stop whining.” Rey said, nudging his arm with her elbow, “You’re not even the one who has to get hoisted into the air because we don’t have any harness.”

“No, I have to crawl all over the place, passing you tools.” Jonas countered.

Rey glanced down at her son, annoyance bubbling in her stomach. Part of her wanted to ask him how enjoyable he thought it would be to get hoisted through the air by his center of gravity while he was bleeding and cramping, but decided against it. There were some things that, while true, were very unhelpful. Jonas seemed to sense that he’d narrowly avoided a danger of some kind, but settled for taking a swig from his canteen and staying quiet. Rey turned her attention to Ben’s back, which was already halfway down the path to the ship. She was going to have to talk to him, the only question was whether or not they should talk now or wait until after they worked for the day. 

Ben, for all his progress, had a habit of shutting himself off these days. For years, he’d let his emotions run wild, exploding out of him in savage bursts. Since he was fifteen, Ben had lived under extreme pressure that seemed to swallow him up. He would destroy property, objects, even himself, to find some outlet for these feelings. Rey had been able to provide other outlets for him when she’d been with him, first as his student and then as his lover. First, it had been sparring, then physical comfort and affection, and later sex. In the past weeks, Ben had started to do the opposite. Instead of expressing troubles or rage, he would simply shut off, closing the pain away to avoid the rage and destruction that had plagued him for years. This had been permissible in the early days on this planet when Rey’s entire focused had been on Jonas and his survival. Now, though, their situation wasn’t dire. Now, Ben wasn’t an unknown factor in a terrifying equation. Now he was her husband. It was time for Ben to deal with the emotions and pain, but not right now. The fact that he was making an effort to set aside pain and slights was progress. 

Rey crossed over to the ship. When she passed Ben, she put a hand on his back and felt him relax, just slightly into her touch. There wasn’t anger or another form of darkness in him. She could see the deep green sludge of old guilt coating his thoughts, but didn’t press. He wasn’t drowning in it, so she let it pass. 

“Okay,” Rey said, looking at the panels they’d salvaged from their other wreckage. They’d trimmed them with Ben’s lightsaber so they were small enough to bend and work with. They’d found an absolute relic of a soldering tool that Rey was going to use to connect the old and new materials. Rey looked down at their pitiful collection of tools and resisted the urge to shake her head, _Kriff, this was such a gamble._

“Hold me steady!” Rey called, plucking at her jumpsuits pocket to make sure it was empty. She took her face mask from under her arm and put it on top of her head, but left the mask up.

“I don’t know why you’re worried.” Ben said, hands on his hips, “You’re not heavy. I’ve carried you in my arms before.”

“I was 19 and a good 30 pounds lighter.” Rey shot back, her face growing hot. She sensed something shift in Ben’s emotions, a mix of amusement and something else. She could feel his mental defenses fall and Rey, under the pretext of tying her boots, reached into his mind. He was remembering a time he’d carried her more recently, specifically from the newly-repaired ‘fresher to their bed. Rey rolled her eyes, feeling heat crawl up her face and neck, but kept her expression neutral. 

“You ready?” Ben asked, standing across the ship from her. He was still smirking at her, the kriffing jerk. 

“Yes,” Rey said, shifting her weight from foot to foot and watching Ben’s face. He smiled at her, then his face shifted into a more concentrated loo. He put out a hand and Rey felt a tug behind her stomach like someone had caught her by the spine with a hook somehow. It took everything she had not to let out an undignified, “hoi!” as she left the ground to hover over the ship. 

“You good?” Ben called, letting his arm fall slowly to his side as he used his right hand to keep her up. It was incredible how much raw control he had. 

“Yeah,” Rey said, wiggling her arms and legs experimentally. “Alright, my trusty assistant, get up here.” She pulled down the face mask and lost all of her peripheral vision. 

“I don’t know why I have to climb all over the place like a primate,” Jonas said, clambering onto the ship with the soldering tool and one of the patches.

“Because I’m a fully-trained Jedi and your master and your mother, so I say,” Rey said, taking the tool from him as the two of them laid the patch in place.

“Hold it steady,” Rey said, leaning forward and turning on the tool. She brought the wire together, glad the laser on the soldering tool was strong enough to still soften the titanium alloy wires they’d pulled from their other ships hyperdrive. She slowly moved around the entire perimeter of the patch, occasionally glancing up to check on Jonas. He was perched on another part of the ship, with a hand out as he held the plate in place. When she finished, Rey turned off the laser, then tapped the side of the ship with a foot. Ben lifted her back clear of the ship and she lifted her mask with a free hand, glad to take a breath of cool air. 

“How does it look?” Rey asked, nodding at the patch. 

Jonas leaned down, careful to stay away from the still superheated metal, “We’re good.” 

“Okay, good,” Rey said. She looked around between the five other major patches they had to make, “Here, Ben, swing me around and we’ll do this one over here.” 

Rey couldn’t help an involuntary groan as she was rotated around a little. The pull on her stomach made it feel much heavier than it should have been and it took all the self-control she had not to put a hand over it, as if took keep it from floating, invisibly, in the air where she’d been moments before. When she came to rest, Jonas was already there, putting the new patch into place. Rey leaned forward, using the torches to solder the new patch into place. She took a deep breath, keeping her hands as steady as she could. Most of the patch job she’d done in the past had been using some of the more advanced laser soldering tools, which included both the wire and the laser. She’d grown used to bracing an arm on the wall, to keep herself steady. Now, however, she didn’t have a free hand and it took plain skill and precision to make sure the lines were straight. When she worked on the vertical part of the patch, she braced her feet on the side of the ship as she got closer and closer to the ground. She eventually realized Ben was giving her more and more control as she held her. When she reached the ground, she was able to walk across the grass as she worked. On the other side, she simply pushed off from the grass and lifted slowly into the air. Her hands and feet, crawling weightlessly along the ship, was all the direction or guidance she needed. When she lifted her hands and feet from the surface to begin patching again, Ben held her in place. He never missed it. She never moved away from where she wanted to be or had to wait for him. If she didn’t know what his presence was like in her mind, she would have thought he was reading her thoughts and intentions, but this was something different. This was simply his prodigious skill. 

Jonas disappeared inside the ship to check her work from the inside and make sure she wasn’t burning too close or too hot. Rey barely noticed, however. Between the work and the limited view, she was starting to slide into the work. Just as she reached it, she was snapped out of her quasi-meditative state by Ben. 

“Oh kriff,” Ben muttered.

“What?” Rey asked, turning off her torch and straightening up. 

“I’m going to sneeze.” Ben said.

“You’re kidding me,” Rey said, putting down the torch. She braced her hands on the side of the ship, “Put me down.”

“Thanks,” Ben said, releasing his hold on Rey’s legs. Rey’s feet hit the side of the sip at the same time that Ben let out the single loudest sneeze Rey had heard in her life. Rey laughed, digging her feet into a little foothold on the side of the ship. Jonas’s head suddenly appeared out of a hole that he was preparing for a patch. Rey laughed even harder at the look of shock and confusion on his face, “What was that?” Jonas asked, one gloved hand coming up to shove his dark bangs out of his face as he looked at the scenery.

“He sneezed,” Rey said, pointing at Ben, whose ears burned a dark red.

“Oh Force that was a terrifying noise,” Jonas said, leaning against the rim of the hole in relief. Rey snickered, turning to Ben and feeling her smile fade a little. She really hoped she hadn’t stuck her foot in her mouth again, laughing at something that would push Ben farther into that dark place. _When she met his eyes, though, they were bright. Nothing to worry about, idiot,_ She said, kicking herself. 

“Alright, alright, let’s get back to work,” Rey said, rolling her eyes as settled herself in place, bracing for the unusual hooking feeling of being lifted in the air. The second before she was hoisted in the air, she felt the machine tremble under her fingertips. 

“What was that?” Rey asked, looking down at her fingertips and frowning. 

“What?” Ben asked, holding her with his hand as he stepped closer. He looked down at the machine, inspecting it, “I don’t see anything.”

“Lower me down,” Rey said immediately, frowning. When she landed, she settled her feet back into the footholds, one hand pressed flat to the metal. She closed her eyes, reaching out through the Force to sense for anything alive within the machinery in case there was a rodent of some kind knocking around in a cavity somewhere. She felt nothing and opened her eyes, frowning, “It moved. It shook.”

Ben took a step forward, then stopped as a tremor ran through both the ship and the ground. Rey looked from her hand, still pressed flat to the ship, to the woods beyond Ben. Now that they were paying attention, it was obvious that the very ground under their feet trembled. Rey grabbed onto a tree, looking around wildly. She’d never experienced an earthquake or some other seismic event, but she’d heard about them. 

“What was that?” Rey said, climbing up higher on the ship and looking around. The low rumbled sounded again. The noise made something in her chest freeze. Jonas frowned, then clambered on top of the ship, trying to look out through the trees. Rey closed her eyes, trying to find the source of the noise. 

Rey leaped down, landing next to the ship just as the trees began to tremble in earnest. 

“What is happening?” Jonas called, one hand braced against the side of the ship. 

Rey pressed her back against the ship as a thunderous sound echoed through the trees. No, this wasn’t seismic. There was noise and motion to this that felt… disorganized. Rey reached out, searching the trees around them as she spun on her heel. 

“Keep your head on a swivel!” Rey shouted. She finally felt something, a large and varied collection of somethings, rushing towards them. She turned to face whatever it was, although, by the time the thunderous noise became constant and impossible to ignore, she’d decided it was likely a herd of sometings.

“Ben, look out!” Rey shouted, pointing past him through the trees. She jogged over to stand next to him. Ben turned, drawing his lightsaber and bracing himself for whatever was coming. Squaring her shoulders and drawing her saberstaff, Rey turned to face the threat. A large horned creature broke through the brush. Rey raised her staff, but the creature let out a trumpeting noise, broke to the left, and bolted past her. Rey turned to watch it run past. 

More creatures broke through the brush, all distressed. When they got too close, Ben swung hard with his lightsaber, cutting off heads and horns. 

Rey turned, grabbed Jonas by the arm and pressed back against the ship. Rey put out her hands, using the Force to push them out of the way. The horned beasts trumpeted in alarm as Rey swing several them out of the way. “Protect the ship!” Rey shouted. 

Rey raised a hand, but Ben beat her to it, “Something’s coming!” He said, “and it’s big!” 

“Bigger than this?” Jonas asked, vaulting over the ship to land on the other side and beat back the animals on the other side. They didn’t seem to be charging at the ship, Rey realized. Even as she swiped and kicked, she was mostly forcing them away from the ship, but keeping them on the same path. She glanced over her shoulder to where Ben’s red lightsaber flashed.

“Look out!” 

Rey turned just in time to see a large horned head just behind her. The wind was knocked out of her as she flew through the air. She landed gracelessly in a bush and cursed as she struggled to untangle herself from the branches and leaves.

“Rey! Hold on, I’m coming over there!” Jonas shouted over his shoulder. She could hear the animals getting louder and more rambunctious on her side, now that she wasn’t there to keep them at bay. 

“No!” Rey shouted back, wincing a little. She put out a hand, using the Force to yank herself from the bush and onto the sturdiest tree limb she could find. Judging by the bone-deep pain in her thighs, the creature had slammed her there. Luckily it had or she might have broken something. 

“But-”

“Jonas Quorvin, you focus on the ship!” Rey shouted. She shifted her weight on the limb, experimentally stretching her legs to make sure there wasn’t any damage.  
“Fine!” Jonas shouted back angrily. Rey knew his anger was more from frustration than anything, but couldn’t the kid cut her a break? She was the one who had nearly been trampled. 

“You sure?” Ben shouted over his shoulder. 

“I’ll be fine!” Rey called back. She turned herself and carefully bent one of her legs, keeping her eyes focused on her right foot as it dangled precariously in empty space. She let her left leg fall on the other side and gripped the limb with her aching thighs. Pain shot through her legs and she pressed a fist to her forehead, taking slow deep breaths.

_Come on, Rey. This is just like the time you broke your wrist on that star destroyer. Don’t focus on how much it’ll cost to fix it. Don’t focus on the pain. Focus on doing whatever you have to do to get out of this alive._

Rey swallowed, then turned her torso back to the herd and the ship. She put out her hands, moving as many of the animals away from the ship as she could. All she had to do was pull them sideways as they ran. As soon as they cleared the ship, she let them go. Many of them were distressed and bleeding and there were thousands of them. Force, how were they going to avoid being overrun?

“I can’t keep this up!” Ben said. He’d switched to wielding his saber with one hand and slamming creatures away with the force using the other one. 

“How many more?” Jonas shouted, his voice sounding strained and almost helpless. 

“I don’t know,” Rey said. She tried to lean out and see through the trees, but it wasn’t possible, “I can’t see anything!” She put out a hand, trying to reach beyond the grove and sense the end of the herd. Her heart fell; there were probably thousands of more animals that would come tearing through the area. Something beyond the herd tickled at the edge of her mind and she turned her attention towards it. 

“They’re not running at something they're running from something!” Rey shouted, “We have to get out of here. We have to move the ship.” 

“What is it?” Ben asked, frowning. He seemed to have given up on his lightsaber and was just using the force to throw the beasts high overhead, usually in pairs or trios. 

“I don’t know, but it-” A roar tore through the air suddenly, cutting Rey off. She felt panic close her throat, but forced it down. She’d been in worse situations before. 

She forced the panic down until she looked up through a gap in the trees and saw, distantly, a dark head horned poke its way out of the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION OF THE UPDATE: Which feature of the "deserted planet" is your favorite? (I still haven't named it, recommendations welcomed!)


	18. A True Love Can Cross Through Your Legacy and Heritage

**“A true love can cross through your legacy and heritage.” ― M.F. Moonzajer**

“We have to get out of here now!” Rey shouted, her eyes on the dark creature. Jonas had described the nocturnal animals as covered in plates and complete with horns. This creature was in that same vein, now that she realized it. It was covered in small plates of a dark gray color. Its head came over the trees and, from what she could see of its neck, which was so large that she and Ben could stand on either side of it and not reach around, it was large enough that it would crush the ship if it came near, even if it didn’t eat them.

“We have to move the ship!” Rey shouted, tearing her eyes from the monster and looking down and Ben and Jonas, who were staggering under the force of the stampede.

“What!?” Jonas spluttered.

“There’s something bigger coming. If it gets here, it will crush the ship and probably us. I can’t lift the ship clear by myself. I’ll need help.”

“It’s taking both of us all we have to keep it from getting trampled already,” Ben called back. He stabbed one of the creatures between his horns. The point of one of the horns scraped his arm and he yelled, throwing the creature’s body away from him. It tumbled into a few of its fellows, knocking them off of their feet. The pile of struggling, crying creatures rolled around on the grass, blocking the path for the ones rushing from behind. 

“Here, let me get down, I’ll see if I can’t figure a way out.” Rey was nearly unseated as Ben threw one of the creatures distractedly and it hit the tree she was perched in. The creature let out a pathetic bleat and tried to jump down. It landed on top of the ship, then jumped down the back. “Watch it!” Rey snapped, grabbing onto the tree for dear life.

“I’m sorry, I-” Ben was suddenly thrown back against the ship as one of the creatures, a massive one with a set of wickedly curved horns, slammed into him. He hit the ship with a sickening thud and Rey screamed. Ben was going to be trampled. 

_No!_

Desperately, she put out a hand, dragging him off of the ground and lifting him into the air. He groaned, then shouted in fear as she hung him ten feet over the top of the ship.

“Hang on!” Rey said, focusing all of her energy on him.

“To what!?” Ben spluttered. He looked around over his shoulder, his face pointed at the large monster. He put out a hand and dragged his arm down. There was a loud crash in the distance; Ben had probably pulled down a tree or two as a barrier. A heartbeat later, Rey heard a loud crunching sound. The creature was stepping on the tree like it was nothing. It didn’t even make a sound as if it wasn’t worth any displeasure. 

“It didn’t even slow down!” Ben shouted, looking over at her, “Rey, we have to get out of here.” 

Rey looked down at the herd. They just kept coming and there was no hope that she could control them from up here, especially holding Ben up like this. Jonas was down there, alone, on his far side. 

Jonas suddenly let out a roar of fury. Rey looked up, dazed. She stared, eyes wide, as Jonas vaulted himself over the top of the ship and landed on the grass in front of it. 

“JONAS, NO!” Ben shouted, rolling around in mid-air. The creatures rushed towards Jonas and Rey’s scream caught in her throat. The herd would crush her son against the ship. Plated figures continued to rush past, blocking her view of Jonas. She watched, desperately hoping that he would somehow make it. Suddenly, a dark-haired head popped up into her view. He straightened, using the Force to shove creatures aside to give him room. He clapped his hands together in front of himself as if he was trying to split the herd. 

Rey stared at Jonas. He reminded her of a statue of an ancient statue at a temple she’d seen years ago. The statue had stood there, one leg in front of the other, arms in front of his body, with a perfectly concentrated expression on its face. Rey felt a tightness in her chest as she watched her fifteen-year-old son take a stance that she hadn’t seen in any record newer than two centuries old. 

Jonas’s outline seemed to flicker a bright blue-white as she watched and Rey tightened her grip on the tree. She leaned closer, but Jonas didn’t seem disturbed by the light. In fact, it seemed to coalesce behind him, like a figure that was reaching out. 

“STOP!” He bellowed. Swiftly and progressively, as if a shiver was passing along them, the creatures froze. Rey took her eyes off of the blue-white figure and looked at Jonas. Rey felt Jonas’s power roll over her. If it wasn’t for the pain in her head and the years of experience with the Force she would haven’t been able to resist his order to freeze. Rey felt the muscles in her raised arm tense quickly and she strained to keep herself from losing her grip. The tension lasted for only a split second, but the panic didn’t leave her. Ben, however, when stiff in the air above them. He blinked, then relaxed. Rey looked up and met his wide-eyed gaze. Ben didn’t say a word, but his mouth hung open in shock. 

_I have never seen this before,_ Rey thought _That was insane._

Jonas turned his head and waved his left hand. More than a dozen trees on the far side of the ship fell away. It seemed to cost him no effort, although Rey saw the focus in his eyes and the set of his jaw. The trees fell and he shoved them away, ripping up their roots and creating deep trenches in the soil. In the space of a few moments, he’d cleared a path. The horned creatures stomped nervously as the distant monster drew closer, but none bolted.

“GO!” Jonas shouted. He pointed with his left arm and the herd, again with that progressive movement, rushed forward. They filled the cleared space, rushing along faster and faster with the extra room. None of them even glanced at the ship or the clear space on the other side of it. Jonas stood, perfectly calm and focused, even as the larger creature grew closer. Over his shoulder, the figure in blue appeared for just a moment, then disappeared. 

Rey looked up at Ben, who stared at the scene in front of him. One of his arms hung loosely down under him. Jonas’s power over him had left him too. He turned his head to look Rey in the eye, his dark eyes wide. He looked down at Jonas again. Jonas stood still, watching the last of the herd bolt through. When one last horned creature galloped in, he calmly pointed at it, sending it along one side of the ship. His face was blank and expressionless but still focused. He turned to Rey, “I’m moving the ship, you get Ben.”

Rey nodded wordlessly, then shifted Ben aside as Jonas turned to their precious ship. He readied his stance and put out his hands. The ship lifted smoothly into the air and he turned, slowly guiding it as he stepped into the trees.

A loud roar rang through the trees and Rey looked sharply at Jonas as he passed beneath her. He, however, remained focused and measured as he marched through the trees.

“PUT ME DOWN NOW!” Ben said. Rey looked up at him and saw he was staring, pale and horrified, in the direction the monster was approaching from. Judging by the next roar that shook the forest, the monster had seen him, too. She pulled him to the ground, then set him down. Ben shook himself. 

“Rey, can you get down?” Ben asked, pausing under the tree to look up at her. 

Rey readjusted herself on the tree limb, “Just, catch me if you need to.” She said. She kicked her legs down, then grabbing onto the limb with her arms. She was about to try to lower herself down when she felt arms around her legs and hips. 

“I’ve got you,” Ben said. Rey let her arms go, helping her to the ground.

“Thanks, let’s go,” Rey said. She withheld the urge to wince as she felt her thighs and hips protest at carrying her weight. She looked around at her feet and spotted the chrome handle of her saberstaff where it had fallen out of her hand. She summoned it into her palm, then took off at a run after Jonas and the ship. Ben ran after her, his footsteps thudding loudly. Rey looked around through the branches, trying to find the ship or Jonas. How could he have gotten so far ahead of them so quickly? She reached out through the Force and found Jonas, hidden off to her left. She looked through the trees, trying to find him or the ship in the growth, but couldn’t spot him through the dense trees. That was either good, because it kept the giant monster walking past them from seeing him, or very bad, because he could be vulnerable and she wouldn’t know. 

Rey stopped still, “Where is he?”

Ben cursed, turning on his heel to look around through the trees. Jonas was gone. “How did he…?”

“How did he do _any_ of what just happened?” Rey croaked, feeling a tightness in her throat. Her son had managed to manipulate an entire herd of wild animals, lift a ship in the air like it was nothing, and disappear. Rey crouched down, crawling closer to the treeline. She looked out at the empty pathway, then down along it. She wanted to see if Jonas was hiding along the edge or if he moved deeper. There was a low crunching noise behind her and felt Ben’s arm on her shoulder. 

“We have to move forward.” Ben said in her ear, “That thing is still close.”  
“Find Jonas.” Rey hissed. She turned her back towards the path. Jonas wasn’t there, but if she couldn’t track him, she could watch the threat and make sure he wasn’t in danger from it. Ben muttered darkly and slowly walked deeper into the trees around them. Rey watched him for a moment, then turned back to the path. She braced herself as the creature drew closer, crouching down and watching it. She drew her saberstaff, holding it at the ready the way she had a hundred times. The creature was massive, more than ten times Rey’s height. They towered over the trees and pushed a path through the forest as it made it way along. It rushed everything around it without hesitation. Rey held her breath as a massive foot slammed down next to her, shaking the ground under her feet. When it passed, she held her breath for a moment longer, waiting for the next massive foot to land. It did, but landed slowly. Its feet were massive, but its steps were slow. She let out a slow breath as the creature passed her. Behind it, she saw a pair of small shapes behind it. Rey tensed, waiting for some parasitic creature to notice her and decide to try to get at her. Instead, she noticed a pair of long-necked creatures with blue patterned scaly skin. They were trailing behind the massive creature excitedly, chirping and looking around. She tensed when one turned to look at her. It paused, tilting its head and staring at her. The massive creature stopped suddenly, then she saw a massive gray-scaled head lower into her field of vision. It gently nudged the smaller blue creature, which started to walk again. A low hum rumbled through the dark gray animal, as well as the ground and Rey. The blue animal clicked happily at it and Rey realized she was watching a parent and child. The tension slowly eased in her chest as she watched the massive animal. It was ten times her height, easily and the babies were twice her size, but its steps were slow and gentle. The roars faded, too, now that the herd was gone. _You didn’t want those animals getting near you babies._ Rey thought. She stared at it until it left her. She leaned her head against a tree next to her. All the fear for a gentle giant. 

A gentle hand touched her and she glanced behind her to see Ben crouched beside her, also watching for the coast to clear. She met his gaze and nodded, letting him pull her through the trees. 

“Did you get a good look at that thing?” Ben asked, looking around through the trees. 

“Yeah. It wasn’t angry or scary. It was scaring the herd to keep them away from its babies.” Rey whispered.

“I would, too, if I were it,” Ben muttered. Tension and worry rolled off of him, but she didn’t need the Force to know how concerned he was. It was written on his furrowed brow and frowning mouth. She took his hand again and squeezed it. Ben looked down at their joined hands, then swallowed. He took a deep breath, then squeezed back. They walked through the trees, hand in hand, trying to find a glimpse of Jonas. Ben, who was better at finding people, was leading. He paused occasionally, trying to feel Jonas out. Now that Rey wasn’t so scared, she could feel his Force signature. She held onto Ben’s hand tightly as they tried to get their bearings. 

Rey took a deep breath through her nose. Every time she thought she knew where Jonas, he moved and they had to struggle all over again. Finally, she closed her eyes, then opened her mind. She sensed the complicated tangle of emotions that was her and Ben and, distantly to her left, she could feel another flickering gray-white bundle of exhaustion. She stopped, then put out a hand. She felt Jonas, felt his worry, directly in front of her. 

“There!” Rey said. She broke into a run. Now that she’d caught a glimpse, she knew exactly where she was. Ben held onto her hand tightly as they rushed through the trees. 

They didn’t stop until they found Jonas huddled under one of the wings of the ship. He got up the moment he saw them and ran straight into Rey’s arms. Rey closed her eyes, kissing the top of her son’s head and resisting the urge to blink away tears.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Rey whispered, holding Jonas close and whispering to herself as much as to him, “Everything will be okay.” 

In the corner of her eye, she saw a flicker of something blue, but ignored it, focusing on holding Jonas tightly. 

 

*****

 

Finn resisted the urge to roll his eyes and groan as he heard Saani and Linora bickering back and forth in the training room. He stood up, setting down his holopad and walking back inside. He’d let this be a test of their ability to meditate and to get along and had left the pair of them alone for a few minutes. He’d told them he was going back to their family quarters, but he’d actually just settled out in the hallway. 

“See, I _told_ you he was outside!” Saani snapped, pointing at Finn as the door opened. Finn blinked but managed to keep his surprise in check. They’d been arguing about how close he was? He wanted to kick himself. _Great parenting,_ He thought at himself, _you’re the thing that ruined the meditation that you wanted to test. Great job trying to get around a pair of Force-sensitive children._

“What’s happening in here?” Finn asked, crossing his arms and looking down at them.

“Linora was bugging me while I was meditating and then she said I was a liar!” Saani snapped.

“No!” Linora shouted. She stomped her foot and the girls immediately started arguing again. Their fighting was interspersed with appeals to him, telling him who started it and what her sister had done, and so on. 

Finally, Finn said, “You’re both on your feet.” 

The girls stopped, then turned to look at him in confusion. This did, at least, quiet them enough to allow him to say, “Whatever each of you did or did not do, you’re both standing up and not attempting to meditate. That means you’re _both_ at fault. Now, as it happens, Linora, your training time is done for the day. Saani, you and I still have some more to do.”

 

The door behind him opened and Todra walked in with Ceres strapped to her back and Brandt on her hip. Finn kept his face firm, which made Todra raise her eyebrows as she walked over.

“What happened here?” Todra asked cautiously.

“Well, instead of meditating, our girls were fighting,” Finn said, keeping his tone level.

“Really? Well, that’s not okay.” Todra said, frowning at the girls. 

“I think we should take Linora home and I’ll spend some more time with Saani,” Finn said. He looked over at Todra, who was nodding. She set Brandt down and the toddler sat down immediately, beaming up at Finn, who couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. He glanced over at Linora and Saani, who were also smiling at Brandt. Brandt had a way of making even the most serious person smile. 

Brandt waved a chubby fist at his sisters, “Hi.” He whispered. 

Finn glanced at Todra, raising an eyebrow as he mouthed, ‘Is Ceres asleep?’. Todra nodded, then turned to Linora and waved her over.

“I don’t want to go!” Linora said, stomping her foot again. 

“Linora,” Finn said firmly, “You’re not in trouble. It’s just time for us to go home because it’s Saani and Gida’smoo’s turn to use the training room.”

Linora stood there, crossing her arms for a moment. She was clearly weighing her options. Finn walked over and squatted down in front of her, “what’s wrong, love?” He asked quietly so only she could hear him.

“You said you were going to leave and Saani said you didn’t.” Linora pouted, “And she said I was stupid.”

“I did leave.” Finn said, nodding, “I didn’t get to go very far because I heard you and your sister, but I did leave. You’re not stupid and it was wrong for Saani to say that. Did you say anything to Saani?” He asked, looking at Linora carefully.

Linora sniffed, then nodded.

“What was it?” Finn asked, looking into Linora’s dark eyes. 

“I said that she was mean and a liar,” Linora said. 

Finn nodded, then leaned back, “Saani, come here.” he said, loud enough for her to hear it. Saani huffed and walked over. 

“Saani, do you need to say something to your sister?” Finn asked, looking between Linora and Saani.

“I’m sorry,” Saani said, looking at her feet.

“For what?” Finn asked.

“For saying that you were stupid.” 

Finn nodded. He turned to Linora, “Do you have something to say, Linora?”

“I forgive you,” Linora said quietly.

“Linora, do you have something to say to Saani?” Finn asked, looking to Linora. 

“I’m sorry for calling you a liar,” Linora said, looking over at Saani.

“I forgive you,” Saani said.

Finn nodded, “Okay, now you two hug. You need to make up.” He said seriously.

Linora lurched forward and hugged Saani tightly. Saani hugged her back. Finn smiled, then patted Linora on the arm, “Okay, let me hug you, then you need to go with your mom, okay?”

“Okay,” Linora said. She turned and hugged Finn. He closed his eyes, then kissed her forehead, “I love you, Linora.”

Linora nodded, walking over to Todra as she picked up Brandt. Finn blew a kiss to Todra, who smiled and nodded. 

“What did you do in your training?” Todra asked as she reached the door. She smiled as Linora started to open up about what she’d done today. Finn stood and turned to Saani, who stood alone, fiddling with her sleeve. 

“You sensed me right outside in the hallway?” Finn asked, looking down at her and fighting to keep his expression neutral. He put his hands on his hips as Saani nodded. Finn nodded, begrudgingly proud “Good job. I wasn’t expecting you to be able to know exactly where I was.” 

His children were unique creatures. While Saani was clever and mature for her age, she also had a clear devious streak that the emotive and genuine Linora simply didn’t. She’d hidden the fact that she’d sensed him just to mess with Linora. He shook his head, “You shouldn’t just try to mess with Linora.”

Saani shrugged, “She was bugging me.”

“Bugging you?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I could hear her making noise the entire time.” Saani said, wrinkling her nose.

Finn shook his head, “It still doesn’t make it okay. Do you hear me?”

“Okay,” Saani said. 

“Come on, we’re going to practice some mind exercises today.” Finn said, “I want you to learn how to protect yourself.

“Okay!” Saani said, her dark brown eyes wide. She immediately grabbed the poufs they used when they were sitting for long periods of time. He didn’t allow her to carry more than one thing with the Force, mostly because she lacked the control not to hit someone by accident. He stood back, smiling as Saani trotted back to the center of the floor, levitating one of the squishy chairs in front of her. Watching her petite figure as she came behind the chair, he was suddenly reminded of Rey. His old friend had always been strong, but her slim build has sometimes made the visual she created particularly unique.

Saani’s resemblance to Rey ended with her petite frame. While Saani was the fairest of his children, she was the only one who had hair with the same coarse texture as Finn’s. It curled tightly, framing the heart-shaped face and high cheekbones she had inherited from her mother.  
When she got both chairs in place, Saani sat down immediately, crossing her legs like she was going to meditate. Saani sat upright, keeping her back straight, just as he taught her, and Finn had to resist the urge to grin. She looked adorable that way, with her little hands on her knees and her young face set in such a blatantly serious expression. Her hair, pulled up in a high ponytail, only emphasized the stiffness in her neck.

Finn looked around, suddenly realizing that Gida’smoo hadn’t arrived yet. She was supposed to get here around this time and she was not someone who tended to be late. He closed his eyes, reaching out for Gida’smoo’s force signature. He expected her to be in this hallway, on her way here, but she wasn’t. Instead, she was farther away, her mind a swirl of emotions. He brushed against her mind and was met with a stormwall of uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety, and grief. He took a deep breath, waiting for Gida’smoo to turn onto their hallway until he walked to meet her. He brushed against her again, searching for anything familiar or fixable in her worries. She was so overwhelmed by her own feelings that he could barely make anything out. The one piece that he could recognize was Luke’s face. He felt his heart tighten and wondered what reminded her of her old master. Her grief would make training harder and less enjoyable today, but Gida’smoo was very good at keeping her emotions in check when it came to training. He wanted to talk to her first, to make sure she was alright before she came in. 

Finn frowned, then looked down at Saani, “Saani, I want you to practice levitating the two chairs in front of you at the same time. Keep them in place and keep them level. I’ll be right back. I’m going to peek into the hallway and see if Gida’smoo’s running late, okay?”

Saani nodded eagerly. She, of course, was excited for every opportunity to practice her abilities. 

Finn stepped out of the training room. He turned his head to look for Gida’smoo as she rounded the corner. He smiled at her as she drew closer, “Hey, Gida.” He murmured.

“Hey.” Gida’smoo said. Her voice was quiet and sounded far away. She kept moving towards the door, but Finn tapped on her arm, stopping her, “What?” She asked, turning her amber eyes. 

“I can tell you’re upset. What happened?” Finn asked gently. 

“Nothing.” Gida’smoo said, shrugging evasively. Her mood flared up and Finn smiled. Her feelings were written all over her face, even if he couldn’t feel it in the Force.

“Gida’smoo, did you just try to lie to a Jedi Master?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gida’smoo sighed, stepping away from him and leaning her head back against the wall. She took a deep breath, holding out her hands, “Finn…” Her voice was a quiet croak. She reached up and pressed her hands to her eyes, taking deep and calming breaths. He rubbed a hand up and down her arm as she screwed up her face. Hot tears welled in her eyes. She rubbed her hands together nervously, clearly loathed to do whatever she was about to do.

“What is it?” Finn asked. He was suddenly reminded of the time Saani had crept into his and Todra’s room to explain how Linora had somehow got out of her crib, opened the fridge, and spilled milk all over Saani and the kitchen floor, all while not getting a drop on herself… or waking up. Gida’smoo shook her head, swallowing again. Finn reached out and was able to get a better hold of her emotions better. She was awash in guilt and grief. 

“What happened?” Finn asked quietly, stepping closer to her. He leaned over and put an arm around her. 

“I saw Luke.” Gida’smoo said, swallowing and wiping her eyes. “I saw Master Luke.” Gida’smoo said, “In a dream.”

Finn blinked. He leaned back to look down at her better, “You did?” He asked.

Gida’smoo nodded, “More than once.” 

“What did he look like?” Finn asked, looking into her shining amber eyes.

“Younger, happier.” Gida’smoo said, the corner of her mouth lifting, “His voice is gentler and happier than I ever heard. He’s peaceful.” 

“His voice?” Finn asked, letting her go and staring down at her, “You heard his voice?” 

“Yeah.” Goda’smoo said quietly. 

“What did he say?” Finn blurted, unable to keep his excitement out of his voice. 

“Well, ‘Hi’, I guess.” Gida’smoo said weakly, “He mostly shows me things, tells me to pursue the Force.” 

“Pursue the Force?” Finn asked, frowning, “What does that mean?”

“I have no idea.” Gida’smoo said, laughing weakly in her exhaustion and nervousness, “It doesn’t make sense, even with what I see.” 

“Wait, do you see things or just him?” Finn asked, stepping back and leaning against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“It’s not just him…” Gida’smoo said thoughtfully. Again, she was hesitating. 

“What do you see, Gida? In your dreams, what do you see?” 

“Lights. All different colors and sizes and brightness. They flicker and glow across the galaxy. I see Luke guiding me to particular ones.” Her voice was small and now he knew why: Gida’smoo knew that Luke had appeared to him, but hadn’t said anything. She was afraid he’d be hurt or jealous and, if he was honest with himself, he was. He couldn’t let her feel that. This was Luke’s doing, not hers. 

Pushing aside his first feelings, Finn took a deep breath then nodded, “Follow him.” 

“What?” Gida’smoo asked, looking up.

“Talk to Poe and General Akuryate, get a ship and crew, and go follow where he’s leading you. He’s the first Force ghost to show up since he died. We need to see what he wants.” Finn said, looking into her amber eyes. He found himself speaking slowly, in that same tone of voice he used on Saani when she wanted to quit a game or activity because she wasn’t doing well at it. If Gida’smoo noticed, she didn’t say. Instead, she met his gaze and nodded. She wiped the last of her tears away, squaring her shoulders.

“Should I go now?” Gida’smoo asked, turning to look at Finn.

Finn looked at her for a long moment, thinking of how young she was, how it was wrong that she had to take on so much responsibility at so young an age, and how it wasn’t fair that they had let her lead a crew on her own in the months before Rey and Luke’s death. Despite all this loss and tragedy, however, she was still strong and resolute.

“Yeah, go now,” Finn said. 

Gida’smoo nodded, walking quickly down the hallway. All her hesitancy had faded now that she had direction and her footsteps were light and solid. 

“Gida’smoo,” Finn said. She paused at the end of the hallway, looking over her shoulder with an expression that reminded him of Rey so much that it took his breath away. 

“Yes, Master?” Gida’smoo asked.

“May the Force be with you,” Finn said. Gida’smoo beamed at him, then nodded. With that, she turned and disappeared down the hallway. When he reached out to the Force to see what she was feeling, he discovered that all of her uncertainty and fear had melted away, giving way to a tentative hope. 

 

*****

 

Jonas sat down heavily on one of the rocks outside of the little cave and closed his eyes. He resisted the urge to groan as he stretched his sore legs and arms. He wiggled his toes as he put feet close to the fire that was finally starting to heat up. He rumpled his still-damp hair, trying to dry it the rest of the way. He yawned, glancing at the food that one of his parents had put out over the fire while he’d gone inside to change. He’s spent ten minutes under the fresher, slowing washing the mud, dust, and filthy water off of his skin. Over the long walk back, he’d wound up with leaves in his hair and cuts on his skin. Standing under the tap with the soap, he struggled for ten minutes to comb two shards of damp twig out of his tangled hair. Changed, thoroughly scrubbed, and slightly stinging, he was now sitting in the sun to dry. 

Jonas looked at the sky, checking to see if the sun had moved much while they’d been repairing the ship and making their way back. It hadn’t, but it was warming up, which Jonas appreciated. He leaned against the rock and sighed at the warmth that seeped into his back; it had spent more than twenty-four standard hours being warmed by the sun and he was grateful. He looked down at his palms and knees, which had been scraped on their way back to the cave. Jonas grabbed the hairbrush that he’d brought with him, leaning forward to painstakingly brush the tangles out of his black hair. He wanted to take a nap, but he needed to brush his hair out first or it would dry so haphazardly that he wouldn’t be able to get it out of his face the next day. He watched the fire, which still wasn’t hot enough to cook the little animals Ben and Rey had collected from their traps. 

Jonas winced as he pulled a particularly hard knot free. Finally, he sighed and pulled his drying hair out of his face and into a ponytail. He almost offered the brush to Rey or Ben, but he figured they’d want to wait until after they’d gotten clean. 

Jonas looked up to see his parents sitting side-by-side by the little fire. They said nothing, but he watched his mother rest her cheek on Ben’s shoulder without a word. The last eight hours had been horrible for all of them, but particularly Rey. While they’d escaped notice from whatever giant monster had passed through the area, they hadn’t been able to use their normal paths back to the cave. Between the herd and the giants, the paths had all been obliterated. Rey had been forced to wander on an injured leg as they wound their way slowly back towards the hut. 

Luckily they’d found the occasional clearing to rest the ship so that Rey didn’t have to hold Ben while he acted as their scout. Jonas didn’t usually enjoy using the Force to lift up people or animals, but there was something satisfying about watching Ben’s face as he lurched upward. Whether consciously or unconsciously, his father always circled his arms in the air and kicked his feet, even though Jonas was directing him and Ben had no control over his movements at all. His favorite part, however, was the quiet, involuntary ‘yuh!’ noise that Ben made every time Jonas lifted him. Having never been lifted up using the Force, Jonas wondered if it was just a human reaction to being hoisted by your center of gravity; Rey had always made some sort of noise when she was lifted up to work on the ship. 

Ben had been a reliable navigator, even if their paths were confusing and wild. Jonas had been forced to walk back and leave the ship in a clearing close to the cave, rather than out front, due to the lack of room, but otherwise, they all made it back alright. 

Jonas stretched his legs again, trying to make sure they didn’t cramp. The hours of walking had left him sore. He closed his eyes and reached up to touch his hair again. He immediately winced as his hair touched his stinging palms. The walking had left them all exhausted, but the trails had been manageable. Their biggest problem had been the river. 

None of them could figure out how, but they’d ended up on the far side of the river. Not only that, but they’d been farther away from where the river was significantly faster. It had taken them ages to cross, mostly due to the fact that they’d had to improvise rafts out of logs. Jonas had been behind Ben, levitating the ship over their heads without having it fall on them and crush them. 

Rubbing at the sore spots on his palms, Jonas remembered when he’d lost his balance and fallen into the water. Ben had grabbed the back of his shirt immediately and hauled him back onto the log, but Jonas had bruised his hands grabbing onto the log. His father hadn’t let go of his arm for the last half of the crossing, all twenty minutes of it. 

No one, however, asked Jonas how he’d managed to hold the ship up the entire time, even while he’d fallen into the water. He was glad for this because he had no idea. 

“Are you alright?” Ben’s voice was low and gentle as he tilted his face to speak to Rey.

Rey nodded, “My back is pretty sore, but otherwise I'm okay.” she said quietly. Jonas opened one eye, watching Rey as she stirred a little to look at Ben. She’d fallen into the water twice, although she’d been able to pull herself back up without any problem. Her route through the water had been a lot rougher and she’d vomited on the way home. She seemed alright now, but Jonas was still worried. Ben seemed worried, too. 

“I saw you get slammed pretty hard.” Ben said, clearly uncertain, “Are you sure you're alright? I can't imagine how you go thrown like that and didn't rupture something.”

“It rammed into my legs, not my gut. I got thrown, but all my squishy bits are unhurt.” Rey said.

Jonas snorted into his cup of water, then coughed and spluttered. His parents looked over at him, both a little confused and surprised. They honestly seemed to have forgotten that he was there. 

Jonas smirked at them, then looked beyond their little fire and the surrounding area. 

In recent weeks, he’d started to notice that some of the foliage nearby was starting to change colors. He’d noticed some of the green leaves starting to grow brown and flakey on some of the under bushed. The trees, however, were growing these little reddish and purplish patches on their branches and twigs. It took him a minute to notice it, but there was an empty patch where all the leaves had been stripped away. 

_I wonder what did that._ Jonas thought, _It’s not like something ate-_

A flicker of bright white-blue light caught his eye from next to a bush. He turned his head sharply, expecting to see one of the heavily armored creatures with the glowing patches. Instead, though, he saw a silvery shape in the air. He straightened, opening his mouth to say something. When he blinked, though, the shape was gone. 

Jonas stared at the spot, blinking again and again. The shape didn’t come back. He rubbed his eyes, then looked back to the leafless patch that he’d been looking at before. He glanced at the spot again. There was nothing there, but he stared at the spot anyway. 

Ben’s voice echoed distantly, but Jonas kept his eyes on the spot. Again, he heard Ben’s low voice from across the fire. He blinked, pulling out of his thoughts. He turned to look at Ben, “Huh?” 

“You think my plants are still alive?” Ben asked thoughtfully. He glanced down at Rey, whose eyes were closed, “Rey?” 

“What?” Rey asked, her voice quiet and weary. She didn’t even bother to open her eyes, but as she spoke, a piece of dirty hair fell into her face. Ben brushed it away. 

“My plants. I kept your little plants in my quarters.”

“You kept my plants alive for more than 16 years?” Rey asked, sitting up and looking at Ben. 

“Yeah,” Ben said, shrugging, “They’re hardy, apparently.”

“Apparently,” Rey said, smiling to herself.

“Your plants?” Jonas asked, frowning. He straightened up, stretching his back before putting it against the wall again. 

“When I lived with the First Order, I would collect these little plant cuttings and keep them in my quarters,” Rey said, shrugging. 

Jonas grinned, “That…”

“What?” Rey said, her cheeks flushing. She shrugged, then unwound her braids to distract herself. 

“No, no. Rey, it’s cute.” Jonas said, “I was just imagining little you, fresh off Jakku, wanting to keep all of the flowers.”

“That’s exactly what she was like,” Ben said, chuckling. His face fell and he turned his head sharply, looking over Jonas’s shoulder. 

Jonas turned sharply and saw the blue-white light again. It flashed out as soon as he focused on it, then turned back to Ben. “You saw it, right?” 

“Saw what?” Rey asked, looking at Ben and Jonas.

“What was that?” Jonas asked. Ben didn’t answer him. Instead, he stood, summoning his lightsaber into his palm. He crossed over to the cave mouth, then lit it. 

“Show yourself,” Ben demanded in a Force-laden, clear, voice. He shook his dark hair out of his face, his expression very hard. 

“Ben, nothing’s there to command,” Rey said, gesturing to the empty space. 

“Something’s there,” Ben said, not taking his eyes off of the space. Jonas got to his feet and stood at Ben’s side. The seconds ticked by and his heartbeat echoed in his ears. No one spoke or made a sound. Even Rey kept her confusion quiet. She stood slowly as well. 

“Show yourself!” Ben demanded again in a loud voice, making Jonas jump. His voice cut harshly through the silence. Jonas almost gave up hope that the blue light might, perhaps, obey. Suddenly, he saw the flicker of light appear in front of him, right at eye-level. It blinked, then steadied, becoming a softly glowing shape, like the first beams of a holoprojection. It was changing quickly and, by the time Jonas blinked again, the shape had solidified into the form of a man. Jonas’s breath caught in his chest. He was staring at a person made of blue energy. The man was tall with long hair that was pulled out of his face and hung around his shoulders. He had bright and intelligent eyes that were tempered by a warm and welcoming smile. These intelligent eyes looked at Ben for only the space of a moment before switching to Jonas. Jonas opened his mouth, but before he could even think of what he might say, the man’s eyes left him. Instead, they settled behind him and the man’s smile widened.

“Hello, Rey.” He said. “I think you have been waiting for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question if the update: ask me anything.


	19. Souls Never Die… All Things Change, Nothing Perishes

**"Souls never die… All things change, nothing perishes" - Pythagoras**

The man in front of her was tall, with a kind and serious expression. His long brown hair was pulled away from his face and his eyes seemed to cut through her.

“Who are you?” Rey asked, thankful that she was able to keep the shakiness out of her voice.

“My is Master Qui Gon Jinn. When I lived, I was a Jedi Master.” His voice was like the rest of him, serious and quiet, but with an air of patient power. Rey nodded, “You knew Master Luke?” 

“Not personally, no, but I am the Jedi Master who first advocated for training Anakin Skywalker.” There was a note of sadness in his voice that Rey understood; this man had unintentionally brought in the man who had destroyed the old Jedi Order.

“You never appeared to me before, Master Jinn.” Rey said.

“I wanted to wait until you had surrender your identity to the present, rather than chasing the past.” Qui Gon said gently.

“Wait? You mean, you could have come before?” Rey asked, searching the man’s glowing face.

“Yes.” Qui Gon said, his voice sad and full of regret.

“Why me? Why not Ben? Did you sense me in the Force or- or…” Rey trailed off, “I-I don’t know.”

“I was there the entire time.” Qui Gon confessed, “Your entire life.”  
_My entire life?_ Rey echoed. She blinked, unable to process the words fully. She’d had a presence in the Force, with her, since the day she was born? If that was the case, then... 

“You know who my parents are.” Rey whispered. 

“I do.” Qui Gon said quietly. Rey saw Ben and Jonas both stiffen. It almost made her laugh, seeing them look from her to Qui Gon and back again. 

“How do you know?” Rey asked. She couldn’t help her tone, which was tight and choked with emotion. She cleared her throat, then looked up at the Force Ghost in front of her.

“I know because I’ve been watching my family since my physical life ended.” Qui Gon Jinn said.

“Your family?” Rey felt something hot run down her face. She touched her cheek, feeling the tears there, “We’re related?”

“We are.” Qui Gon Jinn said. He smiled, but Rey couldn’t see it. Her vision had blurred with the tears. She’d imagined, over and over, what having the answer to this ever present question would feel like, but now that it had come, she was simply awash in emotion. 

“H-How?” Rey croaked. 

“I am your great-grand uncle.” Qui Gon said.

“How many family members do I have?”

“Counting you and your immediate family, our entire living family totals ninety-seven people.” 

Rey took a ragged breath, _Ninety-seven people!? Ninety-seven?_ She stepped back, looking down and wiping her eyes. “How did you find out?” 

“I always knew my home planet and my name wasn’t changed. In a fit of curiosity during my early adulthood, I had looked up information about my birth family.” Qui Gon Jinn said, “ After my death, I found a way to deny the Will of the force and maintain my identity after death. I sought out Master Yoda and, when my former student turned to the Dark Side, my family.” 

“What did you learn about your family?” Rey whispered, blinking rapidly, looking up into his face again.

“I was born the youngest in my family. Taken for training as a toddler, I didn’t group up with my biological siblings. None of them had the Force, so I had no contact with them while I lived. However, after my Anakin turned to the Dark Side, I thought that I might have relatives with the Force and would be swept up in the Purge. So I watched, but child after child was born without any sensitivity. That is, until you.” 

“And my parents?” Rey asked. 

“They were poor traders, working first on a ship and then on planet.” Qui Gon said, “I stayed closest to them. You weren’t their first child, or their last, but you were the only one with the Force.” 

“So they left me on Jakku?” Rey asked.

“They did.” Qui Gon Jinn said, “They hoped that, if you disappeared, those hunting you would leave everyone alone.”

“I was being hunted?” She was reeling. She had a family, she’d had parents, and she’d been hunted?!

“Well, tracked and monitored, to be more accurate. The New Republic was looking for Force-sensitive children and your abilities stood out. On Jakku, you were anonymous, far enough away that no one would notice you for who you are. Your parents didn’t survive long enogh to go find you again.”

“Why did they die?” Rey asked.

“When you were sixteen?” Qui Gon whispered.

“Are any of them alive?” Rey asked, her head snapping up. Siblings? Brothers and sisters?

“Not your parents, I’m sorry.” Qui Gon said, “You have two sisters and three brothers alive, however. They’re far away, but I can lead you to them one day.” 

“You know where they are?” Rey asked. She looked up at Qui Gon Jinn and her heart tightened, “You’ve known where they are the entire time?” Something in her stomach twisted at the realization that Qui Gon Jinn, an immortal, powerful Force ghost, had left her to her own devices for more than thirty years. Her parents had been dead since she was sixteen, but Qui Gon didn’t have his own safety to fear for. He claimed they were family, but he had betrayed her and abandoned her more than anyone else. 

“Rey-”

“And you! You mean to tell me were out there, in the Force the ENTIRE time and you never tried to contact me?” Rey snarled. 

Qui Gon Jinn lowered his head, “I know. I was afraid of what I would say. I was afraid it would draw you into this battle.” 

Rey took a deep breath, tears welling in her eyes, “Did Luke know?” 

“No.” Qui Gon said quietly.

“Why not?” Rey snapped, her voice choked by tears.

“I was too afraid.” Qui Gon said, “because I was your relative, Kenobi and the others listened to me, but Obi Wan sent you to Luke anyway. When you found Luke’s lightsaber in Maz Katana’s place, it was no accident.” He smiled. 

“Obi Wan believed you could be out saving grace.”

“Kenobi?” Rey asked. 

“He spoke to you through the lightsaber in Maz Kanata’s palace.” 

That was Obi Wan Kenobi?” Rey said. 

“Yes. He believed you could save the Jedi. And he was right. He sent you to save Luke from himself, to save the galaxy, but you have done so much more.” 

“How?” Rey asked. She didn’t care that her voice was harsh. This man had stood in the Force and left her alone for years. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and glanced over to see Jonas touching her shoulder. She took a deep breath. She was angry and hurt, yes, but she didn’t have to yell at him. 

“You, Rey, have changed the galaxy forever.” Qui Gon said. 

“Because of my son?” Rey asked.

“No, Rey.” Qui Gon said gravely, “Because of you.”

Rey stared, open-mouthed, “I-I what?”

“Your ability to connect into the minds of others is rare and unique, Rey.” He spread his hands. “I am a relic of the old way of a path that the galaxy cannot accept anymore.” 

“I haven’t done anything but return to the Jedi and the Resistance.” Rey said, shaking her head. 

“You, Rey, have changed the galaxy forever. you are powerful and strong.” Qui Gon said, looking her in the eye, “Your ability to connect to Ben Solo across galaxies, that was all you.”

“That’s not-” 

“No, Rey.” Ben’s voice echoed across the gap. She looked up at him. He was frowning, as if he’d just realized something, “You could touch my mind across the galaxy. I never-  
I’ve never known anyone who could do that.” 

“I-” Rey trailed off. She looked between Qui Gon and Ben, then nodded.

“You’re not the only one.” Qui Gon Jinn said, turning his head to look at Jonas. 

 

“The Force was once called the Force of the Universe.” Qui Gon said. “The memories of the Riya-Visna cave called to you for a reason. You have never held to the old ways. You and your family have unlocked powers as far back as that era.” Qui Gon said, “We thought compassion tempered by stoicism was the key, but we lost something along the way.”

“The Riya-Visna cave.” Rey whispered. Riya-Visna? Rey stopped. She’d been inside that cave a million years ago, when she’d been with Zhet. “What about it?”

“You are a return to the ways of their times.” Qui Gon said. 

“Why here, why now?” Jonas blurted, “I’ve been senseing you all ay, but you didn’t come out until he called you.” Jonas jerked his head towards Ben, whose face bore an expression of such conflict that it was impossible to fully make out his thoughts.  
Qui Gon nodded, “I decided it was time to stop hiding away.” He looked Rey up and down, his eyes full of an intensity that Rey couldn’t explain, “The balance of the gxy is changing. New players, new powers are entering this game.” He looked away from Rey, “When the Republic struggled and fell, I waited outside. I thought that it was not at the place of the dead to interfere with the living.” 

“And now?” Rey asked.

“The dead are as much a part of the Force as the living.” Qui Gon said suddenly. 

Rey looked into Qui Gon Jinn’s face, “Did- did my family love me?” She asked, her voice suddenly very small and thick.

“Very much.” Qui Gon said. 

Rey nodded jerkily. 

“Rey, I have been a fool many times over.” Qui Gon Jinn said, lowering his head. 

“I have waited more than thirty years for these answers.” Rey said quietly. 

Qui Gon Jinn looked from her to Jonas, “I have blue eyes,” He explained quietly, “but all of my siblings had hazel eyes.” The corner of his mouth lifted, “I have watched hazel eyes travel down my family.” 

“But you didn’t save me.” Rey said softly.

“Oh, I did.” Qui Gon Jinn said, moving closer, “You fell down the main shaft of a Star Destroyer when you were eight, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Rey said warily, “I nearly died.”

“You should have died.” Qui Gon said, nodding gravely, “However, I moved the platform that caught you. I helped guide you to small scraps, made sure your tools never rolled somewhere you couldn’t reach, things like that.”

Rey looked into his face and saw what she had really wanted her entire life: care. This ghost had stood over her, afraid to interfere but willing to do it anyway, her entire life. 

Rey smiled. She looked down at Jonas, then gently ran a hand through his hair, “Look at this, Jonas. We’re not Jedis or Quorvins. We’re Jinns.” 

“You are still very much Rey Jedi and Jonas Quorvin.” Qui Gon said. He looked over his shoulder at Ben. Ben tensed, as if waiting for something. Qui Gon Jinn, however, simply smiled, “You’ve got many gifts, too, Ben. You have much to learn, much to teach yourself.” 

“Are you going to help us get home?” Ben asked, relaxing slowly.

Qui Gon Jinn smiled, “Not me, no, but things are already moving, both on the light and the dark.” He looked between them, “We are all doing a lot, but we can’t do it all. This is a war between the living. This war is yours. All of you.” Qui Gon said, looking between the three of them. 

Ben nodded, his expression tight. This war was real for him, too, now. He looked at Rey, who smiled reassuringly at him. She put out a hand and he walked over and took it. Rey reached up and pressed her lips to his knuckles. 

“The Force is with you all.” Qui Gon Jinn said.

“Thank you.” Rey whispered. She smiled tightly. Here she was, standing in front of an ancestor. She had a face and a name for the first time. 

Qui Gon Jinn inclined his head, fading slowly away. 

“Wait, how are we supposed to get off now?” Jonas asked, turning to his parents.

“The ship can still be repaired.” Ben said, shrugging. 

“I was really hoping we’d get some super cool Force help.” Jonas said, bowing his head. 

Rey laughed. 

_Rey dreamed of Poe’s wedding. She was wandering through the halls of that shady venue, tucked in a corner of Coruscant’s middle level._

_She turned a corner and saw Ben, standing before an altar. He was dressed in the dark green robs from Naboo, his dark hair swept off of his face. He was devastatingly handsome, looking happier than she’d been him in a long time. She rushed forward._ _When she reached Ben and he turned to her, she realized that the eyes in the familiar face were hazel, not brown._

_“Mom.” Jonas said, grinning, “You’re here.”_

_“Jonas, where is your father?” Rey asked._

_Jonas frowned, “My father? Mom- he’s with the First Order.”_

_Rey’s heart seemed to fall away, “He’s what?”_

_“He’s not here.” Jonas said. He spoke with Ben’s voice, even though he had hazel eyes. “You just sensed him through the Force. You didn’t want him to know about this.”_

_“Sensed him?”_

_“Yeah, just a minute ago.” Jonas said. He looked down at her, “You wanted to know where he was and what he was thinking.”_

_Rey heard Jonas’s real, true voice behind her. She turned on her heel and found herself back in a familiar landscape. It was a swampland that was full of a beautiful violent haze that was alight flickering lights and reflecting shapes. Rey looked over her shoulder to look for Jonas, but he was gone. She was surrounded by gnarled trees on all sides._

_One of the lights floated over to her. Rey reached out and brushed her fingers against it. Suddenly, the light flashed red, went dark and cold. It dropped into her palm, then flickered into light again. Rey rubbed her thumb across the surface of the light. When she touched it, Kylo’s face appeared in front of her. Of course! This wasn’t a landscape, this was Ben’s mind as it had been when she’d reached into it at Poe’s wedding._

_Years ago._

_Across thousands of lightyears._

_She’s contacted Ben across an impossible distance and hadn’t even thought about it.  
_

Rey sat bolt upright and immediately regretted it. Ben grunted as she accidentally elbowed him in the ribs. Her lower back protested as she sat up on her haunches. 

“Wha’appen?” Ben grumbled, sitting up on his elbows. 

“These mattresses are going to be the death of me.” Rey said, grimacing.

“Yeah?” Kylo asked, an amused glint in his eyes, “Years on Jakku, more than two decades of war and a crash onto this planet, but the mattresses will take you down.”

“Shut up.” Rey muttered, shoving him, “It’s just killing my back.” 

“Is that why you sat up so quickly?” Ben asked, laying back down flat and running his hands through his hair to get it off of his face. 

“No,” Rey said. She climbed over him, landing on the floor with a wince as both her cold feet and her back protested. She pulled on socks and pulled on another outer shirt. The mattress creaked as Ben rolled onto his side to look at her.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked.

“I’m going to see if I can contact Finn.” Rey said. She climbed back onto the bed, nudging Ben’s legs until he sat up all the way. She took a deep breath, settling on her bed and closing her eyes. 

“What?” Ben asked. He frowned and stood up. 

“Where were you when I contacted you? You were asleep, but I woke you up. It’s when we first sensed the thing in Vader’s lightsaber.”

“I was on a transport ship, searching the Western Reaches to see if I could find some Sith artifacts before you and your survey teams could.” Ben said. He frowned, “Why?”

“I was on Coruscant.” Rey said. She took a deep breath, feeling her heart rate increase. He’d been more than halfway across the galaxy, past Jakku and perhaps even Endor. 

“You were on _Coruscant_?” Ben asked incredulously. 

“Where did you think I was?” Rey asked.

“I thought you were on Takodana.” Ben said, shrugging, “Luke didn’t know Maz as well as- as Han did, but it was the only place close enough where you had friends.” He frowned, “Where did you think I was?”

“I thought you were working somewhere in the core, maybe outside on a ship.” Rey said, “I didn’t even think about it until just now.” 

“If you could build a connection so complete into my mind across that kind a distance…” Ben said thoughtfully, letting his voice trail off.

“Then I could find Finn, wherever he is.” Rey said, nodding. She smiled, drumming her fingers nervously on her knees. She pressed her lips together, feeling both excitement and anxiety in her body. She couldn’t help but feel hopeful; if this worked, they could get out of here. She took a deep breath as Ben settled in the bunk across from hers. He put his elbows on his knees, then rested his chin on his joined hands. His dark eyes seemed to cut through her as she tried to settle and relax. 

Rey took a deep breath, trying to focus her attention on her breathing. She had to first withdraw from her thoughts, then her surroundings, and then she could enter the Force. Distantly, she could feel Ben’s eyes on her. She felt awkward and overly-aware of her breathing. Now that someone was watching her, she didn’t want to meditate incorrectly. She huffed. 

“You’re staring at me.” Rey said, opening one eyelid. She bit her lip.

Ben rubbed his hands on his knees awkwardly. He blushed, ducking his head, “Sorry.”

“It’s just a little distracting.” Rey admitted. She felt her face reddening. “It just feels like you’re looking through me.”

“Through you?” Ben asked. He frowned, which only added to the intensity of his gaze.

“You look like you’re going to eat me.” Rey said honestly. 

Ben smiled, “Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Rey said quietly. Her voice was much smaller than she’d intended. 

Ben stood up. He stood up from the other bed. Shaking his hair out of his face, he leaned forward. He cupped her face, kissing her thoroughly. Rey smiled, winding her hand in his hair. After a moment, Ben leaned back, his hands still on her face. Rey opened her eyes slowly. Ben was grinning down at her, “Maybe later.” He said. He stood, then walked to the door. 

Watching him walk away, Rey groaned. She leaned back. Cursing her husband, she let her head hit the wall. Rey exhaled slowly and accepted that, to a degree, she had walked into that last one. She glanced at Jonas’s sleeping form, then closed her eyes. She leaned back against the wall again. 

Rey put her attention on her breathing. She focused entirely on her chest as it rose and fell in slow, controlled motions. She let the incidental noises of the room slide past her. As she fell into herself and her own peace, she felt the Force fill in the gaps in her awareness. She reached out into the Force. Now that she was paying attention, she felt the galaxy slide past her. Millions of planets, stars, and people caught her attention, but she didn’t linger. She had to find Finn.

Suddenly, as she headed into the core of the galaxy, she found a mind that was what she was looking for. Rey reached out. Finn had built up walls around his entire mind. When she probed at them, it felt hard, smooth, and synthetic under her touch. Rey fond a joint, made of a more flexible black material. When she put pressure here, her mind was suddenly flooded with memories and sensations.

_A rocky planet under her feet as she ran for cover… lowering eggs into the sewage systems at Starkiller base, creatures that would feed on the waste of the largest weapon ever built… gunfire on the surface of Mon Cala… a hand to hand fight on Coruscant… blastfire that blinds and deafens her… explosions… sand… fear..._

Heart aching, Rey withdrew from Finn’s mind. She kept her eyes closed as worry welled up in hr chest. She could try to contact Gida’smoo, but first she’d have to find her. Gida ws often travelling across the galaxy, either with her parents or as an emissary or to scout out precious artifacts. More than once, she’d gone to meet a potential student, but had been disappointed every time. Rey hadn’t realized how many illusionist ricks looked like tricks in the Force.

“What’s wrong?” Jonas asked sleepily, sitting up. Rey opened her eyes as he spoke. Ben was sitting across the room. He sat up and crossed over to her. 

“What happened?” Ben asked, sitting in the bed he’d vacated earlier. 

“Finn’s… preoccupied. His mind is too full to get through. Last time, I was looking for someone who was asleep.” 

“Before that?” Ben asked, leaning with one hand on the mattress.

“You were asleep.” Rey said.

“Maybe Finn is awake.” Jonas said. He rubbed his face, stretching his legs out and bracing his foot on the bunk across from them. 

“Finn has massive walls around his mind.” Rey said, “Either they’re there full-time or they’re there because he’s awake. Either way, we need to try someone else.”

“Did you sense anyone else?” Jonas asked.

“No one that I recognized.” Rey said, “not in the wider galaxy, at least.” 

“What are the odds that Gida’smoo is nearby?” Jonas asked.

“I don’t know.” Rey said, “but it’s worth a shot.” 

“Is your other padawan not close to Finn?” Ben asked, looking between them. 

“It’s not that.” Rey said, shaking her head, “Gida’smoo just travels a lot.” She stretched, then sighed. “Alright, I’ll try it.” 

“C’mon Jonas,” Ben said, nudging Jonas’s leg with his foot, “Your mother doesn’t like an audience.”

“Shut up.” Rey said, rolling her eyes. Jonas moved across to the bed Ben was on. Resting on his side, he rested his head on his arms, kicking his legs behind where Ben was sitting. 

This time, when Rey meditated, she didn't try to focus her attention on Finn. As soon as she reached the smooth walls around Finn’s mind, she turned outward. Now, Rey had no idea what she was actually looking for, but she figured Finn was a decent place to start. She’d been inside the minds of others before, searching for information, but opening the mind of a person right in front of you was very different from sending your consciousness across the galaxy. Keeping her attention focused, she started to look out at the thousands of minds around Finn. It was like she was hovering in the atmosphere of a planet and looking out at the galaxy. Millions and millions of flickering consciousnesses hung in the galaxy.

She, however, was looking for someone with the Force. Rey scanned the various clusters of minds nearby, looking for one that might stick out somehow. She found one, huddled near three or four others. One of them glowed with a yellowish light, but the other four glowed bright white. Rey decided to take her chances with one of the white ones, knowing that these were alight with the Force. She chose the brightest one and dove into it. 

The galaxy faded from her vision and was replaced by the blue-green-gray of whoever this was. This mind had a cool, peaceful quality to it. Rey was vividly reminded of swimming in the shallows of one of Naboo’s great seas. Peaceful trains of information filtered through like sunlight and random thoughts flitted through like tiny fish. REy looked around carefully, feeling uncertain for the first time. This mind wasn’t familiar. No, deep forests of memory reminiscent of seaweed wasn’t something she was familiar with.

Rey brushed against one of the large strands of memory and was yanked into a memory of playing in a field of some kind.

_Rey focused on every detail she could, trying to figure out whose mind she was in. She was a short person, whoever she was. She was running through tall grass, using the Force to push it aside as she ran._

Could this be a new padawan? Rey thought.

_“Saani, Linora, that’s too far!” A familiar voice called. Rey turned on her helpl, then ran back to where Todra stood next to a picnic basket._

Suddenly, the memory melted away around her. Rey was face to face with Saani. sHe looked bigger than she had on her day, when Rey had last seen her. Her beautiful curly dark hair was pulled into a high ponytail and her liquid brown eyes were fixed o Rey. She was only five years old, but the strength in her eyes was not to be discounted.

“It’s Saani.” Rey whispered, her eyes closed tightly.

“Saani’s reaching out to you?” Jonas asked, lurching forward. His face broke into a wide grin, “How is she? Is she okay?”

“Who is Saani?” Ben asked, looking between them.

“Saani Alucard. She’s Finn’s oldest.”

“Alucard has children?” Ben asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, like 5.” Jonas said.

“Alucard has 5 children? With who?”

“Shhh!” Rey hissed.

“Rey?” Saani asked, her shoulders drooping a little. “I-Is that you?”

“Yes.” Rey whispered, “Force, Saani, you look so tall. I’m alive. Jonas is alive.” Rey said, “We’re stranded, but we’ll try to find a way back to the Resistance, I promise.”

“Okay.” Saani said, nodding. She suddenly disappeared, leaving Rey alone. Feeling a deep sadness at having to let Saani go so soon after getting a chance to see her, Rey left Saani’s mind and opened her own eyes. Ben and Jonas was watching her with a forced casualness, but Rey only smiled, “We did it.” 

“You found her? She believed you?” Jonas asked, scrambling to sit up on her hands and knees.

“She’s going to get Finn and she’ll have to convince him alone, but yes.” Rey said. She felt tears well up in her eyes, “We did it.”  
Jonas whooped, rushing forward and hugging her tightly. 

Rey hugged him back. She smiled, then hesitated as she looked over Jonas’s shoulder. Ben was watching her. He was smiling, too, but it was small and hesitant. If Saani convinced Finn, then the Resistance would come to find them. The problem was, if Ben was discovered, there was no guaranteeing that he would survive the encounter. 

“They’re on their way?” Ben asked quietly. He looked down at his hands, which were clenched into tight fists in his lap.

“Hopefully, yes.” Rey whispered. As Jonas loosened his grip on her neck, she leaned forward, gently taking Ben’s hand.

“Let’s finish the ship, then.” Ben said, looking up to meet her eyes, “Just in case.”

“Just in case.” Rey said. She reached up and cupped Ben’s cheek. When he leaned into her touch, she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Force ghost do you want to see the most in this story? And who do you want to see them interact with the most?
> 
> Also: did you expect to meet Qui Gon or were you all expecting Obi Wan?


	20. When We Illuminate the Road Back to Our Ancestors, They Have a Way of Reaching Out, of Manifesting Themselves...Sometimes Even Physically

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been slow. I've been sick, in a lot of pain, and struggling with depression. I'm also in school, so, yeah. 
> 
> I'm almost done with the next one, though. It was so long, that I broke it in half.

**“When we illuminate the road back to our ancestors, they have a way of reaching out, of manifesting themselves...sometimes even physically.” ― Raquel Cepeda, _Bird of Paradise: How I Became Latina_**

Finn looked carefully over the report on his holopad. He rubbed his eyes, wishing Poe hadn’t insisted on a late-night briefing after Akuryate got back from meeting with some weapons suppliers. He scrolled down, looking at the maps of the Yaga Minor. There was a surprising amount of First Order activity in the area.. The presence of the First Order in Imperial Remnant space wasn’t surprising, but the sheer numbers was a little mind-boggling. 

_What are they doing that they need that broad of a support staff?_ Finn thought. He zoomed in on some grainy images of supplies being moved. He studied one particular image of troopers rolling four large drums across the surface of Yaga Minor. The drums were unmarked and not particularly large, but what interested Finn was the obvious care with which they were being moved. _What is this? It’s got to be expensive and dangerous, whatever it is._ Finn thought. His door slid opened, but he didn’t look up. He scrolled through several images of the drums, trying to see if there was a window on them that might let him see what was inside. Suddenly, something fast and heavy slammed into him. A small elbow landed in his stomach and he yelped.

Saani!” Finn said, looking up to see is daughter bouncing up and down on his bed. 

“Papa! Papa! Earlier, I was meditating an-” Saani said. She was jabbering away so quickly that it was literally impossible for him to understand her, “-and then she was okay and-”  
“Saani!” Finn said clearly, putting a hand on her arm, “Saani, take a deep breath and speak clearly.” 

Saani nodded, taking a deep breath. 

“Papa, I saw Rey in the Force!” Saani said, sitting up on her knees and leaning closer to Finn, her brown eyes wide. She practically jumped up and down, her tiny hands curled tightly in Finn’s shirtfront.

“What happened?” Finn asked, gently reaching up to touch her arms, “Where did you see Rey?”

“In the Force!” Saani said, wiggling in place, “She’s really far away, but I saw her! We have to find her!” 

"Saani, my love, we can’t go find Rey.” Finn said gently. “Rey’s in the Force now. She can’t come back from that.” 

“No, she’s there!” Saani said, ‘Papa, she’s okay!” 

Finn sighed, “Saani, my love, Rey is gone.” 

“No, she’s somewhere.” Saani insisted, She climbed off of the bed, putting her small hands on her hips, “She talked to me.”

“I believe you.” Finn said, nodding and looking at her, “but we can’t go find her. She’ll come to us, I promise.” 

Saani’s face screwed up, tears welling in her eyes, “But she asked me to. She wanted me to talk to you.”

Finn touched her cheek, “Do you know that Luke appeared to me? And he appeared to Gida’smoo, too?”

“He did?’” Saani asked quietly, wiping her nose.

“Yeah, he did. He’s the reason Gida’smoo went on that mission.” Finn said, “Maybe Rey has a mission for you, one day. And when we get more information, we’ll go where she needs us, I promise.”

“Okay,” Saani said. She stood up, “She looked real.”

“I bet she did,” Finn said. He pulled her into his lap, hugging her, “I bet you’ll see her again, soon. Rey’s in the Force now. She’s not going anywhere. And if she chose you, it means that she trusts you and believes in you.”

Saani nodded. She buried her face in his shirt, crying in earnest now. Finn held her wordlessly.

 

*****

 

Across the galaxy, a young man opened his eyes. Blearily, he set up, running a hand over his smooth, bare head. He sat up and looked at the insignia on the door across from him: a symbol with sixteen rays, inside a hexagon. 

_The First Order._

The words echoed in his mind, separate from his thoughts. It was both familiar and alien, comforting and foreboding. He took a deep breath, nodding.  
“The First Order?”

_Home._ The voice said.

“Home.” He whispered. 

 

*****

 

Gida’smoo rolled over onto her side, sighing heavily. She looked at her clock, then groaned. She threw an arm over her eyes. She was sleeping in the pilot’s bunk on her ship, trying to get a bit of a break after they’d landed back at the base. Her crew had all disembarked, but she hadn’t felt like walking to her quarters. 

Gida’smoo closed her eyes and rolled onto her back, trying to fall back asleep. Putting her hands over her belly, she drew in a deep, slow breath. Starting at her toes, she consciously relaxed all of her muscles.

_In… out… relax toes… in… out… relax feet and ankles… in… out… in.. out… in… relax calves… out… in… out… relax knees… in… out..._

Distantly, Gida’smoo felt something move distantly in the Force. It was so far away that she couldn’t focus on any details, but she could feel it all the same.

_In… out… in… out… relax her back and shoulders…_

_“Gida…”_

_In… out…_

_“Gida…”_

 

Slowly, her body began to feel heavier and heavier. Even as she opened her mind to the Force, she felt all the places of contact between her and the bed. She could almost hear Luke’s voice, calling back through the years, from her first day of training: _Gida, feel your body. Focus on the places where your body touches the floor. Settle on that weight. Set aside your thoughts. When thoughts enter your mind, let them float past._

Letting the worries of the day slide out of her mind, Gida’smoo focused on her breathing. As the last of her muscles relaxed, Gida’smoo exhaled slowly. Instead of falling asleep, however, She thought about Luke’s face suddenly. She remembered those familiar blue eyes. Even as his hair had grown white, those blue eyes hadn’t changed. It was the first time that she had thought about him without being sad. Reaching into the Force, she let Luke’s face slide out of her mind. As she sent her consciousness into the Force, the Force seemed to reach back. 

_The galaxy suddenly seemed to explode behind her eyes. Gida’smoo looked around as stellar nurseries swirled past her, stars flickered both close to and far from her, and planets floated in the space she saw. Suddenly, she moved through the stars. Even though she didn’t take any steps, the galaxy slid past her like water. Stars and planets flickered, occasionally catching her attention._

_“Gida.”_

_Luke’s voice echoed behind her and Gida’smoo turned sharply. Luke stood behind her, a soft smile on his face._

_“Luke,” Gida’smoo breathed. She rushed forward and hugged him. In this dreamscape, she could touch him. She buried her face in the shoulder of his cloak, feeling his arms around her. Tears pricked her eyes, but Luke pulled away to look at her. His understanding smile as he dried her eyes was the only reason she didn’t break down fully._

_He turned slightly, looking out at the galaxy around them. Gida’smoo watched his face for several heartbeats, unable to look away immediately. She’d missed him so much these past few weeks. Finally, though, she turned her attention to where Luke was looking. He was focusing on the wider galaxy around them. Gid’smoo tipped her head up as the planets around her blinked awake with color, with a sudden brilliance that they’d lacked before. When she turned to look out at her surroundings, she saw that various planets around them were changing. She could spot the stars, but there were planets that were changing colors and becoming brighter._

_She wanted to speak, to ask Luke what was happening, but she paused. She saw Luke’s face in the corner of her eye as he turned to look at her again. As she stood there, looking into the eyes of the man who had been her second father. She saw those moons and planets, the ones who’d become light, begin to move. Luke reached out and gently touched a planet hanging in the space between them. It flickered into light in front of her eyes._

_Gida’smoo looked at the planet. When she looked at the planet itself, she saw that the planet itself wasn’t glowing, but that there were clusters of lights on the surface. She prodded one on the lights gently and, suddenly, she the face of a young wookie appeared in her mind. She pulled her hand away, then looking into Luke’s face. He was smiling in earnest now._

_“What was that?” Gida’smoo asked._

_“Your padawan, Dorbe,” Luke said._

_“A Force-sensitive?” Gida’smoo asked. She spun around, looking at the various planets. There were hundreds and thousands of lights, scattered across the galaxy. “These are all Force-sensitive?” She looked over her shoulder to look at Luke, who smiled and nodded._

_“Here,” Luke said, putting a hand out. A planet, a small one from distant space, slowly moved over between them. There were a few lights clustered on top of each other, but almost no light on the planet itself._

_“Where is this planet?” Gida’smoo asked, putting the light back on the surface. She watched as Luke slowly let the planet float through the stars, back into the Western reaches. Gida’smoo watched it go, then swallowed back her tears. She looked back at Luke, “Thank you.” She whispered._

_Luke touched her cheek, then held up his hand. Floating in his palm was another light, a sphere of bright blue, like the glow around a Force ghost. Streams of light flew out from it on all sides. Planets rushed towards her, then curved around her and Luke. They swirled around the pair of them, moving faster and faster until it all blurred._

_Gida’smoo tilted her head up, keeping her eyes open, even as the light became a fevered, brilliant thing. They flowered down from all sides, curling around her and Luke. While she looked at the light that rushed towards her, Luke stared at her. He was the only solid thing close to her._

_The light engulfed them, full of a beautiful array of colors and brilliance. There was a power within it, too. Gida’smoo could feel the power, the inertia of it, lie the pressure at the base of her skull and the pit of her stomach that came with high-speed take-offs.  
”The Force is with you, Gida’smoo.” Luke said. _

_Gida’smoo looked away from the galaxy and looked at Luke’s face. He was suddenly the blue-white of his force ghost self. Gida’smoo looked into his face as he spoke quietly, “The Force is with you, Gida’smoo. We are with you.” Gida’smoo put out a hand, but Luke’s figure was already fading._

 

Gida’smoo sat up. She rubbed her forehead, blinking outside. Throwing the covers off of her, she grabbed her holopad. Pulling up a map function, she began to search for any planet that she recognized, making all of the planets that had glowed. She closed her eyes, surprised how many she had memorized without even trying. She circled planet after planet. 

_Kashyyk… Kinyen… Corellia… Gala… Taanab… Ryloth… Takodana…Borleias…_

Gid’smoo bent over her holopad. She circled planet after planet, marking planets and regions and places where she’d seen lights. She moved painstakingly, moving through Hutt space and towards the Core planets. She moved back out, past the Corellian Trade Spine, then Bespin, and then Hoth. Finally, the tiny planet of Athiktos caught her eye. She zoomed in on it and her heart leaped into her throat. It was that little planet that Luke had shown her. She scrambled to her feet, haphazardly pulling on her clothes and rushing towards the door. 

 

*****

 

Rey stood in front of the shuttle, hands on her hips. She walked slowly around the ship, tracing the edges of all of their patches with her eyes. She circled the ship, then moved in closer. She ran a hand over these patches, pressing here and there, to make sure they were solid. 

Climbing over the top of the ship, Rey settled over the cockpit. Checking the visor and the viewports, Rey smiled. Everything was fine. Leaning down onto her elbows, she let her forehead rest on the duraglass. 

“We did it,” Rey called down to the men below. She took a deep breath as relief settled into her body. As the adrenaline, the fear of being trapped here on this planet, slipped away, true exhaustion set into her bones. 

Rey drew in a slow breath. She straightened, then felt her stomach turn. She retched, then winced and pressed her forehead back to the duraglass with a groan.  
“Rey?” Ben’s voice echoed from below. 

“M’fine.” Rey muttered, breathing slowly through her nose, “Just a little queasy.” She straightened slowly. As her stomach settled, she slid down the side of the ship and landed in front of Ben. She leaned back against the ship and pulled in another breath. 

“What happened?” Jonas asked, sticking his head out of the doorway. 

“I’m just a little queasy.” Rey repeated, “It’s okay.” 

“What happened? Are you sick?” Ben asked, stepping closer and looking at her face intently. He touched her cheek when she tried to look away in embarrassment.  
Rey rolled her eyes, “Ben, I’m fine.” She murmured. Ben hummed, still inspecting her face. Rey loved her husband, but he had a dramatic streak. She generally attributed that to genetics, but it was there always.

“I kind of forgot to get food when we took the last break,” Rey muttered. Jonas let out a groan when she said that. While Rey always made sure that Jonas and Ben ate and looked after themselves, she often forgot to do so for herself. Ignoring her son’s judgment, Rey leaned back, then rubbed her forehead as a dull ache rose up behind her eyes. She let her back rest against the ship, wincing as a spike of pain lanced through her left temple. She groaned, putting her hands over her eyes and leaning forward. The sense of pressure in her head was building. She blinked rapidly, tears welling in her eyes as the acute pain behind her eyes built. 

“You okay?” Jonas asked from somewhere distant. He walked from inside the ship, leaning close to her and speaking quietly to her. 

“My head just hurts,” Rey said, blinking rapidly and sitting up straight again. Jonas put a hand on her arm, then winced, “Rey, that’s really painful. Maybe you should go lay down.” 

Jonas looked at her, then Ben.

“No, I’m fine,” Rey said. 

Jonas shook his head, nudging her gently with his shoulder, “Come on.” 

“We’ll go eat, then you go sleep,” Ben said. He put his arm around her, gently pulling her along. Rey groaned again, pausing as her stomach rolled over again. She leaned forward, taking slow, deep breaths. When the nausea passed, she straightened.

“This is what happens when you don’t take care of yourself,” Ben muttered.

Rey muttered a few choice curses as she straightened. Jonas frowned, watching the pair of them as they walked away. Rey looked over her shoulder as Jonas absently pushed a display light into place. It started blinking rapidly, but Jonas was already turning away to check on other parts of the system. Rey sighed, then leaned more against Ben as her head started to pound in earnest. She let herself be washed away in the pain as Ben steered her back to the cave. Closing her eyes, Rey focused on the feeling of Ben’s arm around her and the thudding sound of her footsteps echoing in her ears. After either two minutes or three years, she suddenly entered a cool and dark space. Immediately, she sighed, relaxing against Ben.

“Better?” Ben asked.

“Yeah,” Rey said. She climbed down in silence, then climbed into Ben. Sighing, she buried her face in the pillow. She heard Ben move around beyond her, but didn’t respond. She dozed until Ben gently nudged her awake. 

“Hmmm?” Rey asked, rolling over to look at him.

“Rey, will you please take care of yourself,” Ben said, passing her a mug of water. He frowned at her, “What if you get sick before we get help? We can’t afford for you to be compromised.”

“I know,” Rey said. She accepted the nutrition bar that he passed her. She took a large bite, more glad for him in that moment than she had been when they’d fixed the ‘fresher. 

Ben sat next to her. He put an arm around her. “Rey, please… I- I don’t know.” He whispered.

Rey sighed. She looked up at him, “I love you, too.” Rey murmured. She closed her eyes, finishing the nutrition bar. She sighed, wishing she had a second.

Rey looked over at the sound of a wrapper. Ben smiled at her, holding out another bar. Rey smiled, kissed his cheek, and snagged the bar, finishing it in three bites.

“I didn’t realize I was so hungry,” Rey admitted.

“That’s what happens whenever you don’t eat, Rey.” Ben said, rolling his eyes, “You get hungry.”

“Shut up,” Rey muttered, elbowing him. Ben smiled and pulled wordlessly Rey’s head into his lap. She went without protest, closing her eyes as he began gently brushed his fingers through her hair. Rey closed her eyes. She’d spent years on Jakku, functioning on the edge of near-starvation. Now, she went a day without food and she became an invalid.

“Why are you making that face?” Ben asked, looking down at her.

Rey felt her cheeks grow warm, “I’m going soft.” she murmured, knowing he would hound her if she says, “it’s nothing.”

“Why would you say that?” Ben asked incredulously.

“On Jakku-” Rey began, but Ben cut across her: “It’s been more than 15 years since Jakku. Your body has gotten used to a different system. You can’t suddenly put it back into that kind of a stressful situation and expect it to pick up where it left off.”

He was right, but Rey didn’t want to admit it, so she said nothing.

“Rey…” Ben said softly. He tenderly ran his finger along her hairline, brushing stray strands out of her face.

“We should move your stuff into the ship,” Rey said quietly. She closed her eyes as Ben unwound her braids. He wanted to keep talking, she knew, but could feel his resignation. 

“If we go with Finn and the Resistance, you should go on your own,” Rey said. She rolled a little to look up at him, “You can be free and safe.”

“And you?” Ben murmured. 

“I have a war to go back to,” Rey whispered. She sat up slowly, leaning on one hand to meet his gaze, eye to eye. His expression was tight, but he nodded slowly. Ben closed his eyes, then pressed his forehead to hers, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Rey whispered, closing her eyes when his forehead touched hers. She reached up and slowly ran her fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. She hummed, both in amusement and contentment when he shivered at the contact. She felt eyelashes brush her cheek as Ben tilted his face to kiss her.

“HEY! NO!” Jonas suddenly bellowed from the doorway.

Rey and Ben both jumped and broke apart. Rey turned wildly to face the door, one hand flying to the lightsaber at her hip out of sheer habit. She wasn’t faced with an enemy, but rather her teenaged son standing in the doorway, a water container in one hand and his other hand pointing at the pair of them. He glared at them, which was a little disconcerting.

“No, you are supposed to be resting.” He said, pointing at Rey. He looked at Ben, “And if you want to start anything, you do not start it where I also sleep. I have a hard enough time not thinking about what you two get up to. You will not bring that bantha-scat into my room, too.”

Ben opened his mouth, then closed it. He raised his eyebrows, opened his mouth again, and let it hang open for a long moment. Finally, he looked at Rey for help, but she just shrugged. Rey had no words but just giggled silently as Jonas stomped across the room and threw himself down heavily onto his bed. 

“He’s got a point.” Ben admitted finally, “There’s a good reason I generally wanted the Millenium Falcon destroyed and it’s not because it was an enemy ship.”

Jonas snorted and Rey finally broke. She curled over, laughing at the identical expressions of disgust on the two males’ faces. She reached for the water mug again, taking a sip as she tried to calm herself. 

“You should rest,” Ben admitted, standing up. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, “You were right about my belongings. I’ll put them on the ship, then we can all nap. We worked hard through the whole night.” 

Jonas groaned suddenly.

“What’s wrong with you?” Ben asked.

“I know that wasn’t meant to be innuendo, but that’s just where my mind is at right now,” Jonas said, his voice muffled through his hands.

Ben and Rey both laughed at the boy’s misery. Ben kissed Rey’s forehead, letting her burrow under the covers as he started to pack his belongings into a bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you have any questions for me?


	21. Into the Darkness They Go, the Wise and the Lovely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Credit to jezkywalker for the planet name!

**“Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. ” ― Edna St. Vincent Millay**

Finn walked down the hallway. He rubbed at the butt of his blaster absently as he walked. Poe had asked him to look at some stormtrooper technology. He hadn’t been a ‘trooper in almost two decades, but he could see give some insight into how this technology might affect stormtrooper’s movements and processes. No matter the time, he could remember the mind of a stormtrooper.

“Hey, Finn.” 

A voice broke Finn out of his distracted thoughts. He looked up and saw Onasi, one of his lieutenants, dressed in civilian clothing. He smiled, pleasantly surprised to see him. 

“Onasi, what are you doing there? I thought you were doing recon out in Coruscant.” Finn said.  
Onasi shook his head, “Yeah, I was, but Terius finally got his top surgery, so I came back home to make sure he actually listens to the doctor and doesn’t try to move furniture or something.”

“Is that a risk?” Finn asked. 

“My partner doesn’t do “idleness” or “boredom well”.” Onasi said. 

“I get you. When Todra was put on bedrest and the end of her last pregnancy, she was so bored. She would read for hours, yeah, but she hated it.”  
Onasi chuckled, “Yeah, that sounds like Todra.” He smiled, then trailed off. “How are you and everyone doing?” He asked cautiously. He leaned against the wall, is gaze gentle and searching. 

“We’re alright, why?” Finn asked. 

“When my mom died, I was moving on, but like five or six months later, everything was normal, and then suddenly, I was overwhelmed. I was making breakfast and then, I was just crying.” 

“That might explain it.” Finn said. He looked down at his timepiece. Twenty-two hours. 

It had been twenty-two hours since Saani had seen Rey. He looked at Onasi, “I doesn’t help that Force ghosts exist.” He said.

Onasi nodded, “you guys are going to be okay.” 

“Thank you, Onasi.” Finn said, clapping him on the arm, “Go take care of your man.”

Onasi chuckled. He gave Finn a fast, one-armed hug, then walked down the hallway. Finn smiled, watching the young man hurry away. He’d seen Onasi and Terius fall in love since their early days as foot soldiers. Now, seeing them as a committed and supportive couple filled him with a sense of pride. It was like being a parent, but without all the worrying. Smiling to himself, he walked into the control room. When he reached the door, his heart jumped into his throat. Poe was talking to a life-sized figure in a long robe of some kind. With the blue glow of the hologram and the robe, for a heartbeat Finn had thought he was seeing Luke’s Force ghost. 

Suddenly, his worries about Saani and Rey and his family’s grief rushed back to him. Ignoring the hologram, he took a deep breath and hung back, letting Poe finish his meeting. 

Finn leaned against one of the tables in the control room. 

“You okay?” Akuryate asked, walking over. She pulled her long red hair into a ponytail as she leaned against the table next to him.

“Nothing. Saani’s jost having a hard time adjusting to losing Rey, Jonas, and Luke.” Finn said. 

Akuryate nodded, “I know. It’s got to be hard.” She sighed and hugged herself, shifting her weight onto one hip as she looked at Finn, “I miss them, too.” 

Finn smiled slightly, “We all do.”

“I miss them as a General and as a person.” Akuryate said, looking across at Poe, who was getting more impassioned with whoever he was talking to. 

“Who is that?” Finn asked, turning his head to look at Poe, who was leaning his weight on his fists on the control table, something he did when he was stressed and frustrated.  
“A potential sponsor.” Akuryate said, “He lives on Canto Bait year round and wants to pull his contracts with the First Order, but Poe wants to make sure of it. He doesn’t trust him and for good reason.” 

“Arms dealer?” Finn asked.

“Ship maker.” Akuryate said.

“Oh, that’s new.” Finn said, smirking. Usually, they got blaster manufacturers. Most of their suppliers who only supported them sent food or money, but they’d recently gotten an increase in weapons. 

Finn saw something flashing in the corner of his eye. Frowning, he turned on his heel to look at it. “Who is that?” he asked, “A distress signal?” 

Finn leaned forward to inspect the map. It was set on the wides view, showing the galaxy all at once. Finn could see the marker that showed where they were, but this one was different, a small and red beacon blinking in a distant part of space. 

“No, not exactly.” Akuryate said, “It’s just a ping, like a check-in. It happens sometimes because we keep an eye on old Rebellion bases. Sometimes animals will tip off signals. It will look different if it’s a real distress call.” 

Finn frowned. In the back of his mind, something shifted. He walked across the ping’s alert, “When does it turn off?” He asked.

“Usually, the system runs out of energy and powers back off. Most of these bases were powered down and so some of their generators managed to save enough battery to set off an alarm if something tripped it by accident.”

“Oh.” Finn said, nodding. He turned back to Poe, who had finally ended his call. His friend was slumped over the projection table. He sighed at the sight of his oldest friend looking so overcome. He decided to give Poe a moment to collect himself.

Looking around for something to spend the time, he turned back to Akuryate. “Um, hey, where is this alert coming from? Can you put it on a map?” 

“Sure.” Akuryate said. She walked over to the projection and fiddled with the controls. The map shifted, zooming out. The ping continued to blink as a map of the galaxy settled in front of him. The ping was from a tiny planet for out in the galaxy. 

“That’s far.” Finn muttered, his eyebrows raising. 

“Yeah, it is.” Akuryate said. She stepped forward and frowned. “That’s odd. I didn’t know that we or the Rebellion had a base out there.” 

“Where is it?” Finn asked. Akuryate leaned forward, toggling the map forward so that it zoomed in on the planet itself. Facts and stats about the planet appeared on the display as well. Finn looked at the image, taking in large swaths of forests, grasslands, and mountain ranges. 

“Athiktos.” Akuryate said. She swiped some of the information onto a holopad, leaning against the display table as she read the information carefully.

“What is it?” Finn asked, looking away from the planet and focusing on Akuryate’s troubled expression.

“We don’t have a base there.” She said, looking up, “No one has ever had a base there.” 

Finn stared blankly at Akuryate, who was still scrolling through information about Athiktos. She slid down to the floor, throwing her vibrant ponytail over her shoulder.  
“Poe!” Akuryate called. Her voice portrayed the clear uncertainty that she felt. 

“What?” Poe asked. He stood up, then walked over to the table. He looked from Finn to Akuryate, then frowned, “What happened?” 

“I-” 

The door slid open and the sound of pounding feet distracted Finn. He turned to see Gida’smoo rush into the command center. She was dressed in sleep clothes and boots. She had a holopad pressed to her chest. 

“Oh, you’re here too, Finn!” Gida’smoo said. She brushed a hand over one of her lekku, shifting from foot to foot. She looked from Finn to Poe to Akuryate, who was still sitting on the floor. “I- um- I found Force sensitives.”

“Wait- what?” Finn asked. He leaned against the display, rubbing his face. The confusion from Athiktos to Gida’smoo bursting in had left him shaken. 

“Luke came to me in a dream. He showed me where Force sensitive people are, scattered throughout the galaxy.” Gida’smoo said, holding up the holopad.  
“I- Really?” Finn asked.

“Yes.” Gida’smoo said. She turned on the holopad and held it up, revealing a map of the galaxy with marks on it. 

“Sweet Ri’ia.” Finn whispered. He turned, switched off the ping, then pulled up a fresh map. He pulled a stylus off of the table, then  
Finn handed Gida’smoo a stylus, “Mark as many of the spots that you remember.” He said.

“What is going on?” Gida’smoo asked, fixing her amber eyes on Finn before slowly taking the stylus from his hand. She squared her shoulders, stepping up to the blank map. She slowly marked the map with her free hand, scrolling across the holopad with the same stylus. Finn stared, his mouth slowly falling as she made mark after mark, dotting various cities and population centers or circling large areas of land. _How many people might this be?_ Finn thought. He had no idea how much time this took, but he stood, transfixed, until she was done. He leaned against the table for support as Gida’smoo turned to look for him. Suddenly, the ping from earlier appeared on the screen as well. Again, Athiktos zoomed back to the front of the screen. He blinked, realizing that a few of the marks that Gida’smoo made overlapped with the ping. 

“I- what _is_ that?” Gida’smoo asked, seeing the ping for the first time. “I didn’t do that.” 

“No, that’s an alarm beacon from an old rebel base.” Akuryate said, “Except, well, there’s no base there. There’s never been a base there. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be any intelligent life there.” 

“So what is it?” Gida’smoo asked, “There are intelligent people there now.” 

“There are Force users on Athiktos?” Akuryate asked. She frowned, looking back to her holopad, “There are no populations, no natives, no one on Athiktos.” 

“There are Force users there.” Gida’smoo said, pulling the shoulder of her sleep clothes up higher.

“Force users _where_?” Poe asked, finally walking over. He brushed his graying hair out of his face, frowning as he scanned the maps.

“On Athiktos.” Gida’smoo said.

“Athiktos? There’s no people there, right?” Poe asked. 

“That’s correct.” Akuryate said. She fidgeted with her long red hair. 

Finn looked from Gida’smoo to Akuryate, “If there are no native populations, then who’s there?” Poe asked. Finn looked at the faces of the three around him, then remembered something.

Saani said Rey was reaching out to her through the Force. 

_What if Rey wants us to find whoever is on Athiktos?_

__Finn’s heart leapt into his throat._ _

__What is Rey is on Athiktos?_ _

__Finn broke into a run. He left them all standing there, only calling a hasty, “No one leave!” over his shoulder. He raced back to his quarters, only pausing to catch his breath outside the door. He walked into the apartment, swiftly moving to his bedroom. As soon as the door opened, Todra’s voice reached him. Apparently, his steps hadn’t been quiet._ _

__“Finn, what are you doing?” Todra asked sleepily, sitting up. She brushed her dark hair out of her face as Finn crossed back to the door, “I’m taking Saani to Command.”_ _

__“Why?” Todra asked, suddenly wide awake._ _

__“I can’t explain right now. She’ll be perfectly safe, I promise.” He didn’t want to get her hopes up not yet._ _

__Todra met his eyes. She searched his face, then nodded. She pulled him down by his shirt and kissed him swiftly on the mouth, “I trust you. Go do what you have to.”_ _

__Finn walked into Saani and Linora’s room. He kneeled down next to his eldest daughter and gently shook her awake, “Saani, you need to wake up. I want you to come with me.”_ _

__“Why?” Saani asked weakly, sitting up and rubbing her eyes._ _

__“Come on, get dressed. You’re going to tell Uncle Poe about Rey, okay?” Finn said, deciding that appealing to her favorite uncle was the best way to encourage her to move._ _

__“Mmmhmm.” Saani said, nodding and standing up._ _

__Finn looked over his shoulder, making sure Linora was still asleep as Saani dressed quietly. By the time he turned back to her, she was dressed and searching for her shoes. Finn kneeled down, passing her the shoe that had rolled under her bed._ _

__“Do you believe me now?” Saani asked sleepily as Finn tied her shoes for her._ _

__“Yes.” Finn whispered. He straightened, then led the way back to Command. The base was quiet, but not silent as they made their way through the halls. They passed a group of nocturnal creatures who did a lot of the repairs to the base. The creatures greeted them in their familiar clicking language. Finn greeted them in basic, then glanced down to see Saani wave vaguely at him. She was so tired and he felt guilty for waking her up so late. If he’d heeded her hours ago, she wouldn’t be awake right now. Saani trailed behind him sleepily. As they walked, she put her hand in his._ _

__“Finn!” Finn turned to see Zhetam Lylin jog over. The taller man’s long hair black air was loose, swishing behind him, “And Saani?” Zhet asked, his excitement replaced by confusion._ _

__“Saani saw something in the Force. We’re going to tell Poe about it.” Finn explained._ _

__“So, I guess that’s going to be a “no” to drinks?” Zhet asked, smiling._ _

__“Yeah.” Finn said weakly._ _

__“Are you okay?” Zhet asked, taking in his expression._ _

__“Zhet,” Finn murmured, unable to hold it in any longer, “I think Rey might be alive.”_ _

__Zhet took a step back, his dark eyes wide, “I- Are- Really?”_ _

__“Yes.” Finn said._ _

__Zhet nodded, following Finn to Command without a word. As soon as they reached command, Finn realized how much this Athiktos issue had caused. Akuryate was leaning over a table, speaking with three people as the scrolled through their own holopads. Poe was talking to someone on a hologram. He was looking very serious, his arms crossed. A pair of women Finn didn’t recognize where talking with Captain Connix. They both wore the jumpsuits of maintenance._ _

__“Why is maintenance here?” Zhet asked._ _

__“I have no idea.” Finn said, holding onto Saani’s hand._ _

__Zhet looked around, taking maps and various holopads, “Athiktos?” He asked incredulously. He settled on Akuryate, who had left the table and sat down next to the table with the map that had started it all._ _

__Zhet put out a hand, kneeling down next to his General, “What is this about?” Zhet asked. Akuryate handed Zhet the holopad and let her head rest against the table. Zhet scrolled through the information, then frowned, “Who-” He looked at Finn, “You think this is Rey?” He asked._ _

__Finn nodded, swallowing as everyone else turned to stare at him._ _

__“Come here, Saani.” Finn said, “Did you see where Rey was exactly?”_ _

__Saani shook her head. She tugged on the end of her hair nervously, “I- I don’t know. I can’t hear her right now.”_ _

__Finn sighed, feeling the disappointment of everyone around him. He withheld a groan only because Saani mattered more than his ability to vent his feelings. He kneeled down, “Saani, it’s okay.”_ _

__Saani screwed up her face, tears welling in her eyes, “I’m sorry, Papa.” She whispered._ _

__“Saani, can you try to feel where she is?” Gida’smoo asked, stepping closer. She kneeled down to look Saani in the eye._ _

__“I don’t know how!” Saani protested, tears in her eyes in earnest._ _

__“It’s okay it’s okay!” Gida’smoo said soothingly. “Instead, I want you to remember what it felt like when you talked to Rey, okay?” She said, wiping Saani’s eyes, “I’m just going to try and see what I can check out in your mind. Is that okay?”_ _

__“Yeah.” Saani said._ _

__Gida’smoo reached up as Saani closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Finn held his breath as Gida’smoo pressed her hand to Saani’s cheek, letting her thumb rest on Saani’s forehead. Finn nearly jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder to see Poe with a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Finn reached back, putting his hand on Poe’s, but kept his attention on Saani as she took several slow, deep, breaths. Time seemed to pass slowly as Gida’smoo kneeled in front of Saani. Finally, after what felt like eight years, Gida’msoo leaned back and put out a hand. Finn handed her a stylus as she kept her eyes closed._ _

__“Put the map in first person view.” Gida’smoo said._ _

__Poe leaned forward and pressed buttons on the map controls., “Got it.”_ _

__Gida’smoo nodded, “Okay. now point me towards the Senex-Juvex Sector.” She said._ _

__Poe rotated the map a little, “Got it. Your twelve o’clock is pointing directly at Lorta.”_ _

__Gida’smoo nodded, “Okay, Put me on the surface of Lorta.” She said._ _

__The map rushed forward, letting Gida’smoo’s point of view land at the northern pole of the planet Lorta. Gida’smo kept her eyes closed and seemed to wait, turning her head slowly back and forth. Finally, she stopped, her face pointed a little off twelve o’clock, “Okay, point me twenty degrees from Sump.”_ _

__“Sump?” Zhet asked, raising an eyebrow._ _

__“Sump.” Gida’smoo said, nodding._ _

__Poe adjusted the map and Gida’smoo’s point of view rotated a little, “Done and done.”_ _

__“Okay, now send me to the nearest planet in that direction.” Gida’smoo said, “Whatever that is, Rey is there.”_ _

__“Okay.” Poe said. He played with some of the bottoms and the dials. The map’s point of view rushed through open space and stopped on top of a small planet._ _

__“We’re here.” Poe said, his voice suddenly quiet. He stepped back as Akuryate stood up and turned to look at the map’s controls._ _

__Gida’smoo opened her eyes, “This is it.”_ _

__Finn took a step forward, scanning the map, “Can we switch the map back? To the original distress call?” He asked, struggling to keep his voice level. Akuyate pressed a button on the display and the map with the orange beacon appeared, overlapping with the map Gida’smoo had marked. “And can you put up Gida’smoo’s first map?”_ _

__Finn stared at the beacon. Gida’msoo had drawn several spots in one place around the beacon._ _

__“Sweet Force.” Finn whispered. He touched the map, “She’s alive. Maybe even Jonas.”_ _

__Zhet frowned, looking at the maps._ _

__“What’s the hesitation?” Poe asked._ _

__“Why did they wait so long to contact us?” Zhet asked. He looked at the various marks and icons._ _

__“What?” Akuryate asked._ _

__“We know Luke is dead, yes?” Zhet asked._ _

__“Yes.” Poe said, straightening and stepping closer to stand next to Zhet. Finn knew Poe was trying to see what Zhet saw._ _

__“The ship that Luke was on was destroyed. All the passengers, including R2-D2, were lost.” Zhet said, his eyes still fixed on the map._ _

__“That’s right.” Finn said, frowning._ _

__“Before today, we were missing one ship and four bodies, correct?” Zhet said._ _

__“Four bodies?” Poe asked._ _

__“We found the bodies of Arya Ren, Anjat Ren, and genetic material from everyone else on Luke’s ship.” Zhet said._ _

__“What are you getting at?” Finn asked._ _

__“We don’t have a body or genetic material from Luke, Rey, Jonas, or Kylo Ren.” Zhet said, turning to look at Poe and Finn, “but we have seen Luke’s force ghost.”_ _

__“Oh Force.” Finn said, finally realizing what Zhet was getting at. He gripped the table, his heart falling. Where was Kylo Ren?_ _

__“We have to go.” Zhet said, his jaw tight. Poe looked at him, “What are you thinking?” Poe asked._ _

__“I think Kylo Ren is alive,” Zhet said._ _

__Poe swore. He closed his eyes and put a hand over his mouth. Finn took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He watched as Poe grew pale. Rey and Jonas might be trapped somewhere with Kylo Ren_ _

__“We’ll need about six standard hours to pull together enough of a crew.” Akuryate said, turning to speak to the room at large, which had grown quiet, “We’ll go then, 0900 standard time. Go get ready.”_ _

__The silence broke as everyone scattered. Finn closed his eyes, putting a hand over it. His throat felt tight and he swallowed back tears with difficulty. After several deep breaths, he opened his eyes, then kept an eye on Poe. Poe had stabilized himself, then looked around almost helplessly. Finn put a hand on his arm, “Go find Obran, if you need to.”_ _

__Poe nodded, “Maybe, yeah.”_ _

__Turning around, Finn looked at Zhet. Akuryate walked over uncertaintly. She put a hand on Zhet’s arm, “Are you okay?” She asked quietly._ _

__“Yes.” Zhe said._ _

__Akuryate nodded, “I hope we get oyur family back together.” She said._ _

__Zhet nodded stiffly. When Akuryate walked away, Finn turned to speak to Zhet, “She thinks Jonas is your son?”_ _

__“Yes.” Zhet whispered._ _

__Finn nodded, “We have to go get them,” He said, “I can’t imagine what it’s like for them, being there with only each other and Kylo Ren.”_ _

__“Jonas is probably struggling. He probably has no idea what to do, trapped between his parents.”_ _

__Finn turned his head sharply._ _

__“Jonas knows who his father is.” Zhet said quietly. He sighed and rubbed at his five o’clock shadow. Finn nodded, “I knew that. Rey told me.”_ _

__“Kriff, I can’t imagine what it’s like for Rey and Jonas, living on a place like Athiktos with that monster.”_ _

__“I know.” Finn said, “If I can, if Rey hasn’t done it already, I’m going to kill Kylo Ren.” Finn said. He clenched his jaw, feeling his fists curl tightly. Luke Skywalker had been like a father to him. Rey and Jonas were his family. Kylo Ren had threatened them. Revenge was not the Jedi way, but Finn would deal with that later. Now, however, he wanted to avenge his family and all these lost month. He sighed, patting Zhet on the arm, “Hang in there, man.” He walked away from Zhet, then looking down at Saani, who had settled down sleeply into a chair, leaning her cheek on one hand._ _

__Finn looked at Sani and smile, “Thank you so much, my love.” He said quietly. He touched her cheek and kissed her forehead._ _

__“You believe me?” Saani said._ _

__“Yes.” Finn said, “Yes, I do. You were right. You are going to be a great jedi one day.” Finn promised. He picked Saani up not caring if she was a little too big, and walked out of command. The hallways were fuller than they’d been when he’d gone to get Saani, but they were also quieter now. There was a quiet that had settled over the base in the intervening hours. People hurried from place to place without talking and only the sound of shoes on floor, of rustling fabric, of carts, and the clicking of gear disturbed the silence. People made way for Finn as he carried his daughter back to the living quarters, but no one paid him any attention otherwise. News about Rey and Jonas had spread, apparently, even in the eerie quiet. The entire place was full of a tension, a restlessness, that hummed around Finn. He didn’t feel it, though. He mostly felt cold, full of the purpose that came from carrying a too-heavy load to a specific destination._ _

__He let out a grateful sigh when the door to his home slid open. Judging by the slow, even breaths brushing his neck, Saani was sound asleep. Careful not to wake her, Finn walked to her and Linora’s room. Finn laid Saani on her bed, then pulled her shoes off. He pulled the covers over her, then kissed her forehead. He was so proud of her._ _

__Finn walked into his bedroom, lazily waving a hand at the sensor to open the door. For the first time, he was glad their bedroom had no biolock. It ruined their sex life, but at this particular moment, he was grateful for the fact that a wave of his hand was enough. He blinked at the brightness. Todra was awake and sitting up. He sighed, his throat tightening at the sight of her. Rey is alive he thought. His face grew hot and his eyes filled with tears. Finn reached up and put a hand over his mouth as the numbness faded and relief set over him._ _

__Todra stood up and rushed over to him. Finn curled up, then rested his head on her shoulder, sobbing in earnest._ _

__“What happened?” Todra whispered._ _

__“Rey is alive.” Finn said, “We’re going to get her tomorrow.”_ _

__Todra let out a tight noise, like a whimper. Finn straightened, even though he knew he was trembling._ _

__Todra wiped her eyes, “Really?”_ _

__“Yes.” Finn said._ _

__Todra wrapped her arms around him. Finn buried his face in her neck again. He was smiling, yes, and crying. He could feel the wild joy in Todra. It seemed to echo off of him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any random questions, but relevant and irrelevant that you have for me? Future plot point questions are fair game


	22. I Love You More Than Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a little short, I know, but the next one is a doosey.
> 
> Question of the Update: Any headcanons about the personal/romantic lives of any of the character? Or any questions you have about any of that?

**"I love you more than starlight.” ― Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight**

Rey sat up slowly. She brushed the loose hair out of her face, letting herself have a moment before she had to sit up and deal with the responsibility of having to be a person just yet. When she moved, she felt Ben stir beside her. He was laying on his side, silent but awake. Rey smiled at him and he smiled back. Ben gently rubbed her arm and Rey turned her head to check on Jonas.

Across the room, Jonas was sound asleep. In recent weeks, Rey noticed that, as he slept, he kept his old bay blanket closest to him, one fist usually curled around the edge.

“He’s always been such a peaceful sleeper.” Rey whispered.

“That makes one of us.” Ben said, his voice low and amused.

“I remember the first morning after he slept through the night.” Rey said, “I woke up early in the morning anyway, just out of habit. I sat in the chair, waiting until he woke up on his own.”

“He must have been so small back then.” Ben said thoughtfully.

“He was. Tiny.” Rey said, “It’s so strange, to think someone so small could be related to you. I mean, he felt pretty big when I had to lug him around, but once he was out, when I was holding him in my arms, I couldn’t fathom someone being so small.”

“He looks like me.” Ben whispered, “I never- I never thought anyone would look like me. Not really. I always wanted kids, a real family. Not just for the “Skywalker bloodline” or whatever, but because I wanted to be a parent, a real one.”

“I know.” Rey said. She turned her head to look at him, “You will be. Once we get out of here. We can start something real. Permanent.”

“Even with the war?” Ben asked, resting his cheek on his palm.

“Even with the war.” Rey said, “I started fighting this when I was 19. I’m 36. I’m not going to wait until this is over. We may not finish beating down the First Order until Jonas is 36.”

Ben nodded. He leaned up, pressing a kiss to her temple, “First, I want to marry you.”

Rey smiled, reaching brushing her fingers through Ben’s long hair. It had grown almost to his shoulders now, in the months that they’d been there. Ben rested his head on her chest, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“That would be a hard wedding to find an officiant for.” Rey said thoughtfully.

“We could try Kashyyyk.” Ben said, “Wookies officiate their own weddings, but maybe they’ll let us go there if no one else will have us.”

“That’s a thought.” Rey said, shifting more comfortably so Ben’s head rested on her stomach instead of crushing her chest, “Or we could just go far enough away from everyone that it doesn’t matter.”

“Another excellent Skywalker tradition.” Ben said, “We’re ticking most of the boxes. Secret weddings, children out of wedlock, and now running away to a distant planet. Bonus points if it’s a desert planet.” He toyed with the edge of her shirt, letting his fingers brushed against the edge of her stomach where it met the top of her pants. 

Rey laughed, shaking her head, “Ben…”

“What?” Ben said. He smirked up at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t tease.” Rey said.

“What? I’m not doing anything.” Ben said innocently. He smiled wider, letting his fingertips just brush against the skin underneath the elastic of her pants. 

“ _Ben…_ ” Rey said, shifting her shoulders a little, “Jonas is in here.”

“I know.” Ben said, finally drawing his hand away and resting it half under his cheek, “I just like seeing you get all sheepish and squirmy.”

“You’re a monster.” Rey said. She smiled anyway, brushing her fingers through his hair again. She knew she should get up, but laying on the bed, snuggling with her husband, was so peaceful. If they left, either today or tomorrow or even in a few days, they would probably not have moments like this. She would be far away from him. They might belong to each other, might be free of the Dark side, but they would not have these quiet, wonderful moment. 

Ben’s hand twitched under his cheek. She felt his palm move against her shirt and stilled her movements in his hair. Ben’s head shifted under her hand. He tilted slightly, then went still. and she lifted her head to look at him, “What?”

Ben pushed himself up on his elbows and looking around, “I thought I heard something.”

“Well, you did have an ear pressed against my internal organs and they’re known to make noise here and there.” Rey said. She smiled, then let it drop as she saw the seriousness of his expression. 

“No,” Ben said, “I mean, it wasn’t a normal noise. It was something in the Force, I think. I didn’t hear it as much as I sensed the trace of something. It…” He look at her and his ears went red. Apparently, her confusion was written all over her face.

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say.” Rey said honestly.

Ben sighed, “I just sensed something in the Force. It was different than it usually is for me. Really distant and unfamiliar. A little… jumbled… but there.”

Rey bit her lip, looking up, “I hope it’s not another herd.” She said, staring up at the duracrete above her head as if she could peel it away and see a potential threat on the ground above.

“Kriff, don’t say that.” Ben muttered, getting off her to stand up, “Don’t jinx it.” 

Rey sat up for real now, hastily sitting up on her knees so that she didn’t miss any of her long hair as she pulled it into a bun. Ben pulled on his boots, then walked to the doorway of the bunk room, “I’m going to check it out. You wake up Jonas.”

“You think we’re in trouble?” Rey asked, pulling on the closest long-sleeved shirt, which happened to be one of Ben’s.

“I don’t know, but I really don’t want to get caught off-guard.” Ben said. He put out a hand and Rey tossed him one of the other shirts. Ben turned and walked down the hallway as Rey turned her attention to her son. She sat down on the edge of his bed, then rubbed Jonas’s arm. He didn’t move and she shook her head, smiling fondly at her son. Rey leaned over, “Jonas, let’s go.” she said.

Jonas blinked at her, his hazel eyes unfocused and sleepy, “Whuh?”

“We have to wake up.” Rey said.

“Did something happen?” Jonas asked.

“Not yet.” Rey said, “But it’s time to wake up and your father thinks he heard something.”

“Okay.” Jonas said, standing up.

“We have to go!” Rey jumped at the volume of Ben’s voice. She turned to see Ben suddenly appear in the doorway.

“What happened?” Rey asked.

“Something’s here. Something… Something big. I think it’s a ship. There’s sentients together, I think.”

Rey packed hurriedly. She felt her stomach turn and resisted the urge to vomit. They’d had such a close call with the herd a few weeks ago. The idea of that thing, or something worse, coming into their living space set her teeth on edge. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, and then threw her belongings into a bag. Jonas threw himself over the edge of the bed, past her, and grabbed his own bag and hurredly finished packing the last of his items.

“If we have to, we’re getting off this planet.” Rey said, “Or at least flying somewhere else. Be prepared to not come back.”

“Got it.” Jonas said. He put out a hand, summoning his lightsabers into his palm, one after another. He stood up after a moment, “I’m going to grab some food.”

Rey nodded, shoving more of her clothes into a bag and then turning to keep filling Jonas’s bag for him. _Why didn’t we have all of our bags ready to go?_ Rey thought, kicking herself. She stood, grabbing her bag and Jonas’s, and walked to the door. She looked up to see Ben climbing down the ladder just as Jonas rushed up from their supply room.

“Something’s reached the atmosphere.” Ben said, “We’ve got to get moving.”

“We can go.” Rey said, “Your bag is already packed?”

“Yeah, except for what I’m wearing.” Ben said, “I moved it yesterday while you slept.”

“Then we’ll take our stuff and figure out what to do from there.” Rey said, nodding. She passed Jonas’s bag to Ben. She walked past Ben and climbed up to the surface. When she got there, she looked over her shoulder for Ben and Jonas. She didn’t want to be more than a few feet from either of them. Whatever was coming, they had to stay close.

Walking to the clearing outside their door, she looked at the sky. She was surprised, for the first time, to see dark clouds looming in the distance.The entire time they’d been there, it had never rained. It had never even looked like rain. Today of all days, however, the drought was ending. She fiddled with her lightsaber, rubbing at her belt loop anxiously as Ben and Jonas walked over to her. She saw a small spot in the sky and felt her throat tighten. 

“It’s a ship!” Rey said, her eyes on the spot in the distance that was turning around and coming closer and closer. She took a deep breath, then nodded. She knew what they needed to do. She turned to Ben as Jonas stepped away to see the speck better, “Go towards the ship. I’ll come find you later. If I don’t find you within an hour, you take off.”

“What?” Ben blurted, grabbing her hand, “No, Rey, we stay together!”

“If it’s the Resistance, I’ll be fine. If it’s the First Order, we’re all in danger. Take Jonas and go!” Rey said.

“Rey-”

“Do you trust me?” Rey snapped. Ben met her eyes, then nodded.

Rey turned on her heel to look at Ben. She surged forward and kissed him, hard, her hands on either side of his face. She kept close to him, a dam of emotion breaking in her chest and tears running down her face. “Go.” She wiped her eyes, then felt a single drop of water land on her cheek. 

 

*****

 

Jonas turned to see Rey step forward to kiss Ben. He blinked in surprise, unsure if he should interrupt or let the moment pass. After a second, Rey stepped away from Ben and turned to him. She took two steps towards him and hugged him tightly for a long moment. She pressed her cheek to the side of his head. She used to be able to lean against the top of his head, but now he’d grown too tall. Rey stepped back, then touched his face, “Be brave. I’ll see you soon.” She turned and stood on her toes to wrap her arms around Ben, one last time, burying her face in his neck. 

It was odd to see the desperation in her tense muscles. She was digging her nails into the back of Ben's neck, as if by leaving a mark, she could be allowed to stay. His father, however, didn’t seem to mind and just rubbed her back before releasing her. When he stepped away, Ben was holding her bag. Ben looked up at the sky. They could see the ship clearly now. It didn’t have any obvious identifying marks. He didn’t understand why Rey was so afraid. They were all going to be able to leave this thing behind, together, as a family. They could get on their ship and leave this stupid rock behind for good. 

“Come on.” Ben said, gently tugging on Jonas’s arm. He started walking deeper into the woods, towards the ship. Jonas walked with him, then frowned when he realized Rey wasn’t moving with them. He looked over his shoulder to see Rey moving back towards the cave.

“Wait, what about you?” Jonas asked.

“I’m staying!” Rey called over her shoulder. The ship was close enough now to clearly see. It was going to land less than a mile away, judging by its trajectory. That was not a head start even worth mentioning.

“No, Rey!” Jonas said, “That’s too dangerous.” He turned around, but Ben grabbed his arm and dragged him further into the trees.

“Jonas, run!” Rey said, watching the sky. The ship was drawing closer.

“No, Rey!” Jonas reached for his mother, but felt his father’s arm on his, dragging him into the forest, ‘Rey!”

“Listen to me!” Rey called over her shoulder, igniting her saberstaff, “Go with your father! I’ll be right behind you.”

“No, Mom!” Jonas’s voice cracked as Ben hauled him through the trees, away from their living space. “MOM!”

“We have to keep moving.” Ben said, grabbing one of Jonas’s sabers from his belt and shoving it into his hand.

“How can you let her do this?” Jonas asked, rounding on his father.

“Because my faith in her isn’t outweighed by my fear or whoever is in this ship. I have to keep you safe. Your mother can handle anyone who gets out of that ship.”Ben ’s eyes cut into him and Jonas realized that his father hated seeing Rey in danger, but trusted in her abilities enough to let her be his partner, not just his lover.

“You’re choosing me over her,” Jonas blurted, “Why?”

“You’re my son.” Ben said, both his hands on Jonas’s arm. “I would choose you over anybody.” Jonas opened his mouth, but said nothing. He didn’t really have a response, not one he could verbalize. He simply nodded and allowed his father to hurry him towards their ship. 

They hadn’t made it more than three steps when Jonas felt drops of water land on his head. He looked up to see the clouds, dark and imposing, closing over him. Rain fell, suddenly, onto his face. 

“Kriffing perfect.” Jonas snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the Update: Any headcanons about the personal/romantic lives of any of the character? Or any questions you have about any of that?


	23. But the World Hinges on Good Fathers and Those Who Would be the Merchants of Confidence

**“But the world hinges on good fathers and those who would be the merchants of confidence.” ― Michelle Franklin**

 

Ben swore, looking up at the sky. “We’re here, what, six months? No rain. Now, today of all days, it rains.” 

“I think we’re cursed!” Jonas called. He looked over his shoulder, trying to see Rey. Lightnight cracked overhead, casting a sudden black and white contrast over the entire scene. He couldn’t see his mom, not even her saberstaff. Ben jerked his arm, forcing him to keep moving through the woods. 

“Do you see the ship?” Ben asked, looking up at the sky.

“No,” Jonas said, his eyes up. He stopped again, “It’s landed. They’re there.” 

“We keep going, then!” Ben said, gritting his teeth and forcing Jonas onward. Jonas growled low in his throat but kept going on. He forced his hair out of his face. The dirt path was quickly becoming muddy as they ran. Jonas heard a sucking noise as he took a step. He cried out as the ground rushed up to meet him. It seemed impossible, but suddenly he was even colder than he had been before. 

Pain lanced through his palms, elbows, knees, and forehead. He groaned, pushing himself up onto his hands and knees. When he lowered his feet to the ground, his bare right toes squished in the mud.

“Jonas, are you alright?” Ben asked. He walked over, standing next to Jonas and putting out a hand. Jonas took it and pulled himself up. 

“I’m fine. Where is my shoe?” Jonas asked, wiping mud off of his face. 

“Here,” Ben said. He passed it to him and Jonas stood on one foot to put it on. “Lace it up tight.” Ben said, “We’ve got to keep running.”

There was a loud sound behind them, like an explosion. Jonas stood up immediately from where he’d been kneeling to tie his shoes tightly, “Mom.” He croaked.

“Don’t!” Ben said. He grabbed Jonas’s arm tightly. When Jonas turned his head sharply to glare at his father, Ben met his gaze without blinking. “Remember what she said. Now tie your shoes.” 

The sound of blaster fire echoed through the trees and Ben gritted his teeth. 

Jonas tilted his head back, his face twisted, but didn’t move towards Rey again. The sound only lasted for a minute, but it felt like hours. It broke off suddenly and Jonas realized that there was a sound even worse than blaster fire: sudden silence. 

“We can’t stop.’ Ben said. Jonas turned his head to look at Ben. He was going to say something harsh, but Ben’s grieved expression made him still his tongue. As they walked through the thick mud, a few more shots rang out. Jonas was relieved, even though he was terrified for Rey. If someone was shooting, then Rey was alive. 

“We have to do something.” Ben murmured, “Someone, help her.” 

Jonas stumbled again on a tree root that had been buried by sliding mud. Ben grabbed him by the elbow and his saber hold. Ben let out a low growl, frustration pounding through him so furiously that it nearly overwhelmed Jonas. 

“Someone!” Ben snarled. He pulled Jonas straight and they sloshed through the muddy ground that was becoming increasingly waterlogged. “Help her!” Ben said. He grabbed the closest saber to him and, suddenly, Jonas saw a familiar flickering blue figure appear before him. Jonas looked between Anakin and Ben, his mouth agape. 

Jonas’s heart leaped into his throat as he heard other shouts ringing through the trees. He looked from his great-grandfather to the area over his shoulder. 

“Grandfather, help her,” Ben said. Anakin nodded, smiling wordlessly.

“Wait, since when can you summon him?” Jonas hissed, looking over his shoulder as they ran again. 

“Right now.” Ben said, grabbing his lightsaber from his belt, “20 years I’ve been talking to him and now he decides to listen.” Ben growled. 

 

*****

 

Rey grabbed her weapon, igniting it and breaking through two pairs of fighters, splashing in the rain. She braced her feet and brushed her hair out of her face with a free hand. She saw about a dozen figures disembarking an unmarked ship. Hiding behind a tree, she watched them carefully. They were moving beyond the ship, looking around and talking. Looking at them, she couldn’t make out anything distinct about them. 

_Kriff,_ Rey thought, resting her head back on the tree in exasperation, _I wish that I could sense identities like Ben can._

For some reason, she had a hard time parsing out identities in person. She could sense mood and behavior, but not identity. She peeked out behind the tree again. She heard a shout of alarm and jerked back just in time to avoid a shot. A piece of bark splintered off and cut her cheek. She hissed, then threw out her saber, catching a bolt and glancing it off of the surface. She glanced bolt after bolt off the surface, grateful for every day they’d done blaster training. She forced her way towards the group on the hill. She threw out a hand, throwing one of the shoots flat on their back, then ducked behind another tree.

Panting, Rey glance behind the tree for a second. She saw a captain of some kind, judging by his stance, looking for her. However, between the rain and the floaters caused by the bright glare from the blasters hitting her lightsaber, she couldn’t see anything clearly. She needed to get at the captain, she decided. 

_I’ve got to buy them every second._ Rey thought. She hoped Jonas and Ben were still running. _Please please please don’t come back to save me. Don’t get scared by the blaster fire and come running to help me._

Gritting her teeth, Rey looked around the tree another time to get a better read on where exactly the captain was. She pulled her head after a split second, barely missing a blaster bolt that would likely have blinded her. She took a deep breath, calming her nerves and centering in on her connection to the Force. She didn’t have Ben ’s talent for manipulation and needed to be prepared to stop bolts. She threw herself from behind the tree, ignoring her saberstaff and holding it in one hand as she raised the other. She sensed more than saw the bolts racing towards her and stopped them in place. Throwing herself aside, she released her grip on them in time to catch the next volley. This time, she missed two. One caught her lightsaber, but the second one caught her in the hip. Pain exploded through her and she couldn’t stop the scream that tore from her throat. It seemed to echo through the forest.

Distantly, Rey heard the someone shout something, but couldn’t make it out. 

_Don’t be Ben. Don’t come for me, love,_ Rey thought desperately. She dropped to her knees, which protested. The muscles of her thighs were still sometimes tender from their encounter with the herd, even though it had been a few weeks. She let the blasts go and heard them strike the trees behind her. She forced herself to her feet, ready for the next blast, but the strangers had lowered their weapons. She frowned, gripping her weapon tighter. 

Then she heard him. 

“Rey!” Finn shouted. Rey looked up sharply from the unfamiliar gunmen.

“Finn?!” Rey asked. She didn’t lower her weapon until she laid eyes on her friend. Then she saw one of the single most beautiful people she’d ever laid eyes on. 

“Rey, oh my-” 

Rey broke into a run. She rushed into Finn’s open arms and buried her face in the crook of his neck. She felt Finn’s familiar arms around her. She curled her fist into his shirt, her knuckles scraping against the metal of his cybernetic spine.

“You’re alive!” Finn said. He leaned back and touched her face. 

“You found us!” Rey said, smiling. She leaned into his touch as tears pricked her eyes. She blinked rapidly and felt Finn gently rub her cheek with his thumb, wiping it away. She took a deep breath, then stepped back. 

“We did. Saani told us and then we saw your distress beacon-”

“Distress beacon?” Rey asked, her heart dropping, “We didn’t send out a distress beacon.”

Finn immediately reached for his blaster, looking around, “Akuryate said they were part of the communications systems of a lot of old rebellion bases.”

Rey took a deep breath, frowning. She stepped back and looked away a little, thinking carefully. “We stayed in one of Saw Garrera’s old bunkers, not a Rebellion base. There was almost no communication hardware left. Our ship’s entire board was obliterated. Maybe…” She nodded, _the pod. We must have triggered something in the pod._

“We must have done it by accident.” Rey said, “Jonas probably did it. He worked on wiring for hours.”

“Where’s Jonas?” Finn asked.

Rey’s shoulders fell. She bit her lip, “He- He’s gone.”

“No…” Finn said weakly.

“He’s not dead.” Rey amended, “He left. I didn’t know who you were, so I sent him away.”

“Well, where is he?” Finn asked.

“I can’t tell you,” Rey said.

“Rey…”

Rey took a deep breath, “He’s with his father.” Rey explained.

“Kriff, Rey!” Finn said.

“He’s okay,” Rey promised weakly. Finn lurched forward, grabbing her by the arms.

“Rey, where is he?” Rey closed her eyes and shook her head.

“Rey.” Rey looked over her shoulder to see Zhet Lylin come down from a stone nearby, “Please, we have to find Jonas.”

“And Ben?” Rey asked quietly. She looked at Finn, whose face was a mask of grief and pain suddenly.

“Rey, he’s a murderer. He’s a monster. You- I know you-” 

Rey lost track of Finn’s words when she felt something touch her wrist and heard a quiet click behind her. Rey turned her head, “Hey!” She saw Zhet standing behind.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Zhet said, “but you’ve been taken in again.” He stepped closer and Rey’s wrist went with him. There was another click and suddenly her hands were pinned- no, cuffed- behind her back.

“Zhet, no!” Rey said. She whirled around and pain shot up her hip, which was still sensitive from the bolt.

“Rey, this has happened before.” Zhet said gently, “We’ll get Jonas back. We’ll get you both home safe.”

“You don’t understand!” Rey said, but Zhet stepped away from her. His face was sad, but at that moment, she feared and hated him in equal measure. 

“I’m his mother.” Rey said, not caring who was listening, “I know what’s best for him.”

“You want what’s best for him,” Zhet said, “But you’re not above failure. I’ll bring him home, safe.” His sadness melted away as he steeled himself for what he was going to do. Rey’s heart tightened and she felt Finn’s arm, warm and gentle, on her arm. He was trying to steer her by the elbow, to bring her inside. She jerked free of Finn’s touch and lurched forward so that her face was six inches away from Zhet’s, “If you hurt him, I will never forgive you.” Rey whispered, her eyes fixed on Zhet. 

Zhet looked at him, his face hard and expressionless. Finally, he said, “To protect Jonas, I’d kill you both. I’d destroy planets for that kid.”

The soldiers behind Zhet shifted uncomfortably. Rey knew the rumors. For years, people had assumed that Jonas was Zhet’s son. Either Zhet’s dead wife, Vari, was his rumored mother, or Rey herself. The rumor had only grown when she and Zet had dated for a few years when Jonas was small. The soldiers moved awkwardly as they prepared to go down and search the forest. Rey saw, in that instant, what they saw: two estranged parents fighting for their son.

Rey gritted her teeth as Zhet walked away.

“If you hurt my family, I will destroy you, Zhetam Lylin!” Rey shrieked after him. She felt Finn pulling her into the ship and she let him, even though she screamed, “Do you hear me!? I will destroy you!” 

Zhet didn’t look back. Instead, he hurried down the hill and rushed to the trees.

_Please have gotten away,_ Rey thought desperately, looking up at the sky, _Please, my darling boys. Please be safe._

 

*****

 

The scream was too much for Jonas. It tore through the forest, and through him. The sound of his mother’s pain seemed to echo off the trees and slam into him. He whirled around, only to feel an iron grip on his elbow.

“She could be dead!” Jonas shouted. He didn’t care if he’d given away their position. He didn’t care who might have heard. Rey was screaming. He turned to look at his father, “She could be dead!”

“I know!” Ben said. The anguish in his voice was the only thing that kept Jonas from knocking him out and running toward the scream. Fury, fear, and pain echoed off of him. Ben pulled his left hand away, throwing out energy. A tree near them cracked loudly. It seemed to splinter and fracture before crumbling in on itself. 

Jonas jerked his arm out of Ben’s grasp. He turned, ready to race back and save his mom. 

“There!” Someone shouting. 

Jonas and Ben looked up sharply. Ben let out one of the foulest curses Jonas had ever heard. They were, however, stuck. Jonas looked around and saw nearly a dozen people with guns trained on them.

“Jonas!” A voice said. 

Jonas turned his head and saw Zhet’s familiar face, glowing with relief. Jonas took a deep breath, feeling some of the tension leave his body. The First Order wasn’t here. It was the Resistance. It was his friends, his family.

_If it’s the Resistance, then why did Rey scream?_

Jonas let his hand drift towards his left hip. Last time they’d been together, he’d carried one lightsaber, on his right side, but Zhet and the others didn’t know about the other one.

“Freeze!” A voice said. There were a dozen other shouts, all yelling similar commands, and Jonas heard the clicks and low whines of blasters. He looked around at the people around him and followed the lines of their blasters. Every since one was pointed at Ben, who stood with his hands by his head. He was still wearing Rey’s other bag, but his face was an emotionless mask. 

“No,” Jonas murmured. Everyone still thought Ben was dangerous- which he technically was. They didn’t know he’d left Snoke and the First Order. 

“Jonas, it’s okay.” Zhet said, “You’re safe now. We’ve got him.”

“No!” Jonas said. He saw a muscle in Ben’s jaw jump as Ben cut his eyes to look at Jonas. His dark eyes seemed to pierce Jonas, to hold him still. Jonas reached out through the Force. He could feel the fear that Ben seemed to be drowning in. When Jonas probed at Ben’s mind, he met no resistance. He could read, immediately, the worry Ben felt about Rey and her unknown condition, the paralyzing anxiety he felt about Jonas being in such a tense and delicate situation, and the certainty that he could be captured and executed. If he went with the Resistance now, he would die. However, he knew the safest place for his wife and son was with them and he didn’t know any way to leave the situation a free man without endangering Jonas in a firefight. That is why he stood so still. Anguish choked Jonas at the thought that Ben would suffer and die, all for him and for Rey. 

_He won’t save himself because it might put me in danger._ Jonas thought. He let his fingers finally touch the cool metal of his lightsaber. He’d made that weapon with his father sitting across from him, out of the kyber crystal that had belonged to his great-grandfather. He shifted carefully, preparing his stance so silently that no one but Ben noticed. Only a twitch of Ben’s eyebrow betrayed that he noticed anything of what Jonas had recognized in the past few seconds. Brown eyes met hazel and Jonas was suddenly struck by a stark realization that this was the moment his entire life had been barrelling towards. The day he’d learned who his parents were, he’d reached out into the Force, into the galaxy itself. He had been looking for his father and now he’d found him. These past months, he’d gotten to know Ben as a warrior, as a provider, even as a husband to his mother.

Now, however, in those dark eyes, he saw the father he’d been looking for his entire life. Ben was the man meant to protect him, to train him, to teach him how to be a man and how to make the most of what he’d inherited from the men who came before him. 

_I love him._

That thought cut through him more than any other. He didn’t want to lose Ben, not ever. If Ben wouldn’t save himself, then Jonas had to. He pulled his lightsaber from his belt and rushed between Ben and the Resistance fighters before any of them could take more than a step. 

“Get away from my father!” Jonas shouted, rushing into the tense circle. He left his lightsaber in his left hand but didn’t ignite it yet, looking from Ben to Zhet and his soldiers. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he couldn’t let them hurt Ben. 

“Jonas,” Zhet began, “I’m not-” He had lowered his blaster when Jonas rushed into the center. His face had gone white when Jonas had thrown himself into danger. Jonas felt grateful for Zhet’s genuine affection, but he had more pressing concerns than Zhet’s feelings. 

“I wasn’t talking about you,” Jonas said, turning to face Zhet and the other Resistance soldiers, his expression dark. He heard Ben’s sharp intake of breath as Jonas put his back to his father and lit his saber. Jonas met Zhet’s dark gray eyes which seemed to glow a blood red in the light of his red lightsaber. He kept his face perfectly still as Zhet moved his thumb on his weapon, flipping a switch before his slowly raised it to point directly at him. 

 

*****

 

Ben took a deep breath as the boy turned away from him, his face and his weapon towards his old friends. Jonas widened his stance. Judging by the way his weight was distributed, he was expecting to have to fight on several sides at once. 

_Kriff,_ Ben thought, _he thinks they’re all going to fire at him. ___

__“Jonas!” Lylin said. He had his blaster raised, but his dark eyes were wide and anguished. Ben could feel the intense fear bundled up in the other man’s chest. He didn’t want to shoot Jonas, but he was a dangerous opponent._ _

__Jonas scrambled back, looking over his shoulder at his father. He looked around, his eyes flicking from one soldier to another. He turned on his foot slightly as one person took a step forward. The woman happened to step on some fallen leaves, but Jonas was already looking at her. Ben kept himself still, watching the woman halt her approach as Jonas shouted, “Stay back!”_ _

__The woman froze, her eyes wide. Jonas gritted his teeth, “All of you! Get _ **BACK!**_ ” Lylin stepped back, his face hardening._ _

__“Jonas, don’t be a fool,” Lylin said slowly, trying to step out of Jonas’s way to aim his blaster at Kylo._ _

__“Get back!” Jonas shouted. His voice was full of that hard power Ben had heard when they were fighting the herd. He gritted his teeth as his muscles involuntarily jerked, trying to move back. He took a deep breath, letting it hiss through his teeth. All of the others jerked back, each taking several steps back._ _

___No, Jonas,_ Ben thought, _you’re going to get yourself arrested, too._ _ _

__“If you leave the boy, I will go with you.” Ben blurted, “He will face no consequences for anything.”_ _

__There was a long pause as Lylin shifted his weight. He lifted his heel off of the ground but lowered it after a moment. He still couldn’t move; Jonas’s control was still in effect._ _

__“Agreed,” Lylin said gravely._ _

__“No!” Jonas shouted. Jonas threw out a hand and watched two soldiers crumple to the ground, blasters discarded._ _

__“Jonas!” Ben's voice cut through the noise that followed. He dropped his hands and stepped forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lylin raise his blaster and aim at Jonas. “Jonas!”_ _

__Jonas turned his head slightly, throwing out a hand. Zhet’s eyes widened as a blaster bolt appeared, frozen, in the air in front of Jonas. Ben tried to turn his head to see who had fired on his son- a _child_ \- but couldn’t. He and anyone in his line of sight was frozen. He stared into the terrified face of one of the Resistance soldiers, who was watching there Jonas was standing. _Jonas!__ _

__Ben was trapped, one foot forward, with his right hand partly extended. He tried to flex his fingers, but couldn’t. Ben shuddered. He was able to breathe and blink, but the rest of his body was frozen. Turning his eyes to see Lylin better, it seemed that all of the others were fixed as well._ _

__Jonas stepped into Ben's line of sight. Ben took a sharp breath of relief. Jonas, thank the Force, didn’t have a scratch on him._ _

__“Ben, we have to go,” Jonas said, blinking. Ben's body relaxed and he nearly fell. He straightened, looking around. There were four blaster bolts fixed into the air._ _

__“Ben!” Ben turned his head to see Jonas at the edge of the clearing, calling to him, “We have to go!”_ _

__Ben rushed forward, watching over his shoulder. Soon, they were out of sight of the frozen figures, but Jonas was still silent. Ben glanced down on his son, who had sweat running down his face. He stopped when they reached the little patched up and ancient ship. He opened the door and rushed inside. He climbed into the pilot’s chair and pushed at the ignition._ _

__Nothing happened._ _

__Ben swore, then threw himself under the control panel._ _

__They’d spent weeks meticulously testing, retesting, and repairing the wiring, but now, they didn’t have the time. Ben leaned out from under the dash and put out a hand to shut the door with the Force. Jonas grunted in shock, but Ben didn’t have time to focus on that. He reached out with the Force, trying to find the gap in the current for the ignition._ _

__Jonas suddenly gasped, leaning against the copilot’s seat. Ben leaned out from under the control board to look at him. Jonas was pale and sweat beaded his temple. Ben frowned at the sight of Jonas struggling to stand. He reached through the Force and felt the intense tension inside of Jonas. It was like he was holding back a lake inside his chest. _No, not a lake... A dozen soldier!_ Ben thought. _ _

__“Are you still holding them!?” Ben asked, staring at his son’s strained face. He gasped as his son nodded, then threw himself back down, struggling to work through the wiring difficulties._ _

__“Ben,” Jonas said distantly._ _

__“One more minute, Jonas,” Ben said._ _

__“Ben,” Jonas said again. Ben put the two wires together and reached for the binding gent, putting them together and fusing them._ _

__“Dad!” Jonas croaked. Bensat up so quickly he almost hit his head. Jonas was gripping the copilot seat, face pale and sweaty._ _

__“Are you okay?” Ben asked._ _

__“I can’t hold them much longer.”_ _

__“You can do it.” Ben said, “I need only one more second, okay?” Jonas nodded, then sat back, panting. ben put the wires together, then put his hand on the panel, pushing energy through. It almost went perfectly through, but some of it was being siphoned off. _A boot,_ He thought. He reached up, finding the piece that didn’t match. He dug a thumbnail under the latch, hearing a click. He sighed in relief and separated the wire so they current would move faster. He closed the boot, then tossed the boot across the ship._ _

__“Dad?” Jonas asked weakly._ _

__“We’re done,” Ben said. He climbed up, kicking one of their bags out of his way as he stepped towards Jonas. Jonas sagged, gasping. Ben put an arm around Jonas’s shoulders and led him to a chair, “It’s alright, I got you.” Jonas’s hair tickled Ben’s face as Ben lowered him into the copilot’s chair. He stepped back, then leaned back to look into Jonas’s pale face. Ben cupped Jonas’s face, making Jonas look into his eyes. They were a little bloodshot, but he otherwise looked fine. Ben turned and rushed towards the controls. Distantly, he could sense a dozen frantic individuals racing towards him._ _

___I am so sorry, Rey,_ Ben thought. He closed his eyes as the ship woke up. The ship rose into the air as, behind him, Jonas croaked, “Wait, what about-”_ _

__“We have to go.” Ben said, “We have to!” He gritted his teeth as they rushed towards the atmosphere. When they broke through, he closed his eyes. Guilt rose up in his throat, but he forced himself to stay focused. No one was waiting for him, thank the Force. He heard Jonas let out a small noise as he took off, away from the planet._ _

__Ben looked over his shoulder. Jonas was alright, it seemed. He had strapped himself into his seat and was staring blankly ahead. “You okay?” Ben called._ _

__“Yeah,” Jonas said quietly. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back._ _

__Ben looked around. He reached out, looking for the bends in the Force that were a hyperspace lane. He turned their ship, recognizing a large movement in the Force. He was glad he’d grown up traveling the galaxy. After all this time, he was even certain that they were approaching the Corellian Trade Spine specifically. Setting the autopilot to move towards the lane, he turned back to look at Jonas. He stood up and sat on one of the other seats next to Jonas. Jonas turned his head to look at him. His hazel eyes had a wet look to them. Ben’s heart constricted at the sight of his son looking so exhausted and heartbroken._ _

__Ben closed his eyes, leaning back against the seat as they rushed through space. He rested his lightsaber on his leg, “Are you okay?” He asked quietly._ _

__“Yeah.” Jonas whispered, “I’m really tired, but yeah.”_ _

__“You saved my life.” Ben said quietly, “Thank you.”_ _

__Jonas nodded. His eyelids lowered. Ben stood up, using the Force to strengthen his muscles. He gently lifted his son into his arms, then put him into the copilot’s chair. By the time he strapped the boy into his seat, Jonas was asleep._ _


	24. We're All Ghosts. We All Carry, Inside Us, People Who Came Before Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sick on and off for weeks (constant nausea is the worst). Also, finals are intense. 
> 
> However, here's a little something for everyone.

**“We're all ghosts. We all carry, inside us, people who came before us.” ― Liam Callanan, The Cloud Atlas**

When Jonas finally began to stir, he immediately understood that he had probably been asleep for hours. His neck had the too stiff feeling that came from being in one awkward position for long periods of time and his body felt much warmer than it had when he’d dozed off. He stretched and felt something fall off of him. Grabbing it out of instinct, he was met with the blanket that had been part of his belongings. It wasn’t his childhood blanket- that had been tucked in with his mother’s things- but rather the soft if musty blanket from his bed. He hummed gratefully and pulled it higher towards his chin. He looked around blearily.

He wasn’t sure where they were, but he was certain that they had landed somewhere. The rumble of the ship had lessened to the soft hum of a ship that had its engine on, but only enough to stay warm on a planet’s surface. He fiddled absently with something by the seat belt closest to his left him and nearly shouted as he was suddenly jerked back. He fell for a fraction of a second and stopped, silent and terrified, almost looking straight up at the ceiling.

Inhaling through his nose, Jonas ran his fingers over what was, apparently, a reclining lever. He turned his head at a low grunt of amusement off to his left.  
Ben was sitting there, waiting for him, with his back against the wall and one knee bent. He looked exhausted, now that Jonas got a clear look at him. His black hair had finally dried, but it had dried in rough waves. 

“Are you okay?” Jonas asked, sitting up on his elbows to look at Ben.

“Yeah,” Ben said. He sighed and leaned his head back to look at Jonas down his long nose. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his dark eyes. 

“Where are we?” Jonas asked groggily.

“Rural Moorja.” Ben said, “I thought it would be good to stop, sleep, catch our breath, and think before we try to do anything.” He grabbed something from his other side, then passed Jonas a canteen and a nutribar. “You know, I thought that getting off the planet would mean we’d get better food,” Jonas said. Ben nodded, the corner of his mouth lifting.

“This isn’t going to be as easy as we’d hoped.” He said. He ran a hand through his hair, getting it out of his face. Jonas looked at him. The corner of Ben’s mouth was downturned and he looked pale with purple shadows under his eyes. On the planet they’d just left, Ben had looked so much younger and stronger. Now, though, it was like all the weight that he’d had when he’d been with the First Order had returned. His dark hair was down to his shoulders now and, now that Jonas paid attention, the gray in his hair wasn’t limited to the concentrated at his temples, but was starting to streak through his hair. 

“We’ll be okay.” Jonas said, “We’re Skywalkers. How bad could it get?”

Ben laughed in earnest at that. It was short but real. His laugh was much higher and lighter than Jonas would have expected. It had annoyed him at first, but now he found it pleasant. 

Jonas sighed and closed his eyes. It felt like his entire torso was bruised and it seemed to take a significant effort to lift the canteen of water to his lips. 

“Why am I so exhausted?” Jonas asked, taking a swing from a canteen.

“It probably has something to do with what you did yesterday,” Ben said dryly.

Jonas laughed. He shook his hair out of his face, then sighed and opened his eyes again. 

“We do have to talk about yesterday,” Ben said.

“Do we have to?” Jonas asked weakly. 

“Jonas, what you did, what you can do, is incredible.” 

“I don’t-” 

“Jonas, I have been using the Force since I was seven. I have been training Force users since I was twenty. When you can do, what I have seen you do is unlike anything I have seen in my entire life.” Jonas looked at him for a long moment, then nodded.

“I’m going to try and train you the best that I can.” Ben said, “You’re going to need help and practice, even as we try and avoid the Resistance.”

“Seriously?” Jonas asked, turning his head to look at Ben, meeting his father’s dark eyes, “I controlled a few hundred scared, non-sentient animals with the Force, totally untrained. I think I might have this.” 

“Don’t get cocky,” Ben said, poking Jonas in the arm. “Can you explain to me HOW you managed to hold all twelve of those people? And the bolts? Or how you got that herd to obey?” 

Jonas bit the inside of his cheek then shook his head. 

“That’s going to train you,” Ben said. He smiled, then reached to ruffle Jonas’s hair, “We’ll figure it out, kid.”

They sat in silence for a long moment, then Jonas said, “Where are we going to go from here?”

“Not sure.” Ben said, staring at the wall opposite them, “We might try Coruscant. It’s been enough that we can disappear there. I think we should go somewhere urban and hide in the crowd.” 

“That sounds like a good idea,” Jonas said. 

Ben looked over at Jonas, “You and I probably need to change out appearances: haircuts, dying our hair…”

“Good thing you’ve been wearing a mask for thirty years. They can’t make a Wanted poster for you.” Ben chuckled, then nodded. 

Again, they sat in silence, eating and drinking. Jonas blinked slowly, rubbing his eyes again and again. He was so tired that he felt like he’d just been through a beating. He knew he should get up and move around or he might get stiff, but he just wanted to sit there. If Rey was here, she’d make you get up. Jonas thought. He took a deep breath, feeling his throat tighten. Had she been arrested? Was she alright? 

His mother’s scream echoed through his mind and Jonas screwed up his face. 

“Did we do the right thing by leaving her behind?” Jonas croaked, not caring that his voice cracked. 

“I don’t know.” Ben said, “I don’t know, but I know that if we’d gone back for her, even if it had worked, she would have killed us.” 

Jonas nodded, his jaw tight, “What will happen to her?” He whispered.

“I don’t know.”

Jonas could hear the emotion in his father’s voice, even under the exhaustion and physical pain.

“She’s with the Resistance, at least,” Ben said.

“Isn’t what just happened here treason?” Jonas asked, turning his head to look at Ben again. 

“I don’t know what will happen.” Ben admitted, “The only one who can be really sure that she is lying is Alucard. If nothing else, she can claim that I have brainwashed and kidnapped you and that she was trapped with me.”

“Finn will know that she loves you,” Jonas said. Ben looked down at him for a split second, then away.

“Alucard is like a brother to her. He will do whatever he can to protect her.” 

Jonas leaned back, then rested his head against the wall again. He closed his eyes and let the exhaustion wash over him. A few stray tears ran down his face, but he didn’t bother to stop them or wipe them away. Luke and his mother had never forced stoicism on him and he wasn’t going to try and force it on himself. 

“Sleep.” Ben said quietly, putting a hand on Jonas’s shoulder, “There isn’t a bunk, but the chairs are okay.” 

Jonas grunted, but he was too tired to get up. He leaned over, resting his head on the ground. It was hard and cold under his head and he frowned, still too tired to stand up. Ben shifted next to him and Jonas huffed, moving his head to rest it on Ben’s leg. Ben stiffened and Jonas tensed a little, afraid he’d made things awkward. He was just so exhausted. Everything hurt. 

After a moment, Ben relaxed. Jonas felt a large hand on his face, brushing his hair back. It felt odd to be soothed by this man, his war criminal-dangerous-dark side father.

“Your mother would do this when I was anxious.” Ben said quietly, “I thought if she did the same for you, this would be comforting. I can stop if you would like.”

“No,” Jonas sighed, already dozing off, his head resting next to his father’s knee, “It’s okay.”

“Jonas, sleep. I’ll watch over you” Ben said. His voice was gentle, but his tone was firm. For the first time in his life, Jonas felt both like a Jedi and a son. He was a warrior, on the run on, on a mission, but he was falling asleep next to his dad. He was worried about his mom and the potential charges against her but also knew that she could take care of herself. He was 15-years old and nearing the end of his training, sure, but he was grateful to be able to trust an adult, even one who, six months ago, had been an enemy.

 

*****

 

Rey tightened her grip on the blanket that someone had given her. She closed her eyes when she heard the sound of several people splashing into their ship. She kept her eyes closed, even as loud and heavy footsteps clunked across the ship to stop right in front of her. She took a deep breath. The person in front of her was so furious that it seemed to wash over her and weigh her down. She opened her eyes to look up into Zhet’s white and furious face. 

“Why, Rey?” Zhet snarled, leaning forward to look at her.

“He got away,” Rey whispered, a small smile appearing on her face.

Pain exploded across her cheek and white bursts appeared behind her eyes. Rey jerked, then blinked rapidly. Zhet’s hand was still at his side. It hadn’t moved, but his fingers trembled. _What in the Force just happened?_ Rey thought, leaning back slightly and blinking. She looked at Finn, who stood over Zhet’s shoulder. His face was too calm for Zhet to have slapped her. Oh, but you wanted to. Rey thought, looking at Zhet. 

Zhet ground his jaw, “He took Jonas.” 

Rey nodded, keeping her face expressionless.

“Jonas. Helped. Him.” Zhet growled. He closed his eyes, then took a deep breath and straightened. He opened his eyes and finally looked down at her, “Kylo Ren brainwashed you both, it seemed.” 

Rey shook her head, “I’m not brainwashed, Zhetam Lylin, you’re just wrong.” 

Zhet turned away from her, crossing to the pilot. He clapped a hand on the back of the pilot’s headrest, “Let’s go.” 

Rey leaned her head back in her seat, staring blankly at the ceiling as soldiers settled into their seats, buckling their belts and restraints. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Finn leaning over her. “I’m going to unbind your hands so that I can secure you, is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Rey said. She knew they were taking precautions, even if this was heartily embarrassing. She leaned forward so that Finn could release her hands. She rubbed her wrists as Finn straightened. Rey put her arms through the straps and buckled herself into place. Looking up into Finn’s face, she frowned, “Do I have to be restrained? Those won’t even work and I haven’t done anything.”

Finn nodded, putting the restraints in his pocket, “You’re not a criminal. You’re a victim.”

Rey sighed, resting her head back, “I’m not a victim.” She murmured. Finn settled into the seat across from her. She closed her eyes as the ship hummed into life. She opened her eyes as they rose into the air. She looked at Finn’s face and smiled, “I’ve missed you.” She said.

Finn smiled back, “Same here. I love you, Rey.” He said.

“I love you, too,” Rey said back. She rested her head on the little shelf next to her. She hadn’t been asleep that long ago, but all of the action and fear of the past few hours had utterly drained her. 

 

*****

 

The young man looked at his reflection. He wasn’t sure why Master had him do this, but he obeyed. He shifted his weight, running a hand over the downy dark hair on top of his head as he waited. His reflection didn’t move. Instead, it seemed to watch him, not staring him down, but rather watching him curiously. In the back of his mind, he was reminded that reflections were supposed to match his movements perfectly. This was a person, not a reflection. He’d seen his reflection before, but now that he focused, he realized this other person simply looked a lot like him. How was that possible?

 _Brother_ echoed in his mind. This voice had been a comfort in recent months. His mind was so muddled sometimes, especially when it came to social issues or personal memories. 

“Brother.” He said. 

“Yes.” His brother said back. His voice was tinny, filtered through some sort of speaker. The other boy stepped forward, pressing his hand to the glass. The young man walked forward as well, smiling. He was unsure why exactly his brother filled him with such comfort. He’d met with various other people before, but none of them had elicited this response. He turned his head to look at his handler, Captain Proga, a short woman with dark brown skin and very curly black hair pulled into a tight bun at the back of her head. He saw her every day as she helped him work through his physical and mental training. He liked her, but she didn’t fill him with the same comfort and joy as the sight of his brother, this other person who had many of his physical features, did. 

He turned back to look at his brother, smiling. He took a deep breath, unsure what else to say. It often took him a few minutes to form his thoughts into words. Captain Proga said it was due to injuries he’d sustained in the time before he had a clear memory. 

‘Alright, that’s enough.” A clipped female voice said. The window suddenly became an opaque white, blocking his view of his brother. Outrage and anger flared up into his heart. He clenched his fist, fury rushing in his ears. Suddenly, a crack appeared on the surface in front of him. He blinked. He hesitated for a second, then clenched his fist tighter. The crack widened and, through the glass, he saw his brother. He looked down at his right hand for a moment. He raised it in front of him, then opened his palm. He took the fury inside of himself and tried to collect it in his center. He forced it through his raised hand and pressed it into the air in front of him. The glass shattered, raining shards into the room that held his brother. The noise rushed in the young man’s ears and his throat tightened. However, the shards bent away from his brother, landing on the ground with delicate tinkling noises. His brother had his own hand out. He was blocking the shards from reaching him, somehow. Pieces of glass clinked as they fell to the ground. He looked to where he knew his handlers were. He set his jaw. Proga was standing by his door with her arms crossed. He looked down at the blaster at her hip, but she hadn't moved to reach for it at all. Her dark eyes roamed over his face, sizing him up. She had spent many weeks with him and, up until now, he had done everything he'd ever asked of her. She turned her head, looking at the camera in the upper corner of the room. She shook her head, then leaned back against the wall again. He turned back to his brother, who was also looking at Captain Proga. His brother's handler, a tall man with a neat beard, was watching Proga as well. Proga waved a hand reassuringly and his brother's handler relaxed. 

_That is how you know a particular individual is in charge of a situation._ the voice inside his head said, _She is the one that everyone else seeks reassurance from. All sentients have some level of insecurity within them. When they are unsure, they look to authority for direction and confirmation. This is always the case._  
He took a deep breath and stepped forward. Glass crunched under his shoes as he walked up to the now-open window. He put his hand into that space, his palm flat. His brother pressed his palm to his. 

“Brother.” The young man said, his face widening into a smile. His brother's hand was warm and smooth. Something seemed to jump between them, a spark that was reminiscent of the power that he'd used to destroy the window. He pulled his hand back, laughing nervously. He paused, then reached through the window, holding out a hand. His brother took it and used it to leverage himself enough to climb through the window.

When he looked into his brother’s face, something in his memory. His mind, so sharp when it came to issues of mathematics and logic, still struggled to make sense of complex emotional concepts or to articulate anything from his long-term memory. His brother seemed to understand. He nodded, putting a hand on his shoulder, “We stay together.” His brother’s voice reminded him of Father, even if he had no name, no clear beginning or boundaries. Their handler, a small woman with narrow dark eyes and black hair always put up in a sleep bun, hesitated for a moment before she nodded. 

Memories flashed through his mind faster than he could truly process them and react to them. He saw this man, his brother, crouched at the edge of a riverbank. The memory was hazy and disconnected, just like the rest of his thoughts, before he’d come here.

 _His brother is grinning, poking at some sort of amphibian with a stick- _ **a frog**_ \- his brain supplied. His brother is taller than he is, with pale eyes, but otherwise, they look very much alike. His brother looks up at a taller figure standing behind them. A strong man, dressed in dark clothing, crouches down next to them. The man turns to look at him and gestures him over to look at the frog, too. The young man clambers across the riverbank. His legs are shorter than they should be._ He frowned at the thought, unable to clearly articulate what that meant. His brother watched him, frowning as well. The young man looked at Proga, "What does it mean when I remember being smaller than I am now?" He asked. 

"It means the events took place some time ago," Proga said calmly. She'd grown used to questions like this is the days since she'd met him. He was grateful that, if any of her questions were unusual, she gave no sign of it. 

He nodded, looking at his brother for a moment. His brother was clearly not the man from his memory. Both brothers had been small- had been children- when his memory took place. That other figure had been an adult then. The man had looked familiar, though. When he thought about him, he was filled with a sense of comfort. He'd utterly trusted the tall figure, even though he'd worn a weapon at his belt. That man had meant safety and familiarity. Now that he thought about it, the man in his mind had the same jaw and nose as his brother, _**Your father,**_ the voice supplied.

_Father_ , he thought, his heart leaping a little at the thought. He didn’t understand why, but his father was his favorite person in the galaxy. He was at once serious and driven and loving and compassionate.

_Where is my father?_ He thought.

_**Gone.**_

There was a deep grief that he couldn’t understand or process. His brother put a hand on his shoulder, then pulled him into a tight embrace. He sighed, wrapped his arms around his brother. This, more than anything, helped with the deep grief. He closed his eyes and leaned into his brother. His father was gone, but he had a brother. 

_I have a brother._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end!!!
> 
> In the next fic, is there anyone you want to see more of?
> 
> Anyone who deserves a point-of-view in the next one?


	25. You Are the Closest I Will Ever Come to Magic

**“You are the closest I will ever come to magic.” Suzanne Finnamore**

_Rey closes her eyes, humming happily as Kylo runs his fingers through her hair. She smiles as he presses slow kisses to the underside of her jaw. “I love you.” He murmurs against her skin._

_“You do?” Rey says teasingly, the corner of her mouth twitching as Kylo slowly traces his fingertips along the skin of her waist._

_"You know I do," Kylo says, humming against the skin of her neck. Rey reaches out, letting her fingers slide into his hair._

_“Is that why you pulled me out of the fight yesterday?” Rey asks, turning her head to look down at him. Kylo meets her gaze only for a moment, then cuts his eyes away from her, the skin of his ears reddening._

_Rey sighs, “Kylo, you’re not my master anymore. You don’t have to shield me. You have to do what’s best for The Order.”_

_"You getting hurt again is not what's best for the Order," Kylo mumbles, burying his face in the crook of her shoulder._

_"Everyone gets hurt eventually, love," Rey says quietly._

_"Not if I can help it," Kylo says back. There's a slight growl in his voice, but Rey isn't worried. The roughness there isn't truly directed at her but is a verbal tic that reveals his stubborn side. Her lover is digging his heels in, so Rey changes her strategy._

_"The Supreme Leader isn't going to let you coddle me," Rey says. Kylo lifts his head to look at her, a mocking glower on his face. She simply lifts her eyebrows; they both know she's right._

_"The Supreme Leader wants me to keep my knights alive." Kylo counters._

_"Keeping me alive and coddling me are not the same thing," Rey says. She smirks when Kylo huffs and rolls his eyes. He knows that he's beaten, but she'll let him drag the fight out if he wants._

_"Let me lead the mission next week," Rey says. She sits up on her elbows and looks into his dark eyes._

_“Have you lost your mind?” Kylo asks her, rolling out of bed and onto his feet. His hands land on his hips and Rey is vividly reminded of Leia Organa. She was always short, but fierce. Kylo has her same tension and power behind his eyes. She raises her eyebrows at his reaction, the corner of her mouth lifting._

_“I’m far stealthier than Anjat Ren, Master,” Rey says calmly.She shakes her hair out of her face and looks at him._

_“You don’t have to-”_

_“Yes, I do," Rey says, "Kylo, this mission needs subtly. I am the best at covert work and you know it." She sits up, crossing her legs and looking into his face._

_Kylo chews on his words for so long that Rey keeps talking, " I’m speaking to you as a knight, not as a lover.”_

_“You are my knight and yet you haven’t chosen a new name,” Kylo says, his words clipped._

_Rey groans, laying back on the bed. They've had this argument a hundred times and Rey doesn't want to have it again, “I haven’t found the right one, Master, as we have discussed before.”_

_Kylo runs a hand through his hair, trying to keep it out of his face. He turns around. She looks at his back, watching the tension in his shoulders. He truly worries about her. The thought makes her smile, even if it makes her job harder. She stands up on her knees, crossing over to him. She presses her palm to his back. He takes a deep breath at her touch, looking at the ceiling. "Kylo," Rey whispers, "don't be afraid. I feel it, too."_

_Kylo looks over his shoulder at her. He works his jaw for another moment, then Rey touches his cheek. Kylo closes his eyes at her touch. She's the only one who gets to see him like this. He's quiet and vulnerable in moments like this. He smiles at her words, remembering their less-than-romantic first meeting. Rey reaches up to brush his hair out of his face. He leans down and presses his forehead to hers._

_"Do you trust me?" Rey whispers._

_"Yes," Kylo murmurs._

_"Then let me do what you trained me to do," Rey said._

_Kylo nods, tilting his head up to press his lips to her forehead, "Stay safe, then." He says quietly, "And come home."_

_"Always," Rey said teasingly. Kylo chuckles, reaching out and wrapping an arm around her waist. He pulls her against him, smiling at her noise of surprise. She kisses him, sliding her arms around his neck. He chuckles, holding her with one arm as he leans over the bed. As soon as her back meets the blanket, she lets him go, smiling and catching his bottom lip between her teeth. She rests her head back on the blanket and looks at him through her eyelashes. "I love you," She whispers._

_"I love you, too," Kylo says. He braces himself on either side of her, then leans down to kiss her in earnest again. Rey kisses back, winding her hands into his hair and pulling him down on top of her._

 

“Rey,” A soft voice spoke next to her ear. Rey sat up at the touch of a gentle hand on her shoulder. A technician was standing over her now. Rey blinked heavy lids, reaching up with one hand to rub her eyes. Rey unbuckled her seatbelts, turning her head to look at Finn, who was pulling on a backpack. She smiled at his presence, then stood up to disembark with the others.

“No more handcuffs?” Rey asked, looking at Finn.

He shook his head, “No more handcuffs.”

“Good,” Rey said. She walked next to him on their way to the loading ramp but hesitated. Who would be waiting for her? The crew had all left without her, Finn, and the tech who’d woken her was obviously part of a check-in crew. What would Zhet say to those outside? She couldn't wait in here forever, though. She squared her shoulders and walked at Finn's side down the ramp. She was greeted by a small cluster of figures waiting on the duramac for her. The first figure she noticed was the unmistakable bulk of Chewbacca, who greeted her with a throaty cry. Her face cracked into a smile and the oppressive tension that had curled around her heart eased. Next to Chewbacca were Poe and Obran, both obviously fresh from their respective duties; Poe was in a uniform with the first three buttons undone the way they always were when he did paperwork and Obran was still in grease-stained coveralls with a pair of violently pink floral bandanas sticking out of his pockets. Poe's face was haggard and his hair was definitely losing the fight against age. He also had a scraggly beard, the first that Rey had seen him sport off of a battlefield. Todra and her gaggle of small children waited next to Poe and Obran. The children all let out cries of excitement when they noticed Finn but, for once, Todra looked at Rey first. The slender, red-haired form of General Akuryate was behind them all, her uniform as perfect as ever. Akuryate stood in the back, her arms clasped behind her back. If the past few months had aged Poe, they hadn’t touched Akuryate at all. Her freckled face and long red hair were the same as ever. 

“Master!” A tall green shape rushed forward, moving so fast that it felt like almost a blur. A half second later, Rey felt Gida’smoo’s familiar warm hugs. She smiled, wrapping her arms around her padawan, “I missed you so much!” Gida’smoo said, her voice thick. Rey touched her cheek. She shook her head, her throat too tight to form words, and settled for squeezing Todra again. When she pulled back, she saw that Todra had started wearing close-fitting garb more common on Ryloth. She wasn't sure how she felt about her former padawan and surrogate daughter running around showing bare midriff, but she would cede that battle to Gida'smoo's parents, one of whom was a lobbyist in the Galactic Senate. 

"You look grown up," Rey said, holding Gida'smoo's arms and looking her up and down one more time. 

“You look…” Gida’smoo trailed off.

“Like I’ve been living in the woods for a few months?’ Rey said, smirking.

“A little, yeah,” Gida’smoo said. She looked Rey up and down, then paused, “Whose clothes are those?”

Rey looked down. She was wearing a pair of brown paints that were too big for her and a shirt that had several holes in it. She had an undershirt on underneath, but she still looked heartily disheveled. She smiled and looked around at the others. 

“Glad to have you back, Master Jedi,” Akuryate said, stepping forward and holding out a hand. 

Rey smiled, clasping her arm, “I’m glad to be back, general.” 

Finn stepped forward to speak into Poe's ear. Rey looked at the pair out of the corner of her eye in time to see Poe's face go white. He turned his head to look at Rey. His mouth fell open. 

“Kylo Ren is really alive?” Poe asked. He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair. Rey nodded. Poe sighed. 

“How are we- actually-” Poe broke off when he looked at Rey, “We need to get you checked out. We’ll deal with strategy later.” He stepped forward and hugged her again, "I’m glad you’re safe.” 

Rey stepped back and looked around, “Tell me about everyone.” She said.

Finn looked from Poe to Akuryate and Gida’smoo, then shook his head, “Let’s get you checked out first. We’ll fill you in on everything later.” 

Rey looked at Todra, then smiled tightly. Although she wanted to stay and demand answers as to why everyone had looked so worried, instead, she allowed Finn to lead her away from the hangar. Rey walked behind Finn all the way to the medical bay. People occasionally stopped to look at her, but she knew she didn’t seem herself. She was wearing dirty and ill-fitting clothing, her hair had almost fallen entirely out of its braids, and she knew she looked exhausted. 

The inspection was professional, courteous, and as discrete as it could be, but Rey still bit the top of her tongue when she was asked to remove her clothing. 

Stripping was one profession she could never have taken up, whatever the reasons. They weighed her, drew blood, checked her blood pressure, and also inspected her visually, looking for bruising or any other signs of an infection or disease she might have picked up in the six months she was on Athiktos. Rey hated every single second of it. She knew it was vital for them to check her. Otherwise, she might end up too weak to fight off any illness she might have caught, but it was still awkward. The nurses were courteous and professional, taking a cutting of her hair from behind her right ear to check for any toxins that had left her bloodstream. When they let her put on a clean set of medbay issue clothing, she sat on the little examination table, rubbing at the tiny patch of cropped hair behind her right ear. Rey wrapped her arms around her waist, kicking her feet aimlessly in the air while she waited. She closed her eyes and leaned her head and one shoulder against the wall. Rey rubbed a hand over the soft, pale lilac material of the scrubs she'd been given. She looked up sharply when a doctor came in. He wore the white uniform she'd grown to expect from non-battlefield medical professionals. His mannerisms were a little stiff, but otherwise, he seemed alight.

"Good afternoon, Master Jedi," The doctor said, his eyes only now lifting from his holopad, "My name is Doctor Malcolm Angavel. How are you feeling, as of right now?"

"Fine," Rey said, "I mean, fine all things considered. I'm pretty tired, but today has been a long and busy day."

"Yes, exhaustion is to be expected. I'll probably prescribe you some minor pain relievers and sedatives to help you sleep through the night." Dr. Angavel said. He sat down on a little stool and looked down at his holopad, "Looking at your chart, I see that you're undernourished, but that's to be expected. One of the nurses noticed some damage to your back- just a shifting of your posture, nothing to worry about- and recommended that you see one of the chiropractors. You are a bit dehydrated, and you’re low on several vitamins, but that can be handled with a cheap multivitamin.” He scrolled through the outputs on the various charters. He stopped near the bottom and frowned. "Other than all that..." He trailed off, clearly reading off the chart as he spoke, "you are all..." Dr. Angavel trailed off.

“What?” Rey asked quietly. She laced her fingers together, feeling Dr. Angavel’s unease.

Rey curled her fists on each knee, clenching the soft material of her pants. _Please don't let me have picked up some flesh-eating bacteria or fatal protazoa._ She thought desperately. 

Dr. Angavel looked from her to the chart and back again, “Master Jedi, were you aware that you’re pregnant?” He finally asked.

The floor seemed to fall away from her. Rey opened her mouth, but nothing came out. The only thing she heard was the faint ringing in her ears. She let out low creaking sound, then slowly shook her head. Dr. Angavel nodded, setting the holopad aside. 

"Master Jedi, I know this is a lot, but you should know that you're perfectly healthy." The doctor said, looking into her eyes, “You and the baby are safe and healthy.” 

A stone dropped into Rey’s stomach at the word. _Baby?_

“I think I’m going to recommend you go to counseling.” Dr. Angavel said, his dark eyes roaming over her face, "I know this has been a traumatic experience for you. I cannot imagine your situation. This counselor is great; she is someone who provides both family planning counseling and sexual violence counseling. Whatever you need, she will help you with."

Rey nodded blankly and Dr. Angavel stood, "I'm going to get her card. You can wait here, and we'll discuss your treatment regimen from there, okay?"

"Okay," Rey whispered. Her voice was small, but she didn't particularly care. 

_Pregnant._

The word seemed to lodge in her head, her throat, and her abdomen all at once. It was like a punch in the gut, but she also felt elated. 

When Dr. Angavel left the room, Rey wrapped her arms around her middle.

 _Pregnant,_ The thought rang through her mind again. She closed her eyes, then pressed her hand to her abdomen. Reaching out into the Force. Faintly, like a lamp on a distant hill, she could sense a flicker under her hand. Tears welled in her eyes as she prodded at the life inside of her and the life flickered in response.  


Rey leaned back against the wall. She pressed a hand to her abdomen, “Hello, little one.” She whispered. Within the Force, the signature flickered rapidly, “Flicker, flicker, flicker.” Rey said, laughing. The embryo flickered again, “Hello, little Flicker. Don’t you worry, I’ve got you. You’ve got a Daddy out there. The minute he finds out about you, he is going to be so happy. He’s going to love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

**Author's Note:**

> What reunion are you looking forward to most if they get off the planet?


End file.
